


Over a Suit

by Scarlet_Ribbons



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU- Crime, Anal Sex, And pretty much everywhere else, Angst, Bartender Jared, Blow Jobs in a Car, Bottom Jared, Car Sex, Criminal violence, Deal-making, Fingering, Homophobia, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt/Comfort, Jensen is a classy son of a gun, Light Bondage, M/M, Marriage, Mentions of past child abuse, Minor Character Death, Sassy Jared, Slow Build, Student Jared, Table Sex, Top Jensen, crime lord Jensen, public, slight D/s
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 08:10:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 109,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4130670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Ribbons/pseuds/Scarlet_Ribbons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared's a prettier than average bartender at a strip club, and he's had it up to here with tycoons who constantly tell him that "he's asking for it" or that he's a "whore."</p><p>One day, he loses his temper with a customer and accidentally dumps a drink onto Jensen Ackles, a crime lord who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And of course Jensen doesn't want conventional payment for his ruined suit, oh, no.</p><p>He wants Jared. Of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Jared Screws Up

The minute Jared's wrist thrust forward, the second he saw the amber liquid drain from the glass confines and drench the surprised and gorgeous man opposite to him, he knew he was completely and utterly fucked. 

Because no one in this place was normal, other than the staff, and they dripped money and gold and jewelry in the trail behind them like breadcrumbs so everyone would know and bask in their wake of wealth. And Jensen Ross Ackles was no exception.  He was the embodiment of class.

"I," Jared felt faint. "It wasn't you I was aiming for." Over Ackles's shoulder he met the smug eyes of the tycoon he'd meant to splash-- the one who'd reached out and lewdly grabbed his crotch with no shame at all. "I--" His throat had gone dry, and his arm slowly lowered. It was still horrifyingly silent, with everyone's eyes trained on the entertainment for the night. 

A wry look befell Ackles. "I should stop trying to defend people," he muttered, fingering his sopping coat. What was it he had said? It was...  Brioni, right? Brioni, as in a 48k Brioni that was handmade in Italy? Jared swallowed,  _that suit was_   _twice_ _his ye_ _arly salary,_ blindly groping for a cloth before thrusting it towards Ackles. It was in vain; his offer was refused as Ackles turned a cold shoulder to him and extended his arms, a bodyguard running forward to slide the ruined jacket off of his lithe frame. 

And Jared retracted, bemoaning the fact that he was in this situation to begin with.

\-- 

In retrospect, it was Genevieve's fault. She'd gotten a job at Spice, a high-end strip club far enough where no one would recognize her and significantly more well-paying than her current job at the local club. "Important people," she'd told Jared. "This is where important people come for fancy strippers." And poor Jared had been mislead to believe that this meant honest (well, honest for a strip club) businessmen, not crime lords, kingpins, gang leaders, and tycoons. 

It had been going well enough until Gen came to their apartment, bawling about how awful the job was but how well it paid her, and how there was a guy who kept pronouncing her name " _Jen-vee-ev"_ and who couldn't keep his hands to himself- she didn't want to quit, but she wanted someone to watch out for her, and she said all of this with a meaningful glance at Jared's 6'3''-and-counting frame.

So, reluctantly, but more intent on watching out for his petite friend than anything, Jared quit his awful job in a comic store -which was depressingly empty most of the time and smelled like moldy pizza- and graduated to the retro counters and velvet lounge chairs of Spice. Gen could easily stand up for herself, but an extra pair of eyes never hurt, right?

Well, it worked out for Gen-- not so much for Jared. Because yeah, she was now protected from sleazy fingers as Jared glared murderously across the room at any perps, but Gen couldn't exactly come down from the stage and protect  _him_  from the same sleazy fingers.

And then, to his mortification, his nickname became pretty boy.

"Y'got anything with a lot of meat, pretty boy?" Someone had asked earlier that week, and Jared had demurely cocked his head, learning that saying anything at all would just land him in loads of trouble. And then who would watch out for Gen? 

"I mean, you got a lot of soft meat right here, don't ya think, Kyle?" One of them swatted Jared's abdomen, bursting into raucous laughter that made Jared's stomach do violent flip-flops. He squinted at the glasses he was deftly flipping over and readjusting, just out of habit, and tried not to pay attention to the fact that the flipping mirrored the motions his stomach was making. 

"This is a bar, gentlemen," he said placidly with a sharp edge to his polite words. "Not a restaurant."

"Pretty boy's got a bit of a mouth to him, don't he?" Kyle's smile was ugly and sneering. "I could think of something else you could put that mouth to use for, don't you?"

"No." Jared said, hard and cool, and gathered the empty glasses. "If you're not going to ask, then don't distract me from my job." 

They weren't the first, and they certainly weren't the last, but they made his job so fucking miserable that sometimes he was the one who allowed his head to rest in Gen's lap when they got home, allowed her to thread her fingers into his hair. He was the one who went home to shower his skin raw and flay away the sexual remarks that dug under his skin. Once, they threw dollar bills at his chest over the counter and demanded lap dances until Jared finally cracked under the pressure, fled to the back room, and got berated by a worn-out Danneel until he finally regained the confidence to come back out. Strangely enough, the men were gone by the time he came back, which spared him a little humiliation.

And then there was this latest incident, the one that took place about... Ten minutes ago. A regular had gotten drunk and handsy and it hadn't turned out particularly well. In fact, he was one of the shitheads who had thrown money at Jared a while back.

Jared had simply been returning from a brief bathroom break when he was abruptly stopped by a hand wrapping around-- yep, his crotch; when he looked from the hand to the shit-eating grin, leering and advancing on him, he'd been so fucking shocked into silence that his jaw just dropped, and red flooded into his face.  _Then_ he scrambled to rip the hand away and tried to run for it. And then suddenly, someone's fingers dug into his wrist, and he freaked, grabbing the nearest glass and splashing it towards the offender. 

Who turned out to not be the offender, but instead a stunned looking Jensen Ackles, who stared at him with his lush, soft-pink lips parted and his verdant eyes for once lacking the chilling edge they usually bore in favor of surprise. 

Jensen was also a revered regular of Spice, and he was one of the most beautiful people Jared had ever seen, hands-down. No one seemed to look quite as young and pretty as Jensen did while somehow looking to be the most experienced and prodigious at the same time. Not to mention the fact that Jensen was so obviously bisexual that it made Jared's poor hormones fire on all cylinders every time the guy even came within a foot of him, like he was some teenager with a bad case of puppy love. Thankfully, it seemed like  _everyone_ crushed on Jensen, so he wasn't all alone here. Besides, there was an undeniable attractiveness with men who carried themselves with confidence, sexy and oh, boy, did they know it, and Jensen Ackles was one such man.

Course, he didn't look all that sexy with his white, crisp shirt looking downright soggy and dripping liquid gold. No- wait- yes, he did. Jared was still frozen, because-- what the fuck was he supposed to do? Maybe start babbling apologies and hope Ackles didn't ask his bodyguards to empty silver into him? Wait, would they think Jared poisoned the wine or something? Maybe they thought this was his skewed and fucked up way of killing Jensen Ackles, one of the youngest crime lords? 

He was going to kill Genevieve.

Ackles must have recognized the  _need to flee_ look in Jared's eyes, because he snapped his fingers coolly, concisely, and Jared's heart started up a rapid staccato against the walls of his chest as his escape routes were blocked off by hulking masses. A particularly attractive one, appearing to be closer to Ackles's age than the others, spoke up with his eyes locked grimly on Jared's face.

"What do you think, boss?" Jared's tongue darted out to wet his lips, and he could feel his palms go sweaty. There was something flickering in the verdant of Ackles's irises that Jared could have almost mistaken as amusement, a hard, wicked flash of it, but nah, he couldn't be thinking that there was anything vaguely entertaining about this, right?

"You have any last requests?" 

Oh, God, Ackles was talking to him. He was going to kill him, right here. Maybe he could summon Danneel, tell her to keep an eye on Gen? Wasn't like he could call his mother, he hadn't talked to her since the Incident. She'd be happy to read about his death on the news, most probably. Thinking  _about time Jared found his way to hell._

Shaking his head, Jared tried to retain calmness. "Well, I'd really like to kick the ass of the guy who actually grabbed my dick," he declared, the words rolling off his tongue far more smoothly than he felt. He congratulated himself intermittently, heart still hammering out a waltz. Who knew it was so music-oriented? 

The smugness vanished from the guy behind Ackles, and Jared's stomach rolled as he noted the flutter of the crime lord's lips as they almost tilted upwards.

"This guy?" Ackles snapped his fingers again, and the attractive bodyguard towed the sleazy douche out in front of Ackles and Jared, who was wishing that someday he'd be able to snap and have the world delivered to him on a silver plate.

"Yeah," Jared said, coolly, and crossed his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Gen descending the stage with a megawatt smile, still not having seen the conflict arising at the bar. He returned his gaze defiantly to the perp, his jaw setting, and was both irritated and intrigued by the fact that Ackles looked vaguely interested. "I hope you think about me when you die choking on your own blood later," he sneered, watching the douche balk with mean satisfaction. "Word of advice? Don't mess with the guy that handles your drinks." 

Of course, he didn't really poison the guy's drinks, but the douchebag was a repeat offender and always found some body part of Jared's to chance a grope at. Maybe this'd teach him a lesson.

The bodyguard looked infinitely amused and was attempting to hide a smile that threatened his nonchalant mask, but Ackles was smiling outwardly. It wasn't a warm smile or anything of the nature, not at all, but it was almost smug in nature, a small curve of the lips. Jared's stomach eased a little, but his fingers curled into fists as he watched the white-faced douche slink away with his tail between his legs. 

"Ready to die now." He sniped, shoving his fisted hands deep into his pockets as far as they would go. "Anytime you're ready, Ackles, sir." Might as well go down defiant, because his grave was definitely going to say,  _Jared Padalecki: Died because of his infinitely poor aim._

It was then that Genevieve decided to crop up at Jared's elbow, just as Ackles was about to issue the "open fire" command. "Jared, my shift is over. Ready to go?" He stared at her oblivious beam, sneaking looks at everyone circled around him. Ackles' expression had changed again; now he looked simply bemused. 

"Uh," he said intelligently, "I'm about to die."

There were times when Jared adored the shit out of Genevieve's lip, her snark, the way she stood up to people. There were times when he came to her aid because her method of standing up to people didn't always work. And then there were times when Jared knew Gen's sass would leave him dead. More dead than he already was. 

Like now, as she turned to Ackles, regarded him with unknowing disinterest, and then said, "I don't think this guy can take you down, J-Pad."

The bodyguard's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and even Ackles seemed to take mild offense to the statement, one of his eyebrows quirking upwards sharply.

Jared closed his eyes and counted to ten. This day wasn't going to get any better, was it?

"Genevieve," he said as calmly as possible, "this is Jensen Ackles. The guy I just spilled my drink on."

The fish-out-of-water  _oh, shit_ look on Gen's face was almost gratifying, and then she simply nodded, pale-faced, patted Jared on the shoulder, and said, "Forget-me-nots are your favorite flower, right, Jare-Bear? I'll get them for your grave." Jared huffed a weak laugh at that, and finally,  _finally,_ Ackles spoke up.

"This has been touching," he said, his voice whiskey-rough and silk-smooth at the same time. His eyes, however, were glittering with the same sharp amusement from earlier, and Jared was almost relieved to see it. "If you'll excuse us,  _Genevieve,"_  the way her name rolled off his tongue caused Gen's cheeks to redden and Jared to be slightly jealous of how pretty her name was, "Jared and I have a little bit of chatting to get to."

So wait, he wasn't going to die. That was great. Yeah, he was just going to be paying for that suit for the rest of his life. Fan-fucking-tastic. Jared's shoulders relaxed minutely, and Gen didn't look quite as pale-faced, but he still wasn't in the clear. He simply nodded as the crowd, bored that there wasn't a fight going down, began to ebb away, and followed Ackles towards the back room.

"Jay, wait-" Gen launched forward to wrap her arms around Jared's middle. "Come back safe, or I'll raise you from the dead and kick your ass to next Sunday." Jared wanted to laugh hysterically, because-- what the hell? It was a suit, a damn suit! Why was he in so much trouble?

"Don't tell Chad yet." He mumbled into her hair as he squeezed her comfortingly. "Don't want him to flip." He felt her nod against his arm before she pulled away with a watery smile and the door to the back room closed.

"Nice friends you have,  _Jay."_ Ackles' tongue teased his name, causing the fine hair on the nape of Jared's neck to rise. The man leaned against a velvet-red couch, his face frighteningly illuminated by the strobe lights as they glittered above. Jared wondered vaguely if Danneel was already going about replacing him. "Do they always get you in trouble?"

"Nah, they give me Sundays off," Jared offered automatically, his tone naturally sarcastic, and shit, why did he even say anything? But Ackles really stunned him with a sharp, surprised laugh, even causing the bodyguards stationed in the corners to tense.

"You're clever, Jared." He praised, making it seem borderline insulting. "It's a dangerous thing to be around here." He disappeared behind what appeared to be a shoji screen, decorated with an attractive smattering of cherry blossoms that draped the tan colored material. 

"Someone's gotta be," Jared returned, gaining a little confidence as he jutted his chin out and ground his teeth together; that didn't stop him from blushing when he watched Ackles' clothes hit the ground through the spaces between the screen and the floor.  "What with all the one-track morons around here." He rubbed the back of his neck, staring pointedly at the ornate clock on the wall until Ackles reappeared; his bodyguards looked strangely unfazed as the man strolled across the floor and collapsed on the couch dramatically.

Which made him remember. He'dbeen standing for literally five hours, and the couch was looking really damn appealing; it helped its image with Jensen Ackles sprawled over it gracefully, like a tiger in wait to spring. And-- oh, shit, why did Jared suddenly feel like-- well, whatever tigers hunted?

Ackles was giving him a cool once-over. "How old are you?"

"Old enough to be legal." Jared knew he was being infuriating, alternating between snarky and vague, but he'd had it with the crime around here. He just wanted to go back to the comic store, even if it meant giving up the money. But he owed it to Gen, whether he liked it or not. And he certainly wasn't going to become a blubbering mess at Ackles' feet. 

The other man nodded slowly. "Still in school?"

"Studying neuroscience," Jared mumbled, knee-jerk. "Taking a break over the summer. Why are you asking me personal questions?"

"What is white matter made up of?" Ackles asked all of a sudden, arms crossed languorously across his chest. Jared's mind stuttered as it processed the question; wait, was Ackles testing his knowledge of the brain?  And-- Wait, how did Ackles know about all this stuff anyway? What the hell? Was he some kind of all-round genius? Now that Jared thought about it, something like that totally made sense.

"Dendrites and axons," he fired off automatically, lips pursing as he tried to gauge a way out. Ackles' upper lip curled almost approvingly, and he gently sloshed his glass flute back and forth in a rocking motion that brought nausea to the forefront of Jared's throat. 

"Not just a pretty face," was all Ackles said, his tone mild. Jared bristled, hackles rising and hazel-green eyes flashing towards the elegant man. 

"Not pretty," he mumbled petulantly, trying to get his hair to lay flat against his head and suddenly feeling very conscious about Ackles' gelled-to-perfection sun-kissed hair. He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as he messed with his hair with a little more urgency. And doing this made him totally miss Ackles sneaking up in front of him, until he looked up and nearly had a heart attack as the other man trapped a stray chocolate lock between his fingertips.

" _Jesus,"_ h e hissed, recoiling, and Ackles' answering smile was almost reptilian.

"You got the first two letters right," he conceded, ruffling Jared's hair condescendingly. Who was this guy? Jensen Ackles' stand in? Was he flirting with him? "So, sweetie, how are you planning to pay for the suit?" 

Jared swallowed, biting back a sarcastic remark about goddamn clothing and the lame-ass endearment. "I can clean for you," he shrugged. "Do your laundry." And get fired from his job, probably.

The other's dark, slightly mocking laugh brought an embarrassing flush to Jared's face. Ackles' rough fingers dipped gingerly into the indents of Jared's dimples. "I have housekeepers. Try again." The wink, no matter how playful and undeniably sexy, was gut-wrenchingly suggestive. Jared, as gently as possible, swatted his hand away from his face; he really didn't want to get Ackles angrier at him.

"With all due respect Mr. Ackles," he said flatly with no respect whatsoever, "I-"

"Jensen." Ack-  _Jensen_ interjected. It was sort of a gorgeous name, very fitting. It sort of rung against his mouth like bells, tapering off gently when his tongue tapped against his upper row of teeth. 

"Jensen," Jared took a deep breath after the name fluttered on his lips pleasantly. "I'm not some cheap whore." He wrinkled his nose. "And I'm not an expensive one, either," he added to Ackles' apparent amusement. "I'm not going to offer my body for a suit."

"A suit that costs an entire year of your salary?" Jensen ventured, and Jared gave him a dirty look. "Look at you, so full of yourself. Well, Jared, what if I wasn't going to ask for your body?" Abruptly, his fingers were gone, and Jared felt the emptiness like a gaping hole. "Well, not like that, anyway."

Embarrassed, Jared ducked his head and pointedly messed with his hair again. Okay, awkward. He had assumed Jensen just wanted to use him like a puppet, but hey, maybe the guy's morals outdid those of everyone else in that stinking club. "Then?"

"Chauffeur," Jensen said simply from across the room where he had draped his leg over the couch again. Jared tried not to look too long at the way the black pants stretched taut against the resistance.  

"Huh?" He said intelligently, looking up to see Jensen grinning. With a full-out shit-eating smile that was two parts amused and one part breathtakingly solemn. Jared wasn't quite sure how the man pulled it off. 

"Come now, Jared," Jensen scolded lightly. "You know what a chauffeur is. You get to drive me around at my command for a year. Isn't that fun?" His bodyguards looked rigid, beyond comprehensible surprise, and Jared felt much the same way inside. Fun. Yeah. Likely. About as likely as Jensen patting his ass and saying, "kidding! You're free to go." Jared stared at him, imagining the strange scenario. 

"I don't have a car," he said flatly, knowing there was a catch somewhere in the deal. Jensen's eyebrows arched at his tone, most likely, and he looked somewhat incredulous. 

"But you know how to drive?"

Jared shrugged; okay, yeah, he'd passed his driving test without a single point deduction, but his devout mother had refused to buy him a car and had simultaneously pulled his college funds-- even the money he'd gotten from relatives. "Well enough."

Jensen nodded. "Well, you won't be driving  your invisible car. I've got a car you'll take me around in."

"How do you know I won't drive you somewhere distant and stab you?" Jared wondered, mystified, knowing all the while that he'd never do something like that. But still.

Almost instantly, four guns cocked in his direction, the bodyguards standing at rapt attention while Jensen coolly scrutinized him with a lazy smile.

"Will you?"

Jared met the flat, dark-eyed gazes one by one and slowly shook his head side to side. "Wouldn't dream of it."  he said truthfully, wryly, hooking his fingers into his belt loops with another nibble on his bottom lip. Well, almost-truthfully. He might dream about it. 

"Didn't think so," Jensen drawled with his honeyed Texan drawl which-- Wait, did Jared just figure out that Jensen's accent was hot? And-- Wait, now that Jared thought about it, he was feeling hilariously underdressed beside Jensen's wear; he was decked in a black vest and a viridescent tie speckled with turquoise and black pants to match. The shirt underneath was pinstriped with bottle-green to top it all off, which-- what the hell. The guy had looked sexy in soaked clothing, let alone in the ensemble he was currently wearing. Jared's heart climbed into his throat and started trying to claw its way out. "So, I'm going to get your number. I expect you to come running when I call." He winked, tucking a card into Jared's shirt pocket. The brush of his fingers against Jared's plain shirt made him blush  _again_ ; it seemed like the day would never freaking end. Jesus.

"I would," Jared, slightly shame-faced with his lips pressed together, drew the card out with his index finger and thumb clamped together, "But I don't have a phone."

Risking a look at Jensen from beneath his bangs, he noted with embarrassment that the man looked simply taken aback. Yeah, because in his luxurious world,  _everyone_  had a fancy phone with a fancy case studded with real diamonds and laced with real gold. Jared could hardly resist a snort, or maybe an eye-roll, even. This guy was living a fantasy, some whimsical world where nothing went wrong; bitter resentment welled up, ugly and black, in Jared's chest. He and Genevieve barely scraped by on their salaries, because no matter how good he was at his job, he was a  _bartender._  He didn't even have a fucking phone, and they barely cleared the rent. And now Jensen expected him to attend to his every beck and call? 

"Can you taste your intestines from how far up your own ass your head is,  _Ackles?"_ Jared had no idea where it came from, honest. Swear to God. He just-- Oh, God, what was he  _thinking?_

"...Excuse me?" Jensen shifted, his fingers digging into his knees as his jaw worked. He looked even more stunned, probably because he was in diapers the last time someone talked back to him. The bodyguards hadn't moved, but the good-looking one from earlier who looked to be closest to Jensen angled his body a little.

"You heard me." Jared straightened, his dramatic attempt failed when he got his leg stuck around the leg of the table and flailed a little. "I- Uh. Yeah. Look, as much as I'd like to drive you around, it's not happening." He tugged at his hair, agitated, noticing the thunderclouds rolling across Jensen's face. "First of all, Gen and I barely get by on our collective rent, and you're a busy guy, so if I spend all my time driving you around, I might as well quit my job. And then," Jared laughed, a little hysterically, because-- He was getting screwed over by a piece of fabric. What. The hell. "And then the electricity will give, and Gen will have to live in the dark, because she can't pay the rent on our own and the landlord is always fucking perving on her, so she'll end up on the street or forced to do something  _questionable-"_ Was his voice getting higher? It felt like his voice was getting higher. "-Oh, God, you and your fucking suits." His breath hitched when he spun to find Jensen's finger pressed firmly up against his mouth.

"You talk way too much," Jensen said sternly, now looking less murderous. Thank God. "First of all-- I can't believe you said that to me. Honestly." Jared made an impatient noise against Jensen's finger, which only got him more pressure from the aforementioned digit. "Okay, second of all, I'll make sure your pretty friend doesn't get kicked out or forced to blow the landlord. Alright? And-- What else was it that you said? Ah, my fucking suits." Jensen lifted up the coat of the ruined suit. "This suit? It was a gift from my parents, the first thing they got me when I rose to power." An acerbic laugh bubbled from Jared's lips. Oh, yeah,  _Jensen's_ parents got him a 48,000 dollar suit. Jared's mother gave him a Bible and kicked him out, and that was after Jared got a full ride to college. Unfortunately, he still had to live  _somewhere._ And that meant he had to pay. "If you do a good enough job, I'll start paying you. And you only have to do it for a year."

Oh. Yeah. Jared was so totally screwed. But yeah, he also wasn't going back on  _his_ morals. He had to pay the damn suit off somehow, and this was better than getting on his knees. Much better. Right? Right. 

"Fine." 

So fucking screwed. 


	2. In Which Chad Disapproves (And Jared Drives a Really Nice Car)

"You did  _what?"_  

 

Jared huffed as the pillow hit the back of his head so hard that it coughed up a few feathers. His eyes flickered darkly at Chad, who was folded up like a pretzel in his recliner and glaring back at him mutinously.

Well.... It wasn't  _really_  Chad's recliner; a month after Gen and Jared moved into the crummy little apartment, Gen had found a hideous, sort of broken recliner that only extended about half of the way. The three of them had splatter-painted it, and then Chad became the only one who ever sat in it; Gen preferred the love seat, Jared the other  _working_ recliner. So now it was fondly Chad's recliner.

"I told you not to tell Chad!" Jared wheeled onto Genevieve, betrayed, and she tucked her chin into her knees and pouted. 

Chad snorted, throwing another rock pillow at Jared. This one Jared managed to avoid , much to the relief of his aching head.  "She tried, but you know. Gen can't lie to save her life."

Jared deflated a little at that, because yeah, that was true. She really couldn't. "I-  I didn't think it was as bad as your reaction would be," he said, truthfully this time. Because Chad had this tendency to overreact--  _juuuust_ a little bit. "A-Anyway, I'm alive, aren't I? It could be worse," he pointed out, sliding off the other recliner and massaging the kinks out of his legs before heading to the kitchen. Chad was still giving him a frosty look when he returned with a few bottles of the weird, sweet-sour bottles of icy lemonade that Chad always brought a surplus of from his job. "Also..."

"Also.....?" Chad urged, his look and tone softening a little in foreboding. 

"He gave me a phone." Jared said simply, his fingers untucking the red, sleek, sophisticated phone from his pocket. "Ack- Jensen didn't want to give me something too simp--  _Oof."_ That was the third hard-ass pillow- it hit him in the face and almost broke his teeth. 

"I hope you know he's going to use that to track you." Chad said sourly, hefting his next projectile into his arms. Surprise had faded off in favor of sheer resentment towards Jensen, which Jared halfheartedly admired. Chad was good like that, switching from emotion to emotion on the fly. Also-- Why did their pillows have what felt like bowling balls in them? 

"I don't think he can, Chad." Jared was rolling his eyes so hard that it felt like his eyeballs were going to go into his brain, and Gen giggled a little. "I don't know how he could track me with this." He swung the phone back and forth loosely between his fingers. Chad started to explain the GPS to his technologically challenged friend, but the phone suddenly started ringing in his hands. 

"Christ," he muttered, nearly dropping the wildly buzzing object before fiddling to click the right button. It took Chad's interference for him to actually answer the call, and Jared was stumbling and flushing before he even said hello. God. He was a little pathetic. Or maybe a lot. 

"That took an interestingly long time." Oh, screw this guy. He had to know how difficult it was for Jared to operate something fancy like this-- million-buttoned smartphone or whatever it was. 

"Screw you," was all he could come up with for the time being, and it came out awfully petulantly. Jensen chuckled on the other side, amused as always by Jared's apparent existence. Goodie. Nice to know he was Jensen's evening entertainment. "It's literally been an hour, what could you possibly want already? Someone to wipe your tears because one of your Armanis has a tear in it? You could use your sufficient dollar bills, I'm sure. Hear they're great at soaking up water."

"Hey, kid," Jensen sounded like he was lounging, relaxed, his voice a stretching, lazy drawl, "Did anyone ever teach you respect?" There was a laugh hidden in there somewhere that Jared was too lazy to search for, maybe even--- Admiration of sort? 

"Well," Jared stiffened a little, one hand cocked on his hip. "Sure. My dad taught me to respect people worth respecting. Since you don't fit the criteria..." So maybe he was taking a little liberty with how freely he spoke to the guy who was basically holding his life in his palm, but Jensen seemed to enjoy the banter and even encouraged it through his responses.

"Alright, smartass." Or not. "Okay, look. Get your fine ass about-- ahm, ten minutes away from where you are right now. I've got the car you're going to be driving for you parked out in front of the bar."

The re were too many things in that sentence that both confused and flustered Jared, so he just picked the most important one as he rubbed his aching forehead. "....Fine ass?" So sue him, that seemed like the significant thing in need of addressing. 

"Sure. Do you not think your ass is fine?" 

It was around this time that Jared regretted basically every decision he had ever made, ever. He could  _hear_ the shit-eating grin swallowing the words and desperately wished he had an axe or a baseball bat on hand. That would go spectacularly for sure; he'd be spitting silver before the end of the night. 

"Um, okay, that aside-- How do you know where I am?" 

"I tracked you on the GPS on your phone." Jesus fucking Christ. Jared closed his eyes, took a deep, even breath, and made a note to himself to disable the tracking system. Or get Chad to do it, because-- as mentioned before --he was technologically challenged. 

"Where are you?"

"Ten minutes away, outside the Viva Castilla. This knockoff swanky bar-- Do you know what I'm talking about?" Jensen's words were poisoned honey again, languid and rough at the same time. Jared couldn't help but bristle, because before Gen's job at Spice, drinks at Viva Castilla were all they'd been able to afford. He'd thought it was pretty high-class, but no, not for Jensen fucking Ackles. Not for the guy who probably had kids throw dollar bills instead of rose petals at his wedding.

Which brought him up short. The thought of Jensen getting married, that is. It had been a silly thought, because-- Jensen wasn't married. He was with a different person every week, whether it was a boy, a girl-- It was pretty much a given that Jensen was bisexual-- if not pansexual --and his reputation in bed preceded him. No one came out of sex with Jensen dissatisfied-- Not even people who hated him. In fact, the people who hated him actually said the hate sex was infinitely better than normal vanilla-y shit. 

"I tell you, Jare," Danneel had said one day while Jared was washing the glasses; she was gazing wistfully after Jensen while twirling an ice cube around in her drink, "It was fucking  _fantastic._ Hate is a very passionate emotion, you kno-" And Jared had proceeded to go scarlet, break two glasses, and scurry out with the excuse of dealing with customers.

Whic h brought him back to marriage. If Jensen was married, he was either a cheating scumbag, or they were in one of those weird "exclusive relationships (or was it inclusive?)," the ones Jared always thought were just a friendly way of saying, "wanting to fuck people other than the one you're dating." 

"Jared. Babe, talk." Jensen probably though Jared had already forgotten how to use the phone, so Jared hastily cleared his throat.

"Uh. Right. I know the place. And don't call me babe." Jared pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded, regretting it when it felt like his brain was rattling. The pinching needles of his migraine stabbed and prickled mercilessly against his skin, almost vindictive in nature, and Jared's throat bobbed when he swallowed. "I'm leaving now." And with no other warning, he hung up on Jensen. Or- He tried to hang up on Jensen for a solid five minutes, gave up, and handed the phone off to Chad before rubbing at his eyes. 

"Jay?" Gen spoke up, her eyes liquid and warm and worried. "You look terrible, sweetie. Are you sure you're going to walk in the cold and go meet up with Ackles? Maybe you should--"

"I'll be fine," he assured, unhooking his ratty coat from the steel and completely hideous coat stand that Genevieve  _swore_ was precious and antique. It wasn't. In between the patches of gold a tarry black peeped out, making it look all spotty and ... Jared's been waiting to throw it out when Genevieve's back is turned since the day they got the hideous thing. Other than that, their apartment is actually quite nostalgic; they have posters from their favorite movies and video games hanging up on the walls haphazardly, some of them nicked and torn from the journey from home to apartment. The kitchen wasn't really a kitchen so much as it was a stove in the corner and a fridge, but... Kitchen enough, because Genevieve burned even water, and Jared could cook, like, three dishes really really well and then he more or less demolished almost everything else. She mostly thought it was adorable, to Jared's relief. 

Sliding the coat over his shoulders, he untucked his disheveled chestnut hair and saluted his interested friends. "Chad, you coming?"

Chad snorted. "Sorry, Jay," he sighed, unfolding himself and standing up. "I actually gotta get back to my 'partment, Skype calling my mom tonight...." He said this sheepishly, scrubbing the back of his head, and Jared looked forward to the day where his friends would stop walking around eggshells with the subject of his mother. 

"Course, man," he said as lightly as he could without sounding forced, his smile easy. "Gen?" He cocked his head questioningly towards her, and she looked down at her tank top and sweatpants.

"Already in my PJs, too lazy to change," Gen yawned, her smile a bit too  _sorrynotsorry_ for his tastes. Gen was in a bit of a humorous mood with the whole chauffeur thing, deciding that since Jared wasn't dead, he ought to get some of Jensen while he was playing the role of designated driving. He shot her a narrow-eyed scowl before shouldering his way out of the door and almost getting stuck between the coatrack and the door. Someday....  _Someday...._  

\---

"But what I don't understand, sweetheart, is how  _none_   of these suits fit you." Jensen drummed his fingers against the counter in the back room, his smile bordering the line of impatience. "How tall are you?" He stood up, thumbing through the rack of clothing after another amused look at Jared. Jared, who was feeling pretty damn miserable and sorry for himself at the moment, particularly when he was being stared at by the three security guards in the room. 

"What I don't understand," Jared retorted, tugging at the too tight pants and trying, to no avail, to give his poor dick space to breathe, "Is how you managed to set up a tailor in the back of a tiny bar when I so clearly came here to get a car." 

Jensen tossed him a look of clear disbelief and picked up Jared's poor, weathered jacket between his thumb and index finger. "You're not driving me around wearing this, darlin'. Come on. You may be in this against your will, but you'd better look your best."

Jared scowled, now openly hopping back and forth to ease the unpleasant itchiness that he so wasn't going near with his hands. "6'4,'' by the way. I'm going back to the restroom to change." he called, bolting for the door and ignoring Jensen's cool, "Why not just do it here?" 

When he returned, back in his ripped jeans and black t-shirt, Jensen had given up on his search. "Look, Beanpole," he waved a finger over Jared's frame, "You're a mutant, so we'll tailor you something specifically later. For now, let's go see your new car, shall we? Keep note that it's not actually yours, just yours for your assignment." He snatched something off the table and sauntered for the door, and Jared stared, stupidly entranced by the automatic sway of Jensen's hips.

"Shorty," Jared muttered querulously, shimmying his jeans higher up his waist and resisting the urge to smirk when Jensen shot him a half incredulous, half annoyed look. As soon as they stepped out back, however, Jared's jaw sat comfortably on the floor as he took in the beast that sat in the parking lot. "Wh--"

"The 458 Ferrari Italia," Jensen said as coolly as though he was discussing the weather and not a fucking 200k dollar car. He gently brushed his knuckles up against the gray surface. "They call this color grigio ferro, I believe."

Jared's knees basically buckled from the sheer beauty of the car. "Ferro is iron," he muttered, his voice as wobbly as his knees. "Iron colored, I guess, Jesus." He brushed his callous fingers up against the glossy surface, feeling the sudden urge to crawl into the butyraceous back seats and sleep forever. The remnant of a fingerprint was left behind against the car, and Jared instantly felt awful for leaving it at all. 

"Yeah," Jensen's voice was hushed, his expression cool and satisfied as he watched Jared's expression. 

"I can't drive this," Jared concluded, wheezing slightly as he imagined trying for a sleek right turn and then smashing it into a stop sign or getting totaled by a sixteen wheeler that he didn't see coming. "Oh, Jesus, Jensen, I'm not stepping into this car." A cool hand tentatively brushed against his ear, and he swatted violently at it. "Don't touch me," he huffed, his breathing still short. 

"Calm down, sweetheart." Jensen sounded bemused. "It's just a car. I can buy another one if needed. Or if you destroy it, I guess." 

Which, in turn, only caused Jared's panic attack to swing full-force. "I'm g-going back inside." 

"No, you're not. You're going on a test drive." Jensen's wrist snapped sideways, and the keys arched delicately over the car to land squarely in Jared's hand. "Sometime today, Beanpole." he added when Jared didn't move and instead stood there and turned the keys over and over in his palm.

"My name is  _Jared,"_ he grimaced as his sweaty fingers closed over the handle. He tugged, and in response, the door just breezed open simply, inviting him to get in. He felt shabby, disoriented, as he slid into the vanilla cream seats and tried to tuck his legs into the limited space. He heard a thump and didn't even have to turn to see Jensen land in the seat beside him, instead choosing to fiddle with the rearview mirror. 

"Start 'er up, baby." Jensen, it seemed, was now determined to do the exact opposite of what Jared insinuated. "Show me those badass driving skills."

Jared stiffened, his fingers tightening around the wheel as he shot Jensen a trapped look. The crime lord simply picked at his rounded fingernails, smirking as the younger man started the car.

"That's right, I took a look at your driver's test. Flawless. I really pick them well, don't I?"

It was a backhanded compliment, coming from Jensen of all people. Jared geared into reverse, feeling the gear change smoothly beneath his fingertips, gliding as easily as butter. He almost whimpered as cool air streamed evenly over them, rich jazz filtering from the radio. Oh, he  _wanted._

"Take me to your apartment," Jensen commanded, waving his finger back and forth towards the window. That was the last place Jared wanted to go, but he was starting to realize that he was willing to go just about anywhere with Jensen if it meant never leaving the car. Automatic seat warmers started up, and the massage function basically caused Jared's spine to meld effortlessly with the silky seats. 

"J-J-" he tried, biting back a yelp when the seat got awfully comfortable with his ass. "I think your car is harassing me, it must take after you," he managed to stammer out, shifting his body so that it didn't feel quite as strange. Jensen smirked openly at him.

"I could show you how to turn that off, but... Nah, not going to." 

Dirty glares aside, Jared finally managed to get the car out of the parking lot and onto the road. It was smooth driving for a few minutes until Jared had to make a turn on the otherwise empty road, and then he messed up with turn signals and turned on the windshield wipers instead. And then when he tried to fix it, he switched on the high-beam headlights and brought his foot down hard on the acceleration instead of the brake. The car managed to translate all his jerking into still relatively smooth driving, to its credit, but Jensen looked mildly perturbed.

"Okay, sweetie, stop!" he finally demanded as Jared streaked down the road, his foot glued to the acceleration. "Jared! I get it! It's been a while since you've driven a car! And- Yeah, this is more than an ordinary car, but-- Jared!" he looked a little pale as he lurched to grab the handles above the windows. 

Jared screeched to a halt back in the parking lot, panting, wild-eyed, and for a few moments they just sat there, staring at each other.

"Okay," Jensen said slowly, and Jared noticed a little hysterically that he was shaking a little bit. "Okay, so that wasn't  _that_ bad. You just need to get used to the car, y'know?"

"Look," Jared snapped irritably. "I haven't driven a car in ages, and the last car I drove was my mo- Er, my family Camry. A Camry, Jensen."

"Alright," Jensen took a deep breath and extended his legs. "Do you think you remember the functions of your Camry?" It was a strange question, but weirdly enough, he did. He remembered his mom laughing gaily in the front seat beside him with her floppy straw hat that threatened to fly away as they zoomed by the beach. And he remembers sitting with his dad, who basically melded himself into the seat with rigid discomfort, always worried about letting Jared drive, always afraid of sending his son away from him....

 Jared jolted back to Jensen shoving at his shoulder. "Don't space out on me now, Sasquatch." 

"Jared," Jared corrected, half-heartedly now. "And yeah, I do, I remember, the turn signal is-"

"No, no, don't tell me." Jensen raised a finger. "Look, we're getting you comfortable with this car, so just--" The next thing Jared knew, the cool pressure of silk was pressing against his eyelids as Jensen leaned over. He felt rough fingers brush along his hair and panicked, immediately reaching up to undo the knot that he felt against the back of his head. His hands were immediately swatted away. "It's just my tie, you massive dork. Now calm down, we're getting familiar." 

"As much as I want to trust you," Jared grimaced, hands clutching the wheel so that he didn't reach behind and throw Jensen's tie far away. It smelled like him, actually. A little musky, "I don't even do as much with my eyes open, let alone with a blindfold. And you should really keep your guards around." One end of the tie hung against his ear, and it tickled, so Jared flicked it away irritably.  

"Why, are you going to shoot me?" Jensen snorted. "Stop flipping out, I haven't even touched you yet. If I was really going to harass you, I would have done it while you were driving, because that's sexy." 

Dammit. Jared was turning red. "Whatever. Just tell me what to do so I can get this off my face."

"Touchy," Jensen muttered, but Jared heard the other man recline. "Alright, put your foot on the acceleration, darling." 

Jared felt around with his foot a little, felt the bigger, flatter brake, and then moved to the right a little bit to press down on acceleration. 

"Gre at." Jensen praised, and Jared only flushed further. He felt heat prickle its way up and down his spine as Jensen's presence came into sudden clarity. One of the youngest crime lords in the city was almost pressed up beside him, so close that Jared's head spun, and oh, Jesus Christ, were Jensen's fingers brushing against the small of his back? "Now the brake, Jay."

Jared really wanted to correct Jensen for like the fourth time, but he refrained as he moved his foot to the left. "Here," he murmured, feeling strangely vulnerable under the blindfold. Strangely _at-Jensen's-mercy_. 

"Okay, now turn signals." Jared's hand flailed for a moment in all the space, but he managed to slide his fingers against the lever to indicate the turns. 

"Here," he said, and his voice was strangely raspy. Jensen abruptly leaned almost all the way over to check it out, elbow nudging against Jared's hip. Jared jerked in response with a yelp, and was really, really glad that Jensen couldn't see his mortified expression through the blindfold. Asshole was actually chuckling beneath his breath.

"Okay. Wipers. Headlights. High beam. Low beam." Jared kept his hands moving, right, left, right, right, familiarizing himself with the breathing machine beneath him with Jensen's guidance. "Alright." Jensen tugged at the knot after repeating the cycle, and Jared watched as the tie fluttered downwards and draped gently over the man's wrist. "I think you're ready, Padawan." he announced, a smirk toying at his lips. "Or Padaleckiwan for you, I suppose." 

Jared couldn't help a groan as he glared. "That was awful."

"Everyone's a critic," Jensen crossed his arms, looking almost as though he was sulking for a moment. Jared's mouth twitched at the corners, but he refused to smile-- Even if Jensen looked like an eight year old who wasn't getting his way. "Are you just going to sit here or are you actually going to drive the car you spent the last several minutes feeling up?"

"Must you make everything sexual?" Jared groaned, closing his eyes briefly before opening them back up and finding Jensen's intently trained on his face. He could feel the flush of red before he even snapped his eyes forward again. 

"If you keep making noises like that---" Jensen started to say with the barest hint of a smile, and Jared pulled his eyes off the road long enough to flip the other man off. He hadn't actually noticed, but... He was driving the car, smoothly and easily now, turns as elementary as they'd been on his exam. Unconsciously, he grinned: it really was a beautiful car.

"There you go," Jensen purred, sliding back against the seat so that he could cross one limber leg over the other. Jared dragged his eyes away from the way Jensen's shirt rode up his hips a little, the way his biceps curled beneath the silk of his shirt and tried so hard to concentrate on the road. "Ah, she's a beauty." 

"Yes," Jared agreed with the man  for the first time, permitting one dimple to pop as he felt the steering wheel graze along his palm. "So... I'm going to be holding onto the car, and you're going to call me whenever you want a drive?"

Jensen grunted in confirmation. "This car is going to look really fantastic, especially compared to..." Jensen leaned past Jared to eye the apartment, and Jared sort of wished the seat would open up to swallow him whole. "Well, no offense, but." He grinned, and Jared just glared back at him as he parked the car along the curb. Arrogant son of a bitch. Honestly, didn't this guy know the meaning of tact at all? 

"Just get out and call one of your many bodyguards," he grouched, sinking down into the seat while Jensen chuckled and dialed, simultaneously sliding from the seat and out of the car.  

"Tomorrow at eight, baby," Jensen pulled away from his phone for a moment to snap his fingers towards Jared. A slick black car was already streaking towards them; Jensen's bodyguards must have been hovering. "I have breakfast at the Rosewood Hotel and Spa tomorrow morning. Pick me up from my house. I'll text you the address." 

Jared had only a few moments to register that before Jensen was already gone, swept away by his private secret service. He shifted into parking and sighed, resting his head against the wheel and feeling the snipe of the freezing night air. So... Jensen was... Flirty? He had an attitude, he didn't understand Jared's plights, he had a litany of endearments, and-- Holy hell he was tactile. Touching, brushing, grazing. Jared remembered every feather-light touch that Jensen had administered. Yeah, this next year was going to be so very, very long. 

He tugged the keys out of the ignition and turned them over in his fingers again. 

...Well, maybe with this car, he could get used to the job. 


	3. In Which Jensen Steals Jelly Donuts

Jared  was in awe. 

He was already riding a bit of an ego high, because  _c'mon,_   he'd driven a Ferrari through the city. It had garnered him looks, like he wasn't some poor boy who hardly scraped by on a bartender salary-- no, this car made everyone beautiful. He now drove it like a bit of a pro, his hands sweeping along the buttery wheel like it was part of him. He was still brought to slight laughter at Chad's face when he saw the glorious car purr to a stop along the curb and Genevieve's quiet " _Wow." And_ when Jared had woken up that morning, he was unsurprised by the slightly wild-eyed millers who had gathered into what appeared to be a reverent circle around Jensen's car. 

"Padalecki," one guy had asked  with a baffled look, the guy who lived across from him, "did you win the fucking lottery?"

So that had been a pleasant surprise. 

But more than that was how spectacular Jensen's home was. Whether or not he was stepping from the safe confines of a Ferrari, the mansion still cast an impressive shadow over Jared and the car that squashed his minute elation. The enormous walls were painted cream, almost on the border of peach, and strangely welcoming. So  _maybe_ Jared had been expecting grey or black walls and like, a moat. But that was wholly besides the point and perhaps gearing more towards Jared's impression of the man. There was an endless stretch of grass, impeccably kept, and a strange assortment of violet, orange, and indigo flowers peppered the lot, appearing to be random yet in actuality carefully placed. The front door itself was massive, double doors with narrow mosaic windows standing impressively on either side, and there were many, many windows in different shapes-- circles, ovals, semicircles. It was really a gorgeous house.  

He looked around  surreptitiously, noticing that  he was surrounded by luxurious sports cars. Jensen must have collected them; there was only one that looked somewhat out of place. A sleek Chevy Impala, glossed to black perfection and looking as though it had never been ridden, sat comfortably amongst the Porsches and Rolls-Royces like it had always belonged there. Jared had to smile at it; it was kinda nostalgic, in a silly way. Not that he'd ever owned one. It was just. He felt like he connected to it, somehow. Except that no matter how much Jensen glossed him, he would never belong with the rich crowd.

"Beauty, in't she?" Jensen decided that it would be a fantastic idea to sneak up on Jared, who immediately shot up ramrod straight like he'd been badly spooked.

"Don't do that," he hissed irritably. "Friggin- psycho." But he did cast an absently appreciative look at the car before he slid into the driver's seat. Jensen looked slightly rumpled but bright-eyed, his hair untouched and his smile boyish. Jared felt like he'd been lightly socked, because-- no, it wasn't fair for someone to be this enthusiastic and good-natured in the morning. Other than his subtle, cocky arrogance, though, Jensen was one of the people Jared was okay being stuck with. He still hadn't breached Jared's personal bubble farther than the occasional feather-light touch and flirty brushes, and for that, Jared was grateful. Sure, he'd rather have not been caught up in a scummy deal like this to begin with, but better Jensen, than, say, Kyle. Jared shuddered inwardly and yawned as he watched Jensen occupy shotgun.

"Long night?" Jensen asked, ignoring the psycho insult and eyeing Jared almost carefully. Jared shrugged, one shoulder brushing against his ear, slightly suspicious of the concern yet unwilling to admit as much. 

"Studying," he said shortly, drumming his fingers against the side of the car. This time, they had company; the attractive one of Jensen's bodyguards-- the one who didn't look like a carbon copy --was comfortably eased into the backseat; Jared, to his astonishment, hadn't even seen the man come in. Which was awkward, because he was by no standards the type of person who blended into the background. He tipped his head in mild greeting, still looking wholly amused at the situation. In fact, Jared had yet to see an expression other than amusement or a deadpan on the man's face at all. 

"Chris Kane." Jensen offered a name, glancing backwards at the bodyguard, who was holding something plastic with a hanger poking out (probably another 48k suit or something). Jared grunted in response, still sporting a slight headache and trying to be as ornery as possible just to show his underlying displeasure about the whole affair. Even if he was driving a nice car. However, it only served to entertain Jensen and Chris as Jared caught the look they exchanged and grumbled to himself.

"You really should wear something nicer, sweetheart." Jensen remarked, his expression thoughtful as he glanced at the jacket Jared was sporting again. "If I ask you to get out with me, it might be to your benefit."

Jared almost brought the car to a screeching halt. "Well, Jensen," he bit out between his teeth with a suspicious look at his passenger. "That won't be any trouble, because I'm not getting out with you. I'm just your driver, nothing more."

Jensen's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "You're going to sit in this car in the burning sun for two hours? Despite what you may think, I treat my ..... _workers_ well." He said delicately. "You'll come inside with us, of course. Rin O'Hara, the caterer for most of these events, _always_ brings these delightful jelly donuts-"

"The hell I will," Jared interrupted, gaping at the other man while trying to simultaneously keep his eyes on the road. He could have sworn that Chris Kane was snorting in the back seat. "I'm going back home. I'll pick you up when you call."

Jensen swiveled fully, leg crossed over the other, arms crossed across his chest, jaw firm and unyielding. It was stubbornness made tangible. "Come for the jelly donuts, Jared." What the fuck was with the jelly donuts? It might have been useful information for later, though, if he was trying to get on Jensen's good side... He filed away the tidbit for later. 

"You know where you can shove that jelly donut? Up your-" Jared narrowly avoiding scraping a car on the side of the street  and cringed very slightly, readjusting his arms . "Look, just because I'm taking a break from classes doesn't mean I don't have to study. There's a program I'm applying for, and I really don't have time-" his stomach, meanwhile, had just gotten caught up with the jelly donut thing and emitted a growl; his ears reddened in response.  He'd been late to meet Jensen, skipped breakfast that morning. That was probably the better option anyway, since Genevieve had cooked this morning. 

"Don't have time for what?" Jensen's voice was surprisingly sharp, and Jared flinched very slightly away from the unforeseen sting. The other's words softened, blunt now, as he continued, "time for breakfast? Just stick around a little, darling, what's the harm?"

His stomach wanted him to say yes. His mind wanted him to say no, just because the guy was Jensen Ackles and had roped Jared in against his will just because of a stupid suit _and_ saying "no" to him was one of those little pleasures. So... Of course, his stomach erased all rational thought.

"Fine," Jared sighed, wrists flexing against the wheel. "But I look awful." This he said triumphantly, hoping it would get him out of going inside.  Even though it was a little embarrassing. The jacket he was wearing had been a gift from his dad, so no matter how patchy and ragged it was, it took a lot of convincing for Jared to wear something else. He would know; Gen and Chad had tried many a time to buy him a nicer, newer one, their attempts in vain.  

"I know," Jensen responded, but he didn't really seem to mean it through his smirk. "The clothes Chris is holding aren't for me, you know."

Jared was about to retort when the implications blindsided him, his jaw dropping with outrage. Chris smirked at him in the rearview mirror. "You knew I was going to come in!"

"No," Jensen corrected smoothly, not even trying to hide the  smug little  grin curling his lips upwards. "I knew you'd come in  _with_ a little persuasion. There are restrooms before you enter the banquet hall, you'll have plenty of time to try the new clothes on."

Jared growled out expletives, not even attempting to figure out how Jensen accomplished the feat in a mere eight or so hours. "You're such a douche," he concluded lamely, shoulders hunching when he heard Jensen laugh coolly, easily from beside him. 

"Yeah, and you're a moron."

"You shouldn't talk to yourself, Jensen," Jared said sagely, "it's really quite unbecoming--"

Even though he got smacked for it, Chris's snorting from the backseat made it totally worth it.

\---

"I look even worse with this on," Jared deadpanned, lifting his arms. He was hoping the sleeves would sag over his wrists to show how badly it fit him, but they remained neatly cuffed around his wrists. 

"Jared, you look perfect." Jensen said, so bluntly that there was no room for argument. "Seriously. We finally got something to stay on that Sasquatch frame of yours." He circled Jared like a predator, picking at lint as he saw fit or brushing tiny curls of dark hair from the collar. Jared flushed under the scrutiny, squirming and meeting Chris's gaze from where he stood to the side and watched them impassively. "You talk, right?" He spoke up quizzically, his gaze aimed at the intimidating man, "I mean, Jensen didn't cut out your tongue or anything, right?" He ignored the dirty, heatless look that Jensen tossed at the back of his head. 

Chris Kane grinned at that. "I'd take him down if he tried. Besides, he needs me." 

"Need is a strong word," Jensen piped up, eyes flickering between them as though he was trying to gauge who he should be scowling at. "Once in a while, you say something not completely useless." He was standing behind Jared, an action that made Jared's knees tremble a little bit; he had a hard time trusting people he couldn't see, and Jensen's fingers grazing along the small of his back and his breath sweeping over the nape of Jared's neck as he examined the fitting was causing Jared to slowly go scarlet. 

"Uh," he said, massively intelligent human being that he was. "J-Jensen, could- uh, could you-"  _C'mon, Jared, all you have to do is say it. He's respected your space so far, he'll back off if you ask, right? You just have to ask him._

"Talk, Jay." Jensen commanded, sounding distracted as he continued meddling with the suit from behind. 

"Hands," Jared finally blurted out after a pause, reddening even further. "Your hands. They're, like. I don't know. On me. It's weird." He got through the painful mess of sentence fragments and dared a glance back, only to freeze: Jensen was looking back at him, an oddly surprised look settling in his half-mast verdant eyes, and his fingertips felt like lead weights above the small of Jared's back. It only then occurred to Jared what Jensen had felt, running horizontal like a bumpy ridge across his back. 

_I will never, ever have a queer in the house!_

"Bar fight," Jared offered brightly by way of explanation, easily slipping into cool detachment whenever he brought out the story. He listened to himself laugh, barely even noticing the brummagem delight any more. "These people get crazy when I get between them. Believe this one was because some poor bastard was hitting on a tycoon's lady friend." 

Jensen didn't look wholly convinced, but he nodded stiffly before the same, easy uplift of his mouth settled Jared's agitation. "Of course," he said smoothly, flash of white teeth glittering in the warm light of the room. Someone had led them into the empty guest hall so that Jared could change out of his coat and begrudgingly into the ones Chris had brought, and it was a splendid little room with lamps and glass ivy curling every which way. They sparkled demurely and, as corny as it sounded, seemed to illuminate Jensen's eyes. "I've seen a good bar fight or two in my time," he declared languidly, poetically, voice reverberating around and bouncing off cream walls.

"Yeah, you're a regular veteran," Chris muttered in the corner in what sounded like a gripe, but when Jared turned to look, the corner of his eyes were creased with affection. Best friends, he decided. Jensen and Chris were best friends. The tension of the moment dissipated as Jensen laughed, and Jared felt abruptly as though his chest was seizing. He wasn't supposed to like that rich, warm laugh, good-natured without being even slightly held back. He was just a driver, and he really needed to learn his place. His feet started to shuffle a little bit.

"No, Jay." Jensen had once again, _ir_ _ritatingly_  quickly, noticed the look in his eyes, the look he usually got when he was about to make a run for it. Before Jared could respond with an eloquent, "Fuck you, I'm out," a steel hand wrapped tightly around his thin wrist, accompanied by a pointed tug. Chris loomed behind despite being shorter, the both of them herding Jared for the banquet hall, and Jared held off his growing claustrophobia by belatedly pleading the ground to swallow him up whole.

\---

It went about as awfully as expected, and the jelly donuts were the only reason, ironically, that it wasn't a complete and utter disaster.

As soon as Jared walked in, he felt so far away from his element that they might as well have been spinning in different universes. He stood a good few inches over the tallest person, and cliques of beautiful people and their beautiful spouses milled about like butterflies, light on their toes, while he felt clunky and awkward on clodhoppers. His feet caused him to trip about eighteen times, and he was pretty much spewing apologies on automatic fifteen minutes in, whether he did anything wrong or not. Handling drinks had gained him an advantage with the dexterity of his fingers and the deftness of his hands, but he was as clumsy on his legs has he had been when he was a gangly teen.

And worse, Jensen and Chris had ditched him to go greet other criminals the moment they'd walked in.

Jared stood like a fool at the front for a few minutes, but he ended up gravitating towards the table of amazing looking dessert-y breakfast items. He had grown immune to people's comments about his gigantic appetite, considering his beanpole height and according weight, and now just ate whatever the fuck he wanted so long as it was appropriate to. So--  _Sorry_ to all the other people daintily picking up half-bagels with a spot of cream cheese and slivers of toast with dabs of butter --he was  _starving._ He stacked three Belgian waffles on his plate with strawberries, whipped cream, and chocolate drizzles with a glass of chocolate milk and two poof-shaped jelly donuts that erupted puffs of powdered sugar if he dared to move them; since neither Chris nor Jensen were anywhere to be seen, he quickly retreated into a corner to eat his acquired food at a solitary round table.

Which was, of course, when disaster struck.

Jared was occupied with a mouthful of the heavenly jelly donut, hot raspberry melting onto his tongue with the silky sweetness of powdered sugar, when he found himself surrounded by a profusion of familiar faces that he strongly felt had ambushed him.

And then it blindsided him, how fucking  _stupid_ he was; he worked in one of the most prominent bars in town, surrounded by even more prominent rich people who frequented there and knew his face. Why did he ever, ever even consider this- How could Jensen have considered this? Oh, fuck, he  _agreed._

Tongue easing along his upper lip to capture flecks of sugar, Jared warily met the eyes of four smirking faces, including those of one very ugly son of a gun.

"Hiya, Pretty Boy." Kyle drawled, leering at Jared from across the small circumference. "Aren't you a bit far from the whorehouse--? Oh, sorry,  _bar."_

Jared couldn't resist a sigh, having heard all the sexual insults. "Leave well enough alone, Kyle."

"Y'know, I couldn't help but notice that you dragged yourself in here with Ackles," Kyle seemed incapable of taking a hint, and Jared tried to subtly crumple a napkin into his fist to smother his temper. "I know he basically owns you, now, doesn't he? So what kinda favors does he use you for, Pretty Boy?" His tone was deceptively friendly, but Jared had trained himself to spot hunger from a mile away. It was the only way he survived.

That didn't mean he wasn't struggling to swallow-- both the donut and the disgust. "Our relationship isn't sexual."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. It's private, isn't it?" Kyle motioned his hands like he was soothing him while his buddies snickered around him like vultures. The napkin was a wrinkle of paper in Jared's palm by now, and he had moved on to worrying away his bottom lip almost violently.

"No," he said coolly. "It just isn't sexual."

Kyle stood, leaning over the table with a predatory grin. "Maybe if I ask  _realllllll_ nice, cutie," he licked his upper lip, and the hair on the back of Jared's neck rose straight up as he was confronted with the same repulsive hunger blazing at full force. Jesus, couldn't this guy hire a hooker or someone for his pleasure instead of coming after him? Jared was a bartender, not a sex worker. " _Maybe_ he'll share you with me."

"I highly doubt it," declared a cheerful, partially amused voice from over Kyle's shoulder just as Jensen's hand came down hard upon the joint. "In fact, he's not willing to share at all. Jay is a fantastic driver, prompt and with minimal complaining, and I really do enjoy his services." The color drained out of Kyle as Jensen continued to smile at him, and it wasn't hard to hear the ear-shattering underlying message:  _Leave if you like your limbs attached._

"Let's get out of here," Kyle muttered, his buddies needing no invitation as they all scurried to the opposite end of the hall to harass the other people, and Jensen, with simply an eye-roll, collapsed into the seat beside Jared and cradled his flute with something bubbly and golden in it. 

"Don't thank me," he said, not looking at Jared and somehow foreseeing the flood of  _thank-yous_ on the younger's lips anyway. "It's common courtesy. I enjoy disproving idiots' opinions, especially when they have no idea what's going on." He looked tense, fingers just barely snapping the thin stem of the glass, his jaw tight as he stared at a brown haired woman standing near the front of the room; his posture caused Jared to realize something.

"You hate it here,"  he realized, futilely trying to brush away the snowy sugar from his skin. Jensen's half-mast eyes flitted towards him, then, quicker than a dragonfly, flitted away again. Jared belatedly realized that what he'd said was eighteen kinds of inappropriate and immediately flushed. "I'm sorry, it's not my place-"

"It isn't," Jensen agreed, but his tone was mild, and the albeit small smile he sent Jared's way was genuine. "But I'll humor you. You're right, I despise these crowds. The whole lot of them are social sharks, feeding off the misery and misfortune of even their own friends." Jensen's head shook side to side, his profile sharp with sudden distaste. "I really wonder, Jared, how people can live life constantly in the business of others. Do you think they wake up one day without a life of their own, because they've squirreled their own away by being burrowed into others'?" He blinked, seeming to break out of his small outburst, and offered a rueful smile that didn't go anywhere near his eyes. "I suppose that was a bit too much humoring."

Jared swallowed his chocolate milk, thinking the exact opposite. He may not have thought Jensen was totally righteous, but the glimpses into the way he thought eased Jared's perception of him and proved his humanity. "I agree with you," he declared, and even though his eyes were trained on his plate, he felt Jensen angle towards him. "I'm a bartender, right? I hear people talk." He grimaced, starting to shred another napkin into tiny little twists, "they fabricate complete lies about other people-- that they had scandalous affairs, that they sexually assaulted their secretaries, that they killed someone-- and they do it without even batting an eye. That's their nature as a whole." He turned to find Jensen's intense gaze plastered to him like he was the only person in the entire fucking room, and his words faltered. "Well," he amended with a hasty breath, meeting his eyes, "M-Most of them." 

Jensen's mouth parted, his expression a strange mix of amusement, mock offense, and something else entirely that Jared couldn't identify, but Chris suddenly popped up from seemingly nowhere, addressing Jensen and sending Jared into mild cardiac arrest.

"They're about to toast, Jense." He said solemnly, glancing at Jared , acknowledging,  before looking back at his boss again. 

"Toast?" Jared echoed, and Jensen's fingers were suddenly sweeping gently, almost absently, across his cheekbone.

"You had powdered sugar there," he said by way of explanation as Jared slowly froze. "And-- yes. A partner of mine-- Samantha Ferris --her husband passed away. He was a good man," he added, in a voice as distant as his offhand stare in the direction of the podium. Samantha must have been the brown-haired woman near the front.

"How did he die?" Jared questioned after a beat, and it was Chris who responded this time.

"Shot thirteen times," he said, matter-of-fact, as nonchalant as though they had been discussing the weather. Jared's heart seized, and he sucked in a harsh breath at just the horrifying thought ;  everyone else's faces were placid and calm. This was mundane to the criminal lot, a normal occurrence with no real consequence. Jared's fingers broke through the soft dough of the donut as he stared at the table, convulsing slightly from the sheer lack of emotion in the room. 

"Jay," Jensen was trying to get his attention, but Jared's face scrunched up, eyes squeezing shut and mouth compressing into a thin line. He didn't know what Samantha Ferris's husband looked like, but he imagined a wispy silhouette trailing along before the thunderclap of bullets seared through his skin, leaving holes and fraying edges.  _Onetwothreefourfive-_

"Jared!" Jensen hissed, thumb nestled in between the column of his throat as he tilted his face upwards. Jared could only imagine what his expression looked like, because Jensen was muttering a string of expletives as he nestled his fingers back into the dip of Jared's back and gently urged him towards the exit while muttering instructions to Chris.

_Sixseveneightnineten-_

Who needed to be shot thirteen times? Was that some sort of game? Did a group of people gather around him and laugh as they emptied bullets into a his breathing body? Were all these people capable of taking life away so easily, with just their thumb and index finger? 

Was  _Jensen_   capable of this?

Jared heard his own sharp inhale, exhale, and knew he was probably hyperventilating a little bit; his eyes dragged slowly up to Chris's obviously concerned expression, but he couldn't look, couldn't look until he could convince himself that the gun nestled into Chris's side was just for Jensen's protection. 

_Eleventwelvethirteen._ Jared straightened, his palms sweaty and his hairline prickling with perspiration. "Sorry," he rasped, wincing at the hoarseness of his voice, "I guess if I'm going to hang around Jensen, I'd better get used to the mention of g-guns," he shook on the word.  How stupid, being fearful of such a thing . There were scarier things in the world than bullets, than the screaming whistle as the metal shattered the sound barrier  and buried itself into someone's head-  He jolted when Chris's hand fell tentatively on his shoulder, gratefully accepting the water bottle  extended  as he leaned against the wall outside the hall.

"This life isn't for everyone," the other man said, and by the set of his jaw, Jared knew he meant it. The flip-flop of his stomach, nevertheless, wasn't settled. 

"Has," Jared had to ask, and he felt Chris's dark eyes shift abruptly to him, "has Jensen ever-"

"Jay!" Speak of the devil. Jensen joined them in a few fluid strides, and over his shoulder, Jared saw Chris turn away. Suspicions reaffirmed, he felt his heart sink as Jensen's eyebrows drew together in concern that Jared didn't quite deserve. "Jesus Christ, you really gave me a heart attack back there. Are you alright?" 

Jared's head jerked into a nod. "The thought of someone getting shot like that," he explained with a weak, pathetic smile.  "Just-- Guns."

"But all my guys trained guns on you the other day," Jensen said, incredulous, remembering when Jared had first threatened to kill Jensen in some remote location; Jared swallowed. "You were fine then."

"It's not me I'm scared for," Jared muttered bitterly, and Jensen looked mildly scandalized, even a bit sickened, before he nodded. 

"You're scared of seeing other people get shot?" The older surmised, glancing over at Jared warily. "That's slightly strange, but of course, I'm not going to call you out on it. Everyone has their fears." When Jensen phrased it like that, Jared really felt like the lowest common denominator, but he could only nod and affirm his words. After all, it was true. But Jensen didn't look annoyed so much as he did thoughtful, for which Jared was thankful. 

"I know," he responded brusquely. "It-- It's really specific." He shoved his slippery palms into his pockets and indicated back to the hall with a jerk of his head. "Is-- are you all done in there?" he questioned, tugging at the itchy collar and wishing more than anything that he had his scruffy coat back. Jensen glanced at his silver wristwatch for a second before nodding, and Jared almost cracked a smile at how relieved he looked.

"You missed the toast, but yeah, we're done." Jensen declared, tugging at Jared's elbow to indicate that he should start walking. "Here, by the way." From his pocket he drew a napkin, and Jared leaned forward to see two puffy jelly donuts tucked into the center of the napkin gently, camouflaged against the snow-white paper. A surprised, delighted laugh burst from him as he stared at Jensen, eyes widening. 

"You smuggled jelly donuts out?" It was ridiculous how petulant Jensen looked, his bottom lip jutting out slightly, and, once again, Jared thought of a pouting toddler.

"They're for you," the other defended lamely, and Jared shook his head, scooping the smaller one out with a dimpled grin.

"We'll share," he conceded, pushing the other towards Jensen and smirking a little when the other immediately grinned and got to devouring it. Chris stood to the side with his usual amusement, only pausing to shake his head when Jared offered a piece of the donut.

"I don't like them," he said simply, and Jensen snorted, a puff of sugar escaping when he did.

"That's because you don't have a soul, Kane." They immediately broke into an easy banter as they headed for the car again, and Jared shook his head, much more inclined to spend time around Jensen when he was in this sort of mood and glad that he had yet to see the criminal side.

In fact, he was willing to do just about anything not to see Jensen point a gun at someone and pull the trigger.


	4. In Which Jared is Awesome but Ends Up at Gunpoint Anyway

 

Jared actually sort of hated his job. The truth was, he had been looking at an internship with a famous neurosurgeon in town way back when he'd been living at home, but when his mother cut him off, Jared was forced to give up the opportunity for that internship in favor of, y'know, eating, paying bills, all that totally unnecessary crap. Cause who really needed to eat anyway, right?

 

But, he decided wryly, a crumpled dollar bill rolling to a halt like a stray tumbleweed in front of his clasped hands, that didn't mean he had to like his job. 

 

There was some laughter-- there was always some laughter --but Jared nobly ignored them and continued to mix drinks, head held high despite his resolve taking a serious beating. Only glancing up at Genevieve and receiving her warm, bright smile in between her gigs kept him from going ape and swinging his arms around. That, and the fact that he was surrounded by complete children, judging by the crude drawing of male anatomy on the dollar.

 

"So, what's the deal with Ackles, Jay? He skewer you over a piece of furniture yet?"

 

Jared dropped the cups, heart freezing for a second as the ceramic clattered gently against the counter. When he was sure it hadn't broken or cracked, he turned to affix Chad with a dirty glare.

 

"Shut up, it isn't like that. You sound like everyone." He felt a minute rush of satisfaction at the appalled look on Chad's face-- God knew what a hipster his friend was, scandalized at the mere thought of being one of the masses. Especially one of the wealthy masses.

 

"I do know," the blonde conceded, grumbling as he drank from a glass Jared was fairly certain he hadn't given him. "Anyway... Is that all the son of a bitch does? Makes you drive him to luxurious places far beyond your poverty-stricken comprehension?"

 

"I'll thank you not to insult my mother, Mr. Murray." Jensen declared, looking amused and having appeared out of fucking nowhere-  _yet_  somehow situated comfortably at Chad's side with Chris hovering as usual. Last Jared had saw him, at least, considering he'd driven Jensen here. "But yes, that's exactly what I have Jared do. A fitting punishment, I'd think." 

 

To Chad's credit, he didn't even blink. Hell, Jared jumped. He didn't understand nor often trust people who barely reacted, and he bestowed upon Chad a suspicious look as he tried to skitter away to the other end of the bar.

 

Of course, Jensen wasn't having that.

 

"Something mild and colorful, sugar." Jensen winked at him, and Jared's throat went drier than a Nevada desert. He was barely able to jerk his head into a nod, but he did scowl a little as he prepared the drink and listened to the laughter in Chad's voice.

 

"Something bubbly and strong for me,  _sugar."_ Jared spun to see his unabashed grin and glared, so desperately wanting to flip him off or make a run for it. 

 

"Now, now," Jensen said generously, thankfully not giving Chad what Jared had affectionately coined the Look: a weirded-out, slightly glazed stare, slackened jaw, morbid curiosity. He got it from most of the crust of upper class, but Jensen didn't seem perturbed. "Let's not tease the pretty bartender."

 

"Aww," Chad threw back immediately, grinning a shit-eating grin that made Jared want to punch him in the face. God, he hated his best friend. That didn't bode well for the future. "But he blushes so nice!"

 

The two of them gave him an expectant look, and he stared back stupidly until it registered: he was the pretty bartender. On cue, red flooded into his face, and he looked around frantically amidst good-natured laughter, seeking solace. 

 

"It's too early for this," he grumbled helplessly, mixing the drinks, and dreading the horrifying thought of Chad and Jensen getting along. That was like a nightmare he hadn't even foreseen. 

 

"Jay, sweetie, it's like eight in the eveni-" Jensen began, but hastily shut his mouth when Jared pinned him with a scorching look. A rush of satisfaction at shutting Jensen up rushed through his blood, and then, God help him, he felt bad for it. "So you're the infamous Chad Michael Murray."

 

"For you," Chad cocked an eyebrow, appraising Jensen with nothing but honesty, "I could be a two-foot-tall hooker." With a saucy wink, he smacked the money for his drinks down on the table and sauntered off to go flirt with everyone.

 

Jensen slowly turned with both eyebrows raised to Jared, who futilely tried to bite back a smile. 

 

"He's bisexual," he said lamely, by way of explanation, and was pleasantly surprised to see that Chris was trying and failing to not snicker. Usually, people he met were turned off by Chad's strange humor; somehow, he didn't feel reassured about Jensen's grin when he remembered his promise to his blonde friend: he wouldn't ever date someone who couldn't talk to or be around Chad. This, in fact, contrary to what Chad thought, did turn away quite a few of his dates. 

 

But it wasn't turning Jensen away.

 

And Jared didn't want to think too long about that.

 

"You certainly partake in interesting company, Jared." Jensen tipped his head back, and Jared tried not to blatantly stare at the pale column of skin exposed to him. 

 

"Yes, well, I try to make it difficult for you." He said shortly, feeling a quick smile come into existence before he rubbed the back of his neck. Christ, he was sore. 

 

"Jared!" Danneel Harris poked her head out from the back room, trying and failing not to look worried. "Jay, sweetie-" she broke off, so upset that she couldn't come out with proper words. Jared straightened, breaking his focus away from watching Jensen watch him, and rolled his sleeves up before making his way over to the distraught woman; worry began to settle into his gut.

 

"Danni, what's wrong?"

 

Her lip trembled. "G-Gen," she said pleadingly, looking up at him, and Jared recoiled like he'd been socked in the gut-- in fact, he realized, he hadn't seen Gen for quite a while. "Paul Wilkins slapped her across the face," she cried indignantly, curling her fists into Jared's shirt, "just because she wouldn't leave with him. Please, Jared, oh, please. I don't even care if you beat him bloody, just get him back." Jared's blood roared to his ears, and he could feel his mouth tighten, knuckles going white. He nodded tersely before pulling away from him. Jensen looked up from his phone as he headed for the counter, looking momentarily curious before alarm flooded his features. Jared could only imagine how livid he looked.

 

"Jesus, Jay, what happened?"

 

Jared basically swept him aside, on the warpath, hating himself for missing the whole affair. While he joked and messed with Chad and Jensen, Paul had- Jesus, the only reason he'd taken this god awful job was for Gen, what was the point if he didn't protect her?

 

He marched straight for the stage, trying to be as polite as possible as he excused the huffy girl on the stage before he grabbed the mic from the stunned announcer. The blood pounding against his head finally calmed long enough for him to sound as deceptively friendly as he could possibly manage.

 

"Congratulations, Paul Wilkins," he called, looking around at illuminated, disappointed faces, looking at  _Jensen_ and at a confused Chad, trying his damnedest to smile, "you've won a live show. Please come on up here to receive your prize."

 

Sure enough, the greedy asshole, a mousy little man with a creepy moustache and a yellowed smile peeled himself away from the shadows, slinking onto the stage. Jared smiled blandly at him, wishing more than anything that he could throw him off the stage and pulverize him. At the very least, he looked appropriately confused but didn't care, because free show, right? Towards the back room, he noticed that Danneel had reemerged, her arm wrapped around a pale Genevieve with a red bruise he could see from the goddamn stage. It just infuriated him more, seeing his sister figure looking so defeated, and he stared at Paul with renewed hatred burning under the radar.

 

"Take a seat," Jared said with a small smile; this stupid smiling felt like the hardest thing he'd ever undertaken at the moment. "You're getting a free show."

 

Shouts of jealousy rose from the crowd, mostly humorous, and Jared's hackles rose.

 

He turned to face Paul, distaste now fiercely evident. 

 

"You know what's pathetic?" He declared loudly, staring down at the shriveled excuse for a man cowering at his own volition beneath him. Jared knew when his frame could be intimidating, and he used his height shamelessly now. "Slapping a woman when she won't sleep with you." He paced back and forth in front of a quickly paling Paul, his steps purposeful with rage. "God, how pathetic do you have to be, right?" He turned to a confused crowd, staring them down. Awful people, people who just watched when Paul slapped Gen, maybe they even  _laughed--_ "I mean, slapping a girl just because you can't get into her pants? Well, that's the award Paul won," Jared sneered, his eyes blazing as he stared down at the cowering man. "The Most Pathetic Creature in the Existence of Humanity Award. Congratulations on your superlative." He gritted out, practically looming over the whimpering little twit. It wasn't in his nature to actually beat anyone up, no, he preferred forms of fighting that he really hoped would sink in. Anyone could throw a punch-- problem was, it barely sunk in, and next week, they were being assholes again. But Jared had now outed Paul completely, stigmatized him, cast light on how pathetic he was-- and that wasn't going to go away for a good, long time. "Now, Paul," he was all but yelling now, his voice reverberating every which way and magnified by the speakers as he glared with every figurative dagger he could employ, "if you want that hand to remain attachedto your body, you'll get the hell off the stage and the hell away from the girls,  _do_  you understand?" 

 

He didn't even wait long enough to see the response before he pushed the mic back towards the man and hopped from the stage, his blood pressure hyped so high that he didn't even notice people making way for him until he was standing back in front of the counter and was met with astonished silence.

 

"Marry me." Jensen broke the silence, staring at Jared with something he desperately hoped wasn't admiration. "Seriously, Chad can be the best man, I don't even-" Jared's ears flushed, but he couldn't fight the pleased stirring that beat with butterfly wings against his stomach. "Or, like, do me."

 

Jared was spared the reply on that one when Genevieve wrapped herself around him, teary-eyed but smiling. "Oh, Jare-Bear, that was amazing. Thank you so much," she whispered, and he lifted a hand to thumb the bruise.

 

"Well, you're welcome, but are you o-?"

 

"Genevieve!" Chad missiled through the hesitantly chattering crowd, stumbling to a stop in front of his friends. "Fuck, Gen, when I heard Jared's announcement, I really hoped it wasn't you, but..." He faltered for a second, bracketing her face in his palms, and then vindictive fury made its way along his otherwise mild features, "I'll kill him, the asshole-"

 

"Don't," Danni said abruptly, shaking her head reluctantly and patting Jared thankfully against the small of his back. "I'm not allowed to condone bar fights, but then again..." A dark smile curved her lips upward, "if you catch him outside, that's a whole 'nother story-"

 

Chad chuckled, low and eerie, vanishing to probably cause bodily harm to the shamed Wilkins.

 

Danni's face fell abruptly. "Oh, Jared, I've done you wrong." She murmured, looking quite woeful and casting a quick glance about as though Paul Wilkins might have miraculously sprung out of nowhere to eavesdrop on them. "I just asked you to barge in there, but I've really put you at risk. Paul Wilkins will try to make you miserable at every turn, and, damn, he might even bring his friends." She pressed her fingers to the sides of her forehead, rubbing in circles and looking distressed. It sort of mirrored the sinking feeling in Jared's stomach. 

  
"Oh," he started to say, but an unsubtle cough behind him had Danneel lifting her eyes and Jared turning. Jensen's hip rested on the counter, arms crossed over his chest with an air of nonchalant grace.

 

"I'm not going to let that happen, obviously." Jensen said, so calmly and coolly that it basically went in one of Jared's ears and out the other, straight over his head. Then he noticed Danneel was staring, and then the words really registered. He stared at Jensen, dumbfounded, his jaw slightly slack. "Don't look at me like that," he huffed as he met Jared's eyes with sharp, exasperated verdant. "You're sort of under my charge, one of my partial employees, and you're too indispensable at this point to let up." 

 

Not that he was exactly protesting this- rather, er, the idea of Jensen watching out for him -but he really had to speak up at that.

 

"What?" he sputtered, his fingers twitching against his thighs. "How am I  _indispensable?_ I've been your driver for like three days, Jensen!" Cool eyes appraised him, and then, to his outrage, Jensen turned away and completely ignored his arguments.

 

"You won't have to worry about this kid," Jensen continued, like Jared hadn't even said a single word in protest about his own protection. "Besides, Paul is probably too embarrassed to return back in here for a while--" He shot a mutinous Jared a knowing wink, "--and by the time he does, we've got Jay's back anyway." 

 

Jared muttered something before skulking back behind the corner and pretending that he actually had a job to get to. Gen joined him in a moment, and Jared glanced at her face before wrapping a handkerchief around some ice cubes. "Here, press this against it. That's a really nasty bruise." He leaned forward, clicking his tongue as he examined it closer this time. "At least when Chad's done with him, he won't be able to slap anyone else." She nodded gratefully, gracing him with another quick hug.

 

"Thanks, Jared. Really." she said sincerely, squeezing his hand before heading into the back room. As an afterthought, she poked her head back out. "Jensen seems to really enjoy your company, by the way," she declared quietly with a saucy smile, and Jared dropped a glass like the pathetic tool he was. He was about to lay into her, really, but then she disappeared into the room again, and he wasn't nearly angry enough to chase her back. Besides, she was right; Jensen seemed to genuinely  _want_ Jared around. As Jared warmed up more to talking while driving, he found that Jensen had more in common with him than he cared to admit (or  _dared_ to admit), and they actually found shared ground with sports (Texas, man! Texas!), video games ( _please,_ Jay,  _nothing_ will outdo the original Majora's Mask. Don't even fight me on this.), and books (wait! You also read John Grisham  _and_ Stephen King? Do you also have wings and a halo?). 

 

Jared really, really didn't want to get involved in the conversations, really didn't want to think any more of Jensen than the fact that he was the guy holding Jared's contract. But-- It was  _hard._ Jensen was unfairly attractive, beautiful in pretty much everything he did. He moved with sinewy grace, could take someone down even faster than Chris, and he had an uncanny ability to be able to say the right thing at the right time  _every damn time._ He could crack a joke with his hands covered in blood. When he'd gotten in the car earlier, Jared had chased him out, quietly freaked out until the man cleaned his hands raw and pink, and then calmed down as Jensen sidled back in beside him. But instead of giving Jared hell for it, he just grinned, cocksure and easy, and made fun of the slow country Jared had forgotten to change. 

 

It made Jared's stomach twist with confused distress.

 

But, he decided thoughtfully as Jensen cracked some sort of lewd joke with an eyerolling Chris and ambled off to say hello to an acquaintance, it was still much better than the alternate.

 

\----

 

"Tell me about your family."

 

The car almost swerved off the street, and Jared blanched. "Wh--"

 

"Your family." Jensen was looking straight ahead; half his mouth was tilted upwards in a lazy grin, but his eyes were perfectly serious and polished like jade.

 

"Uh. What's there to say?" Jared hurried, deciding it would be better to say something than nothing at all, because nothing was awfully suspicious. "So. My dad was a," he flushed a little, knowing full well that it wasn't exactly a pro-ball career and feeling awfully conscious with Jensen seated beside him in a Ferrari, "mechanic, you see. And my mom," his voice caught a little, "she's a stay-at-home mom. Really religious, you know, faithful churchgoer and all."

 

"What about you?" Jensen posed the question in a strangely gentle manner, and the tips of Jared's ears turned red as he glanced in the mirror to meet Chris's eyes. The man's expression was, faithfully, indeterminable. 

 

Jared shrugged with a flat, "I don't know," not daring to think about all the times he'd forgotten God when his mom tried to beat the "queer" out of him. Suffice to say his faith hadn't exactly skyrocketed when his dad had died, either.

 

"Siblings?" Jensen's hawk-eye gaze all but jackhammered beneath Jared's skin, the cool, humorless upturn of his lips daring him not to answer. 

 

"Mm," Jared hummed, smiling a bit despite himself. "I have an older brother-- married --who's currently in Spain for sightseeing. And, uh. A younger sister." He blinked at the mirror. "She's," he searched for the right words so that he didn't start bawling on impulse. "Also in college. Marine biology. East coast now, I think."

 

"You miss them." Jensen didn't ask, he confirmed. And as always, he was spot on. "Bad."

 

"They're my idiot siblings," Jared huffed with a bit of an indulgent smile as he remembered every stupid shenanigan. "Course I miss them." Meg hanging Jeff and Jared's underwear from the tree outside, Jared filling her bed with styrofoam peanuts, Jeff taking Jared's ass down when they wrestled, but only before Jared's growth spurt. He was beaming, whole and dimpled, but he didn't even realize it until Jensen pointed it out.

 

"Smile any wider and your face will break," Jensen said mildly in a tone Jared felt strongly was fond exasperation.

 

Jared shook his head. "I've had plenty of practice, don't worry."

 

"So where are your parents now, then?" Jensen leaned over to fiddle with the radio, thereby missing how Jared slowly turned to stone, bottom up. 

 

"Parent," he corrected, laughed a wet little laugh, kicked himself mentally. "My mom is in San Antonio. My dad," he said, knuckles tightening and soft white painting across his skin, "was shot by a mugger when I was seventeen."

 

Silence.

 

Jared dared a look sideways. Jensen looked mildly chagrined, but he was also realizing something, and Jared watched as it sunk in.

 

"Oh," he said faintly, and Jared cracked a grim smile. "The others getting shot thing."

 

"Yeah," Jared nodded mildly, glancing back as he changed lanes. "That's pretty much where that came from," he said with a flat sort of smile, "you don't really forget when you see someone get gunned now, do you?"

 

Jensen contemplated Jared for a moment, pensive twist to his mouth, and Jared desperately hoped the man wouldn't apologize. Everyone apologized. Then again, Jensen wasn't exactly everyone.

 

"No," he said finally, looking forward, "you don't ever forget when you see it. Chris understands that, too." A glance in the mirror showed him Chris's even nodding. Jensen scrubbed at his face and bestowed upon Jared a beautiful, crooked smile that was just barely touched with melancholy. "So-- I understand, Jay. I promise."

 

And scarily enough-- that was the most comforting thing anyone had ever told him. 

 

\---

 

So maybe Jared had it a bit bad for Jensen Ackles. He didn't know how that had happened, but-- it wasn't exactly strange, to be fair. He drove a beautiful man who knew he was beautiful around a lot, so it was only normal that he might start feeling something other than deep dislike for him. And it wasn't just that Jensen was attractive-- no, he had to be  funny, brilliant, and charismatic, so much so that beauty was just like some happy side effect or something.

 

But he'd been a bit of an idiot, because he'd forgotten that Jensen was a crime lord. He'd forgotten that despite the hundreds of subtle little lets, like Jensen getting in the car with bloody hands, Chris' general existence, the gun always tucked into Jensen's waist and winking silver when he readjusted his coats. Or- rather, he'd forgotten up until when it bit him right in the ass.

 

"Stop thinking so loudly, Jared, you're disrupting my meditation." Chad called out rather peevishly from his pretzel position on the floor, and Jared looked up from his abandoned crossword puzzle to glare at the other man. 

 

"Shut up." He huffed, tapping a pencil impatiently against the newspaper and fighting his growing exhaustion. "No one meditates with a whole bowl of cheese puffs anyway, so that's kind of a pathetic attempt." He pointed out, only resulting in getting hit in the side of the head with a volley of the snacks. 

 

"Don't question me." Chad hummed for a moment, wrists resting against his knees, and then casually said, "take a break from mentally undressing Jensen Ackles and get the package that arrived for me a few minutes ago."

 

"Dude." Jared sat up, glowering at the man pathetically trapped in his own limbs and trying not to choke indignation down because he was  _not mentally undressing Jensen_ , "you don't even live here. Stop having packages delivered to our apartment."

 

"I basically live here," Chad pointed out with a cheeky grin, and Jared couldn't really fight that. He sighed, long-suffering, and pried open the door to get Chad's stupid package. Which sounded a lot worse the more he thought about it. 

 

That was about when the butt end of a gun slammed squarely into his gut, causing him to wheeze and pinwheel backwards onto his ass. "Oh, what the he _\--"_ Words automatically failed him as he stared down the muzzle of a really precisely aimed handgun, his throat bobbing and soundless gasps threatening to come to existence.

 

"Hey." A petite woman stood behind the weapon, carelessly flicking golden curls from her shoulders where they littered the skin. "I'm Alona. Are you coming?"

 

Chad was squawking as he came to stand by Jared, but Jared strongly felt that that was just his stupid friend's attraction to Alona. Meanwhile, Jared remained fixated on the weapon literally two millimeters from his nose; he swallowed, still on his ass, fingers digging into the carpet. Jesus Christ, what was happening. "Um- I, um- um."

 

"'Lona, I think he's trying to communicate." Another pretty blonde came to stand by Alona with a wide smirk that promised all sorts of frightening tortures if Jared didn't comply. "Heya, boys. I'm Adrianne. Jared," she turned to him, and Jared just stared at her, completely baffled, "you coming for the ride, or are you itching to eat metal?"

 

The gun swung lazily from Jared to Chad, and Jared's heart rate immediately picked up. Embarrassingly enough, he started to wheeze a little bit and pushed his hip against his arm for comfort. 

"Wait," he blurted out, ignoring Chad's half-shocked, half-concerned look. "I'll come, just--" he waved at the gun, squeezing his eyes shut. "--put that thing away, for Christ's sake."

 

The girls exchanged amused looks, which caused him to bristle a little bit, but then Alona tucked her gun into a convenient little holster and grinned a grin full of white teeth. "On your feet, then."

 

Jared met Chad's eyes for a moment before jerkily nodding. He knew Chad would probably call the police anyway, or worse,  _Jensen,_ so he didn't waste time in following after Adrianne and Alona and scooted furtively after them. It was a little embarrassing, but they looked as though they'd very well kick his ass. The pit of dread in his stomach sunk even deeper when he saw the black car outside, windows tinted the same ominous color, but then, Alona's gun was suddenly pressing unyieldingly into the small of his back. She uttered a soft curse, pursing her lips, and Jared turned quickly to see what the holdup was. 

 

"Damn," Adrianne groaned, "We were so close."

 

"Alona. Adrianne." Jared had never been so glad to hear Jensen's voice, even though it was all but blistering with fury. The man now stood squarely in Jared's vision, arms crossed, muscles taut, verdant eyes blazing. "What-  _exactly -_ do you think you're doing?"

 

  
_Great. They know each other._ Jensen was probably on their bad side or something, and now Jared had become a pawn in their stupid game.  _Freaking crime lords and their freaking enemies--_

He could hear Adrianne's pout without turning. "Kidnapping the twerp who's been monopolizing all your attention. If you came home and said hi more often, we wouldn't need to resort to this."

 

_Wait.... What?_

Jensen's foot tapped away at the sidewalk, his furious expression morphing slowly and disbelievingly into something far more exasperated. "Why are you holding a gun to him, then?"

 

"Because it's funny to see him squirm," Alona giggled, digging the muzzle into the small of Jared's back and making him yelp purely out of instinct. He was practically shaking in his shoes, because, hello,  _gun._ He could worry about humiliating himself in front of pretty girls and Jensen Ackles when he could actually breathe properly again.

 

"Let go of him," Jensen snapped, fingers clenching like he wanted to throttle one or both of them. Alona sniffed behind him but released him, and Jared instinctively scrambled to Jensen's side, where he could at least trust Chris not to hold him at gunpoint. The girls offered him matching devil grins.

 

"If you had wanted me to meet your family," Jared gritted his teeth, "there were infinitely better ways to approach the situation."

 

Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. "They're not that kind of family," he began warily, "they're all sort of ... My group. It sounds lame, I know, but the Ackles family is banded with the Tals and Palickis. Well, Alona and Adrianne are actually related, because Adrianne married into the Tal family, but that's not really the--" Jensen closed his eyes, looking more than a little irritated, "--Look, I guess you could say they're unofficial family."

 

"And you must be the little bartender turned chauffeur," Adrianne teased with a pretty smile, causing Jared's ears to go predictably red. Really? She had--- who knew how many adjectives ---and she chose

  
_little?_  It also really wasn't fair that all the criminals he was associating with were strangely attractive. It made him feel more awkward than ever. "You're all the buzz back home." 

 

Jensen cocked an eyebrow. "Would it really kill the lot of you to stay out of my business?" He grumbled, but his tone wasn't quite as fierce as the words were. 

 

"Probably," Alona said cheerfully, clapping Jared's back hard enough to make him wince. "No hard feelings, right, Jared?"

 

He just stared her. "Uh-- no. Right, yeah, no-" he cleared his throat, wiping his palms on his jacket and going, if possible, even more red. Well, what the fuck else was he supposed to say? She had a  _gun._

"Bring him to visit sometime," Adrianne declared as she and Alona daintily climbed into their escape vehicle. "Next time they might send someone who'll shoot first and ask questions later, if you get my drift." Her tone took on a bit more of a somber note. "And, well...."

 

At Jensen's questioning glance, Alona pursed her lips. "You've been spending a while away from home," she said with a sigh, clasping her fingers atop the steering wheel. "We've found some info on Mr. Ferris's death, and Samantha's been working with us a little. She thinks Mark Pellegrino and his family are responsible." Jared turned just to see the corners of Jensen's eyes tighten minutely.

 

"I see." He said, ever-composed. "Alright, I'll come by later this week, just to catch up." Then, he proceeded to surprise Jared by leaning over to kiss both girls' foreheads. "I don't want either of you wandering too far without bodyguards," he said with a huff and a withering look. "And before you even accuse me of sexism," he silenced Adrianne with a glare, "note that  _I_ have one, too."

 

"Yes, father." Alona parroted, blowing Jared a kiss as Adrianne winked at him. The car's wheels blew stray bits of gravel as it streaked down the street and disappeared.

 

Jensen sighed. "I'm very sorry about that. They like to play."

 

  
_This is playing to you?!_ "It's fine," he muttered, honest for the most part. "As long as my spine remains intact, I don't really care."

 

A grin was directed his way. "You looked terrified. It was kind of cute."

 

It occurred to Jared that he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a ratty t-shirt, looking totally like a homeless person next to the ever unruffled Jensen Ackles; this only soured his mood even more. "Thank you for finding my misery entertaining," he griped as he headed for the stairs. "How did you even get here that fast to begin with?"

 

Jensen raised his phone. "I was having drinks at that little shack you call a bar." He sniffed, and Jared's indignant scowl deepened- Jensen  _really_  needed to stop dissing Jared's affordable drinking establishments. Not everyone owned criminal organizations, after all. "Then I got this from Chad, who- I don't even know how he got my number..."

 

"I left my phone up there... He knows my password." Jared sighed, thanking his friend mentally. He didn't know if he had prolonged his time getting down the stairs long enough. Leaning forward, he squinted and read:

 

_Ur boytoy's in trubl so get here._

Okay, so taking back that thank you. And Chad's recliner. That needed a monthly trip out the window. 

 

"B- Boytoy?" He sputtered for a moment, embarrassingly came up with nothing, and stomped for the stairs. "I'm going to kill him. And then I'm bringing him back to life and killing him again."

 

Jensen followed him up one step, expressly amused. "Don't I get a thank you?"

 

"Huh?" Jared turned, then remembered that the guy had come all the way from the "excuse for a bar" to see if he was okay. It was kind of heartwarming, for a crime lord. "Oh. Yeah. Good point. But, y'know," he rested his hip against the railing, grudgingly allowing half a smile and one dimple to come to existence. "You saving me from your own family isn't really all that heroic."

 

"Trust me," Jensen deadpanned, verdant eyes glittering with wicked amusement, "it's pretty heroic. You'll see if they manage to get their hands on you. Thankfully when they do, I'll be there."

 

Not all that reassuring, especially as Jared considered "meeting Jensen's family." He was the freakin' chauffeur, who wanted to meet him anyway? And was it true that Jensen was forfeiting time with them to spend it with Jared? He had been driving the guy around quite a bit off-late. Oh... And Jensen hadn't said "if they do." He'd said "when they do." Certainty. 

 

"You should go." Jared ruffled his fingers through his hair with a sigh, reluctantly clomping back down so that he was just two steps above Jensen. "You left Chris waiting outside, y'know." 

 

"Yeah, in a minute," Jensen said, his voice strangely warm as he regarded Jared. "Do I get my thanks now?"

 

Jared laughed out loud, and this time the sound reverberated along the stairwell. "You're insatiable," he accused, rocking his head back and forth slightly. "Well... Thanks, Jensen. For saving me from your own family." Because, y'know, crime lords. Maybe he would have needed rescuing.

 

"Don't downgrade my heroic abilities, Jay." Jensen tsked. "C'mere for a second." He crooked his finger.

 

Pretty much like an idiot, Jared steeped down to the other's level without even really thinking-- only to have Jensen's mouth planted squarely on his for all of five seconds. The only thing he registered the entirety of the kiss was that Jensen's eyes were speckled with the faintest little squares of gold, and maybe how warm and peculiarly  _soft_ Jensen's lips were. 

 

"That's kinda more along the lines of what I was thinking," Jensen whispered into the shell of his ear after pulling away, his voice a lulling whisper that tickled his skin. "I'll call you later, yeah?"

 

Thinking back on it, Jared wondered if the sounds he'd made in response were even English. Or comprehensible. He'd basically stood there and babbled something before fleeing up the stairs so he didn't embarrass himself further.

 

And after Jensen kissed him.

 

And after he  _really enjoyed said kiss._

Oh,  _shit,_ he was so totally and completely screwed. 

  
  



	5. In Which Jared Dances, has a Suckish Date, and Babysits Jensen

Jared sort of despaired of everything. 

He sat in velvet cushions, his back pressed against what he was almost positive was solid gold backing, and his hair was at its optimum-- silky, soft, falling in neat curls that actually felt sort of nice against the back of his neck. He was surrounded by cheese and grapes in delicate china plates and fine wines, all of which were expensive beyond his belief, and he was fairly certain that the cufflinks Jensen had loaned him had very real diamonds set into the very real silver. 

And he was completely miserable.

Jensen looked no better beside him; the man looked absolutely bedraggled, a far stretch from how suave he usually presented himself. Dark crescents marked his pale skin, and his eyes were half-mast as they'd been for an hour, like Jensen would nod off at any given opportunity. Jared almost felt bad for him, but it was Jensen's fault that they were here to begin with. Even  _Chris_  looked bored, a new look for him as he usually appeared either amused or utterly unruffled. 

"I will never, ever forgive you for bringing me here," Jared hissed out of the corner of his mouth, prompting a dismal semblance of a laugh from his companion. 

"So sorry, sweetie. We'll have make-up sex later, promise." It was an obvious joke, but Jared's heart still fought valiantly to actually do its job and beat. It wasn't all that successful. "I didn't expect this to go on for more than hour."

And yet, here they were, going into the fifth hour. It really seemed like Jared was always on the consequence end of someone else's decision. 

"Come on, Jay. One hour," Jensen had wheedled earlier, looking almost laughably fatigued. "I really need the company, you're pretty much on hand-- and before you even bring Chris up, no."

Yeah, right. One hour. They had come to a gala hosted by a lady friend of Jensen's-- who knew crime lords had such elegant lives? Jensen had positively wept at the idea of having to go with only Chris as company (during his complaining, Chris stood by, muttering something about deserving a raise), and Jared had stupidly accepted the invitation. Mostly because he had to drive Jensen there and was once again borderline coerced into the affair, but also because Jared was a kind and merciful human being.

"If this goes on an hour more, I'll miss dinner," Jared said flatly, "and then I'll rip your balls off."

Jensen had the grace to look mildly frightened. But mostly he looked exhausted. "Why's this dinner so important?" He wondered, stretching as languidly and subtly as he could in the opulent chairs they were seated in. Everyone else was wandering around, mingling with elegant titters and gracious smiles, but Jared was realizing that Jensen hated the stuffy events as much as he did. Thus why they were the only two actually seated. 

"It just is." He shifted, tugging at his collar. Dinner was important, because dinner was a date. But Jensen didn't need to know that. And it wasn't really an official, fancy date; Stephen Amell, one of the more decent people who frequented Spice, had given his number to Jared and asked if Jared was free for dinner the following night, which was today. Chad thought the man was a pretty face but not worth it, yet Jared was finding that his social life was wholly lackluster, and really-- a date once in a while couldn't hurt. Which was why he thanked his lucky stars that, while this afternoon had been dismally tedious, Jensen's hairdresser and stylist had been able to make Jared look nicer than usual. At least he could go into the date looking like he'd tried.

"That's explanatory." Jensen drawled sarcastically, fidgeting and stifling a very obvious yawn. Jared nodded absently, vaguely wondering why Stephen had waited so long to ask Jared on a date when he had been working at Spice for quite a while. "Chris, what's the time?"

"6:27, Boss." Came the languid sigh. Jensen nodded, his chin resting in his palm and his expression faintly petulant. Jared couldn't help but smile a little at how childlike he looked, with his nose slightly wrinkled and his eyes glazed over with boredom.

"33 minutes," he told Jensen, schooling his expression into one of impatience. 

Jensen was about to respond, but there was the soft tinkle of prongs against glass. Jensen's friend-- a woman named Marie --stood near the front of the hall with a tuning fork in one hand and a wine flute in the other. "I hope you brought your dance partners, because we're going to be proceeding to the dance now." She declared with a pretty smile before she turned to her obvious dance partner. 

Jared's eyebrows knit together in confusion, and he turned to Jensen, whose look of boredom was quickly morphing into something obviously sheepish. 

"You  _didn't."_ Jared whispered, abruptly infuriated at how easily he'd been tricked--  _again._ He scrambled to his feet, shoving the silk handkerchief he'd been holding into Jensen's lap. "I'm out of here," he seethed, searching in vain for wherever he'd put the car keys; he could have  _sworn_ they'd been in his pocket just a minute ago, where could they possibly have-

A flash of metal glittered in the corner of his vision, and he whirled to see Jensen tuck the keys away into his pocket with unfairly dexterous and  _thieving_ fingers. His jaw threatened to drop.

"Give those to me!" He hissed, trying to keep his voice down as he reached for Jensen's pocket. Jensen easily sidestepped, his expression a mix of apology and amusement.

"One dance, Jay." He winced. "I didn't know who to dance with, it was so last minute, and you were just--"

"What?" Jared asked quietly, a fairly dangerous note sliding into his tone. "Available? I'm always available, aren't I, Jensen? I don't have a life or anything of the sort, isn't that right? Just there at your disposal? 

A flicker of ice edged Jensen's verdant eyes. "Of course not," he said, his voice iron and his steady gaze unfazed. "Don't put words in my mouth, Jared. I was only alerted about the dance an hour ago, and you happened to be with me-- and," he said, his posture radiating on careless but his stare still intense, "-you looked like a perfectly presentable dance partner," he murmured cautiously, as though he was picking words out so not as to offend. Somehow, it rubbed Jared the wrong way, enough that he could no longer find the compliment hidden beneath the nonchalance. 

"As opposed to looking like my usual self- a slutty bartender," he provided acerbically, closing his eyes for a second before grimacing. Oh, who was he kidding? Even if he dressed up all fancy, that's exactly what he looked like. He was reminded of it every day, after all.

Sudden, rough fingers pressed into his jaw, jerking him to Jensen's eye level. The storm clouds rippling across Jensen's face stole his breath for a moment, leaving him suspended helplessly as they stared at each other.

"Don't you  _dare_  call yourself that ever again, Jared," was all Jensen said, so calm despite how thunderous he looked, before releasing him. "Now. Are you going to dance with me," he cocked his head, and Jared scolded his heart for seizing so abruptly. "Or not?"

Jared just looked at him for a few moments, completely unsure what to think yet ridiculously pleased at the same time for some stupid reason. "Fine," he hissed, rubbing his jaw where Jensen's fingers had been. "But you-- you are leaving here early enough for me to be on time for my date." He gave Jensen a baleful look that wasn't nearly as baleful as he would have liked it to be, considering how jumpy his heart was being. 

Jensen blinked, the tick of his jaw so subtle and quick that Jared nearly missed it. "You have a date?"

"At seven," Jared said through his teeth, daring Jensen to challenge him. Selfishly wishing that Jensen would challenge him. Or would somehow tell him that he didn't want him to go, which was so dumb of him, because Jensen had never disrespected his boundaries like that.

And true to his form, Jensen crossed his arms smoothly across his chest and appraised Jared coolly. "Fine," he said. "Dance with me, and we'll get you to your date by seven." There was an imposing sharpness to his tone, like he was implying to Jared that he rarely bargained for anything like this. Jared swallowed down the sudden rush of disappointment, nodding and meeting Jensen's eyes evenly. He should probably just be glad Jensen was letting him have a say at all, considering the fact that the suit fiasco was Jared's fault to begin with. 

"Fine." He responded, winding his fingers through Jensen's and nesting the other hand against his waist. "Let's get this over with." Jensen gave him a look of faintly pleased surprise as Jared swept them into the form of the waltz. Violins crescendoed in the background, a rich crest of music bursting to perfection.

"You dance?" He whispered, cocking an eyebrow to his hairline as the same rough fingers brushed against Jared's collar before his hand came to rest on his shoulder. Repressing a shiver, Jared forced himself to look appropriately disgruntled.

"My mom forced me to learn for--" He furrowed his eyebrows together, "cotillion, I think. Or-- I learned for a girl, I should say." He could hardly remember any longer, his mother's poise, the way she would call " _one-two-three one-two-three."_ She would make him waltz with Jeff and Megan, both of who would tease him endlessly about his uncultured lack of grace, his clodhopper feet, how he'd stumble and step on their feet.  

"And you've remembered the steps since?" Jared glanced down, registered the mild appreciation with a slightly embarrassed duck of his head.

"I- I guess," he muttered, fixing his eyes on his shoes and apologizing quickly when his foot scuffed Jensen's. "But I'm still a fair bit clumsy, so... You'll have to excuse me." It came with the height difference, and the fact that constantly looking at his feet made Jared's neck crick unpleasantly.

"Of course," Jensen said, and Jared recognized the warmth so easily now. It still made color sweep along his cheekbones, prickly and discomforting, and he resisted the growing urge to drop Jensen's hand and run screaming from the room. "Who is the date with?" He asked, the warmth fading until cool ambiguity was all that remained. Jensen was obviously having a great time showing Jared that he clearly didn't care, he was just making simple conversation. Jared felt like a tool. 

"Stephen." Pause, with Jensen urging him for a surname with two arched eyebrows. "Amell," he added as an afterthought as he lightly twirled Jensen. Jensen almost came to a halt mid-twirl, but allowed himself to fall back into the pattern before giving him a strangely assessing look. 

"I know him," he said flatly, his lips twisting with something obviously displeased. "He's never liked me."

"I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly in that aspect," Jared murmured, receiving an elbow in the ribs for his trouble. Jensen shook his head, the force causing yet another viridian tie to ripple silkily along, and his lips pursed.

"We've had some... Unsettled lawsuits between families," he said, his tone careful again. "He's always sided with Mark Pellegrino, you see, and we've been a bit at odds lately." Jared hadn't been sure of Stephen's occupation, but his heart sank a little bit as he realized he was getting himself involved with yet another gangster. He seriously had the worst luck. 

"I see," he said, valiantly fighting the dismal tone he was sure could be found in his expression. "Well, that's a-- holy crap!" He blurted out, clamping his hand over his mouth when he received some offended stares for his outburst. 

"What? What is it?" Jensen turned to see what Jared had seen over his shoulder-- the ornate clock, evidently a heirloom and embellished with stars and moons and other astrological pieces. It was quite attractive, but Jared only had dismayed eyes for the time. Which was currently telling them they had ten till. Ten minutes until Jared's date. "Damn." Jensen muttered, dropping Jared's hand and giving the other only a moment to miss the contact before grabbing his coat. "Here, go start the car." He thrust the keys at Jared and snapped for Chris to take him out. "I'm going to say my farewells to Marie."

Jared shuffled past the statuesque beings that were scattered in partnered clumps around the floor, Chris at his heels, and, in typical gawky fashion, clambered into the driver's seat. The car refused to start up, just his luck, until after the fifth turn, at which point Jensen practically flung himself into the passenger seat. Jared tried not to furtively appreciate Jensen's mussed hair and the lipstick at the corner of his mouth, and instead muttered another curse.

"I'll never get to Tulle in time," he bemoaned, glancing at his watch even as he started driving. Jensen gave him a long, pensive look.

"Get up," the other man muttered after a moment, prompting a surprised yelp from Jared when he all but bodily heaved Jared from the seat and deposited him, awkward limbs and all, into the passenger's seat. Jared sat there, looking much like a confused octopus, as Jensen rolled his eyes and crawled into the driver's side. "Buckle up," he warned mildly before flooring it. 

It took Jared all of about .5 seconds to realize why Jensen wasn't allowed to drive himself anywhere; they approached time warp speeds as Jensen careened out of the way of furious cars, honked his way through traffic, and swerved around the corners without even a cursory glance to see if other cars were coming. Jared was almost certain he was going to die.

"Jensen!" He practically shrieked, plastered to his seat as the sunroof opened, wind streaming into the car and nearly scalping him. He had turned to the side, wrapped his arms and legs around the seat and clung to them for solace while Jensen obliterated the road behind him with a wolfish grin. 

"This car is capable of such speed," he winked smugly at Jared, looking reckless and gorgeous with his short hair whipping back and his tie fluttering behind his neck. "A shame not to implement it once in a while."

"It won't matter if we  _die!"_ Jared yelped, flinching as they scraped so close to a car, Jared could see his reflection in the polished black. The driver looked suitably alarmed, but they were miles ahead before he could offer any sort of apology on Jensen's behalf. "Any faster than this and we'll be time traveling!"

"Don't be silly, Jared, this isn't even max speed!" Jensen's grin was rakish and so  _beautiful_ that it crushed Jared's heart like a merciless vise. The older' expression was childish with glee, laugh lines defined as he whipped through the city streets. Despite himself, Jared began to grin, and it only grew when Jensen whooped as he steered clear of a slow minivan. Chris was smirking in the backseat, looking fairly silly with all his hair streaming back, and Jared laughed out loud at the sight. Jensen was positively vibrating with glee as he met Jared's smile full-on with a shameless one of his own. Just for the moment, just for  _one_  moment, everything was electric, suspended, timeless. 

And then Jensen screeched to a stop, slamming on the brakes as Jared nearly cut himself in two jerking against the seatbelt. 

"Here," Jensen said breathlessly, his smile waning. He turned, calmly smoothing down the flyaways of Jared's hair and causing his heart to climb into his throat, and then quirked a much smaller grin. "Break a leg." Jared stared at him helplessly, for a moment wishing he would so that he didn't have to leave the car. But he did, nodding with a forced smile as he shakily made his way into the small restaurant. 

"Thank you," he whispered, hoping the wind carried it to Jensen, before turning away. 

He spotted Stephen immediately and futilely combed his hair before realizing Jensen had already strung his fingers through and made it presentable. Sighing, he moved to sit across from Stephen, hoping he didn't look too wind blown for the other's tastes. "Stephen," he exhaled, about to apologize before he glanced at the clock. He was perfectly on time, punctual to the second hand just as he dropped into his seat. Jensen's promise hung as though to guilt him, but Stephen's smile eased him a bit.

"Jared, you look gorgeous," the other praised, and once again, Jensen was to thank. Jared expelled a small sigh, red seeping into his cheeks once more.

"Thank you," he murmured, his fingers strangely shaky. "Ah-- this is a really nice place, by the way."

"French," Stephen said languidly, flipping menu pages with a careless thumb, "family owned. 

Of course it was. Jared glanced about discreetly, noticing the heady numbers of black-suited men and women loitering about rather inconspicuously. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting." 

"Not at all," Stephen said, glancing up from his menu to scrutinize Jared. "How did you get here?" 

An odd question. Jared saw no reason to lie. "Jensen Ackles dropped me off."

He was unsurprised to see the displeased twitch at the corner of Stephen's mouth, regarding everything Jensen had said in complaint earlier. "I heard about how you are tethered to him," he said softly, and Jared stiffened only slightly. "Such a revolting occurrence." 

"He's been fair," Jared said, really wishing they weren't going to spend the date talking about Jensen Ackles when Jared was trying so hard to forget about that brilliant smile. 

"I suppose it must be maddening, catering to his whims."

"It's not really--" Jared halted, catching his tongue as he processed Stephen's words. "What did you say? Catering to his whims?" And here he'd so desperately hoped that Stephen Amell was different. "I don't- cater to his whims. I drive him around." 

Stephen favored him with a pitying look that made Jared want to shriek in a particularly unmanly way. "I never considered you the type to use a car euphemism, Jared, but so be it."

"It's not a--" Jared was interrupted by the waitress, a pretty young woman who smiled her way through the specials and appetizers. Jared, desperately looking for a reroute in conversation so as to not be rude and somehow salvage the date, spoke up when the waitress took their orders back to the kitchen. "Anyway-- how was your day?"

"Long," Stephen sighed, thankfully rising to the bait and accepting the change in direction. "This style of life is so difficult in that it gets hard to relax. You make deals all day, sign contracts, fend off angry cousins, promise your grandfather that no one will put him six feet under so his will is revealed faster, and the next thing you know you're calling a hooker because you have no time to date someone." He said it so casually that Jared didn't register it for a moment, and when he did, tears rushed to his eyes as he coughed up wine. "Goodness, Jared, are you quite alright?" 

"I really hope I'm not the equivalent of a hooker to you, Stephen," he said wanly, trying to make a joke yet feeling quite disheartened by the return of that awful pity in Stephen's face.

"Well," Stephen said carefully, gauging Jared, "certainly not when you belong to someone, no."

Okay, he had tried.

He set his napkin down. "Stephen, I don't belong to Jensen. I drive him wherever he needs to go, and I have no further obligations to him than that. We have not engaged sexually, haven't even touched each other-" Well, one kiss was quite dismissible. "I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but you've offended me quite a few times by suggesting that we're involved in anything more." 

Stephen looked taken aback, and Jared was vindictively pleased. "Oh. Then," the man leaned forward with a keen little smile, "would you be perhaps interested in pursuing that type of relationship with me?" 

Jared just stared at him, so aghast with dismay that he could feel his blood pounding in his ears. "No! I'm not going to-- what makes you think I just want to be your sex friend?" He cried, his voice lowered to spare himself any more humiliation. Scraps of his dignity littered the floor around his feet. "Didn't you earlier say the very idea was repulsive?!"

A shrug. Too dismissive to satiate Jared, actually. "It's repulsive with Ackles," he said distastefully, eyeing the menu. "At least with me I'll treat you respectably."

Oh god, he was going to cry. He was going to start crying right here in this stupid restaurant with a stupid, stupid man who was questioning his morality and thought Jared would actually indulge in his  _stupid_  requests. What did it take for a man to receive some respect?

"For your information," he said shakily, his teeth scraping against his bottom lip, "Jensen has treated me perfectly respectably." His chin wobbled pathetically, and he rose from the table. The urge to throw another drink was overpowering; last time, that had landed him with Jensen, and who knew what Stephen Amell would do with Jared at his disposal? The thought made him want to shrivel. "Good-bye," he said, as controlled as he could muster before he all but ran. He heard a curse behind him, heard Stephen rise to follow, but he was already weaving past tables and bursting outside so he wouldn't have to face a confrontation.

The only problem was-- where would he go? It was sort of chilly, so he started walking quickly around the corner.... Which led him right to the Ferrari, parked conspicuously by a parking meter. Jensen, looking like an exhausted model, lounged atop the hood, messing with his phone and chatting amicably with Chris, and Jared's heart clenched madly at the sight. He backed away, but Jensen chose to look up right at that moment. 

"Jay, what ha--" he stopped, and Jared stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. He could only imagine how pathetic he looked, tearful eyes and all, so he quickly wheeled around to flee. 

Which would have been a great idea, but Jensen was clearly tuned to Jared's Flight Radio. As per usual.

"Oh, no you don't." Jensen dug his fingers into Jared's elbow, jerking him back almost harshly. His eyes were anything but, warm and concerned and searching. "Jared, what the hell happened?"

_You happened!_ Jared wanted to scream, but that wasn't even the truth, so he tried to pry Jensen's hand away, chanting "nothing, nothing happened, it was nothing" beneath his breath in a blurred whisper. 

"Like  _hell_  it was nothing." Jensen's grip was steel as he forced Jared to face him. "Jay, sweetheart," he sounded mildly horrified, "you're  _crying._ God, whatever Stephen did, I'll-" he turned to Chris, looking as though he'd issue death right then and there. "What did he say to you?"

Jared practically ripped Jensen off, staggering back and into the street. "This happened, Jensen!" He burst out savagely, wildly gesticulating at the Ferrari, "this deal happened! I'm-- everyone thinks that I'm whoring it up, practically your goddamn  _lapdog!_ My date thought that when I said I was driving you, that it was a euphuism for sex! He thought-" Jared laughed, wildly and hysterically, and stepped back from Jensen's suspended fingers and shocked expression. "What will it take to make them understand, Jensen? I'm not some fucking  _sex slave!"_

"I know! Alright, Jared? I know! Who cares what anyone else thi--" Jensen's words, slightly edged with desperation, rose over the distant sound of honking cars. "Jay, c'mon, get back h-"

" _I care!"_ Jared practically screamed, his face flushed and furious and tears blurring his vision. "I'm a fucking virgin, Jensen! Alright? I've never had sex!" He stumbled backwards, biting a curse when his too-big feet tripped over themselves. "I'm not," he broke off, hunching over his hands and burying himself into them. "Jensen, I'm  _not-"_

"I know, sweetie, I know. Oh, Jay, I know." Jensen clasped his fingers together, now looking positively desperate. Chris was standing close by as well, his expression stony. He rather looked as though he was about to tackle Jared. "Jay, just come back here, back to the sidewalk, please." 

It occurred to Jared that he was standing in the road when a car screamed by, perilously close to the backs of his legs. Adrenaline pounded up his spine like heavy footsteps, and he inched back towards the sidewalk, into Jensen's waiting arms.

"There you go. Okay, there we go." Jensen enfolded a wounded Jared against him, sighing in relief. "You're going to kill me, sweetheart." He muttered ruefully, his hand steadily caressing the small of Jared's back. Jared felt all of five years old, his arms winding around Jensen's neck without hesitation as he took in a deep breath. Aftershave, mint, that weird cologne that Jared had insisted smelled like store-bought cinnamon and pumpkin pie... And of course, the home-reminiscent curl of freshly done laundry. Jared melted into the embrace, not daring to let go until his feet solidified, and hurried to wipe his tears. 

"Jared!" Stephen Amell took that moment to burst out and join them, and Jensen stiffened beneath Jared, who reluctantly untwined himself. Stephen panted, wiping the back of his mouth as he stared Jensen down; Jared took a deep, shaky breath as he leaned slightly, pressing his shoulder against Jensen's for comfort, and Jensen didn't even move- and thankfully didn't move away. God, Jared was pathetic. "How-- how did you get here so f-"

"I happened to be driving by," Jensen lied breezily, his tone fleeing from warmth and plunging itself into iciness. "Which was, incidentally of course, when I noticed that you made my chauffeur quite upset." Jared gratefully noted that Jensen was careful not to mention all the stupid  _crying._  

"So he works for you," Stephen said mildly, crossing his arms over his chest as his jaw set. "Do you pay him?"

Jensen opened his mouth, for the first time hesitant, but Jared beat him to the punch.

"He pays me quite excessively," he said firmly, finally booting the shakiness out. Never mind that Jensen's payment consisted of gorgeous vehicles, succulent food, luxurious clothing, and, of course, the credit of even being seen with one of the most handsome men in the city. Not that Jensen knew any of this. Not that he had to, either. "And that's really none of your business." Jensen nudged him sideways just barely, and Jared added, "And it doesn't excuse you for a terrible date."

"Jared, please." Stephen said, exasperated. "Don't be a blind idiot. Do you think Jensen actually needs you to drive him? He has a hundred people who'll do it and lick his boots while they're at it. That's why I made the offer--"

 Jensen turned to stone next to Jared. "What's he talking about, Jared?"

Jared's stomach flip-flopped, and he huffed bitterly. "Nothing of real importance, Jensen--"

"I offered that he ditch you and tag along with me," Stephen cut in, smooth as a butter knife. "I could certainly show someone like Jared," he threw him a bit of an appreciative look, "real pleasure, instead of hiding it behind a mask of chauffeuring."

Hearing it come from Stephen's mouth was even more mortifying, but Jensen didn't move. He turned to Jared after a moment of being a wholly attractive statue, his eyes liquid and dark. "Jared," he said very quietly, "is this why you were crying?"

The lack of answer seemed to answer him as Jared swallowed and averted his eyes shamefully.  

"Right," Jensen said, before clapping his eyes back onto Stephen. Jared didn't see Jensen's arm until it had wrapped firmly around his waist, forearm pressed to the small of his back. But when he felt it there, it was sturdy, probably the only thing holding him up. "Jared isn't going to be working for you, because he's working for  _me._ And even if he wasn't, I'd make sure your filthy hands were nowhere near Jared, because he's under my protection now." As an afterthought, he added. "Plus, you cry your way through sex."

Stephen's jaw dropped, wobbling like he was a confused goldfish. "I-- I do not! Ackles!" He hissed, stepping forward. "I told you all those years ago, Pellegrino and I told you-- we told you we'd take everything away from you! Everything!"

"Jared isn't an 'everything,' you miscreant." Jensen huffed, looking rather offended for all the wrong reasons. "He's a  _person,_ so he's automatically warded against your petty threats. Come along, Jay. I can't make up for how terrible this date was, but I can take you somewhere else. Really nice Italian place down the road-" 

Jared, meanwhile, was picking up his jaw off the ground and trying desperately not to laugh at Stephen's expression.  _God,_ Jensen was so-- he was---

\--Collapsing against Jared with a huff of pain as soon as Stephen had stomped off indignantly, all the weariness from earlier setting back into his features quite profoundly.

"Jensen? Jense? Hey, are you okay?" Jared lifted a shoulder, and Jensen's head lolled against it; he was gray-faced like it was the new fashion, ashen and struggling for breath. And God, he was hot. Not physically, (well, yes physically, but...) ...He was freakin' burning. Chris teleported to his side, grim-faced again.

"He's sick," he said solemnly as Jared checked the other's forehead. "The moron's been wandering around the entire day when I told him to rest-"

"Oh, shut up, Mom," Jensen huffed, looking as though he'd recently run a marathon. "I c'n take care of myself."

"Obviously not," Chris griped with a scowl, but he gently supported Jensen's other arm around his shoulder. "I just don't know where to take him, actually.... The house is pretty far away."

"My apartment," Jared blinked, surprised at himself for the suggestion as two pairs of even more surprised eyes flitted to his face. "Well- Gen and Chad are spending the night at a friend's house, a bachelor party of sorts, and, uh..." He shrugged as they tried to handle Jensen into the backseat. Jensen blinked fuzzily, examining Jared for a long moment.

"Why didn't you go?" 

"Well, I would have," Jared said loudly yet in a fond voice that kinda scared him, "but you know that moron that Chris was talking about? I spent the entire day with  _his_ ass instead-" 

Amidst Chris's snorting, Jensen looked quite put-out and had resorted to grumpy pouting. "I'm walking home," he huffed petulantly, but he didn't even move as he allowed them to lay him across the seat.

The ride back to Jared's ramshackle little residence was quiet and quick, and hurrying Jensen into the elevator and Jared's embarrassingly messy apartment wasn't that difficult of a task; Chris and Jensen stood by, wearing matching expressions of amusement as Jared scurried around and cleared as many offenses as he could. 

"Couch." Jensen said a few minutes later, gesturing to the furniture blearily, and Jared eyed him with concern.

"Yes," he responded politely, "and that's a chair, and that's a table." He pointed to them respectively, and Jensen glared as though he'd start throwing punches given the chance. Then again, he also looked like a five year old could've taken him down. 

"Sleep on the couch," he finally clarified, and Jared obstinately shook his head.

"No. My bed, Jensen."

"No." Jensen wrinkled his nose, still staggering heavily against Chris. "Don't wanna get you sick, too." Jared rolled his eyes at the amount of effort it took for Jensen to squeeze the words out and sighed. 

"Jensen, don't be stupid." He said bluntly, annoyed and desperately searching for a way to be useful to Jensen after the man had defended his honor without batting an eyelash. "I can strip the bedsheets and wash them after you've slept on them, but I can't wash the couch. Plus, Chad's had sex on that couch." He added mildly, watching with only slightly guilty triumph as Jensen's face first paled, then plunged into grayscale again. 

"Bed," Jensen said faintly, and Jared nodded, pleased.

"Yeah," he said, "let's get you in my bed."

\---- 

Soon, Jensen was swaddled in the fluffy, penguin bedecked comforter, ice pack on his head, and stripped down to just his underthings. In Jared's opinion, he looked kind of adorable. Jared, in fact, was starting to worry about his attraction to Jensen Ackles. 

He was seated at bedside, looking a bit out of place; Chris was heading back to get Jensen's laptop, which Jensen absolutely couldn't fathom existing without, and Jared was instructed to keep an eye on Jensen and, in a slightly teasing tone, told not to strangle him.

Jensen was also quite a bit high off of Jared's particularly strong painkillers, which was pretty obvious by the way he kept grinning at Jared and grinning at the whitewashed walls and grinning at the hideous lamp that had been a birthday present from Gen.

"That lamp iss awful," Jensen declared, still grinning. Jared sighed, pulling the blankets up a little bit and wondering when he'd gone from chauffeur to caretaker. 

"I know," he said back, his voice low and slightly perturbed as Jensen wound almost timid fingers around Jared's. It was strange but not unpleasant, and Jared forced a grin as he waved their interlocked hands. "Are you seriously okay?"

"Jaaay," Jensen drawled, long and languid and rough like syrupy whiskey. "Why doesss your mom make you do that?" 

Jared instantly froze, cold rushing straight to his fingertips and into his brain and even down to his toes.  _What_ _what what?_

"That," Jensen patted Jared's hand a little bit, "why doesss she make you fffreeze up like that? SSaw that earlier, too." His head hung back for a second, pupils dilated and smile a tad bit too big, "even mentioning her makesss you all cold." He sounded like a drugged snake. 

"You should sleep," Jared said weakly, trying to untangle his fingers so that he could predictably run away.

But since when had Jensen ever let him run? Calloused fingers tightened around his and grounded him, firm, unyielding, and even though Jensen was drugged up on fever medicine, there was a lick of steel searing along the curve of his irises. 

"Jared...." Imploring eyes. Jared's resolve weakened, and he prayed to the Almighty that Jensen would forget everything he said.  

"She was a homophobe, Jensen," he said bluntly, feeling Jensen's fingers slacken just when he realized he really needed them. "Alright?"

Jensen nodded after a second, his eyes slightly glazed over. "So?" 

Jared's head snapped up. He was about to lay into Jensen, but then he realized that most parents probably didn't react like his mother had reacted... Homophobic or not.

"M'dad wasss pretty offff-board too," Jensen whispered, significantly more slurred, like he was confiding in Jared without hesitation, voice still a rough brush dipped in silky paint. "But he jusssst didn't talk to mmme fffor a while. Later I went for a ffffamily reunion and... We mmmade up." Shrug, stretchy smile. Jared's head hurt. "Jaaared." Jensen was demanding attention again.

He obediently lifted his head from their hands to Jensen's face, feeling abruptly exhausted. "Jensen." 

"You're ss _scared."_ And hearing Jensen say it hammered Jared in the gut like the business end of a pistol. "Jaaayyy, you're t--" Jensen's brow furrowed like he was trying so hard, and Jared had to laugh... A little bit acerbically. "You're terrifffied offf her. Whyyy?" 

Jared squeezed his eyes shut against the tide of memory threatening to consume him mercilessly. "Nothing, Jensen, it's nothing." He said finally, resigned and feeling strangely heavy. "I have work tomorrow. Go to sleep." He patted Jensen's shoulder, taking advantage of the man's drugged state as he fled for the couch. He heard a slight thump as Jensen fell backwards into the comforters and sighed, his heart still pounding; he huffed bitterly and pried his eyes open with effort. 

He'd always run away from his problems... So why stop now, right? 


	6. In Which Jared Sort of Fails at Stripping, Meets Mark Pellegrino, and Babysits (for Real this Time)

It didn't take long for Jensen to corner Jared.

A couple days after Druggy Snake Jensen recovered, it came to his knowledge that he was, in fact, high off of painkillers for at least a couple hours, and, to his abject horror, actually _talked_.

"What did I say?" He demanded to know, looking more than a little manic with his eyes darting over Jared's face wildly and his fingernails digging into the polished bar that Jared had just wiped down. "Jared, dammit, _what did I say to you_?" Chris, of course, stood by impassively, yet Jared could swear that the man was grinning. Or at least hiding a grin.

Jared rubbed his eyes blearily, looking up from his book and scowling at the crescent marks Jensen had just left on the shiny surface. "You told me your life secrets," he muttered blithely, batting his bangs away from his eyes and returning to his book.

It was promptly snatched away.

"Hey!" Jared looked up, only to find Jensen's face, no less manic, mind, now only a centimeter from his own face. It was more than a little bit frightening, in all honesty.

" _Jared_ \--" Jensen threatened, lacking any sort of good humor and looking for all the world like he was going to strangle him. "Please, Jay, I need to know. I mean-- Even if it was really, really embarrassing. I don't even care."

Jared met the other man's gaze evenly, deliberating; on one hand, nothing Jensen had said was particularly incriminating-- Well, not for Jensen, at least. But on the other hand, it wasn't Jensen at risk if Jared told him everything he'd said. No doubt Jensen would want him to explain the situation with his mother, and ... Well, it would get nasty.

"You said," Jared's voice was hushed as he leaned forward, eyes wide as saucers and lips parting as he prepared to reveal the secret. "That..."

Jensen was just about taut with tension, looking like a bow about to snap, his jaw ticking away with impatience. "...."

"....My lamp was awful." Jared finished with a sunny, innocent smile before snatching his book back and turning his back on the pair to grab two glasses.

"Dammit." He heard Jensen exhale and shook his head, bitterly amused. This was certainly for the best; the less the topic of family came up, the better off Jared would be. "Is that all?"

"Is that _all_?" Jared huffed, setting the glasses down and deftly filling them with bourbon. "My lamp was mortally offended, you jerk. We expect a written apology." Chris snickered as he knocked the glass back, but Jensen just shook his head and cradled his glass with wary resignation while he studied Jared's face intently.

"That wasn't all, was it?" He said after a moment, his voice quiet. Jared's eyes flickered over the man's face before he soundlessly jerked his head in negation.

"Yeah, it was." He said, effectively erasing the conversation's existence. Or, well, making an attempt to. He should have known Jensen was a stubborn little-

"Jared." He sounded agitated, and, worse, like he could see right through Jared's bullshit.

"Sorry," Jared huffed a laugh, raking his fingers through his hair and feeling no less agitated than Jensen sounded. "You'll have to get me drunk to get any other confessions." It was a bold little tease, but Jensen was dead serious when he responded.

"I might."

Jared's grin faded. "You didn't say anything about yourself," he conceded after a moment of silence, his tone guarded as he futilely scrubbed at a foggy glass. "Nor about anyone you know," he added when Jensen started to speak, chewing on the inside of his cheek impulsively. "Just-- You just--" He shook his head with a little laugh, feeling like it clawed its way out when he heard how fake it sounded. "--You made a comment about me," he hedged, attempting a shaky smile and watching with dread as Jensen just about went stark white and sucked in a horrified breath.

"Can it be fixed by clocking me?" He asked in what appeared to be a single breath, verdant eyes trained on Jared. "Jesus, Jared, I'm so sorry- I'm so damn sorry. I don't know what I _said_ and I'm sorry."

"It wasn't anything like that." Jared clarified with a sigh, trying valiantly to keep his hair out of his face as he yanked the bangs once more. "Hell, it wasn't even offensive. Just an observation."

Some of the color returned to Jensen's face, and he scrubbed at his face. "I've got a mouth from here to China," he murmured apologetically as he swirled his bourbon. "Especially on drugs. I mean, it's awful. Chris has specific instructions not to let anyone talk to me when I'm inebriated..." He punctuated the statement with a glare at the innocently blinking man. "...I usually say things I regret, so if I said--- I don't know--"

"Don't worry," Jared said solemnly, "You won't even see my fist coming, that's how quickly I'll clock you."

"Fair enough," Jensen breathed, trying for a weary smile and taking another drink. "So-- Anyway," he cleared his throat, obviously searching for a redirect in conversation, "Jay, what time do you get off today?"

Jared blinked, drawing his eyes away from the glass he was moments away from accidentally breaking. "Uh, six, I think. Why?" His eyes were drawn to Genevieve, on stage, and he absently tugged at his black jacket.

Jensen followed his line of sight. "I want to cover your naked body in whipped cream and suck it off."

"Sure," Jared nodded absently, still watching his best friend, and then jerked back to Jensen so quickly that it gave him whiplash. "Wait, what the hell did I just agree to?" he demanded to know as Jensen and Chris cracked up.

"You really care a lot about her," Jensen said warmly, and it wasn't a question. Jared sputtered a little, red-faced, and curled his finger around a stray lock of hair.

"She kind of reminds me of my sister."

He saw the question in Jensen's eyes, saw it come to fruition as he opened his mouth, and was promptly saved by Danneel rushing out of the back room, wearing dismay all over her flushed face.

"Jared, remember the emergency prep course I had you undergo?" she said breathlessly with no preamble, wrapping her fingers around his bicep. Jared just about jumped a foot, biting off a sound of pain as her red nails carved sure to be puncture wounds into his skin.

"Um, for what--" he stammered as she tugged on his elbow.

"For the stage," she still wasn't too panicked to bestow him with a withering look, and her lips pulled into a grim smile as cold realization befell Jared. "That's right, honey. It's Mari's day off and Celia just passed out. She'll probably come to in a few, but you need to get your hot ass up there with Gen right now."

"Wait, wait, what?" Jensen straightened, looking suitably alarmed, and Jared dragged his heels into the ground as he threw a panicked look over his shoulder at the other man.

"But Danil!" he protested as she swept eyeliner along the curve of his eyes before he could struggle with nerve-wrackingly nimble fingers. She appeared to be significantly calmer at this point, but Jared's heart was pounding in his ears. "That was-- That was like so long ago, and I-- I don't remember--"

"Oh, please." Danneel fixed him with a look of fond exasperation. "What's the second thing I told you to do when you get on the stage?"

"If I'm wearing a jacket, that comes off first," Jared rattled off, too anxious to bother faking oblivion. "And make it slow, to give myself more time and to put on a show."

"And the first thing?" She prodded, her smile faint at the edges. Jared felt Jensen's eyes like searing pointers and squeezed his eyes shut, his cheeks burning scarlet in embarrassment.

"Swing my hips like I know what I'm doing." he muttered, averting his eyes and wondering if the ground would open up any time soon to swallow him whole.

"Attaboy." Dani took a breath. "I promise it won't be the whole show--"

"It better damn well not be!" Jared interjected with a glare, glancing despairingly at his skin-tight black jeans.

"--Just until Ce gets her head cleared. I've already called Mari, too. Now get up there, Jared!" Dani swatted his ass, sending him scrambling with one last pleading look backwards.

"Jay-" Jensen began, but Jared was already on stage by that point, squinting into the harsh light thanks to the eyeliner and on the receiving end of Gen's dawning shock.

"Jared?" she hissed through the applause and a fixed grin, her eyebrows drawing together in consternation as she slid along the floor gracefully to stand beside him.

"Not now," he responded through his teeth with an equally terrified grin, thinking he'd throw up when a nickel smacked him on the calf and clattered onto the stage. "Just-- Do your thing-" he added, a bead of sweat rolling down his neck and his hairline prickling just from the no-holds-barred jeering.

'It's alternating," Gen whispered back with pity, shimmying out of her crop top. After his whole sister comment from earlier, it was at least four times more disturbing than usual. "Are you sure you're okay with this, Jaybird?"

Jared gave her a helpless look back and returned to searching the crowd for the familiar green eyes. Jensen stood by the bar, positively glowing in the light from this distance, and Jared clung to him as he nervously ran his tongue along his upper lip to return some sort of moisture to it. His throat dry, he fingered the lapels before running his finger along the closed seam and prodding the first button out of its hole.

_Take your time_ , he chanted to himself as the jacket slid along his shoulder, _then you can take off less but still be putting on a show_. Just from what he'd picked up from Gen, his hips gravitated to the side on their own accord, and with an urging push from her, he ended up with his back to the crowd, jacket slipping along his arms as it dangled from just his fingers. Already back in the swing, Gen blew a kiss at the crowd and giggled, undoing it from Jared's frozen hands like she knew he needed help. After this episode, Jared had newfound respect for her in the face of the smirking throes of people, especially when money from the same people who had always wanted Jared to strip hit the stage. Yeah, like anything he said after this would be worth anything at all. Great.

He focused on Jensen again, who was frozen like a godly statue with his fingers curled achingly tightly around the glass. His jacket fell in an apathetic heap on the stage, and Jared snatched for a breath as Gen articulately slid off her elbow-length scarlet gloves.

When the focus was on him again, he lowered sinuously to the ground, sitting with his legs extended along the glitter-strewn floor. Whoops fell on deaf ears, and, trying to imagine that it was just for Jensen that he was doing any of this, he tipped his head back so his spine curved. He was trying really hard to reject his attraction to Jensen, but Jensen, among Chris, Dani, and Gen, was one of the only people he actually respected and-- well --trusted. And imagining that he was stripping for Chris and Gen and Dani was just, well... Weird. He only had an attraction to Jensen, and, well... It wasn't like Jensen was unattractive. Because he wasn't. Like, really wasn't unattractive. It was easier admitting that he was putting on a show for just one person rather than a club full of leering creeps.

And... That one person was gorgeous. So. He could be pardoned just this once, right?

...Yeah, he didn't think so either.

He tongued absently at the curve of his bottom lip and toed the heel of his boot with the other foot, trying to slide it off slowly. Unfortunately, it quickly dropped away and left him shaking a socked foot in the most unsexy way possible. Mortified, he snapped his eyes up to Jensen, bottom lip trembling a little bit as he reevaluated how truly awful his life was. He couldn't move, couldn't find Jensen where Jensen had literally been two seconds ago, and, with no one to look at, he begged for some sort of savior-

"The other shoe, Jay. Take it off." Then, Jensen's voice, terrifyingly close. And there he was, shoe stroking against the inner leg of a chair in an unfairly sexy way (it was a _chair_!) so that he could slide into it with gliding ease. "Don't freak out. Breathe." Quiet, calm, wearing imperceptible like a mask... And yet, somehow, Jared could hear him well over all the shouting. Or, at least, he could read his lips.

He nodded, his foot frantically trying to shove at the inside of his other boot so that he could sultrily shake it off. It didn't really work, but it was off, and he was back on his feet and fortunately not on his face. Then it was Gen's turn anyway, so he was granted a minute reprieve to regain his wits.

Which, basically, meant a few seconds for him to find the next easiest thing to strip and still retain his dignity. He had his black shirt, aforementioned skin tight pants... Just great. Just frickin' great. His heart rate was spiking madly, his skin clammy and his jaw slack.

Jensen twirled his finger in the air. Mouthed _belt_.

_Oh. Yeah. Belt._

Jared inhaled shakily, and, once Gen had finished extracting her blouse from her fingertips (see: _weird_ ) he was sliding his unfortunately glittery belt from its loops with a complete lack of grace, considering all the time he handled glasses; sparkles tumbled from it and littered his pants. He carded his fingers through his hair, felt eyeliner sticking to his skin, and tried to bite his lip like Gen was biting hers. It probably had nowhere near the same effect, but it was something so he wasn't just standing there like an idiot.

Which, now he was. And Gen had started taking off her pants, so that meant Jared's shirt was coming off. Uh. Help. Someone. Please.

She approached him sympathetically, her expression clearly as weirded out; she played it off as sexy, though, as compared to Jared's wide-eyed and full-blown _I-am-really-freaked-out face._

His shirt slid up along his skin, the black silk easing up along his hips and catching against the disks of his spine. Gen's hands were cool, but Jared was _hot_ , flushed and burning and sweating. More sweat rolled in beads down the column of his throat and disappeared into his shirt, and his hair started to plaster to his forehead and curl even tighter around his ears.

"Gen," he hissed, his fingers resisting the urge to yank his shirt back down, especially when it was rolling past his abdomen. His eyes were squeezed shut, cool air curling over his skin unrelentingly, and in the comfort of his closed eyes he was freaking the hell out. If this kept up, he was going to dissolve into a panic attack.

"Jared." He pried one eye open to see Jensen's eyes fixed piercingly on his. "You have to breathe, sweetheart."

Jared let out a muffled sound that may or may not have been a whimper but nodded, lifting his trembling arms amidst the cheering so that the shirt had easy access all the way up to his forearms.

Which was when, thank God, Ce came running on stage in full getup. "Jared, you look like _you're_ going to pass out!" she joked, slim fingers yanking his shirt back on and pushing him towards the edge of the stage. "I've got it, thanks, hon!"

Jared tuned out the booing as he shakily sat on the edge of the stage and tried to descend without landing in a spaghetti heap on the floor, which only didn't happen because Jensen's fingers curled around his upper arms and eased him into a standing position.

"You're okay," he heard Jensen mutter as he blindly allowed himself to be guided to the bar. "Jesus, breathe, would you? I'm not going to carry you if you pass out on me."

Jared nodded, his legs wobbly as he returned to his comfort zone and finally exhaled. "My clothes," he started shakily, and received an armful of coat and boots that Jensen shoved at him. "Thanks," he managed without dying, so there was that.

"So," Jensen said after a moment while Jared downed some water for his parched throat frantically. "That was hot."

He almost spit his water out. "Shut up."

"No, really." Jensen said nonchalantly, pushing another glass of water towards Jared; his eyes . "The lip-biting was on par. Really. Nice hips, by the way. And abs." He eyed him, appraising. "And ass."

"Jensen, stop." Jared begged, only flushing deeper red when he caught the playful glitter in Jensen's eyes.

"Do it again, do it again!" Jensen said gleefully in a childish voice, batting his eyes at Jared and snickering when Jared threw a glass at him in agitation.

"Never again." Jared muttered miserably. "This is why I stay behind the bar."

"Well, for what it was worth, you looked good, trust me--" Jensen broke off abruptly, and for a second, there was awkward staring that made Jared's stomach tight with knots.

"Yeah. Thanks." Jared said, his voice too-loud as he mixed someone a rainbow concoction that looked like a place unicorn went to to die. "Wait a second... You were trying to help me, so does that mean you've stri---"

"So anyway," It was Jensen's turn to cut him off, which made Jared grin at the wall in a moment of triumph. "I hope you haven't wrecked the car yet, because I know I haven't asked of anything from you for a couple of days... I need you to take me somewhere today. Chris has to go to his sister's birthday party, so you'll be my only company."

"....Crap."

\---

"We have a problem." Jared deadpanned as he led Jensen out the back door of the apartment complex and paused, his hip resting against the doorway and his arms crossed impatiently. "The car's gone for a much overdue paint job, so that means I only have one way to get you to your next fancy party... Or whatever." He smirked at the brief look of distress Jensen offered as he turned to go grab the keys off the table. "Come on."

Jensen warily followed him. "Uh... Would you kill me if I asked you what we're going in? Chris isn't even here today, so I mean... You could actually kill me."

"I'll keep that in mind." Jared rolled his eyes, going out back past the wire fencing to where Chad had parked his 'getaway vehicle' in the thick underbrush that no one had ever bothered cutting... Ever. Gen had always complained about it when the vines tangled themselves into her hair, always mentioning that she was going to call someone to fix the mess they affectionately called 'the Garden.' But she never did, so it stayed the same as always- violently overgrown. Chad liked it, though, because it cleverly concealed his--

"Holy Mother of God." Jensen said faintly from behind him.

Jared couldn't help a mischievous cackle. "Here." He tossed a spare pink helmet towards Jensen and slung his leg over the soft leather seat of Chad's motorcycle. "He's letting me borrow it just for today, so don't ruin it irreversibly."

"He hasn't had sex on it, has he?" Jensen ran his fingers tentatively over one crimson headlight almost pensively, his eyebrows arching up to his hairline when Jared shrugged with a grin.

"Can't make promises." Jared's mouth quirked up on one side smugly as he revved the bike, his spine tingling a little from the thrill when one of Jensen's arms gingerly roped around his waist. "I think it'll be a welcome break, considering your need for speed and reckless driving."

He felt Jensen bristle. "Whatever." But it was said with a grin that Jared could hear quite clearly. "You're full of surprises," Jensen marveled, his voice a little muffled through the shockingly neon helmet. "You can dance, strip, ride a motorcycle. Anything else I should know about you?" His voice rose as the motorcycle roared into action, and Jared contemplated for a second.

"I make a really mean souffle," he acknowledged before pulling out onto the street. He felt Jensen's laughter wash over him, smiled a smaller, much more pronounced smile, and added, "By the way, I don't know how to get to the place, so you're going to have to give me directions."

"It's a law firm." Jensen sighed, and his fingers tapped absently against Jared's midsection in a tell that Jared recognized as agitation. "Pellegrino is trying his hardest to fight with me about things that I didn't even realize were worth fighting over- Turf wars for the to-be demolished mall, for God's sake." Frustration evidently colored his tone dark as he continued, "I mean, I _know_ the man was responsible for Sam's husband's death- murder," he corrected, with disdain so black that it made Jared flinch, "so it's maddening that I have no evidence on him. Not a single thing."

Jared didn't really know anything about anything to do with crime, so he shrugged his shoulders and listened. "Well... I'd say I have experience, but, well." He tapered off for a second, "Have you considered just giving him what he wants so he'll leave you alone?"

"I would," Jensen hedged automatically, and Jared felt the ring on the other's index finger dig into his skin as Jensen tightened his grip. "But he started small and then asked for more, and now he wants to control trade that we already control on the East Coast. And..." He paused for a second, only a brief second, before saying, "We think he wants to start dealing with organ trade on the black market."

Jared's hands tightened around the handles. "And you don't like that?"

Jensen scoffed bitterly, his harsh, breathy laugh knocking the breath from Jared's lungs. "Are you kidding? We deal with counterfeit-- Y'know, we're like those people you see in mob movies who give people new identities and crap. Anyone's on the run-- We help them out. That's what we do. We'd never do anything like organ trade. That's not how we got big."

"Oh." And he hadn't realized that even crime lords could find other crime lords offensive. Duh. Silly him. Not like it was crime or anything, right? "For the record-- Uh, just..." He stumbled. "That's ... A pretty okay reason to be a crime lord. I mean. Helping people out, even if some of that helping out isn't exactly legal."

A few beats of silence. "Thanks." Jensen murmured roughly. "But sometimes we... Properly help people out. Refugees. Kids who need to get away. Once, we helped a young couple that wanted to get married but whose parents wouldn't let 'em."

"Noble," Jared quipped, and Jensen jabbed his side wickedly and made him jump with a yelp. "Don't injure the driver!"

"The driver is a smartass." Jensen muttered, but the smile had returned to his voice. "Anyway, it's over here. You don't have to come in if you don't want to."

Jared pulled over, missing the wind streaming through his hair as soon as the motorcycle came to a stop. He self-consciously tried to make it look a little more presentable as he glanced down at his broken watch with a sigh. "I was only going to go to the library," he conceded, feeling some sort of pity for Jensen especially considering a lack of Chris. "So hey, maybe I could, uh, tag along. If you don't mind me looking like-- Uh, this." He gestured at himself, embarrassed.

Jensen made an impatient sound. "Don't be silly, you look fine. It's just a law firm." He slid off, pulling off his helmet and hanging it on the handle. "I'd appreciate the company, honestly. And I could come to the library with you afterwards, sort of as like a return gesture..." He smiled, adjusting his collar and winking before he was strutting confidently for the door without a single trace of his former agitation. Jared stared after him, mildly baffled, and quickly matched his step while still smoothing out the most unruly strands.

"Uh, sure." he smiled, unable to help himself. Jensen cast a curious glance at him but grinned back, pulling open the door for him.

"Care to share?"

"Huh? Oh." Jared shrugged his shoulders, twisting a piece of hair between his fingers and risked a reply. "I just-- It's better than what I thought. Y'know. You. I just thought--"

"You thought I'd be Stephen Amell." Jensen finished breezily, but there was no real heat in his tone. Jared nodded vigorously, unable to help a slightly hysterical giggle.

"It's just, I've-- It's really degrading, being a bartender." He said quietly, his tone solemn despite his smile. After all, these were things he'd never told anyone even though he hadn't exactly hid how ashamed he was of everyone in the bar who looked at him wrong. "I just-- I have self-respect, you know?" He gestured to himself head to toe, urged by Jensen's simple nod. "I'm mixing drinks and people are throwing money at me, like they expect me to strip and dance right there on the counter for them. It's just like-- no. I'm not a source of entertainment, Jesus. And don't get me wrong, I respect the hell out of Genevieve and the other strippers, but that's their job. Just..." He continued to tug agitatedly at his hair, getting worked up while they crossed the velvet carpet in the corridor. "The only reason I'm still doing this is because--" he came to an abrupt halt, and Jensen's burning gaze clapped onto his as the other man stilled in front of the door. "Because..." he said quietly, his palm resting against the door.

"Because..." Jensen echoed, seeming for all the world like he'd stop and go on no further just to hear what he had to say.

"Never mind." he shook his head, his tone falling flat. "Just because I need the money to pay my way through the semester and for books when I start up again. Obviously. Why does anyone keep their crap jobs, y'know?"

"Jared." Jensen said quietly, his hand keeping Jared from turning the knob. "Why won't your mother pay for your way through college?"

Jared smiled acerbically. "I have an older brother and a younger sister. My family isn't rich."

"Jared." Jensen repeated, this time far more forceful. Jared felt his spine tingle even as he squeezed his eyes closed.

_"We have one for Meg, one for Jare-bear, and one for Jeff. And we'll keep saving and saving and saving." His mother stroked her fingers through his chocolate locks. "And even though it won't be much, it'll be something, sweetheart, won't it?"_

He tried not to look trapped. "Jensen, please. _Not now_." Shoving at the door with the heel of his palm, he shouldered past Jensen and made his way into a room entirely too small for his height. In fact, he had to duck beneath the doorway just to fit. Inside sat a handsome blonde man, beside whom sat a grave-looking character wearing solemn like it was the latest fashion. Probably his bodyguard.

"Mr. Ackles. Good of you to join us." the blonde drawled, oozing charm and smiling up a storm. He rose to his feet, and, even though he was significantly shorter than Jared, Jared was the one who felt intimidated by the razor-sharp gaze that sliced right through him like silver wind. "Are you going to introduce us?" he asked after a few moments of silence during which it looked like Jensen was very unsubtly sizing the other up. This had to be Mark Pellegrino, then.

"Mr. Pellegrino." Jensen returned coolly, looking at the hand offered like it was more repulsive than roadkill. He took it anyway, class embodied. "This is Jared, my chauffeur."

"Charmed." The one person Jared expected to roast him on the spot just smiled like he had a secret to share with him, his smile easy as he pulled Jared into a strange shake-hug combo. Jared gave Jensen a look of wide-eyed bafflement, and wasn't soothed when he saw a mixture of confusion and distrust filling Jensen's eyes like a well of ice. Then again, Jared had never seen Pellegrino at the bar, so the man could think he was a chauffeur after all.

Jensen cleared his throat. "Are we getting on with it, then?"

"You're so uptight, Jenny!" Mark swatted his forearm with a coy chuckle, sauntering back into his seat slicker than an oil spill. "Loosen up, won't you? This is just a simple thing..." He winked at Jensen, blew a kiss at Jared, and nudged his bodyguard.

"Let's just get this over with." Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose, managing to look both annoyed and tired and without a single trace of the earlier intensity. It was a look Jared really didn't like on him.

"Fine." Mark said amicably, toying with his cuticles. "Jenny, don't you think that you have enough space already? We want the plot of land where they're tearing down the mall, both Stephy and me. I'm thinking we could open up a cute, innocent little tattoo parlor or something." He peeked up at the still-standing Jensen with a falsely reproachable gaze.

"Where you exchange freeze-dried organs for piles of cash in the back room." If Jensen's voice was a heartbeat, it'd be flatlining. Mark's smile didn't fade.

"Oh, Jenny, no. Don't be silly. I've always wanted a scripture across my spine, or maybe across my ass! What do you think?" He wiggled his backside, but Jensen's expression remained stony. "No? Maybe something sultry. I think that'd be pretty sweet."

Jared's mouth must have been somewhere on the ground, because Mark chucked the underside of his chin. "You don't get out much, do you?" he noted, his smile just faintly twisted.

"Uh." Jared decided it was wise not to mention his early catastrophic stripping. "Yeah. Right. Sorry. You're just, uh. Very. Uh."

"Very uh." Mark echoed, amused, and Jensen's palm rested against Jared's forearm as though telling him to let him handle this. Jared was perfectly content to oblige. "I guess outspoken is what you're looking for. Well, I take pride in as much, cutie pie. You take pride in anything I should know about?" Jared stiffened as flirty fingers tapped against his thighs.

"Leave him alone," Jensen said tersely, his eyes even sharper than Mark's had been. But Jared didn't need Jensen to speak up for him, as he had finally collected his jaw up off the floor where it had been casually lying.

"I actually do have quite a few things to be proud of," he lifted his chin defiantly, slapping at Mark's hand and stepping away. "Nothing that you'll ever be seeing, though."

Jensen exhaled sharply beside him, but Mark's surprise vehemently satisfied Jared. "Well," he said with something sounding suspiciously like a purr. "And here I thought you were just pretty."

It was something suspiciously similar to what Jensen had first said to him. "Oh, I'm pretty alright. Pretty done with you harassing me." Somehow, Mark reminded him of childhood bullies, of people who smiled pretty and vandalized his textbooks. Of people who jeered at his crush on the lanky jock light-years out of his league. It both flayed his nerves and made him swallow a bitter lump.

"....Jensen," Mark said after a moment, but his reptilian eyes were on Jared. "Do tell me if you hire a new chauffeur, I rather like the idea of _riding around_ with this one."

Jared cringed mentally, but his expression remained impassive as he hung to the comfort of Jensen's shoulder bumping up against his.

"For the love of God, leave him alone." Jensen snapped, exasperated. "Mark, you're not getting the land for a tattoo parlor or any crap like that. If you want it, you'll have to outbid me, and I can promise all my assets are going into making that task incomparably arduous for you. Do you understand?"

Jared's stomach flipped when Mark's smile remained cheerful. "Very well, Jenny-bean. Stephy and I will do our best to beat you to the punch. It'll be fun!" He turned to Jared. "Someone's made Stephy quite upset off-late, by the way. I don't suppose that's you, is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jensen said, sounding bored. Jared tried his damnedest not to flinch when the glittering blue eyes locked onto his face next.

"Huh. Well, then. I guess if you aren't going to back down, we're all done here. Have a nice evening, Jensen, Jaaaared." Mark singsonged his name and swished past the two of them. "Don't have too much fun driving, if you know what I mean. Though, honestly--" He swatted at Jared's backside, making him jump, "I would ride this sweet ass all day too, if I were you." And with that, he and his silent bodyguard were gone.

Jensen's pissed expression didn't fade for a long time, even after Jared dropped him off at the hotel he asked to be left at. "I'm really sorry about that," he finally said after having been silent the entire time. "You should have gone to the library. He usually flirts with me, but I guess since you were there, he just..." He sounded oddly resigned, which prompted Jared to shake his head.

"Trust me, bullies aren't your fault." he said, carding a hand through his hair with slight agitation. "I need to stop by the library and then get back, Gen's asked me for a favor. Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine," Jensen said, his tone still irate. It was grumpy enough to make Jared quirk a bit of a smile. "Go ahead, Jared. I'll see you around."

_I hope so,_ Jared thought, and then hated himself for his weakness in the face of stunningly good-looking men the entire ride back.  
\----

“Sorry,” Gen said with an _sorrynotsorry_ smile. “Jared, please please please please please just a few hours, I forgot I promised my sister I would babysit him. I have a gig tonight, and it's really important, so...” She thrust the dark haired boy into Jared's arms, kissed him on the cheek, and pranced for the door before he could protest. “I'll check on you in a couple hours. You're the best! Mwah!” she blew him another kiss and then she was gone, and Luke squirmed in his arms.

“Put me down, you giant.” the seven year old growled, and Jared was more than happy to oblige. He sidestepped to the couch and released the flailing ball of limbs onto it, and, from his height, it was sure to be a journey down. “So are you gonna give me a bunch of dumb rules?”

“Nope.” Jared said simply, slightly taken-aback by the kid's attitude but not entirely surprised, and set his book aside so he could rub at his tired eyes with his fingertips. He instead picked up a simple, family-friendly recipe book and tried to recall what Gen told him about her “violent and maniacal spawn of Satan” cousin, Luke. “Uh, you like TV?”

Luke scoffed. “Duh.”

“And how long do you usually get to watch TV?”

“Half-an-hour.” Luke said sourly, with the pinched expression of a kid whose parents hardly let him do anything fun at all. Jared could empathize with that, at least.

“Let me guess, something educational?” Jared hmm-ed, shaking his head and containing a smile when Luke's expression took on the ability to curdle milk. “Okay, here's the deal. I'll let you watch an hour and a half of whatever you want on TV, we'll eat dinner, and then...” He pondered, “We can play video games until Gen gets back.” Gen's definition of a few hours meant at least five, so … That guaranteed Jared his, if-small, video game fix and gave the kid something better to do than watching Pottery Perfection for half an hour.

Luke's face all but lit up. “Seriously?”

“Sure, why not.” Jared glanced to the side where Chad's Xbox sat like some sort of shrine, with a multitude of highly entertaining games surrounding it like subjects around a throne. “As long as you promise not to bother me while I study.”

“Cool!” Luke scrambled onto Chad's armchair and bounced up and down with elation. “Can we have mac'n'cheese?”

“Sure.” Jared tossed the recipe book to the side and thanked the Lord. “I can even make toasted mac'n'cheese. Or, like, that baked type of thing. It's extremely cheesy, I promise.” He assured a dubious Luke with a half-smile. “And if you really hate it, I'll order a pizza.”

“Fine.” Luke conceded, knowing a good deal when it was dangling in front of his face. Smart kid. “But you're not gonna sneak broccoli into it, are you?”

“What, and ruin perfectly good mac'n'cheese?” Jared feigned a look of horror and received a giggle from Luke. “I would never.” He paused, “And if you don't tell anyone, I'll even give you a leftover brownie from Chad's friend's party. And no, it doesn't have spinach in it.” He added automatically when Luke's expression started to falter again.

“Are you kidding? If I tell my mom, she'll never let me come here again!” he enthused, grabbing Jared's leg in a hug that basically said, unabashed _, I'm hugging you only because you're giving me what I want, and I would ruin your life if you didn't_. “Auntie Gen never said you were this awesome!”

Jared felt like a kid Jedi or something. “Yes, well, Auntie Gen was misinformed. Keep the volume down. No naked people.” He warned as he got comfy and plugged his ears to study. Every once in a while he glanced up, appreciated the fact that Luke had chosen Power Rangers to watch, and somehow managed to get in his entire quota of work even while babysitting.

Luke even wanted to help make the mac'n'cheese, but Jared strongly suspected that was all carefully plotted out; when his back was turned, Luke emptied the entire four-cheese mixture into the glass pan. Jared didn't have the heart to scoop out most of the cheese and return it to the bag; he tossed the empty plastic in the trash and turned, just to be blinded by Luke's answering beam.

Which was when he heard a knock on the door.

Suddenly wary of girls with guns, he cast Luke a warning look and pressed his finger to his lips as he crept to the door and peeped through the little glass lens.

“Jensen?” He blinked at the man as he opened the door, suddenly quite aware that he had cheese in his hair. “Oh, uh. I didn't. I mean. Uh, hi. We were just--”

“Eloquent as always, Jared.” Jensen said sagely, grinning when Jared aimed a kick at his shin.

“Have you come to encroach on all aspects of my life, or do you need me for something?” Jared patted his pocket, only half sarcastic. “You do know that you gave me a phone, right? What's the point of that if you never use it? Just text me.”

“Well, actually, I--”

“And where's Chris?” Jared looked past Jensen, only to see a very clear absence of the bodyguard. In fact, Jared hadn't seen Chris all day. Jensen had said something about Chris's sister, but... For the entire day?

“Jared,” Jensen said, “I just-”

“I'm sorry, I actually can't drive you anywhere now. Gen dumped me with her nephew, so I'm kind of on babysitting duty for a couple hours. Can you come back later? I'll text y-”

“Jared. Jesus. Shut up.” Jensen finally snapped, his face taking on an obvious red. “I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I mean, I was passing by here earlier, and I just saw-- can I just come in?”

“Oh.” Jared said, aware that his face was a rivaling shade of red. “Oh, sure. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Come on in.” He moved to the side a little bit and snatched at the cheese in his hair. “Sorry, it's a mess... But at least Chad isn't here. He just got into something called speed yoga.” He laughed, probably a bit too high-pitched. “Oh, yeah, and Gen's nephew Luke is here. I'm babysitting him like a pro.”

“Like a pro.” Jensen echoed, looking amused as he shed his shoes. “That's attractive. So there's something else new I learned about you-- you're good with kids.”

“Jesus, no.” Jared denied vehemently, noting with embarrassment that his face was only growing redder while the color leeched out of Jensen's. The other continued to smirk, so he rushed to add, “You just-- I mean, he likes video games and TV. I like video games and TV. It's a win-win for both of us. I'm, uh-” His face flamed up further as Jensen reached out to pluck a few pieces of cheese from his locks. “If he was a girl, I have no idea what I'd do. Unless she liked video games and TV, too. Then yeah, I'd be a kid pro."

A strange expression dawned upon Jensen's handsome face. “I once babysat Alona's little cousin Ella... At some point, I fell asleep. And when I woke up, all my nails were painted, I had cat whiskers on my cheeks, and I found Barbie heads strewn around my feet like sacrifices for Satan.” He shook his head, looking fondly amused. “I knew she was just like Alona when I walked in on her sitting in the kitchen, dismembering said Barbies.”

Jared laughed so hard that he almost cried. The image was hysterical.

“Jaaaaaared!” came a shrill cry from the kitchen. “The cheese is bubbling!”

Both men crossed into the kitchen to see Luke perched on the counter like a hawk, head hanging over so he could see inside the dimly illuminated oven.

“Luke, Jensen. Jensen... Luke.” Jared waved his hand, kneeling so that he could peer into the oven. The cheese was in fact bubbling, and he slid oven mitts on so that he could reach inside and extract the scorching hot glass. Jensen hovered over him, alternating between watching with concern and raising his eyebrows at Luke.

“Nice to meet you.”

Luke sniffed, ignoring the greeting altogether. “Are you eating the mac'n'cheese?”

A look of slight consternation befell Jensen, whose lips twisted into a wry smile. “That was the idea, yes.”

“You gotta eat it with your haaaands.” Luke said in an aaaaliens voice, his fingers wiggling. “Are you too fancy to eat mac'n'cheese with your hands?”

It appeared that Jensen was trying and failing to contain a laugh. “No, I don't think so.” He shed his outer coat and looped his tie around his finger, undoing it with a shameless wink at Jared and rolled the sleeves of his crisp, pressed black shirt up to his elbows. Jared's heart began to pound quite irritatingly in his ears. “What better way to eat mac'n'cheese, right?”

Luke examined him critically, nodding with what appeared to be satisfaction. “Are you dating Uncle Jared?”

Jared had learned a long time ago that revealing any embarrassment to children was the way they took you down, even though his cheeks automatically decided they were going to bloom with red. He quickly turned away from Luke. “No, he isn't. And wait for it to cool, you're not eating burning mac'n'cheese with your fingers. And if you're eating with your fingers, you'd better wash the hell out of your hands.”

"Hell's a bad word," Luke said mulishly, scooting off the counter all the same, turning the tap for the sink to the side, and dousing his hands with water.

"Oh, please, you've heard your Aunt Gen say far worse." Jared retorted, pointing at the dish soap. "Soap too, Luke."

As Luke liberally poured soap into his palm, Jared turned to catch Jensen's piercing gaze trained on him yet again. They held, for a moment, before Jared plastered a bright smile on his face. "You too, Jensen. You've gotta wash your hands, too."

Jensen snorted, his posture relaxing as he playfully nudged Luke aside and scrubbed his hands. "Yes, mother."

It was blameless, and yet, Jared jolted enough for the pan to slip down his oven mitts and press into his arm.

"Oh, shit, ow." he muttered, quickly transferring the glass to the counter and averting his eyes from Jensen. "Uh, Luke, can you grab some plates?" he requested, fanning at his arm and staring hard at the mac'n'cheese as if it held some sort of answer for him. It just sat there, extremely cheesy and unfairly blameless.

"Jared." Jensen's voice came out a sigh, and Jared turned to face the inevitable as Luke brought out a couple plates with a curious expression. "Please, can you just tell me what the deal is?"

"I don't," Jared started to say, but it sounded like a lie before it even came to fruition. He couldn't run, couldn't hide, couldn't think of anything to say that would deter Jensen from finding out about his mother soon enough. "You wanted to know about my mother, right?" He said quietly, his arms crossed like he could somehow protect himself.

"I--- I seem to recall that you said she was homophobic," Jensen said carefully, standing closer to Jared so that he could lower his voice away from Luke's prying ears. "But I don't remember you ever actually saying that to me. It's a bit of a source for confusion, honestly."

"Yeah, you got that out of me when you were drugged." Jared muttered, scooping mac'n'cheese into plates for Luke, Jensen, and himself.

"Wow, drugged Jensen was getting more action than I was?" Jensen tried to joke, but when Jared couldn't seem to summon a smile, the other's expression also waned quite obviously. Jared handed the plate to Luke and nudged the little boy towards the living room.

"Go ahead and pick a movie or something to do while we eat," he urged with a really pathetic semblance of a smile that brought a disbelieving look to Luke's face. With a _you-can't-fool-me_ scowl, the boy trotted for the living room to no doubt pick the most violent movie on the shelf. "I probably should've hid Chad's zombie movies," he told Jensen as he stabbed a fork into his food with a hollow emptiness spreading through his stomach. His head spun a little bit; if he really thought about it, he hardly _knew_ Jensen, and...

Well, that wasn't completely true. He knew that Jensen was kind and fun-loving, yet stern and intolerant of nonsense. He knew what Jensen liked to drink and eat, that he hated social events and needless interacting and cared for his bodyguard as more of a friend than just a worker. He knew that, to Jensen, family didn't always mean blood, and that someone's self-worth was so, so important.

"Jared, I--"

"Do you remember when I told you about that scar on my lower back?" he interjected quietly, lifting his head to look at Jensen.

"The bar fight one?" Jensen's eyebrows drew together in clear confusion. "Yes, but-"

"I didn't get it in a bar fight."

Jensen's expression didn't clear. "Wait, I'm confused."

"I got that after my seventeenth birthday," he continued with a wet smile and eyes that were quickly blurring even though he was trying hard to keep the tears down. He hadn't cried for so long over this, yet... When Jensen was standing across from him, head cocked quizzically, confused expression frozen on his beautiful face, it was just about everything Jared could do to keep himself together. "A- A little while after I told my mom that I wasn't interested in girls." His shoulders lifted in a shrug but stayed close to his head like they were trying to protect him. "I guess you could say that she didn't take it well."

Horror dawned on Jensen's face. Jared watched the puzzle pieces fall into place with several deafening clicks that he couldn't hear but could feel, watched them arrange themselves into a solution that neither of them wanted to see, saw it all happen just in the verdant irises. Jensen's mouth barely moved, but his eyes were working up a violent storm.

"J--"

"I picked Jaws!" Luke burst in, waving the case and giving Jared a second to turn and swipe at his eyes. He could _feel_ all of Jensen's attention trained on him, but he couldn't, didn't want to deal with it, didn't think he would survive it.

"Great!" he said cheerfully, nudging his shoulder into Jensen's as if they could actually jump back from the moment of truth in that quick of a time span; of course, Jensen didn't move an inch, still a perfect statue. "Come on, let's go, Jen." He dropped onto the couch, his voice trembling and his teeth pressed together in that grimace of a smile. "Can't keep the kid waiting, right?"

And sure, Jensen slid next to him without a complaint, finally looking at the TV and not at him any more, but when Jared heard him say, so quietly he almost missed it, " _This isn't over_ ," he somehow didn't think he was going to be able to escape his own past any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's probably going to undergo a ton of edits. I'm sick and jet-lagged, and traveling for hours on end somehow saps my writing spirit. Go figure. I'm not particularly pleased with it, so ... If anything changes, this is a bit of a warning as to why.


	7. In Which Jared Receives Words of Wisdom and Nearly Sort of Gets his Head Blown Off

"It's not going to happen, Jensen." Jared said calmly, stuffing a rag deep into the glass with the irritation that wasn't in his voice. Lately, it felt like all his nerves were slowly being flayed away, and he was flirting with the edge of a very precarious line.

"Jared," Jensen wheedled, smiling shamelessly. "I'm just saying, it could be really, _really_ fun. I mean, Italy! Italy, Jared!"

"Who's going to Italy?" Chad wondered sagely, looking up from where he had been drawing a frighteningly accurate rendition of a human's digestive system on a napkin. Jared gritted his teeth, bestowing a dark look on the quite unrepentant looking Jensen.

" _No one_ is going to Italy. Well." he amended quickly, forcefully turning a glass down onto the wood. " _Jensen_ is going to Italy. _Alone_." He directed a hard look at the about-to-protest crime lord leaning against the bar and snapped a dishtowel at his face. "He invited me, but I said no."

"Jared doesn't like foreign countries." Chad piped up helpfully, smirking when Jared rolled his eyes and Jensen arched a questioning eyebrow. "Okay, that's not _entirely_ true. He went to Spain once on a school trip and acted like a kid in a candy store the entire damn time, but he forgot that _embarazada_ means pregnant and _avergonzado_ is embarrassed, so he went around telling all the locals he was pregnant before he finally figured out--"

Jensen had disappeared into his elbow to crack up, and the tips of Jared's ears turned bright red.

"Ever since then, he's been awfully wary about going to foreign countries and making a complete and utter fool of himself." Chad concluded mildly, now adding the shading for the intestines.

"How did you finally realize?" Jensen finally managed to say through the diminishing bouts of laughter. "And Chad, why didn't you say anything?"

"And ruin a golden opportunity?" Chad sniffed. "Who the fuck do you take me for, Ackles? It was comedy in the making, and I didn't even have to lift a finger. Oh, and one of the native speakers jokingly asked him _¿Es un chico o chica?_ like, questioning the gender of the baby, and Jared went so red that we thought he was going to pass out from heat stroke. I'm probably going to bring this story up again at his wedding," he added with a vindictive chuckle when he heard Jared drop more glassware on surfaces where he really had to stop dropping glassware.

"Don't worry, Jared. I won't let you say a word." Jensen's mouth quirked up into a lazy grin that made Jared swallow a breath anxiously. Ever since he'd let slip about his mother, Jensen had _desperately_ been trying to get him alone; Jared was having none of it, however. He knew how to go under the radar and slide by Jensen's watchful eye, undetected. Chris's constant presence helped massively, because Jensen wouldn't dare broach the topic in the car with his bodyguard in the backseat.

But Italy?

Italy would be a gold mine for Jensen to crack Jared like a poorly locked safe.

And it wasn't as though Jared didn't _want_ to tell Jensen, and-- Italy! It was just.... Off-late, he'd been so strung up and jumpy that he didn't think he'd _survive_. School was starting up again soon, and Jared hadn't finished most of his work, Jeff had called earlier that morning to inquire if Jared wanted to come visit him and his wife and see his souvenirs and photos, seeing as he'd just returned from Spain, and his father's death anniversary was fast approaching. If Jared even _heard_ the word 'mom,' he'd probably curl up into fetal position on the floor and cry himself a river.

"I don't want to go," he said quietly.

"Jared-"

"I don't want to go, Jensen!" He snapped, back to the others, paranoia and nervousness heightened as the glass all but cracked in his hands. No sooner had he said it than did he regret the tone, but Jensen didn't look hurt so much as he did suspicious. Jared had no doubt that Jensen knew exactly why he kept choosing every opportunity to run, but that didn't mean he wanted to confront it any time soon. "Please," he said softly, wringing the towel with agitation, "Don't ask me again."

A baritone sigh. "Fine." Jensen said evenly, nodding at Chad before heading off with a mutter beneath his breath about locating Chris. Jared watched him go out of the corner of his eye, not bothering to relax until Jensen was lost in the masses of people. There was a second of silence.

"Dude," Chad said after a second, still drawing with a focused stare. "He knows, doesn't he? About your mom?" His best friend had always been too perceptive, one of the first people to confront the abuse head-on. Chad hadn't let Jared walk on even a single eggshell before he was demanding answers, and it was that perceptive nature that Jared both cursed and thanked to the high heavens now.

"I... Hinted," Jared said, his words jilting and jagged. "But I've been avoiding him."

"Thus the rejection of Italy." Chad surmised concisely, and Jared wrapped the towel around his knuckles over and over until the blood drained away, leaving his skin white.

"Yeah," he said quietly, feeling quite as though he'd like to jump out of his skin and crawl into someone else's. After he got over how disturbing that thought and accompanying image was, he added, "Should I-- tell him?"

"You don't have to." Chad looked up, his tone and gaze flat. "All you have to do is lift your damn shirt up."

For his usually obscene, entirely _no-filter_ nature, this was one of the things Chad Michael Murray never joked about; Jared almost wished he would, because it would really release some of his own tightly wound tension. Hell, Gen's mother had passed away a few years prior, and they still weren't _this_ serious about _her_ death. At this point, Jared wondered if he would even cry if...

Jared's hand absently reached back, his fingers grazing lingeringly along his spine. "Point taken," he dropped his arm and turned to Chad. "But that doesn't really answer the question."

"For someone so smart," Chad drawled poetically, swiping his fingers through his spiky hair and skewering Jared with a wicked glare, "You're so _dumb_." Without bothering to hear Jared lamely try to defend his intelligence, he went on. "It's so obvious that you're into the guy, his less-than-virtuous profession aside. And didn't you admit to me that you thought it really was kind of heroic that he helped people create new lives for themselves? And that he, a _crime lord_ , for fuck's sake, has _standards_?"

"I know," Jared hissed, eyes darting around as though he was worried Jensen would miraculously overhear that Jared actually thought he was a good guy. God forbid. "Chad, I can't-" he began, but his throat choked up pathetically and his stomach went back to doing flips, "I _can't_ -"

"Jared," Chad's voice softened, and he came to stand next to his friend. "No one's asking you to write a biography. But Jensen cares, and he's trying to hear your side. Don't leave him with blank pages like this, because for a guy who's so damn busy, he's setting aside a _lot_ of time for someone who's just playing his driver for a year. If this didn't strike you earlier, you're thicker than a brick sandwich."

And wasn't that just the truth.

\---

So maybe Jared sort of had it bad for Jensen, but it wasn't breaking news. Chad and Gen had been waiting for as much, and Jared himself was just playing King of Denial, but... It still didn't solve any of his problems. In fact, it just stressed him out even more to admit his feelings to himself.

"Are you going to bite my head off if I ask you for something?"

Jared was about to apologize for his behavior from the night before for, like, the sixteenth time, but he heard the invitational and hesitant joke in Jensen's voice and instead said, very seriously, "I'll even put on my fake teeth to do it."

Jensen's shoulders relaxed, which was kind of gratifying to see. "Okay, so you remember Alona and Adrianne, right?"

"How could I ever forget anyone who had a gun pressed into my back?" Jared allowed dryly, guiding the steering wheel around a turn gently. Pinning Chris with a glare through the rear view mirror when the man snorted, he continued, "What about them?"

"Well, their families are having somewhat of a brunch next week. It's really a discussion type of thing, really," Jensen continued hastily upon Jared's grimace at yet another social event. "Just to figure out what we're going to do about Pellegrino, especially now that I went and threatened him like an idiot."

"So now _I_ have to pay for your idiocy?" Jared griped, only half-joking, and Jensen made to kick him across the seat.

"You don't _have_ to," Jensen muttered, looking put-out. Jared glanced to the side, catching the flicker of disappointment in Jensen's profile before it was gone, and stared forward again. "I know you hate them as much as I do--"

"I'll go." Jared said, pulling the car to a stop in front of the hotel.

"What?"

"I'll go," he repeated, pulling the gear into park before resting his arm against the back of Jensen's headrest. "Only because even I'm not evil enough to leave you to fend for yourself at yet another social event--"

"What am I, pickled liver?" Chris interjected from the backseat grouchily. Jared grinned despite himself.

"-But also because I think it's about time that I met all the people responsible for-- This." Jared waved at a still-stunned Jensen with a fluttery gesture.

"I feel like I should be offended," Jensen said after another moment of silent staring, "But, um, mostly I'm concerned. Are you sick? Fever?" He leaned over to rest the back of his hand against Jared's head, and Jared waved him away with a huff.

"I'm fine, do you _really_ want me to change my mind?"

"Hell, no," Jensen cast him somewhat of a reverent look as he slid out of the car and rested his forearm on the window. "In fact, I could kiss you right now. Seriously. I didn't think you were going to say yes, actually. I sort of expected to get slapped. Are you _sure_ you're okay? I mean, when you found out about the dance, you looked like you were going to murder me-"

Jared blinked, amusement trickling in despite how thinned out he felt, like a rubberband on the verge of snapping. "Jen, you're babbling."

"...Shut up, you'll ruin my reputation." Jensen grimaced, pulling away and straightening, but an easy, crinkle-eyed grin was tugging at his lips. Jared's gaze, of course, was immediately hooked.

"Huh," he sounded faint, even to his own ears.

He was about to say something most likely stupid, considering the fact that he was still looking at Jensen's mouth, but the bullet that suddenly whistled past his ear spared him anything more than a blink that felt entirely too long.

" _Jared_!" He heard Jensen's voice, pierced through with horror, before the next shot relieved him of a few pieces of hair and blew through the edge of Jensen's silk sleeve.

 _Oh my God_ , he thought senselessly, _we're being shot at._

And then Chris was moving impossibly quickly from the backseat to shotgun, ripping Jared's seat belt off, yanking him down until he was pressed to cool white leather, and planting himself in front of Jensen all with one graceful movement. Jared couldn't breathe, his lungs flooding with panic and his brain buzzing and all of his senses entirely too sluggish to deal with the latest threat to his sanity.

And then, through the haze, _Jensen_. All cylinders fired _Jensen, Jensen, JensenJensenJensen._

He didn't dare raise his head; Chris's rough hands were gone, but Jensen was there, lips near Jared's ear, talking low and quick and _alive_. The pads of Jensen's fingertips pressed into Jared's neck, the cool emerald of his ring a minute discomfort once it occurred to Jared, that _shit_ , someone was _shooting at them!_

He waited, but the gunfire had ceased. A few more moments passed; it felt like he was underwater, voices distorted and his own skin far more pale-looking than usual.

"How far away, Chris? Dammit, no, tell me where he was standing." Jensen's words were impatient, a little warbled thanks to the ringing in Jared's ears, compliments of the two bullets, but his tone, Jesus fucking Christ, his _tone_. Jensen had never expressed any real anger towards Jared, and, just judging by the way Jensen carried himself and the way his smaller enemies feared him, Jared was kind of hoping he'd never have to face said anger. Jensen's words were quickly cracking earth, and his fury bubbled beneath like magma trying to break through it. Ice slithered in sharp frissons down Jared's spine as Jensen's fingers curled into his hair.

"He was gunning for Jared, Chris." The words stretched like poisoned honey through the air above Jared's head. "I want him in the circles of hell _as soon as goddamn possible."_

Jared finally regained half his coherence, his fingers curling through the slots between Jensen's as he shakily moved the other's hand away. He didn't pull his fingers away immediately, though- they remained interlocked with Jensen's as he tried to regain his breath.

Jensen's anger broke immediately; the worry and outright horror that replaced it in every line and crinkle of his face didn't suit him. "Jared-"

Jared shook his head, absently pressing his thumb into the gemstone against Jensen's finger and effectively shutting the other man up. "I'm not angry, Jensen," he said numbly, his heart frantically pumping entirely too much blood for him to handle and his breaking point too close for comfort. "Just a l-little," the word slurred, and he pressed into crisp white cotton with a tremor that just wouldn't stop.

Jensen was almost _shot_.

"Jay? Oh, dammit, Jared, you're going into shock. Just hold on, I gotcha. It's okay. It's going to be okay. Chris, grab his legs, Jesus _Christ_. Elevate them." Huh, Jensen was babbling again. Had Jared already told him that it was kind of endearing?

_The shooter almost killed Jensen._

_"Y-You almost,"_ Jared tried, even as Chris muttered, "Goddamn legs as long as stilts."

"Me?" Jensen managed to sound both worried and confused at the same time. "No, Jay, I'm fine. Hey, look, I'm totally fine. You're going to be okay, right? Just breathe. You always do have trouble listening when I tell you to breathe," he added, chuckling weakly.

"Jensen," Jared's voice blurred to his own ears, his hand searching valiantly for Jensen's face amidst the way everything around him was melting. When he felt the rough stubble of Jensen's jaw resting into his fingers, he whispered, _"I watched my dad die."_

Jensen's head was close enough for Jared to hear both the curse and the sharp intake of breath. "Jared, I'm _okay_."

"Point-blank range," Jared continued, his words fusing together and trailing all too slowly, or too quickly. He wasn't entirely sure, but all he knew was that they weren't coming out _right_. "I saw it." The s came out hissed as Jared curled his fingers tight against Jensen's skin as if it would ground him. "I don't want-"

"I know, Jared." Jensen whispered, sounding about as ashen as he looked. Then again, all Jared could really make out was an ashen shape, so. "Hey. _Nothing is going to happen to me._ Okay? This is probably the weirdest way I've ever dealt with post-shooting shock," he added wearily, still cradling Jared's head against his leg. "But, uh, I know it'll make you feel better, so. He was most definitely aiming for _you_ , Jared. Not me."

It did make him feel better, in an extremely strange twist. "You-"

" _Fine_." Jensen said firmly. "Nothing happened to me. I'm not even bleeding. Are you going to be okay?"

"Mmm," Jared affirmed, finally taking in a long breath. The shooter hadn't been trying to kill Jensen, and Chris was there. Not that Chris taking the bullet would make him feel any better, but at least Jensen was guarded.

" _That's_ what comforts you," Jensen muttered with unconcealed disbelief, but his next words were cautious and fond. "Hey," he greeted when Jared's vision cleared, and Jared could finally see the warm smile that went with the gentle voice. "Welcome back, Jay. You alright?"

"Yeah," Jared whispered, not just yet ready to peel himself away from Jensen. "Are you?"

"100%." Jensen promised, supporting his back as Jared sat up. "Looks like the shooter got your hair, though." Jared immediately reached up to feel the burnt off edge, grimacing, and Jensen's expression much matched his. "I can't believe those bastards are already gunning for you."

"Boss," Chris said quietly, all traces of good humor gone. "The build of the shooter was petite. Indicative of either male or female."

Jensen made an affirmative, impatient sound. "Alright, well, I want everyone on it. And until then, Jared, I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but it might be best if you .... Stay around me. A lot."

"Huh?" Jared looked up from his burnt hair and stared at Jensen.

"Either that, or." Jensen smiled grimly, swiping at his phone with his fingertip before looking up again. "I'm assigning you your own bodyguard."

Uh, no. "But I'm not scared."

"Of course you aren't!" Jensen muttered something like _just because he wasn't shooting at you_ , with an exasperated eye-roll, his tone resigned. "But _I_ am, and I think it's best that you have someone to watch out just until I get to the bottom of this." He paused, his jaw ticking and the glitter-green of his eyes flashing, "And I _will_ get to the bottom of this."

"Let me just..." Jared already had a lot of things on his plate, and he didn't really know where to begin organizing. Jeff, his father, the mother situation with Jensen, and now his life on the line- It was all spinning together into mush. "I just need," he tried again, but he just ended up staring at Jensen helplessly with his mouth agape like a fish's.

"Jared," Jensen said gently, "You need to rest. You look like you're going to faint on the spot. Why don't you come in with me for now? This is a really nice hotel, it's got great beds and everything. I think it'd be best if you sleep off the rest of the shock."

Jared was about to protest, really, he was, but he weakly pushed open the door with a nod, too jumbled to really deal with whatever consequences might arise from his decision. Jensen helped him out with a relieved sigh, nodding to Chris, and the other man shut and locked the doors of the car.

"I probably sound like a giant creep," Jensen mused warily, glancing sidelong at Jared's slightly slumped form as he supported him. "I promise I won't stay anywhere near you. I'll be on my laptop or something, just gotta figure out who this son of a bitch is."

Jared nodded, but he was somewhat focused on the rose-colored lanterns and the warm golden of the lights and the fact that Jensen's hotel room was at least twice the size of his apartment and about thirteen times nicer. He shed his shoes on autopilot, loathing the very idea of ruining the pristine cream carpet, and sat down on the edge of the bed with an appreciative sigh.

"This is a nice bed," he said vaguely and a little too loudly, his ears still ringing from the bullet's journey next to his ear. "Where does Chris sleep?"

"I'm more of a futon kinda guy myself," Chris responded automatically, grinning at Jared as he collapsed on said furniture.

Jensen's thumb brushed the back of Jared's neck. "You gonna be okay? If you're going to throw up, the bathroom's there." He pointed, sounding a little anxious, but Jared shook his head with a wan semblance of a smile.

"I'm fine, Jensen," he said quietly. "Thanks."

Except he really wasn't.

"I'm going to go give a call to the family." Chris said after a beat, nodding at Jared before stepping into the hallway and closing the door with a soft _snick_. Jared listened to his footfalls fade, each one drumming against his head, amplified and insistent. It was like his ears were trying to grow used to sound again, especially after nearly being blown off. Jared couldn't really blame them, but it was kind of annoying.

He watched Jensen walk around absently, his mind years away, and bit down on his knuckles. His stomach somersaulted, heart still beating against his chest like it was trying to internally bruise him or something. Jensen was being _so_ loud, pacing around, fingers tapping against the nightstand, muttering something, and Jared really, really wished he would just be still, just for one damn second-

A single gunshot ricocheted against the walls of his head.

"Do you want me to order some food, Ja-? Jesus Christ." Jensen was kneeling in front of him all of a sudden (how did he get there so fast?), fingertips pressing into the sides of his face and abruptly shaking him out of his reverie. He irritably pushed at the cool hands, shaking his head.

"What? What is it?"

Jensen's gaze fixated on his, prominent features blurring with a sort of horrified realization. "You're crying, Jared."

"No, I'm-" Yes, he was. He lifted one trembling hand to find tear tracks marked across his skin. "Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_." Jensen echoed, agitated, and Jared watched dully as he produced a handkerchief. "Is it the shock? I know it's bad for people who aren't used to it, but I guess I underestimated how bad it would affect you. I'm so sorry this happened to you, Jay."

Jared's response was to wind his arms around Jensen's neck, to rest his face into the crook of the other man's neck and breathe against his skin and hear the pulse of his beat, soothing and quick. _"I don't want you to die."_

Jensen stilled. "Now why would I ever do something half-assed like that?" he tried to joke weakly, but Jared could feel the minute trembling just beneath his skin and in the fingers that pressed into his spine. "I'm just waiting for you to tell me, Jared. I'll wait as long as you need."

The words lay on his tongue, bitter and heavy, just for a second. "I'd just told my dad I was gay, asked him if there was anything wrong with that, with _me_." Tears burned their way into the hollows of his cheeks as he sucked in a breath. "He kissed the top of my head, said 'there's not a single damn thing wrong about you, tiger,' and then he got shot in the head." He curled his hands even tighter into Jensen's waiting ones, his lips trembling as they parted. "The mugger came out of nowhere," he said quietly. "And my dad begged him, Jensen. 'I've got two sons and a daughter,' he told him. 'I'm just a mechanic. You take what you want, just don't hurt my family.' And he _killed_ him." Jared fists curled hard into Jensen's shirt, his rage misdirected yet overtaking. "He ruined my family for quick money, with just one _bullet_."

Jensen closed his eyes. "You didn't deserve that, Jared."

"None of us did." Jared dropped his fists, anger giving way to perpetual grief. "I was there the whole time, if I'd just-- If I'd--"

"If you'd what?" Jensen yanked Jared back to face him, suddenly fierce. "If you'd taken the bullet instead? Is that why you care so little if you get shot instead of what, me? Or if you'd taken that shot for your dad?" His voice was hard, unforgiving and searing deep beneath Jared's skin like a blistering knife. "So if Paul Wilkins had slapped your friend Genevieve, no one would have been there to watch her back. And your family would be grieving over the son they'd lost instead of their husband, or father, and then what, Jared?"

He couldn't help the flinch. "I can't watch someone else die like that, Jensen!" he whispered, his voice breaking with sorrow. "Anything is better, _any_ alternative. _I can't watch someone else I care about getting shot like that."_

And there it was-- the truth Jared had been so terrified of facing. The color rushed from Jensen's face so quickly that it left behind a ghost.

"What? What did you say?"

"Jensen, no," Jared all but begged, shaking his head and trying to push the other away. Jensen's hands, which Jared thought were already at their tightest where they were wrapped around his wrists, somehow impossibly gripped his skin even tighter. _That's totally bruising tomorrow_ , he thought for a second, stupidly, before snapping his panicked gaze back to Jensen's.

"Jared-"

"I need to-" he started, scrambling to his feet and backing towards the door on autopilot, but Jensen's fingers didn't yield.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Jensen snapped, sounding as exasperated as he looked with the muscles in his jaw jumping. "Running away, Jared!" he emphasized when Jared's panic morphed slightly into confusion. "Why the hell do you keep running away from me, like I'm actually going to hurt you? Haven't I proved that I won't?"

"I don't know how to," Jared tried to break contact, pulling away even as his shoulders drew together. "I'm _trying_ , really, I just-"

"You just _what_?"

"I'm _scared_ , Jensen!" He exploded, taking advantage of the other's momentary shock and pushing away. "I'm scared, okay? I was scared when I was trying to tell my mother that I never liked Katie from church because I was too busy staring at Luke, the quarterback at school, and I was scared when I was asking Genevieve if I could move in with her because I didn't have a place to go anymore, and I was scared when people at the bar were throwing cash at me and grabbing at my body and Jesus, Jensen, I was so scared when you--" He curled his fingers into his face, slotting them open just slightly so he could see Jensen's stunned expression. "When you-"

"...When I what?" Jensen closed his eyes, his voice rough like he'd been the one yelling. "When I what, Jared?"

"When you were so _good_ ," Jared whispered through his fingers, wishing more than anything that he could climb into the wall and hide forever, "I didn't realize someone like you could be so wonderful, kind and funny and respectful, and I just d-don't know what to do with it. I'm trying to figure out if I can, if I c-can trust you, and I'm terrified to know that I _can_."

There was a long silence, during which Jared came up with eight different ways of turning in his resignation, because why the hell would Jensen want Jared anywhere near him after such an embarrassing confession? _You were so good_ , Jesus Christ, someone just end his misery now, thanks.

"Jared, look at me."

He shook his head, his hands a refuge for him to hide behind. Never resurfacing again seemed like the most healthy response right about now.

" _Jared_." Jensen's voice held no opportunity for compromise.

He pried his fingers apart, swallowing anxiously. "I'm so-"

"I swear, if the next words you say are "I'm sorry," I will fire you. I'm not even lying." He sounded frighteningly serious, too. Jared's mouth clamped shut automatically, and Jensen nodded, satisfied, corners of his mouth flickering. "So you keep running away because you trust me, if I'm understanding correctly?"

"Unfortunately," Jared muttered, voice sounding muffled even to his own ears. Which were, by the way, bright red, because when Jensen put it like _that_ , it sounded even more stupid.

"Well, then," Jensen's tone morphed into something openly fond, if a little exasperated, his eyes glittering speculatively as they appraised Jared once more. "Seems like I have no choice but to wait on you. By the way, has anyone ever told you how maddening you are?"

Jared's hands fell from his face, his chest aching so badly that he feared all the pain was going to come pouring out in tears or something equally embarrassing. For the first time ever, he felt _lucky_ , lucky that of all the people he could have landed with, he landed with Jensen. "Doesn't really sprout up in daily conversation," he managed to whisper, meeting the other's eyes as silence befell them.

"Anyway," Jensen cleared his throat after a moment, looking somewhat embarrassed with himself, "Chris will probably coming back soon, so-"

And then Jared kissed him. Which, in retrospect, was probably one of the dumbest things he could have done. But Jensen didn't really seem to mind. In fact, he was really, really not minding, if the instant parting of his lips and the sleek slide of his tongue against Jared's was any indication. Jared pushed away for just a second with utter mortification, tried to get in an apology, but Jensen's hands slid silkily from his wrists to his forearms to curl into his hair, and his entire body was caging his, and the words were swept right out of Jared's mouth and swallowed up by Jensen's.

The stress momentarily melted away from Jared's limbs, tension edged out by the sudden wave of pleasure that short-circuited his already dysfunctional brain. _Dopamine_ , he thought in a moment of slight hysteria, because of course he would default to the science of the brain in his moment of utter ecstasy. _And probably oxytocin._

And then Jensen groaned, the sound reverberating through Jared's throat and sending a thrill up his spine, and he forgot about hormones long enough to give as good as he was getting.

"Jensen," he gasped after a moment when he'd regained some of his coherence, " _Thank you_." _Thank you for not getting impatient and giving up and wanting to listen._

"You're unbelievable," Jensen sighed, sounding shot through, and then cracked a grin. "Anytime."

"Boss!" Chris chose that moment to knock, and Jared moved away from the door, conspicuously smoothing his mussed hair down and bolting into the bathroom. Jensen, the douche, looked completely relaxed despite what had just happened, and opened the door with a swift flick.

"Did you figure anything out, Chris?"

Chris shook his head, his lips pressed together. "But Alona and Adrianne have eyes out now. Jared, are you okay?"

Jared poked his head out from the bathroom, hoping his expression was fairly disarming and that he didn't look too bright-eyed and generally debauched. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, his words clipped a little from his lack of breath. "Think I'm ready to go home now."

Jensen favored him with a troubled frown that had his head spinning a bit. "If you're sure."

Jared hoped the wide-eyed look he gave Jensen said _I can't be close to you right now without combusting_ in place of words.

"Right," Jensen said after a beat. "I think we ought to take him home."

"One of your better ideas," Jared told him with a weak grin, and Jensen's muttered " _Smartass_ " made the grin widen even more. "By the way, Jensen," he said, with a deep breath and only one moment of hesitant contemplation, "Y-You know how you said you wanted me to meet your family?"

Jensen tore his eyes away from his phone to focus his full attention on Jared at the word. "...Yes," he said, posture cautious.

"I'm-- I'm not ready yet to talk about my mother," Jared said quietly, biting his lip when Jensen's mouth twitched, "But, uh, my brother, Jeff, he's been asking me for a while to come visit, and I was--"

He sputtered a little when Jensen's eyes widened, shoving his hands into his pockets so it would make him look less like a tool.

"...Just... I wouldn't really mind if you wanted to, uh, come." he finished with a bit of a whisper.

And Jensen's resulting grin was blinding.

\---

"It's so cute to see you in love, Jare-Bear."

Jared fixed Genevieve with a miserable look and turned to Chad like the other man would provide some sort of solace; Chad, though, was smirking openly at him, and Jared knew he wouldn't be receiving any help from _him_.

"Think Jeff'll like him?" Gen continued, and Jared paused where he was making a mess out of the tomatoes in front of him. His nerves were acting up, and he was genuinely trying less to cut the tomatoes and more to _not_ cut his fingers.

"Jeff is happy as long as I'm happy," he said quietly, "And so is Megan. It wouldn't matter if Jensen was a crime lord or a beggar, they just want me to accept myself and someone else, too. He might start crying if I bring Jensen over, actually."

Gen looked like she was about to say something solemn, so Jared was more than a little relieved when Chad piped up. "You do realize this whole thing is very _meet-the-parentsy,_ right?"

"..." He took it back. He really wished Chad hadn't said anything at all.

"Oh, don't look so grumpy." Chad said cheerfully, "He's having you meet his family, so it's only fitting that you have him meet Jeff and Meg. And, just saying, Meggy would totally come massacre all of us if she knew you were keeping this whole I'm _dating-not-dating a crime lord_ thing. Have you even told her about your double occupation?"

Jared was unpleasantly fixated on Megan massacring all of them, which she totally had the capability to do. "Huh? Oh, uh, no. She would have rushed over and probably castrated Jensen or something, which would have been sort of disastrous."

"Good point." Gen and Chad now looked somewhat disturbed, and Jared hurried to clear the visual obviously running through everyone's heads, including his own.

"No, I'm just... I'm sure she'll find out eventually. She's scary and amazing like that," he allowed with a fond smile, carefully snicking past his fingers into the red flesh of the tomatoes. Megan was the first one to spot the obvious-- the fact that Jared was gay neither surprised her nor made her think any differently than she had already been thinking ("You're still a six foot one dweeb, Jared").

"You could have stopped at scary, that would have been enough," Chad muttered, but Jared knew Chad adored Megan as well. Megan was the type of person who was really hard to hate, even if she often butted heads with people who dissented her points of view.

"I think," he hesitated. "I think Jensen will like Megan. And I think she'll like him."

He looked up to see Gen grinning at him with a sappy, ear-to-ear smile, and Chad giving him a disgusted _why-don't-you-just-admit-you're-dating-him eye-roll._ "Dude, just ask him out to dinner or something. This is pathetic."

"He's busy doing crime lord stuff!" Jared protested lamely, though that was only a small reason. The large part of why he didn't just ask Jensen out mainly lay in the fact that he was entirely too much of a coward; hell, he'd even kissed the guy, which was bold beyond his normal capabilities, but ... On a date, with Jensen? Save Chris's constant presence, Jared pretty much went everywhere with the man anyway. He didn't need to formally ask him on a date unless he wanted to get rid of Chris, which would be damn near impossible.

"Shut up." Chad shook his head, looking newly annoyed and turning to Gen. "Why am I friends with him? He's an idiot. Why am I friends with you, Jared?"

"Because I begged and said please," Jared said with a wary smile, throwing the butchered tomatoes into the bowl and grinning wider when Chad grunted affirmatively. The sound of the phone ringing had him wiping his hands down and trotting to the nightstand.

"'Ello," he said, glaring at Chad when the other muttered, _"bet you wish it was Jensen."_

"Jared?" The voice was something he recognized immediately, especially since the owner had been topic of discussion less than two minutes ago.

"Heya, Meg." Jared rested his hip against the counter, adjusting the handset so he could quirk a confused eyebrow at Chad and Genevieve. Jeff called at random times, but Megan forced Jared to pull up a timetable due to her slightly obsessive nature; she spent a lot of time on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and Jared had spectacularly bad timing, so the timetable was their compromise. "What's up?"

"Um, well," she sounded breathless, almost scared, and the older brother in Jared immediately heard the way her tone changed. His muscles tensed. "I-- It's mom, Jared."

"What?" Jared's voice sounded faint to his own ears, his pitch dropping as it usually did when he heard _mom_ , "What did you say?"

"She's," Megan whispered, her voice breaking even through the soft crackling of the static, "Sick, Jared. You have to come home."

And that was when Jared's final nerve snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm.... I'll make edits as due, but I'm too tired to care, now. XD


	8. In Which Jared Opens Up .... And Sort of Fights (and Makes Up!) with Jensen

Jared didn't talk for two days. It was the second longest he'd gone without talking, the first time being three days after his mother tried to cleanse him of his obvious sinfulness with his dad's browbeaten sandals. Meg and Jeff hadn't been home during the never-ending hour when the leather had damn near flayed skin from bone, but they'd tried desperately to coax Jared out from his room to eat something, anything, after the damage was done.

His lame excuse of a really terrible prom night barely slid by as passable, especially when his siblings threatened murder, and worse than that was the fact that his trust in Megan and Jeff, usually so stolid in nature, had thinned to glass. When his mother's lack of unconditional love shattered Jared's trust, he didn't know who to believe anymore. He knew it broke their hearts- Meg, especially -because they had felt the visible shift in dynamic. But when Jared didn't say anything, and when their mother didn't say anything, Jeff and Meg had been forced to let the matter drop.

His mother tried many things; she tried to purify Jared inside out, hovered incense and sage sticks around his shoulders when he entered the house, purged his diet of excess salt and sugar, and forced him to stop drinking tea and coffee. His height only partially made up for what he wasn't eating, and his resulting thinning made his mother backpedal on the idea. She only wanted to "heal him, not kill him" or so were her words. Meg had expressed obvious incredulity at the idea of 'cleansing' Jared, seeing as she, much like Jeff and their father, had never thought anything was wrong with him, but his brother and sister were sated so long as their mother didn't do anything even more drastic. After all, she had stopped starving him. 

Jared was one hundred percent okay with that. What Meg and Jeff didn't see couldn't hurt them.

Their support, along with Chad and Gen's presences, pulled him through the year, even though he constantly felt like he was walking on coals. He poured all his remaining trust into them, almost maddened by the constant, nagging fear that they would turn on him, too, and let them help him.

But no matter how much he loved Meg and Jeff for being two of his pillars, he couldn't go back home.

"Jared?" Chad's voice sounded thin on the other side of the door, an obvious sign of the tension he'd been voicing for the last day. "Dude, you've been cooped up in there for almost forty-eight hours straight. 'S not healthy. Plus," he added, and Jared could hear the worried attempt at a coming joke, "Ackles keeps coming by, and if I have to use the 'Jared's so sick he can't even lift his head long enough to say go away' excuse one more time, I think his bodyguard will stab me."

Jared stayed quiet and stared at nothing for a long time, long enough that Chad left and Genevieve took his place by the door, promising the fresh bread Jared liked from the artisan across the street and offering news from Megan and Jeff.

He took the bread quietly because he had to eat, didn't meet Gen's eyes, tore chunks of it methodically and chewed like it was cardboard. He could feel her scrutinizing him, head to toe, but she didn't say anything, and Jared didn't ask what was on her mind. He knew he was suffering his way through an obvious relapse, but he didn't know what to do about it other than deal with it alone; he'd dealt with his first relapse painfully alone, having lost his mother to a monster and terrified to broach the issue with Meg and Jeff.

But somehow, approaching the morning of the third day, Jared knew he had to deal with himself differently. 

"I'm going to see Jensen," were the first words out of his mouth when he finally emerged from his bedroom. His friends scrambled to their feet, their voices overshadowing each other's with relief and confusion as they noted that he'd made an attempt to actually freshen up.

"Jared, you should eat before you go-"

"-You have to call Meg, she's going crazy-"

"-And so's Jeff, he called yesterday night-"

His stomach turned at the thought of eating, and he shook his head as he took his coat, Chad and Gen at his heels with matching expressions of worry.

"I have to see Jensen," he said quietly, turning to them. Something in his face must have been quite firm, because Chad fell silent and Genevieve nodded, reaching out to adjust his hair. 

"Be careful, Jay," she whispered, and he nodded as he left the apartment and carefully made his way down the stairs, knowing full well that his clumsiness had just skyrocketed and sighing with relief when he was situated safely in the car. 

_"Sick?"_

_"Very sick. Like... She may not recover sick. She might be dying."_

By the time he'd pulled up to the Rosewood Hotel, he felt precariously close to fainting, and had to rest his head on the steering wheel for a good five minutes more before he finally summoned enough courage to actually make his way into the hotel. It occurred to him that not eating anything but some bread was probably an extremely stupid decision on his part, but it was hard for him to care as he made his way to the stairs.

"Hey, you! Stop!" A security guard came pottering up to him, and he paused on the stairs, suddenly very aware of how disheveled his hair was and how gaunt he looked, and fixed the man with a blank look. "You can't just go up! There are proper measures, you have to go through the metal detector and fill out the visitor list at reception- Well come on, son, don't just stand there with your mouth open!"

Jared just nodded, thought,  _I don't have time for this,_  turned on his heel to follow the man--

\--and then  _bolted_  up the stairs, two at a time, ignoring the cries to halt behind him. He didn't slow down until he'd reached the third floor, didn't pause to reflect how much trouble he had landed himself in, just searched the corridor until he'd found Jensen's door. The thunder of footsteps behind him didn't really help his blooming anxiety. 

 _What if he isn't here?_  he thought, significantly too late, and frantically smacked his palm against the door in a sharp staccato. The shuffling he heard inside came to a halt, and he pictured Chris and Jensen giving each other startled looks, Jensen reaching for his gun as he approached the door, swinging it open...

"Jared?" The man looked hilariously confused, relieved, and alarmed all at once. "Are you-? What?"

"Hi," Jared said eloquently, "So, um, I-- Kinda need to talk to you, but I didn't fill out the visitor list, so the security guards think I want to murder you, or something, or- Look, I'm not really sure, but there are a lot of kind of angry authority people after me, so can I please come in?"

Jensen stared at him, jaw dropping for a second before he snapped it closed and shooed Jared in with a hasty look over his shoulder, shutting the door with a click before he turned into the room. They stared at each other in silence, Jared panting, Jensen still looking slightly bewildered.

"Oh  _God_ ," Jensen finally said after a moment, closing his eyes. "I've corrupted you."

Jared couldn't help a laugh, even though it was kind of bitter and mirthless. 

Jensen scowled at him, looking entirely unamused. "It's not funny! You're in a lot of trouble, you know-- a lot of really important people stay in this hotel. They'll think you're gunning for that actor across the hall, or the singer a floor up, or- Who even  _knows_. What were you thinking?"

"...You're a  _crime lord_." Jared felt it necessary to point out. "Shouldn't you be more lenient about this?"

"Well, let's see," Jensen folded his arms, his tone clipped with slightly breathless sarcasm, "Who's the one with thirteen security guards on his tail again?"

Which, Jared conceded, was kind of a good point. "I had to talk to you."

All of Jensen's annoyance melted away, but the tension glittering in the verdant irises didn't budge; his voice went low, purposeful, his stance tightening. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? Didn't you think a call would have sufficed, especially since Chad's been telling me you were so sick that you were basically  _dying_?"

Jared stared for a second at him, his pulse speeding up before he amended his previous statement. "I had to  _see_  you."

"You certainly didn't have to see me yesterday," Jensen returned, biting off with more than a little agitation. " _I_  wanted to see you."

"Jensen," Jared said quietly, glancing down at his fingernails as if they'd provide refuge, "My mom might be dying."

He looked up to see Jensen's expression do an entire 360 once more. In half a second, Jensen was standing in front of him (seriously,  _how_  did he do that? Teleportation? Sorcery?), bending over a little to meet his eyes with a solemnity that ripped Jared's breath away. "Are you-?"

"I'm okay," Jared whispered against Jensen's thumb as it brushed along his bottom lip. "I'm okay now," he corrected, pushing into Jensen's touch. "Where's Chris?"

"Jared, don't change the s-"

"Where's Chris?" he repeated urgently. 

Jensen stared at him for a moment before dropping his hands. "Going to arrange for a ride, because we thought you were dying," he said flatly.

"How long will it take him?"

"Um," Jensen glanced at the clock, then at his phone, looking slightly perplexed. "Well, he just texted and told me he was stuck in traffic, so I'd wager... Like twenty or thirty minutes, why?"

"I think," Jared said, his words already blurring a little when he noticed Jensen's searing gaze lock onto him, "That it's time I told you about my mother."

\---

It was difficult to start talking, but once he had, he couldn't stop.

"My mom was always the most religious person in our family," he told Jensen, a snatch of a whisper as he sat on the center of the bed with Jensen's hands close to his. "My dad would gripe and complain about church just as much as Meg, Josh, and I, but... We were all there on Sunday, before even the sun." He laughed hoarsely, feeling the sunlight pour onto his shoulders and back as he tried massaging kinks from his shoulders and adjusted his suffocating, tight collar. Felt his mother's fingers smacking his hand away.

"I don't know how much I believed in it, to be honest." he continued. "It was nice having a religion that grounded me, to an extent, but I couldn't help but feel like there was something fundamentally  _wrong_  with me. There'd be girls at our church who'd wear shorts, all the way up their thighs, and Jeff would blush and Megan would snicker and Mom would try covering my eyes, but I didn't care. I didn't even want to look, because my focus was on the opposite side of the church, where Luke'd sit. It was flat-out pining, Jensen." He shook his head with a dry smile. "The guy was straighter than a stripping pole, had a girlfriend, even. Or so I thought."

Jensen angled his gaze towards him, stilling. "You thought?"

Jared slid his hand through his hair, pinning his floppy locks against the top of his head so he could look at Jensen. "Yeah, right up to the point when he shoved me into a gym locker and kissed me stupid." 

A quick breath was all Jensen offered for about a second, and then his voice, even but low. "Did he hurt you?" 

"No." Jared responded honestly. "It was great. I mean, it was great for five seconds, and then I realized I was  _gay_. I mean, my entire world just--" He snapped. "--Just crumbled. And that was before word got out that Luke had cheated on his girlfriend with a  _guy_. Epitome of a newsworthy scandal." He sighed, teeth worrying away his bottom lip as he curled his fingers through the gaps between Jensen's absently, searching for solace and finding it when Jensen immediately pressed his fingertips into Jared's knuckles. "No one ever found out it was me, though. And a couple weeks later, Meg cornered me. She's perceptive, Meg is." He chuckled, missing her so much that it made his head spin. 

"So's my little sister," Jensen quirked a grin, noticing that Jared was smiling. "Little sisters are like that, I guess."

Jared made a note to interrogate Jensen on his family before going on. "She flat out went, 'I don't really give a shit that you're so gay that you can't  _walk_  straight, but if you don't stop walking in circles and angsting, I  _will_  kick your 6'1'' ass.' I was so shocked that I didn't even know what to say, but, y'know, Hallmark moment followed. Turned out Jeff had come to ask me for something, and he overheard... He's kind of oblivious ...and then it became even more Hallmark-y." He hung his head, tracing Jensen's fingernails. "So it was only my dad and mom left." 

"My dad died the next week," he said quietly, having already gone over the details with Jensen and not willing to rehash them just yet. Jensen's shoulder bumped into his gently. "And my mom didn't take it well. She didn't blame me-- she'd never blame me, of course, not for that, but she couldn't meet my eyes for a while. It was uneasy and gloomy around the house, and none of us wanted to talk... So... I was busy anyway, as it was my senior year, and, well... One of the guys in my art class asked me to prom. Meg and Jeff had been trying to get me to be more involved, to sort of shake the trauma from my dad's death, so I thought it'd be a good idea to say yes."

"Was it?" Jensen murmured, his mouth twisting into a grimace when Jared's response was a bitingly acerbic chuckle.

"It went perfectly.... And then he kissed me on the porch, and my mother happened to see." Jared pinched the bridge of his nose as Jensen inhaled sharply. "She didn't say anything when I walked in, just stared and stared and I swear, Jen, I swear that I was going to tell her that I was gay. I was just confused and scared and... I never did, and she found out in completely the worst way..." He shook his head, laughing again. It was a sort of an awful sound. "She went right past me and picked up my dad's slipper."

"What did she _do_ to you, Jared?" Jensen's voice was horrified.

Jared stood, fingers sliding beneath his cotton t-shirt as he rolled the material up, right to around his ribs. "She beat the ever living hell out of me." he said quietly, pseudo calmly, and Jensen's trembling fingers ghosted along his spine, over the war zone that was his skin. 

"Your _mother_ did this to you?" Jensen whispered, the worry marred with breathless repulsion. "The woman who _raised you_ did this to you?"

"I lost track of time," Jared said truthfully, his grip weakening as he stared as hard as he could at the window. "And she kept telling me she was cleansing me. That it was going to be okay. That she was just trying to get the _bad stuff_ out."

Jensen's fingers curled into fists against his back; he felt the scrape of short nails against his skin.

"And Meg and Jeff were still at prom, so neither of them knew what happened. I told them later that prom just went really badly or some-- some crap like that. Jeff took it, because he didn't know what to do. Meg didn't buy it for a second." 

"Why didn't you tell them?"

"Because I couldn't trust them." Jared said truthfully, turning to meet Jensen's dark gaze with his own flat stare. "My mom had just hit me within an inch of my life, and I was so scared. It felt like everyone was turning on me, like my dad had left me on my own and my mom was tearing me apart and- I thought... I thought, _if Meg and Jeff somehow turn on me too, I'll probably kill myself."_ He shook his head. "I never told them what happened. They never knew about any of the injuries, but they knew about the starving, and the purging, and the-"

"The _starving_?" Jensen's voice went raw with sheer fury, ice hardening in his already stark features.

Jared nodded, not quite disturbed by the starving so much as he'd been over the beating. "My mom made me stop eating anything salty or particularly sweet, stop drinking tea and coffee. It sucked, but it was better than her trying to flay the _gayness_ from me."

Jensen didn't say anything, so Jared kept going, his voice breaking a little. 

"I started to, um, lose a lot of weight, and... It was bad news. Meg forced my mom to stop, because she and Jeff knew that there wasn't anything wrong with me.... To some degree, Meg expected my mom to react like this, but... She and Jeff mostly found all of it really stupid. They, uh. Never knew about the beating."

"How did you get out, Jared?" Jensen's words were twisted with sorrow, his fingers gliding along torn skin as he helped Jared wrestle his shirt back down. 

"Well, um." Jared hesitated, even though the day was etched into his brain with searing clarity, and he knew it would never, _ever_ erase itself. "S-So, it was graduation day, and. Um. My mom asked me if I was, if I was still gay. Like it was a disease. And for the first time, I actually stood up to her. I told her that yes, I was still _gay_ , that I was always going to be gay. She just- we just stared at each other, didn't say anything... And then she picked up a Bible from the nightstand and told me to get out of the house and stay out until I was _clean_." He laughed. "I stayed long enough to tell Meg and Jeff that I was leaving when they got back, and then I left. She wouldn't let me take the car, took all my college funds away. I moved in with Gen in the next couple weeks."

"Jesus Christ." Jensen sounded _wounded_ , and it hit Jared like cold water to the chest. "God, Jared, I never would have pushed you if I-"

"I needed to be pushed, Jensen." Jared said, suddenly exhausted. He stared at the curtains, counting the golden threads of the tassels before adding, "someone had to do it eventually. I've been hiding for way too long, and I'm tired and sad and _scared_. I don't know if I can step back into that house. I haven't said a word to anyone in two days, barely eaten anything because I can't _concentrate_. All I can think about is how poisonous that place is, and now I have to... I have to go _back_." He stifled what felt like an incoming sob snagged in his throat. "I don't know if I can, Jensen."

"Were you," Jared could hear Jensen's slow inhale, "going to go back there on your own?"

"I have to." Jared pressed his tongue to his upper row of teeth. "I have to face her sometime, Jen-"

"But no one ever said you had to do it alone, Jay." Jensen interrupted quietly, and Jared spun to face him, to just stare at him helplessly with his tongue glued to the bottom of his mouth. 

"Are-- Do you-" Jared could hardly believe what he was even about to voice. "Would-"

"Only," Jensen's tone had dropped in volume as well, but his hushed words felt achingly loud. "Only if you want me there. I've got your back, y'know? You're not alone."

And of course, Jared saw it only fitting to kiss him hard on the mouth, lips slotting against Jensen's forcefully. His tongue brushed against the other's upper lip, his fingers burying themselves into the soft hair layering the nape of Jensen's neck. "How are you so _amazing_?"  
   
"Eh, it's my default." Jensen breathed, nudging his leg between both of Jared's. "Hey, as much as I want to punch you in the face with my mouth repeatedly, I think we should figure out how we're going to do this-- thing with your mom."

"Train." Jared managed to say, nudging into Jensen's hand as the other gently smoothed his bangs from his eyes. "'S about two hours by train, are you okay with that?"

"Sure." Jensen whispered, eyes locked on Jared's mouth like there was little else he was thinking other than ravishing it. Or, at least, that's what Jared was thinking about, and he felt rather as though he were projecting that thought through his expression. "Give me a day so I can clear my schedule for you."

"Yeah, not like you're a busy crime lord or anything crazy like that," Jared muttered, prompting Jensen's face to pink a little bit. It faded just as soon as it had come, his eyes and the corners of his mouth hardening.

"For you..." Jensen pressed his finger against Jared's collar bone with a secret sort of smile, "I'll clear a day."

Jared vaguely heard himself melting. "If you had a boss, he'd be firing you," he muttered, looking away so he didn't draw attention to how hard he was blushing.

"Yeah, well. I'm my own boss, and I figure now's a good time as any for a vacation."

"You can meet Jeff and Meg," Jared added eagerly, his eyes lighting up at the mention of his siblings. "They'll love you! Well, Meg hates everyone equally, but- I'm sure she won't hate you any more. I think."

Jared's babbling was detoured by a quick, open-mouthed kiss. He immediately forgot what he was saying.

"Uh," he said intelligently, and Jensen's smile was just a little wicked.

"By the way, what is it that we're doing?" Jensen wondered nonchalantly. Jared's brain continued to buzz with slight confusion. "You're letting me kiss you. Well, I mean, you're not slapping me or threatening to castrate me, so I mean, you must sort of like it. Maybe." His mouth quirked into something a bit more hopeful.

"Don't get your hopes up," Jared said, but he was also grinning a little. "I promise we'll do a relationship evaluation after I deal with my mom," he said quietly, his heart plunging just at the mention of her. As if he'd been conditioned, his skin started to prickle, much as it had every time he'd seen his mother after she'd hit him.

"Jared?" Jensen spoke up softly, his palms catching Jared's wrists into tight locks. "Are you okay?"

Jared's smile didn't quite touch his eyes, and it almost hurt to even attempt it. "After she hit me," he said, looking not at Jensen's eyes but at his his wrists, at the cream planes of skin that traversed his arms, "I felt like I didn't belong in my skin. It would just feel-- _wrong_. Sick. I wanted to climb out of it and just disappear. That's the worst thing she did to me, Jensen." He let his eyes drift up to Jensen's rapidly darkening gaze. "She made me hate myself."

Jensen's palms cupped the backs of his hands. "God," he said, sounding so wrecked for a moment that it made Jared's throat tighten. A wry, almost hurt smile crossed the other's face. "You haven't got a single thing to hate about yourself. You're whip smart and funny, and you jump to defend your friends without even thinking at all. It's like second nature to you. And you," he kissed the underside of Jared's jaw, a touch of tongue against the skin, "are," he kissed just beneath Jared's ear, nipping just enough to catch skin between his teeth, "beautiful."

" _Jensen_ ," he tried to protest helplessly as Jensen's wrists pressed his into the wall, but Jensen immediately snatched the words away and swept them into another kiss. He immediately forgot everything he was planning to say and probably everything he was planning to do, too. "Jen," he groaned, his hips pushing into Jensen's and Jensen's fingers creeping up the sides of his skin and barely strumming against his ribs. "Maybe-"

"Chris is here. Well, downstairs," Jensen interrupted with a whisper into his mouth when they both felt his phone buzz in his pocket; he looked more than a little disappointed as he pulled away. "You look a little rumpled, and he's not _blind_ , so you, uh." 

"I have security looking for me," Jared sighed. "Which is sort of unfortunate."

Jensen just shook his head, trying and failing to not smile. "You're such a-" He shook his head, corners of his mouth twitching affectionately. "Come on, let's go clear that misunderstanding. Next time, try taking the _legal_ approach, Jay? Please?"

"Says the crime lord," Jared said again with a snicker, his chest feeling much less heavier, and the smack he received for it was gentle.

\---

"Thanks, come again." Jared scooped the money into the register and sighed, sliding his arm beneath his bangs to push them away. It came away damp.

It was almost unbearably hot. The fans spun away lazily, and he could see the sheen of sweat glistening along the skin of the strippers even from where he was standing. Sweat rolled down his neck, bedewing the curls of hair against the nape.

He sucked in a heavy breath. It was almost suffocating, too hot to feel the drag of air through his lungs.

"Hello, Jared."

Jared jerked his head upwards, heat prickling along his shoulders and collar, only to see, to his dismay, Mark Pellegrino, in the company of a grim looking bodyguard, slide into the seat Jensen usually occupied. He instinctively rolled his sleeves down a little despite his arms' protest. 

"Hello, gentlemen," he said with a bland smile and painfully brummagem kindness, pushing his nervous agitation down and sitting on it. "What would you like?"

"Well, Jenny-Bean said you weren't on the menu," Pellegrino conceded with a genuine pout. "So I think I'll have bourbon. Can't really go wrong with some nice bourbon."

Jared quashed his questions as to why Pellegrino didn't just stay at home and pour himself bourbon and bustled around to get it ready. 

"On the rocks?" He bit off, bunching his hair into his fingers in the makings of a ponytail before giving up on it. 

"Sure, why not?" Pellegrino smiled, not quite kindly, and Jared found himself fixated on the wolfish smile for much too long before he turned to pour the drink over the ice. The urge to peel off his shirt was overwhelming, but he'd rather die than do it in front of Pellegrino. "It's hot, isn't it?"

Jared didn't know or like where this conversation was going. "Upwards of 90," he agreed conversationally, mopping his forehead as his breaths escaped too languorously.

"Kind of makes me want to take everything off." Pellegrino continued, and the point of the conversation came into stunning clarity. Jared tensed, his head tilting slightly to the side as he twisted the towel into his hands. "How about you?"

"I'm fine," Jared said through gritted teeth, shoving the balled up fabric into the glass and imagined stuffing it down Pellegrino's throat. "Really fine."

"Really? In black clothing? Are you sure you don't even want to remove your shirt?" The smile in Pellegrino's voice made everything all the more worse, and Jared shook his head.

"No," he started to say, and then Jensen was there, Chris at his side, and Jared's shoulders loosened, hands hanging by his side.

"Hi," he said intelligently, trying not to give Jensen a relieved smile as he nodded at him. Jensen's lips were pursed, eyebrows drawn together with obvious displeasure.

"Pellegrino," he said stiffly after a glance of greeting towards Jared. "I've never seen you drink here." Pellegrino swung to face him, grinning merrily, and Jared waited with bated breath for the blow.

"Heard your bartender was working here and came to ... How do you put it ... _Steal yo girl."_

Jensen didn't look the slightest bit amused. "Get the hell out."

"Free country, Jenny Bean." Pellegrino aimed the wicked grin in Jared's direction. "I was trying to see if I could make him take his shirt off, but."

Jensen's lips pulled downwards. "Mark." 

"I wouldn't do it." Jared said quietly, aiming a piercing glare at the taunting man. "No matter what you threatened."

"I could threaten to kill you." Pellegrino said, his voice bleeding saccharine. The temperature in the room plunged, and Jared forgot about how hot he was. "What would you do then?"

Jared leaned forward, fingers curling around the glasses. "I would tell you to kill me." He said quietly, each word crystal clear and succinct. Pellegrino's winter-blue eyes locked on his, his smile frosting over, before he lifted the glass from the table and tipped his head. Jensen was doing a statue impersonation to his left. 

"It was a pleasure, Jared." He chirped, winking at Jared with no real kindness. "Hope I'll see you around again."

"I hope not," Jared huffed beneath his breath, his annoyance only melting away when Pellegrino had finally left. Sighing, he turned to Jensen with a weary half smile. "Did you want something?" 

Jensen didn't smile back at Jared; he just stared at him, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. 

"I can't believe you said that."

Jared's eyebrows drew together as his hand hovered over the glass. He wracked his brain, but came up ultimately confused. "What are you talking about?"

" _Jared_ ," Jensen bit off, leaning over the counter and lowering his voice to a hissing whisper. "I get that you aren't a crime lord, alright? But don't you think it's the slightest bit unwise to _tempt_ one to kill you?"

"Wh-" Jared set the glass down. "I wasn't really tempting him, Jensen," he pointed out with mild annoyance, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "I just told him the truth."

"You're missing the point." Jensen's eyes were stones. "Pellegrino already thinks you're a giant walking target, and now you've basically told him that, if it comes down to either taking your shirt off or getting killed, you'd be fine with dying!"

"Which is the _truth_." Jared fired back, his jaw ticking slightly. 

"Are you serious, Jared?" Jensen growled, looking positively dangerous. Jared had never quite seen him like this, so agitated, and even though it was for him, he couldn't help but feel a flower of indignation bloom in his chest. 

"Deadly," he said back, crossing his arms and daring Jensen to challenge him. "I refuse to be objectified."

"I'd rather you be objectified than end up with a bullet in your head, Jared!" Jensen all but exploded, and Jared recoiled. His elbow nudged into the glass, and it rolled off the table and shattered against the floor, pretty much a metaphor for exactly how Jared kind of felt. It wasn't quite what Jensen said- Jared sort of knew he was right, yet the stubborn side of him didn't want to admit as much -but more the fact that, hell, they were _fighting_. And they'd just been kissing that same morning. Chris looked utterly startled, just so much so as both Jared and Jensen, his eyes flickering between theme like he'd never seen them even raise their voices at each other-- because they _hadn't_. Confusion, hurt, and unyielding petulance mingled in Jared's chest, and he averted his eyes to the mess of shards on the floor.

"I think you should leave, Jensen," he said quietly, not looking at Jensen and pretending not to see the way he retracted in his peripheral vision. "I have to clean this up."

He knelt to collect the shards, both reluctantly wishing that Jensen would listen to him and leave and praying that he didn't. When he'd collected everything, he stood up to see that Jensen had, as usual, respected his wishes and given him the space that he'd wanted. 

And he felt absolutely miserable about it.

\---

Not talking at all was one thing; not talking to Jensen was another thing entirely. Granted, Jared and Jared had only been ignoring each other for five hours (and twenty-five minutes, but who was counting?) when it all went down, but it was still much more difficult than he'd imagined.

On one hand, he wanted an apology from Jensen. On the other, he wanted to run back to Rosewood and apologize to Jensen, and that notion was the stronger one. After all, Jensen was the one who was trying to look out for him, and it couldn't have been easy with Jared unintentionally making things difficult with hasty remarks.

That being said, apologizing? It was really hard. 

Jared tried calling Jensen four times, and all four times he chickened out before the dial tone started up. Even though spending five hours away from Jensen wasn't really some mammoth feat, this wasn't the same sort of absence. Jared felt the tension from the argument solidify more and more the longer he held off calling Jensen.

Chad, of course, deemed him an idiot. And told him to gather his balls up off the floor where he had evidently left them and properly call Jensen. Gen thought his pride was getting a bit too much to him, which he couldn't really argue with. 

But it took something entirely different for Jared to finally crack and call Jensen, and it was something entirely unexpected.

To be fair, Jared didn't see this one coming. He'd just left the café, nursing a well-deserved and sort of self-pitying iced tea because damn, it was _hot_ , when he'd felt the prickle of someone's eyes sweep along his back.

He swatted at his shoulder blades, casting a surreptitious look about himself before pulling a confused frown and crossing the road- and that was about when the mild prickle blew into the full blown sensation.

Someone was watching him. Following him. 

 _Jesus_ , he thought faintly, looking around and wondering if he was just going crazy, if his gut was somehow working overtime and had just conjured up some new reason for him to panic. But when he looked about yet again, he noticed that he did in fact have a lithe shadow robed in dark, and no matter which way he turned they followed. 

He was on the verge of complete and utter breakdown, but he managed to wrestle his phone out of his pocket long enough to punch Jensen's number in. It was really douch-y of him to call Jensen only for help, but he was terrified that if he started running, his tail would open fire. 

"Hello?" Jensen had obviously checked caller ID, as his voice was terse and slightly clipped. 

"Jensen," Jared said breathlessly, trying to look _not suspicious_. "Someone's following me."

Jensen's tone changed immediately. "What?"

"I took a look, and they're-" Jared tried his damnedest to take long breaths. "Jensen, what do I do?"

"Smile." Jensen said, his tone brisk, almost businesslike, and Jared could only just hear the tension coiled beneath it. "If there's some sort of small shop nearby, go in. And act like this is a friendly conversation."

Jared backpedaled immediately, forcing on a smile that looked like a grimace as he crossed the street and re-entered the café. The girl behind the counter who'd given him his iced tea bestowed a confused look upon him before deciding that she didn't care all that much and looking away, and Jared's eyes pulled from her and onto the figure, who had stopped just to the side of a lamppost outside the shop.

"Did they enter with you?"

"No, they're outside." Jared's voice was on the verge of breaking. He played with his iced tea nervously, forcing a laugh and trying to make it seem like he wasn't the most suspicious tool on the planet. 

"Jay," Jensen's voice went warm, soothing. "Relax. I'm in the middle of something sort of important, but I swear I'll be with you as soon as possible. Are they still there?"

Jared looked up; his tail was gone.

"No," he whispered, almost melting with relief, and then there was the brush of skin against his shoulder and someone whispered,

_"Boo."_

Jared just about screamed, but managed to clip it with a terrified " _Jesus Christ_ "; he was very nearly on the verge of crying when he finally found out who his stalker was. He pressed the phone back to his ear, heart racing and breaths shallow as he glared at the other person.

"-red? _Jared_? Jesus, Jared, say something, please, dammit-" Jensen sounded a breath away from a full blown panic attack, and Jared rushed to appease him with soothing reassurances.

"Jensen, I'm fine," he sighed, pressing his hand to his chest, "I'm fine, it's just your family out to freak the hell out of me again."

Alona giggled, pulling her hoodie back to allow blonde curls to spill loosely over her shoulders. She daintily plucked the phone away from Jared, nestling it between her cheek and shoulder and chirping a cheery "Hi, Jenny!" Her instant moue conveyed to Jared what Jensen was probably saying on the other end, and that was what Jared could almost hear; Jensen certainly wasn't keeping his voice down. "Adi and I need to talk to him, so don't get your panties in a twist. It was just a little fun! Yes, yes, we'll leave him in pristine condition. We're at the Sunspot Café near Viva Castilla. Kisses! Bye!" 

She tossed his phone back to him and lowered herself into the seat gracefully, her cheerful smile easing Jared's tension, much to his chagrin. "How are you doing, Jared?"

"Great," Jared muttered suspiciously, pursing his lips around the straw in his iced tea. "You know. Considering."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Alona said unrepentantly. "It's just so damn fun to tease you."

Jared grunted, because it certainly wasn't the first time that had been said... And granted, this wouldn't be the last time either. "So... There wasn't an actual point to this conversation?"

Alona was about to say something, but arms lazily encircled Jared's neck, and she instead smiled at whoever was standing behind him. Jared resisted the returning urge to run away screaming at the top of his lungs. It was quite difficult, actually. 

"Hi, Jared!" Adrianne beamed, pressing a peck to both his cheeks before scooting into the seat across from him and leaving just the faintest hint of clove perfuming the air beside his face. 

"Hi." He tried not to sound as grumpy as he looked, but it didn't seem to be working. 

Alona studied him for a moment, her finger lazily twirling around a lock of honey-colored hair, and then giggled and shared a conspiring look with Adrianne. "Doesn't he look exactly like Jensen, Adi?"

"What?" Jared asked. He didn't look at all like Jensen, who was almost unfairly gorgeous and bore one of those unforgettable presences that was both maddening and charming at once. 

"Our unofficial _mon frere_ came home today for the first time in a month," Adrianne supplied conversationally. "He plunked himself into an armchair and pouted for three hours and basically looked just like you do now."

"Oh." Jared said, because really, what else was there to say. He couldn't help but feel a bit pleased, though, sheerly because at least he wasn't the only one feeling totally miserable. Then he felt kind of selfish. "Is he, um, okay now?"

"I'm pretty sure he'll continue his grumpy cat impersonation until you two resolve your little domestic." Alona responsed, lazily blowing steam away as it curled around the rim of a coffee cup that had seemingly come from nowhere. Jared stared at it, mystified, as Alona went on. "I assume that's why you look like this, unless it's your default."

Jared tore his eyes away from the cup. "We didn't fight," he protested, and at two sets of dubious eyebrows raising, he amended himself. "Okay, we fought, but we'll get over it tomorrow. It's not a big deal."

Adrianne's smile was soft. "Jared, 'sides from thinking that a bitchy Jensen is kind of cute, we're just thrilled to see him so invested. He's sort of a flighty guy, always hopping from one fling to another... To see him actually _annoyed_ over something like this is actually a really good thing."

Jared's ears were going progressively more red. "I-- I don't know what to say," he admitted, swallowing as he jabbed his straw against an ice cube. "Is- I mean, I know he's really great, and I really, really like him. It's just-- I'm the problem. I'm not nearly as confident as he is, I just-"

"Have you been staring at your phone like its the root of all evil and driving your friends bat-shit crazy?" Alona deadpanned.

Jared didn't think it necessary to grace that with a response. 

"Exactly." She stood, adjusting her purse and smiling at Jared warmly. "You could be really good for that idiot." 

Jared stared, determined, at his iced tea, and heard Adrianne giggle again as she leaned over so her mouth just barely brushed against his ear. 

"You guys fought, but how fast after you called did Jensen pick up the phone?" she whispered, her breath cool as it ebbed along the shell of his ear. Jared bit his lip, worrying away at the skin as his ears reached the peak of blazing scarlet. "He may have been upset with you and exchanged hurtful words with you, but you're his priority no matter what, Jared." She lifted her head, but just as quickly ducked back down. "Need any more proof? Look up."

Jared knew what he was going to be seeing even before his eyes lifted from the safety of his iced tea; Jensen, hair tousled like he had very well flew, sans Chris for once (knowing Chris, the man was probably cursing his boss at the very moment), pushed the door open, honed in on Jared in less than two seconds, and made a beeline for him. 

"Hmm," Alona said with a _pretend_ pout, "We're your sisters, Jensen, why don't you trust us to leave Jared unharmed?"

"Because you're both evil," Jensen said with absolutely no hesitation, hard gaze swinging between Alona, Adrianne, and Jared; it softened fractionally only when he noted that everything was alright. "I'll give you his number-- just, _please_ call him from now on, instead of threatening him with guns and stalking him. Please?"

"You're no fun," Alona huffed, but she had a smile for Jared as they breezed by. Adrianne leaned over to scribble seven digits along his palm with sharpie before planting a kiss on his cheek. "Catch you on the flip side, Jared. Don't forget what we said!" Alona winked at him before the two girls exited, the bell jingling cordially as Jensen turned back to Jared.

"What did they tell you?"

Jared blinked, finally regaining his wits long enough to shake his head with a small shrug. "No threats or anything, just.... Catching up, I guess." He absently traced the numbers scrawled along his palm with a fingernail as they both fell into an awkward silence, broken only by Jensen clearing his throat.

"Right," he said, his voice a little rough. "If, um, you're alright, then, I'll-"

"Jensen," Jared pulled himself together and smothered his pride, scrambling to his feet. "Th- Thank you. I know you're busy, and you just-- you just dropped everything and ran for me."

"I," Jensen started to say, but Jared held up a hand and cut him off.

"And I," Jared swallowed, "I'm sorry for earlier today, for being hardheaded and saying something moronic without thinking. I don't get the business, but I get that you're watching out for me, and I'm really glad you are." He laughed a little, rubbing the back of his neck as he absently doodled ribbons into the condensation on his empty cup. "I guess I just kind of said it, without really thinking about it, and-- it was dumb. So-- So..." Jared trailed off, not quite knowing how to seal his apology. "So that's it."

Jensen stared at him as silence crept over them, and desperation edged into Jared's features. That was okay, wasn't it? A fitting apology? 

"Sorry," Jensen said after a moment, "I'm kind of waiting for inspirational Hallmark music to filter in, but all I'm getting is jazz."

Jared's mind went blank for a moment before he snapped his jaw closed and chucked his cup at the laughing man, his own grin threatening to split his face. 

"Hey!" Jensen fumbled, catching the cup in his arms with a scowl that was trying really hard to be genuinely annoyed. "I'll sue you for harassment, you know."

"It'd be worth it." Jared stuck his tongue out childishly, making for the door in a valiant attempt to still look cool. Jensen curled two fingers into his collar, tugging backwards with a quiet, "wait, Jared." 

When Jared turned to face him, Jensen's smile had faded, but the good-natured glimmer was still present in the verdant of his irises.

"I was at fault, too. You don't deserve to be objectified, not ever. I was just worried, considering the fact that we still haven't found the anonymous shooter, and-- I just can't take that risk." His mouth twisted into a grimace. "It sort of constitutes a failure on my part, and it made me particularly snappy. I guess we were both in the wrong."

"You more so than me," Jared quipped immediately, and Jensen swatted him.

"Yeah, yeah, smartass." He grinned, and then the color drained out of his face as he looked past Jared. "Ah, shit."

"Do you," Chris Kane looked like he was on the brink of murdering the very man he had sworn to protect, his expression scathingly fierce, "have any idea what you've put me through, you son of a bitch?"

"Ah, wait, I can explain," Jensen stepped behind Jared, and Jared, with a quiet chuckle and a smug smirk, moved so that Jensen was in direct line of fire. "Et tu, Jared?" He hissed before his gaze snapped back to Chris.

"We get out of the meeting and all you say is, 'I gotta go save him,' and then you vanish." Chris's glare promised thunderstorms. "I've been searching like a madman all over the place, and only a few minutes ago I saw Alona and Adrianne and asked them where you were." His fingers curled into fists, like he was imagining Jensen's neck caught between them. "I could _throttle_ you."

"Uh, aha, that would be counterproductive," Jensen attempted, looking as though he were  _cowering_ a little. Jared couldn't help but enjoy the show, because he was sort of an awful person. 

"I thought you'd run off to deal with a hostage situation on your own!" Chris growled, only coming closer and jabbing a finger towards Jensen's chest. "I didn't think it was just about _Jared_."

"Oh, thanks," Jared muttered, but he shut up when fire was aimed his way. 

"The next time you pull something like this," Chris all but snarled, the threat in his eyes conveying what he didn't say, "I will quit on your ass."

"Duly noted," Jensen promised immediately, fingers crossing his chest in an X. 

Chris muttered something about deserving a raise (which Jared was pretty sure he'd heard before) as he took his place beside Jensen with his professionally impassive expression.

"Right," Jensen said after a moment, looking slightly shaken. "I need a drink. Quit laughing," he huffed to Jared as he stalked off, but Jared didn't stop laughing for at least two more minutes. 

And it was the lightest he'd felt for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGH THIS TOOK FOREVER.
> 
> I am so sorry; crap kept getting thrown my way. I'll try to keep updates consistent... Ehe.


	9. In Which Jared Meets Jensen's Family, Gets Awfully Drunk, and Chats with Pellegrino

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Jared's voice was just as pale as his face probably was, and he adjusted his chocolate-brown tie for the sixth time in ten minutes. He hadn't been able to stop fidgeting since they stepped out of the car and set foot into Jensen's family home, actually. "I seriously- I think I'm going to throw up. Where's the nearest bathroom?"

"Jared, you're going to be  _fine,"_ Jensen assured, patting him between his shoulder blades with what was supposed to be a comforting quirk of his lips. "They'll love you, I promise. If you can get Adi and Lona to like you, you've got the gold. If I'm having a fling with anyone they don't like, that person has a tendency to end up mysteriously dead."

That  _so_  didn't help. "Thanks, Jensen. Really, thanks. Uh, you go. I'm going to go lock myself in aforementioned needlessly fancy bathroom." 

Jensen's arm curled around his, both supporting and trapping him as they continued down the hallway towards the dining hall. "The toilet is gold," he said vaguely, as though that would make Jared feel any better about the situation.

"Great, now I can't even use the bathroom in peace." This induced a laugh from Chris, but that didn't alleviate his stress.

"Jared, no one in my family is going to maim you, alright? We're like, the good crime lords. Like... A slightly better brand of crap, y'know?" Jensen rolled his eyes towards the domed ceiling, his smile warm. "Just be yourself."

"A bartender in a strip club?" Jared all but squeaked as he marveled at yet another marble tile, at the fourth gold, diamond studded chandelier, at the seventh pair of glossy, lily-shaped lamps they passed. Jesus Christ, Jensen's family home was-- It was  _breathtaking_ . Jared hadn't known that this many things about a person could be almost as beautiful as the person himself. "I can go mix the drinks, that might make me feel better."

"No. Smartass." Jensen cuffed the back of his head gently. "Charm the pants off of them." 

And before Jared could even say anything in response to that (like,  _I charmed the pants off of you?),_ Jensen had taken the two golden, swan-shaped handles and turned them, prompting two resounding clicks and causing the heavy doors to crack open. For a moment, the sheer brightness of the light flooding the dining hall blinded Jared, and once his eyes had adjusted, he saw Jensen's entire  _frickin' beautiful_  family- extended and immediate -seated elegantly around an oblong table. Hors d'oeuvres and tiny cocktails littered the table between every other seat, and for the most part, the family regarded the two of them almost curiously. Jared just stood there next to Jensen, suddenly feeling extremely awkward, and tried not to meet anyone's eyes specifically.

Then, suddenly, 

"You're a lot taller than I thought you would be."

The delicate voice piped up from a pretty young woman seated near the end of the table, and she rose to her feet, smoothing her dusky gray gown out before crossing over to them. "I'm Mackenzie, Jared; call me Mac. I'm Jensen's younger sister." She flashed him a megawatt smile. 

_Ah, so he has a younger sister, too._ Jared managed to formulate, taking a hold of her hand and hoping his wasn't ridiculously sweaty. "Like," he whispered, his voice cracking pathetically, "His actual sister, or his-- sister by name?" 

Even her laugh was graceful. "I'm his real sister, Mackenzie Ackles. That's our older brother, Josh." She dropped his hand to fling her arms around Jensen, and Jared heard her whisper  _welcome back_ beneath her breath. Sudden homesickness flooded his gut, which was strange, because he hadn't felt homesick in quite a long time. It was probably just this evoking the feeling.

The man who was obviously Josh nodded politely at him, but he didn't stand up, and Jared jerkily nodded back, realizing that hey, Jensen's family was structured exactly the same as his. Which was kind of cool. He shifted from one foot to the other, leaning a little against Jensen for comfort. Jensen gently nudging an elbow into his ribs. "I-It's nice to meet you. Both of you." 

"You know us, of course, Jared." Adrianne piped up, and despite himself, Jared was relieved to see her and Alona's familiar faces amongst the sea he couldn't identify. Each of them in turn introduced their parents and siblings, and Jared tried to raise his voice long enough to respond to the greetings. It was easier than he thought, presenting himself, and by the time Jensen had steered him into a seat, he knew most of the people's names, including Jensen's parents, Donna and Alan Ackles.

"Jared, darling, tell us more about yourself," Donna invited with an elegant smile, dabbing her mouth with a napkin and brushing away invisible crumbs. Jared's just stared at her like one of the nerves between his brain and his mouth had snapped until a dulcet giggle from Alona and Adrianne's end of the table had him stuttering to talk.

"I, uh, nothing special, really." he managed, pulling at his collar as the tag buried itself into the nape of his neck, and Jensen snorted beside him. He resisted the urge to turn around and stuff one of the little cocktail meatballs down his throat. "I'm, uh..." There was literally nothing he could tell Donna that wasn't incriminating. 

Jensen seemed to pick up on Jared's  _save me_  vibes and was about to say something, when Josh leaned forward.

"You're a bartender, aren't you, Jared?"

Oh. Well, that worked. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jensen's fist tighten around his silverware, saw Donna's lips purse as she directed a quick look towards Jensen's older brother.

"I, yeah." He couldn't lie about that, as much as he seriously thought about it. "Yeah, I'm a bartender at, um-"

"At a strip club," Josh continued, slicing at his meatball with the same deceptively polite air, while Jensen's hands continued to tighten alarmingly around his fork and knife. Alan glanced at Jared askance, while Donna's mouth continued to tighten, and Jared felt like a rabbit facing three wolves, even as he brushed the back of his hand against Jensen's knuckles so the other didn't skewer himself with his own silverware.

"Joshie, c'mon, don't be so uptight." Alona chirped from the end of table, her hand cradling her head as she looked between them. "Remember Sissy? She married a dish boy from the local café. Profession doesn't really matter."

"A wonderful piece of insight, Lona," Alan murmured sagely, surprising Jared; he'd been almost certain that Alan hated him. Jensen loosened a little bit at that, but fixed narrowed eyes on his brother.

"You misunderstand," Josh sighed, huffing at Jensen's expression before setting his fork down with a frustrated, pinched expression. "Jared, I really have nothing against you, I swear. I just think Jensen made a really rash mistake speaking up against Pellegrino, and... Well, it seems Pellegrino has taken an interest in you. I'm just," he swallowed visibly, Adam's apple bobbing, "Worried about my brother, you know? And, well, you." 

Jensen and Jared relaxed a little bit. "I 'ppreciate that, Jeff, but Jared's under my protection, now. I'm not going to let either of us get into trouble."

"Unfortunately, Jensen, you've already done that." Alan's voice was edged with steel, but his expression was like that of any worried father: crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, creased, his lips tense. Somehow, it soothed Jared a bit to see it.

"Dad," Jensen countered. "I told him he wasn't getting that land, because who knew what he was going to do with it?" 

"You guys were shot at." Josh cut in, his eyes narrowed even further, and the family began to murmur in undertones. At the way Jensen cringed at Donna and Alan's slight, matching glares, Jared guessed that he hadn't mentioned this little issue to his family. He poked at his meatball in silence, appetite subdued, and kept an ear tuned to the conversation. "You can't put yourself in danger... And with Jared working in such a public setting- a setting where people like  _us_ frequent -you can't guarantee either of your protection." Jared hated to admit it, but Josh had a really good point; if he had to count all the people in Jensen's line of work who walked in and out of Spice...

"Josh!" Jensen began to argue, but Mac cut in, her voice pensive. 

"Well, Jen, why did you turn him down?"

"I think he's using it for organ trade," Jensen bit off, tamping down his annoyance as he turned to his sister. "Which, by the way, is vile, and I wouldn't want him or Amell anywhere near that land."

"Amell." Josh echoed, eyes snapping to Jared. "Our eyes say that Amell and Jared had a run in as well. Is that true, Jensen?"

Jensen seemed pissed for another reason entirely. "You've had people spying on J-?"

As disturbing as that thought was, Jared couldn't keep his mouth from running off any further, so he said, quietly, "It's true." When all eyes had properly drifted from Jensen to him, he continued, "He insulted both Jensen and me, and said that Jensen's reasons for hiring me were, ah, less than virtuous. I had no idea he even knew Pellegrino. I may have said things that I definitely don't regret." he added thoughtfully, trying not to let his eyes flicker to the smile that Jensen was trying to hide, or to Mac, who was grinning openly at him. 

Across from him, Josh sighed, and finally, the aloof mask cracked to reveal a small, wry, uplift of the mouth. It wasn't quite a smile, but Jared wanted to cheer all the same. "Alright, fine. I can appreciate that. What do you propose, Dad?"

The family looked to Alan, collective eyes waiting for some sort of action, yet Alan only spoke once he had finished chewing and swallowing. Dabbing his mouth and gazing into the distance, past everyone's heads and at the clock on the far wall, Alan said, calmly, "When does the bidding for the land start, Jensen?" 

"On Friday, Dad."  

"We cannot let Pellegrino acquire the land," Alan said deliberately, looking between his sons, wife, and daughter in turn, his eyebrows furrowed as though he was deep in thought. "Jensen is quite right; Pellegrino and Amell will use the land for dangerous activity, which in turn could tarnish our reputation."

_As crime lords?_ Jared thought blankly, but then recalled that Jensen  _had_  said something about them being the more noble variety of crime lord. 

"I have more bad news, to say the least." The smile was gone from Mac's voice, and she presented a sheet of paper with eighteen neatly written locations in cursive. "These are all small businesses that Pellegrino seems to have overtaken, in which he most likely plans to carry out his black market trading. Crushing one place is within our power, but to buy out eighteen different locations? Who knows how long it will take, and whether they'll relinquish to us?"

Donna shook her head, mouth firm, and Jared noticed that despite Alona and Adrianne's families being there, the Ackles were the ones doing the most talking. They must have been the heads, of sorts. "It isn't really our job to crush Pellegrino, Mac," she said firmly, her eyes glittering, and Jared's head spun a little. Jensen's mother had an impressive presence, unyielding but gentle, and it sort of reminded him of his mother before she'd found out of his orientation. He turned away from her, appetite lost, and chased the meatball around the curve of the plate. "We must be on the defensive, though. The only reason I see fit to get involved this time is because of the circumstances of the land."

Alan nodded absently. "I agree, dear. We will outbid him this Friday, and then he will no longer be our business."

Jensen looked as though he had swallowed something particularly sour. "But Dad," he started to protest, yet Josh cut in with a frown.

"But nothing, Jen." He said, with the  _older brother voice_ that Jared had heard so many times, a voice that made him smile despite Jensen's outrage. "You, Jared, and Christian were all put in danger, and though we don't know if that was Pellegrino's doing, it could very well happen again. Don't try to go after Pellegrino; nothing good will come out of it."  

"But if we could just stop him," Jensen tried again, and this time, Adrianne cut in, sounding more serious than before.

"Jenny, you remember the day Alona and I spooked Jared?"

Jared found himself nodding grouchily along with Jensen. "What about it?" Jensen inquired, deterred by how solemn she looked.

"Our bodyguards detained a guy in the alley behind the shop we left you two at," she said, her lips tightening. "He knew you, Jen, but he claimed that he wasn't following either of you. That it was just a coincidence." Her head fell into a cradle her dainty hand made. "He was armed. Two knives."

Jensen stared at her. "And you didn't think to tell me this?"

"We didn't have proof." Alona sighed, twisting a lock of hair around her finger and gritting her teeth in momentary frustration. "He didn't look like he could do much, anyway, and you guys had Chris. But..." 

Jared's spine stiffened, and he suddenly felt his stomach turn uneasily. He suddenly had to wonder; was he  _always_ in danger? Being followed, shot at.... Was this his life now? He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, the meatball on his plate had finally stopped spinning on its own. 

Jensen's fingers trailed along his hip, brushing along the sharp jut of bone where Jared hadn't bothered putting quite enough weight after losing it all those years ago. When he looked up, Jensen's fingers were gone, but he spared Jared a reassuring glance before taking a drink.

"If that's all?" Alan said, Donna looking between them with a hawk-sharp gaze, and Jared found himself nodding along with Jensen even though he hadn't said much at all. "Good. Then can we address the matter of the raised amount the printers are demanding for their task? Nancy, Jeff?" He raised his eyes to look up at Alona and Adrianne's parents, and Jensen relaxed beside him as the conversation redirected into one of softer tones and significantly less concern as dinner was served. It was something Jared didn't even try pronouncing, something braised or souffléd. Even though it melted in his mouth when he tried it, he couldn't bring himself to enjoy it. 

"See? Not that bad." Jensen nudged him, and Jared tried a weak smile that didn't fool even himself.

"I'm going to use the restroom, excuse me," he said abruptly, and Jensen, eyebrows knitting for just a moment, tilted his head into a nod. 

"You know where it is, right?"

"Yeah." He set his napkin down, trying to scoot away from the chatter with as little commotion as possible. After much debating whether he should even use the bathroom, fancy as it was, he finally went in and was completely intimidated by everything, from the emeralds studding the toilet paper holder to the gold faucets that responded to just a little trill of his fingers.  _So this is what it's like to be luxuriously wealthy,_ he thought absently, thumb grazing along the cut crystal of the faucets. He could only imagine what Jensen thought when he saw his and Gen's apartment and cringed when he remembered that Jensen actually  _slept_  there.

When he stepped out, Josh was standing alarmingly close to the door, and Jared nearly had a heart attack.

"Jesus," he backed into the door, and Josh immediately raised two hands as though in surrender.

"Sorry," he said contritely, looking uncomfortable, "I just, I saw you get up, and I thought this was as best a place to have a little chat away from everyone else's prying ears, you know?"

Thoughts of Josh murdering him totally didn't run through Jared's head. "Yeah, of course," he muttered, trying to soothe his stuttering heart as he edged away from the doorway. "Um, if, if this is about putting Jensen in danger, I'm really sorry- I didn't mean to land him in such a precarious position-"

"Yes, well," Josh interrupted, a flash of annoyance streaking across his face, "If I know Jensen, then he's the one who landed you in this position." Jared couldn't really argue with that, so he just lifted both shoulders in an awkward shrug. "It's-- Look, Jared, I know I seem standoffish and hostile, it's just-" He swallowed, and Jared felt briefly sympathetic to his plight; the poor guy looked as awkward as Jared felt, "-Can I be honest with you? God, I probably seem like one of those lame antagonists in movies who threaten people to stay away from their family-"

"What?" Jared had officially lost him. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

"Jared, I-" Josh squeezed his eyes shut, "-I don't think you should be around Jensen."

"Oh."  _Oh._ "I can kind of imagine why, I'm probably embarrassing him by just existing-" A mortified blush crept up his neck as he imagined how disapproving Donna and Alan were if Josh was telling him this-

"God, no, that's not it." Josh himself looked entirely chagrined at that thought. "Of course not, Jared, we're better than that. It's just- Look, Jensen's not the only one who's made a companion out of someone who isn't part of our world. The crime world, you know? We're all used to it, but he-- All of us, really --seems to forget that whoever we're with isn't used to this. Tell me honestly, how freaked out are you by all this shooting and stalking and  _Pellegrino_ business?"

Jared's expression seemed to say it all for him, because Josh nodded knowingly.

"Alona mentioned that Sissy married a dish boy." Josh seemed to sag a little bit. "She probably forgot, but I also dated a girl out of the crime world; she was a barista, working in the middle of school- just like you. Jensen mentioned that you're studying neurology. That's great." And he meant it, too, because his expression lit up earnestly.

"Thank you," Jared murmured, and somehow, he had an inkling of a bad feeling as to where this story was going. "Did you stop dating her?"  

Josh pulled his gaze away from Jared, looking above his head to stare at a decorative lamp behind him. "I didn't want to," he said quietly, "But one day, when we went out to eat, she drank some gift wine meant for me and nearly died." The brief pinch of anguish and guilt in his gaze spoke volumes for him, even before he said, "She was placed into Witness Protection after Dad pulled some strings, and I never saw her again. Sometimes I imagine she graduated and is far, far away from anything that could hurt her." 

"I can't even imagine what it would be like to deal with that," Jared said honestly, and he suddenly felt as though he could understand why Josh looked so uptight and was so concerned about Jensen's wellbeing. "I-- It's awful that that happened to the both of you."

"I'm not sorry," Josh said flatly, gaze lowering until he was meeting Jared's eyes again. "At least when she was placed in the program, she didn't have to worry about my work-related enemies putting her life at risk again. And if she hadn't drank it, I would have drank it, and it would have been my life. There's always something, Jared- it never stops. Someone's always after your life, no matter what you do to evade it." 

"I-" Jared started to say, but Josh held up a hand.

"I'm almost done, I promise. Look, Jared- I can't tell you or Jensen who to and who not to love. Hell, Jensen's a hardheaded ass when it comes to it, so I probably wouldn't get very far. But- Just know that if you're in deep with Jensen, you're in deep with his world, and your plans for the future and your  _life_ are automatically jeopardized." There was no lie in his voice, his eyes; he was telling Jared the truth, or at least what he honestly believed was the truth.

Jared's blood had gone cold at the implications about ten minutes before.

Josh nodded, looking uncomfortable again. "Right, well- that's it. I hope that whatever choice you make, you don't regret it." His fingers skimmed the air above Jared's shoulder as he headed past him and back to the dining room. Jared distantly heard Mac compliment the coconut cake's dreamy fluffiness, but he didn't think he'd be able to stomach dessert.  

A breeze floated by, tickling the tips of his hair, and he followed it to see two doors opening out to a balcony. The kitchen was in the back part of the mansion, which was built quite creatively into a hill; this provided an opportunity to even have a balcony, as many residences had balconies on the second floor. With the hill, though, even the first floor had enough height to support a balcony. Jared's fingers curled over the cherry oak of the railing, and he peered over to see lush green disappearing in a steep slope well past what he could see. 

"You're so dramatic, Jared." Jensen, cradling two glasses of what appeared to be maroon dessert wine, gently bumped his toes into Jared's calf. "Disappearing before dessert?" He shook his head with mock disappointment, holding one of the glasses out at arm's length. "A shame, the coconut cake really was wonderful for all of Mac's waxing lyrical."

Jared took the glass with a quick smile, but found he had nothing to say to Jensen that wasn't somehow too somber for Jensen's apparent good mood. "Thanks."

"I saw Josh come out from the direction of the bathroom," Jensen said, so quick and quiet that Jared very nearly missed it. "He talked to you, didn't he?"

Again, Jared saw no reason to lie. He nodded, taking a gulp of the sweet wine and wishing it were somehow stronger so he could will away the conversation. "He didn't tell me too much past things I probably knew yet didn't want to admit," he inhaled, turning to Jensen. "But he was very concerned about your safety. He's ... He cares a lot."

"Sometimes too much," Jensen grumbled, but it was good-natured. "But- how are you feeling? About my family?" He looked hopeful again, and Jared's chest constricted.

"Your family is great, Jensen," he said honestly. "Just how I'd expect them to be. Your parents care a lot about you, and so do your siblings. They're all very accommodating."

Jensen nodded, and then, without missing a beat. "But?"

Jared played oblivion. "What?"

"There's a but coming," Jensen didn't look convinced by Jared's feigning, his eyes narrowed shrewdly. Jared swallowed, throat suddenly feeling incredibly dry.

"But that doesn't change the fact that I don't belong here," he concluded quietly, and then stopped Jensen's automatic complaint by adding, "I couldn't contribute today, Jen, and I probably won't ever understand what's happening enough to do so. It's just- I feel... Out of place. Kind of uncomfortable."

Jensen nursed his flute, his expression slightly detached now. "I get it, Jared," he said after a moment of stretchy, taffy-like silence, and Jared exhaled with relief at the fact that Jensen had actually talked after his little complaint session. "I could always teach you the basics, if you ever wanted to know... I'm glad you like my family, though." 

"Jensen," Jared curled his fingers into the other's sleeve, somehow feeling like he'd offended him, and verdant eyes pulled away from the glass to focus on him. "I still want you to meet my brother and sister, and I still want to do sappy, dumb things with you, and I still want to drive you around. It's just that- this- your work? While it's fascinating and sort of really cool, it's not... Me. Even if you taught me what it was like to be a crime lord, I'm still going to want to sort of run away screaming from the fact that we were shot at and potentially followed by some creep. You all handle it so maturely, like it doesn't even bother you, but I'm-- I'm so out of place that I'm still freaking out from the shooting."

"I don't fault you for that," Jensen said quietly, "that's because of the trauma."

"But Jensen, how often do your family members get shot at?" Jared ducked down to capture eyes that weren't meeting his own. The silence answered for him as he charged on, "I can't be having a tantrum every time one of you is in danger, especially when your line of work demands a clear and steady mind."

"All lines of work demand a clear and steady mind," Jensen argued, his expression slightly peeved. Jared rolled his eyes in fond exasperation at his obvious, stubborn pout and pointed towards the dining hall. 

"No one in your family even recoiled when they heard we'd been shot at," he argued. "Sure, they were a bit taken aback, but Josh was so calm when he broached the topic. I panicked just hearing about it again, Jen." He shook his head. "Do you see what I mean?"

Jensen huffed, the sound accepting yet slightly guarded. "So what do we do now?" 

Jared looked down at the glossy surface of his wine and whispered, "I don't know, Jensen. I really don't know."

\---

"Wait, so his brother doesn't like you?" Chad looked Jared up and down critically, his cheek smushed up against his lemonade bottle as an escape from the second heat wave. "Well, if you looked like this, I wouldn't blame him."

"Why don't you ever go home, Chad?" Gen groaned her complaint, one of her legs hanging over the sofa while the other swung back and forth lazily over the cushion.

"It's not that he doesn't like me," Jared sighed, fanning himself with one of those crappy fold up paper fans that kindergartners probably made better than he did, "Or maybe he doesn't, I don't know. He was just warning me about what I'd be getting into with Jensen."

"Which you already knew, since it's kind of hard to forget the fact that you were kissing, gee, I dunno, a  _crime lord?_ " Gen peered at him speculatively, and he couldn't help the nod; he was almost as bad at lying as she was.

"Dude, you suck." Chad sighed. "Why do all the problems follow you? Though, I have to admit... The two blondes who held guns to you the other day? They were the kinds of problems I could totally get used to, if you know what I'm talking about."

"Chad, one of them is married." Jared pointed out, and Chad snickered.

"I don't mind, he can join too. Is he hot?"

Jared stared blankly at him while Genevieve flung a pillow at his face. "Anyway, he basically concluded by telling me that this life was something I should think long and hard about before diving into... And that I should think about my relationship with Jensen properly."

"Of course, you were already going to do that, right?" Genevieve narrowed her eyes, and Jared averted his eyes hastily. In all honesty, he and Jensen hadn't been doing all that much thinking as they had been kissing; Jensen was far more brazen than Jared had dreamed, snatching quick, fleeting, open-mouthed kisses a surprising handful of times. Jared found himself yanked into doorways, pushed into walls, distracted from his driving- and all of these inevitably ended with Jensen's mouth on his. It was maddening, flustering, and... Completely wonderful.

"Jared, when people are thirsty, they drink water. When they're hungry, they eat food, and when they're dating a crime lord-- they exercise fucking caution!" Chad growled, shoving a wicked index finger between Jared's eyes. He went a little cross-eyed trying to follow. "Don't you think you've been disappointed enough, man? Would it really hurt to be a little careful, just a little? The problem with you is that even though you think you don't give your trust away that easily, you do."

Jared frowned at him. "No I-"

"Yeah, you fucking do." Chad huffed, tossing an empty glass bottle aside to replace it with something significantly stronger. Jared and Genevieve frowned at the bottles of alcohol until she finally spoke up, hesitation in her tone. 

"Where- how--?" 

"I keep a few bottles in your fridge," Chad said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. "I also keep anchovies in there, since neither of you have appreciation for small, salty fish."

Jared closed his eyes while Gen went, "Aha! So that was the horrible smell! I thought something had spoiled."

Chad bristled, toasting the bottle towards Jared. "No appreciation at all," he muttered with a prodigious sniff, glancing back at Jared again. "Here's to a relationship that doesn't leave you in tears, Jared. And someone who doesn't run away from me when they hear me tell a joke." He added as an afterthought, tipping the bottle and his head back and shivering a bit at the chill. "You guys taking?"

To Jared's surprise, Gen reached for one of the other bottles. "What?" She demanded defensively at Jared's raised eyebrows. "I don't do it often. Aren't you going to drink?" 

Jared was almost tempted. "Probably not," he said mildly, "I work as a bartender. I get my fix of alcohol, and ... To be honest, I really don't want more alcohol." In a twist of irony, Jared had a very low tolerance for alcohol, and his intake remained restricted to sweet wines and bubbly, mostly flavorless drinks.

"Bullshit." Chad said bluntly, a frequenter at the bar. "You hardly drink anything behind the counter, go ahead and drink. No one's going to sue you."

"I have work tomorrow!" Jared growled, pushing the bottle back towards Chad. "And you know I can't hold my alcohol!" Chad "huh"ed sagely, not entirely able to argue with that, and shrugged. 

"Your loss, Jay."  

Jared tried his damnedest not to cave, because as Genevieve and Chad got more and more drunk, they grew more and more affectionate, planting amusingly sloppy kisses on each other and hugging and doing things that were generally uncharacteristic of both of their personalities. And Jared was going to have to stop them, and in order to stop them, he sort of had to be sober. He kept himself busy by going through his books again, but, unsurprisingly, he was hardly able to concentrate on anything he was reading.

When it came to the point that Chad started trying to kiss  _him,_ Jared realized that the only reason he'd be able to deal with an overly fond Chad was by drinking as well. He cringed at the sharpness when it went down, felt it lick at his throat like fire. Geez, alcohol was quite literally the bane of his existence. It was poison and relief, his way of escaping facing the meaning of his and Jensen's relationship, facing his mother, facing siblings whose trust he had disavowed. One drink, of course, led to another, and another, and then goddammit, he was drunk.

"You'd better not kiss me," he muttered, his words only slightly slurred as he pulled away from Chad's limbs. "Go kiss Gen or something." Unfortunately, Chad took his advice to heart and all but draped himself over a quite giggly Gen, so Jared decided to step outside for a few moments.

He sat on the top step of the empty stairwell, swinging the bottle between his fingers lightly, absently, to some inane rhythm. Which was about when his phone started to ring cheerfully in his pocket. Honestly, how did these devices even last so long without dying? He spent a shameful amount of time trying to answer it; it took Jared a while to answer the damn thing when he was sober, let alone when he was drunk. 

"Hellllooooo," he sang without looking at the caller ID, sort of automatically assuming that it would be Jensen on the other line. But the decidedly more sly voice on the other end totally didn't belong to Jensen.

"Hello, Jared. I didn't think you'd be this happy to hear from me, to be honest. I expected a lot more sass... Or a rejection." Jared's eyebrows drew together, his euphoria edged only slightly by his confusion at who was speaking and how they'd gotten his number. All the same, though, it was way too much for Jared to wrap his somewhat inebriated head around.

"Why wouldn't I be happy?" He chirped instead, setting the bottle down with a clink on the top of the staircase. "I'm really happy. So very happy."

"And drunk. So very drunk." He heard the smirk through the phone even through the haze of alcohol, through the buzz, and that, and the image of frosted blue eyes, finally provided him with an answer in the form of a name.

"Pellegrino," he breathed, and something told him he ought to be a lot more worried that Pellegrino had his number... And that Pellegrino was actually talking to him. "I should hang up," he giggled, "Jen will be mad."  _And,_ he thought dimly,  _I should be mad as well, I think..._

"Jenny-Bean will be mad indeed," Pellegrino sounded wickedly amused. "Well, I was going to ask you something, but it seems like you're in no condition to really comprehend my offers-"

Jared had lost him at condition. "I'm great," he drawled, grinning loopily at nothing in particular. "Seriously great. Tell me everything."

"No, no, I have a better idea, Jared. Why don't you tell me about yourself instead?" The ring of warning bells was drowned out by Jared's urge to suddenly spill his entire life story out to Pellegrino. 

"Like what?" He chirped, all too willing, and Pellegrino hummed in thought on the other line.

"Anything, really."

"Well," Jared beamed, "I'm gay. Like, really gay."

"I think I could figure out that much on my own, Jared. Come on, now. Get to the stuff I can't figure out just by looking at you. Don't disappoint me, now." 

"Umm..." Jared basically forgot everything he knew, and he didn't really care about disappointing Pellegrino- and wait a second, how did Pellegrino know he was gay just by looking at him? "I don't like Brussels sprouts."

There was a deep sigh on the other end, like Pellegrino was barely able to hold his annoyance back. It made Jared snicker a little bit. "Okay, that's a good topic. How about things you don't like?"

"Brussels sprouts."

"Christ. Yes, Jared, you told me as much, like two minutes ago. How about _other_ things you don't like?"

"Umm..." Jared's eyebrows drew together. "I'm scared of guns."

"Oh?" He heard the lilt of interest in the other man's voice, but it didn't register all that much. "So you're afraid of them? Scared of getting shot?" 

"Pfft, nooo." Jared drawled with a lot more vowels than was probably necessary. "I'm not scared if I get shot at."

"Then?" Pellegrino's voice was tight with frustration again, so Jared decided to take mercy on him and explain.

"I'm reallllly scared of seeing other people get shot," he said, quite generously if he did say so himself. "I hate seeing guns pointed at other people."

"Ah," Pellegrino's voice went suddenly distant, silkier than before and far more frightening. A chill fluttered up Jared's spine, despite his intoxication, and he belatedly wondered if it was such a good idea to tell him this particular piece of information. "That's very insightful, Jared."

"Jay?" Jared looked up from the swirling steps to see Jensen's swirling face; the other man looked slightly perturbed as he lurched forward.

"Jennnn," he cooed, eyelids half mast, and he distantly heard the click of Pellegrino hanging up. He pouted at the phone before dropping his arm and trying to pull himself to his feet. "Why-- What are you-"

"I came to give you the suit from today." Jensen reached out to steady him, arm tucking beneath his and fingers brushing along his elbow. "Dude, you're completely plastered." He sounded borderline disapproving, and Jared peered at him, unconcerned, from beneath his bangs.

"I'm so drunk, Jensen," he slurred with a soft sigh, his gaze beseeching as his shoe brushed the forsaken bottle. "I told- I told that idiot Chad that I can't hold it-" His head pulled complex gymnastic moves as he curled his fingers into Jensen's shirt; for once, the man wasn't in a suit but instead black jeans and a forest-green v-neck, and the rational part of Jared's mind was really pissed that he was drunk instead of being able to properly enjoy the sight. "I hate my friends."

Jensen sighed, the wry sound awfully close to Jared's ears, and his hand pressed into the small of his back. "If I was as plastered as you are, I'd hate my friends, too. C'mon, dude, let's get you back inside." 

"Okay," Jared agreed, throwing one of his arms around Jensen's neck and snuggling in close. Jensen made an exasperated sound, his arm contrarily tightening around Jared's waist. 

"You're a very affectionate drunk, Jared." He said as he opened the door, and Jared laughed.

"I love you."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Jensen muttered, then froze in the doorway. "Jesus Christ."

"Funny," Jared squinted at Gen and Chad, both of whom were surrounded by a small pile of bottles and more or less merging into one form. "I'm pretty sure they were wearing more clothes when I went out." 

"I'm going to need bleach to burn that image out of my brain," Jensen grumbled beneath his breath as he guided Jared for his bedroom. "You have work tomorrow, don't you?"

"What work?" Jared blinked at Jensen all too slowly, his smile blank and wondering, and for some reason, Jensen groaned. 

"Who were you on the phone this late with anyway, Jay?" He questioned, and Jared narrowed his eyes in thought as he tried in vain to wrestle his pants off. Ugh, his shoes were in the way. "And dude, can't you wait to strip till I leave the room?"

"Help," Jared pleaded, lifting both arms like a toddler waiting to be carried. Jensen just gave him a look before helping him out of his shoes which became his pants and then his shirt and by the time Jared was tucked into bed with his toes wiggling out the other end, Jensen looked nothing short of exhausted. Jared watched him fuss, taking a moment to appreciate both shirt and jeans despite his completely drunk state. He thought for a moment, frowning, his eyebrows furrowed in intense concentration before he said "falcon."

Jensen looked up from across the room where he'd set the paper bag with the suit, and Jared watched the spray of freckles come into light along with the slight shadow of stubble lining Jensen's jaw and chin. "What about falcons?"

Jared sat up despite the lurch of his stomach, his back resting against the headboard of the bed. "The fastest bird in the world is a falcon."

"Yes," Jensen said, liquid verdant fixated curiously on Jared's own eyes. "The Peregrine Falcon. I've seen one before in Nova Scotia, they're real beauties." 

"That's who I was talkin' to," Jared blurted out, his words linking together almost indecipherably. 

"... A bird?" Jensen looked completely lost at this point, and Jared shook his head, flinching even as he did at the way it caused his brain to rock back and forth and slam against the walls of his head. Or that was how it felt. 

"Peregrine," he frowned, the letters so close but not quite there... Missing Ls? Or maybe Os? "Peregrino...?"

The look on Jensen's face plummeted from curiosity to alarm. 

"Pellegrino."

"That. Him," Jared nodded confirmation, sinking back into his bed with satisfaction. Jensen stepped to his side, teeth gritting together for a brief moment, cool fingertips brushing along his forehead.

"You'd better remember what you said to him tomorrow." His voice was light, careful, but his irises pooled with urgent seriousness as his fingers caught in Jared's eyelashes and urged his eyelids closed. "Rest for now." 

The only problem was... Jared had already forgotten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang it, I'm taking too long. Ah, well. I'll try another chapter before school starts again.


	10. In Which Jared is Abducted

Jared didn't remember.  

He couldn't remember having picked up the phone, couldn't remember having said a single word to Pellegrino; in fact, if he hadn't woken up with a pounding head at four in the morning, he wouldn't even have remembered he was drunk at all. 

"I'm the worst drunk in the world." He said into the counter of the thankfully mostly empty bar miserably, through the cotton in his mouth and packing into his brain, and Jensen's mouth twisted into a sympathetic frown. It was still a bit early for anyone, with Gen and Cece scurrying around and setting up and Danneel getting ready. "I can't remember a single thing I said, I am so, so sorry. I-- I don't even actually know all that much about the bidding, Jen, I swear-"

"Don't worry, Jared." Jensen said, but Jared could hear the fatigue in his voice, and it made him feel all that much more worse. What if he'd said something particularly incriminating? Jesus, if he wasn't going to help Jensen, why did he have to go and make it  _worse?_ He lifted his head to apologize once more and was met with Jensen's mouth brushing very lightly across his. "I told you not to worry about it. We'll deal with Pellegrino, alright?"

Well, when he put it like that.... "I'm sorry," he said weakly, and Jensen gave him a tense but affectionate smile. 

"I know you are." He tapped his sheaf of papers against the wood to straighten them out and glowered at them. "The bidding starts in two days, and I still have no idea what Pellegrino is going to pull."

Jared turned his head in his arm _. No thanks to me,_ he thought disparagingly, lifting his hand to find Jensen's free one. Somewhere along the way their boundaries had shifted, Jared making space for Jensen to enter his personal bubble; each touch had registered as something casual, and they fell into the pattern of lacing fingers together and absently gazing at each other. 

But as thrilling as that was, Jared still felt like he was playing tug of war... As the rope. Chad had sat him down before he'd come to work, forced him (through both their hangovers and because he was stuck with Jared, since Gen was going through her mandatory don't-talk-to-Chad-after-drunk-sleeping-with-him day) to make a sort of diagram with all his problems and him in the center. It turned out Jared had had many, many more than he thought was healthily possible, really. Chad had started cursing when Jared started and didn't stop until five minutes after they were done, sheerly at the whole mess of it all. 

One bubble was simply labeled  _JENSEN_  in giant Sharpie letters with four underlines,  and  branching off of it was  _crime_ _lord?_ and  _Josh_ and  _Pellegrino/Amell_ and  _trust. Chauffeur_ was Chad's idea, even though Jared was fairly certain he didn't really deserve that title anymore, and so was  _sex,_ which was kind of mortifying. Jared had added  _guns_ in tiny letters off to the side, and although Chad saw it, he didn't say anything, for which Jared was grateful.

The next bubble was  _FAMILY,_ also in big letters. Off of it was the imposing  _MOM,_ of course, and then in smaller bubbles,  _Megan_ and  _Jeff._ Jared wanted to leave that the way it was, but of course Chad had to draw a line connecting the family bubble to Jensen's with a meaningful grimace in Jared's direction.

The next bubble was  _LIFE._ Jared absently wrote down  _bartender forever?, school/neurology,_  and  _future with Jensen?_ with Chad nodding beside him. At his friend's prompting, Jared added,  _danger?_ with a dubious little question mark next to it before throwing the Sharpie on the desk. He nursed his headache while he listened to Chad write- line, curve, line, line, curve -and didn't have to look up to see  _LOVE_ with a heart shaped bubble around it when Chad capped the Sharpie again.

"Dude," he'd said, "You are so screwed." As if Jared hadn't already known that. "Not literally, either." Okay, that, he hadn't  _needed_ to know. 

Forward to now, his hand curled into Jensen's. He was fairly sure he was at the stage where he might just start composing sonnets for the man, but until he faced his mother, he was almost certain he wouldn't have been able to actually properly focus on anything else. 

So, yeah. Like Chad said? Screwed.

"Jensen," he said quietly, lifting his head, and Jensen's fingernails tapped against the back of his palm as the man blinked, looking away from the papers and urging Jared to talk with a nod. "Is," he tripped over the words for a moment, "Is it okay with your family if you start, start like-- I don't know, hypothetically dating a bartender?"

One of Jensen's eyebrows arched so high that it almost vanished, and he set his papers down with a lazy curve of a smile. "I guess it would depend on how this hypothetical bartender acted around them. I'd think that as long as he was polite enough and kind enough and obviously not just out for my money, then..." His fingers caught a stray curl that had escaped to curve along Jared's cheek. "...I think they'd be okay. Why?"

"Dunno," Jared mumbled, heart pounding in his ears. "This hypothetical bartender may or may not be totally head over heels for a hypothetical crime lord, and I was just asking for some advice." At Jensen's smirk, he rushed to tack on, "Y'know. Hypothetical advice."

"Well." Jensen leaned over, prompting Jared to also move closer until their noses almost touched over the counter. "Hypothetical kisses always sweeten the deal."

"That so," Jared straightened. "I guess I'll have to tell that bartender who works down the street, then. She'll be thrilled with the advice, thanks." He kept a straight face for all of about two seconds as he turned to polish the glass, Jensen's betrayed expression too much for his nerves to handle. He spun back around sheepishly, grinning at a snickering Chris. Jensen grumbled something and slapped the other man hard against the abdomen. 

"Alright, you got me." 

"I want to go on a date with you," Jared blurted out before he lost courage, his face immediately flushing as he looked down at his hands. "I want to do lame, romantic things, but Jensen." He leveled a pleading glance at the still crime lord, "you just don't have room for things like that."

"What, for having a life?" Jensen sounded pissed, and when Jared rushed to reword his tactless statement, Jensen held up a finger. He shut up automatically, like a charm. "I'm not mad at you, Jay. I'm mad at this career, because you're right. I really don't have time for anything I want. It's always verify this, crush that, eliminate him. It makes it almost impossible for me to pamper you at all, which I could totally do because I'm, well. Rich." 

Jared's ears went red when Jensen threw him a pleading, pouty look. 

"I don't want to be pampered," Jared insisted quietly, tracing the lines of Jensen's palm with an absent frown. "I just want to steal..." He drew in a breath, nail traveling Jensen's love line- or was it his fate line? -"...all your time." He murmured, smiling a little as he looked up into stirring green. Jensen exhaled a shaky breath. 

"Charmer," he accused, voice a little ragged.

"You have no right to say that to me," Jared huffed, drawing his fingers away from Jensen's hand and straightening as customers started to seep into the club. "Anyway, make yourself scarce, I don't want to deal with you." He teased, making a shooing gesture, and Jensen squinted at him.

"I'm pretty sure I'm your best-paying customer, Padalecki," 

Jared laughed, about to retort with something playfully scathing, when he heard a merry, "Wow, I think this is the first time I've ever seen Jared laugh. Are you the same person?"

"Adi," Jensen's surprised gaze flickered from Jared to the pretty blonde, whose arm was linked around Alona's. They seemed to be an honest package deal; Jared had never seen either of them alone. He couldn't help but smile at them, seeing as they honestly had grown on him- they were two of the friendliest people in Jensen's family, and they didn't objectify him. He still stiffened in silent surprise when Alona leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek, but said nothing as he blinked stupidly at her. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh, y'know." Alona waved her hand vaguely, while Adrianne's smile waned a little bit. "Just stopping in for drinks and whatnot." She flashed Jared a genuine grin, showing two rows of bright teeth. Jared was almost convinced. 

Jensen, however, didn't bat an eye. "Bullshit."

The two girls exchanged looks, and Adrianne sighed. "Josh wanted us to check in," she said, pointedly not looking at Jared; Jared cringed, knowing very well the nature of that conversation, and Jensen's expression looked considerably more pinched. "He's just concerned about his precious baby bro!" She added cheerfully, obviously trying to ease the tension, and although Jared was grateful for her attempts, he couldn't help but feel as though Josh wasn't going to approve of his decision. 

"His baby bro isn't a baby anymore," Jensen said grumpily, and Alona chuckled at that. 

"I can think of an older brother who babies  _us_ plenty," she said, narrowing her eyes at Jensen, who had the grace to look momentarily sheepish. "Big brothers, they never seem to let up. That's just their natures."  

"That's very true," Jared said, quite a bit louder than he had meant to, and only Jensen's quick glance held understanding. He ducked his head apologetically at Adrianne and Alona's matching  looks of confusion, almost missing Jensen's quick-as-lightning smile. Jensen was, after all, the only one who knew anything about his family besides Chad and Genevieve, and Jared still hadn't made any progress with Jensen's family after the first meeting. Hell, he still hadn't made any progress with his own family as of booking train tickets for him and Jensen for two weeks from today. But he could freak out about that as that day approached, because he had plenty of problems to think about besides seeing his abusive mother after years of silence.

"Okay, fine," Jensen conceded, rifling almost absently through his papers without really looking, and then his head snapped up. " _Where_  is your bodyguard?"

The two girls exchanged looks.

"Oh, Jared, I've never  _tried_ a Mai Tai-" Alona had started to beam at him again.

"-And what about a Cosmopolitan? That sounds  _delightful-"_ Adrianne interjected, looking genuinely interested. 

Jared just tried not to look entertained; Jensen's foot tapped, agitated, against the floor, and he, contrarily, looked entirely unamused. "I  _told_ you two-"

"Jensen, we can handle ourselves!" Alona protested mildly, her eyebrows knitting together as she pouted. "We don't need a bodyguard, we look out for each other."

"And what? You don't think I can?" Jensen looked every bit the concerned, annoyed older brother, with his arms folded across his chest and his eyes flashing and Jared definitely wasn't staring at his biceps, nope. 

"But you don't walk around with a partner!" Adrianne linked her arm with Alona's and smiled at the other girl. "You need a bodyguard because you're on your own, but we don't since we're always together." It was a valid point, but Jared had tuned out by this point so he could frown at the apparently innocuous blue car that had just situated itself a bit down the street from the parking meter. He could have sworn he'd seen that car before, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember  _where._ For all he knew, it might as well have belonged to a regular customer. 

He rubbed his forehead as the strains of the hangover made it all but impossible for him to contemplate the mystery of the car any longer, and he didn't realize Jensen was talking until he felt his ring press against his finger. He blinked himself out of a haze of confusion, only to be met with concern.

"Are you alright, Jared? You zoned out a bit."

"Yeah, I'm-" Jared tried not to give the car a suspicious look, "-just fighting the hangover," he concluded lamely, not wanting to rile Jensen up without a good reason. As far as cars went, after all, it looked rather inconspicuous, so Jared stopped staring at it and got back to listening to Alona, Adrianne, and Jensen- and actually doing his job.

\---

The only problem was, the car was there at the end of his shift. Jared had watched the regulars trickle in and trickle back out, and no one got into the car. Jared knew why he was feeling nervous, though; whatever memory his brain had associated with that car was not a pleasant memory at all.

"Jared, for the love of God." Jensen sounded exasperated. "Why do you keep staring at the window like it's the root of all evil? Want to share what's agitating you so much?"

Jared could no longer lie to him. "It's that car," he muttered, gaze fixated on it as he removed the nametag and signed out. "I've seen that car, I just can't remember who it belongs to. It's just not good," he grimaced, shooting the other man a troubled look before heading for the doors.

"Wait, Jay, we'll come," Jensen, looking concerned again, held out an arm to stop him as Chris, Alona, and Adrianne joined the two of them. Entourage in tour, he approached the car with trepidation, determined to find out who, in there, was so hellbent on just watching the bar.

He realized, a split second too late. "Oh my god."

Jensen's eyes locked onto his. 

"That's Amell's car."

It was right at that moment when everything went precisely to hell; a yelp from behind them caused Jensen and Jared to swivel, and Alona dropped like a rock, fingers pressed into her side as blood gushed from between them. Adrianne was frozen for only a moment before she was reaching for her gun, and something was ringing in Jared's ears; he wasn't entirely sure what it was. His eyes all-too-slowly dragged from Alona to the man behind her with a knife, and he found himself standing between Adrianne and her target.

He was promptly pushed aside, and he turned to see Adrianne, her pretty face stark white and her expression nothing short of absolutely murderous.

He very quickly got the hell out of her way, still confused, and knelt to tend to Alona. Alona's bloody fingers scrabbled for purchase against his shoulders, eyes streaming from what was likely sudden, brutal pain, and Jared flinched as he listened to the sounds of what was certainly Chris in machine mode, laying Pellegrino and Amell's henchmen flat like bowling pins. 

"I'm going to end your life." Adrianne said calmly, circling Alona's attacker like a lion circling its prey, gun flipping between her fingers so quickly that it was nearly a blur. The guy was trying not to look scared, but Jared could see the tremble of his legs and decided quite vindictively that he deserved it. 

"Jared," Jensen dropped beside him, tense, glancing back to see Chris dealing quite nicely with the onslaught of henchmen. All in all, he was dealing with the situation a lot better than Jared was, because Jared was fairly certain he was going to be going into shock soon. "Adrianne can deal with him, we need to get Alona out of here." The girl emitted a quiet sound of pain against Jared's shirt, and he nodded acquiesce, looking back at Adrianne before rising with Alona. 

"Is- is she going to shoot him?" He didn't want to sound like a wimp, but Jensen didn't call him out. He just met Jared's gaze head-on, unspoken answer lingering for a moment before he indicated to the bar. 

"We need to get Alona in there; Dani should have a first aid kit, if I'm not mistaken. I need to call for backup-"

"Jensen!" Chris's bellow of warning sent Jensen down into an instinctive duck as the aluminum bat whistled through the air where his head had been. Chris was too occupied with three of his own goons to make it to Jensen's side, so Jensen squared his shoulders and spun to face the would-be assailant with a smile so bleak that it made Jared's stomach wrench.

"Oh, you are going to regret that."

The guy looked quite like he already regretted it, but he jutted his chin out with a sneer and said, "Actually, you are."

Jensen's expression of confusion matched Jared's, who belatedly noticed that the blue car had backed up to right beside where he was standing. Two sets of beefy arms extended from the dark interior, ripping Jared's own arms away from around Alona, and dear  _God_  he was totally being abducted, wasn't he?

His limbs finally got with the program as he attempted to make it as miserable for them as he possibly could; he writhed in two nearly iron grips, legs kicking and flailing and arms twisting to break the hold. 

"Jared!" Jensen could only spare a second to look before the bat was whizzing dangerously close again, and Jared watched hopelessly as the guy nimbly blocked Jensen's route to him. 

Jared felt strongly as though now was the time to try to reassure Jensen, because he wasn't going to be able to fight the lock the two henchmen had on him. "Go get Alona help," he pleaded, and Jensen directed such a helpless look at him that Jared's heart twisted a little. "I'll be okay," he assured breathlessly, trying to smile a little for the sake of the other man as the door started to close.

"I swear you'll come back home safely, Jared," Jensen promised, his voice raising. "You're going to get home. Okay?"

Jared nodded, and as the door slammed shut, the last thing he got a proper view was of Adrianne, her eyes flaring wide, so full of rage that it made her petite form shake, shove the barrel of the gun beneath the chin of the man and press the trigger. He didn't look after that, covered his ears subtly at the thunderclap of sound with a rather visible tremble, and tried not to eye the henchmen surrounding him.  _She killed him._

"What a baby," one of them snickered, interrupting his freak-out session, and Jared didn't think it necessary to grace that with a response. Clearly, Amell and Pellegrino didn't care nearly enough to come receive him themselves, so Jared had been left in the company of a bunch of thick-headed Neanderthals. Who knew how long this ride was going to be?

"Your own men were just killed," he gritted his teeth; he didn't feel too sorry for them, especially not after the one had stabbed Alona and another had tried to take Jensen out, but still.... These were  _human beings._ "Aren't you the slightest bit sad?"

They looked at each other, looked at him, and then burst into raucous laughter. He should've figured that was how this conversation was going to go. 

"Don't bore us with your hurt feewings, pretty boy," one of them mocked through the obnoxious guffawing, batting eyelashes at him while the other one smirked unpleasantly. "They were both idiots. Now, you can either shut your trap, or..." His fingers pressed into Jared's jaw, "you can put it to better use."

Jared needed only one look to see that the leer was one hundred percent genuine. He shoved the hand away amidst more harsh, breathy laughter and stared outside the window for solace as the city rushed by. He didn't dare ask where they were going, just tried to memorize landmarks and buildings and wondered why he hadn't been blindfolded at all. 

Contrary to Jared's guess, the drive was only roughly thirty minutes, which meant that they were probably still in the city limits; what few glimpses he'd caught past the henchman's elbow weren't all that helpful, so he was still considerably in the dark. On the other hand, though, they'd pulled up to the typical warehouse setting, which meant that Jared was just as likely to get shot in the head anyway.

To his surprise, Pellegrino was waiting for him with a merry smile, flanked by a bodyguard on each side and fitted in an impeccable, spotless suit. Jared blinked at him as he was jostled out of the car, and Pellegrino stepped forward to bow with a little flourish.

"Welcome, Jared!" he said, for all the world sounding like an eager entrepreneur greeting a CEO. "I'm so sorry if the journey was unpleasant; these two were supposed to give you flowers to make the trip more enjoyable. They did, didn't they? Give you flowers?" 

_No,_ Jared thought, but by the way their faces paled, he had a good feeling that their deaths would be messy and unpleasant if he said as much. "I didn't want flowers," he said instead, which wasn't a lie. "In fact, I'd really just like to go home. But I guess that's not really an option, is it?" 

"You're a clever one, Jared." Pellegrino gestured towards the warehouse, and Jared sidestepped the hands reaching for him.

"I can walk on my own," he hissed, staring flatly at them to make sure they knew he'd just saved their lives; it would be good leverage for later, if he needed it. They apparently got the message and retracted, and Jared shoved his hands into his pockets as he warily entered the building. "What is it that you want from me, anyway?"

"Well, I thought you'd know, based on our little chat," Pellegrino chirped, easily keeping in step with him, and Jared was unable to help another flinch at the mention of the dreaded conversation.

"I was ... Inebriated," he forced out, averting his eyes from the still-grinning blonde. "I honestly can't remember anything we said. Sorry." 

"That hurts, Jared," Pellegrino simpered, hawk-sharp gaze still latched onto his face, and the chill that streamlined down Jared's spine honestly had nothing to do with the drafty warehouse. "I'd have thought myself to be quite impressionable."

"Oh, don't worry," Jared assured dryly, "You definitely are."

To his surprise, Pellegrino threw his head back, laughing gaily. "How you flatter me. How is Jenny? Is he pissed off? He's probably dreaming up one hundred ways to kill me, I bet." Jared was so put-off by the constant amusement that he stumbled, unable to formulate a proper answer to the question, and Pellegrino went on, "Well, as soon as you do what it is I brought you here for, I'll have you on your merry way, Jared."

He grinned at Jared expectantly, and Jared waited three counts before tentatively asking, "And, um, what is it that you brought me here for?"

"I'm  _glad_ you asked, Jared!" Pellegrino waved away the bodyguards, assuring them that "Jared wouldn't even hurt a fly!" before leading him into a small room adjoined to the previous one. Jared found himself face to face with a man tied to a chair, cheeks bulging from the wad of cloth jammed between his teeth and his chubby face a rather unattractive puce. He took one look at Pellegrino and started squealing like a stuck pig, stubby legs flailing this way and that. Jared felt unpleasantly as though he were looking at a turtle on its back, for some reason.

Also, this could be nothing good.

At Jared's lost look, Pellegrino seemed more than happy to pick up where he'd left off. "Scott here has been a very, very bad boy." he said with a  _tsk,_ crossing over to the man and messing almost gently with a dirty blond curl. The man almost fell over craning his neck back to see. "First, he cheated on his wife and abandoned his daughters," he ticked off a finger, "And then he was caught trying to sell drugs to high schoolers," he ticked off another finger, "And then, just recently, he hit a young woman with his car and fled the scene." 

Jared stared at the man, whose wheezing indicated possible sobbing. He didn't look like a criminal, but who was he to dispute the presented facts? Then again, Pellegrino could have been a liar for all intents and purposes. "So he's a terrible person," he said flatly, "Take him to court and send him to jail."

The man nodded vigorously, but Pellegrino's hand curled around his neck to still the movement. Jared really hoped he wasn't about to witness the man getting his bones rearranged, because he didn't think he could watch another life crumble away at Pellegrino's hands. Neither his stomach nor his conscience could take it any longer.

"I don't think so," Pellegrino said calmly, his smile borderline manic. "I was thinking more of a firing squad execution, actually."

Jared looked between him and the weeping man and froze like a deer in the headlights at the implication. "No." 

"Now it's really a shame you forgot what you told me, Jared." Pellegrino stalked closer to him with all the grace of a feline about to pounce. Jared stumbled back into the door, searching for the knob, but of course it was locked. Of course it was. "But fortunately, I'm kind enough so as to remind you. You told me of a very specific fear you had, and I'm simply helping you get over it."

"No," Jared repeated breathlessly, rattling the knob as he started to dissolve into panic, "no, please don't shoot him-"

"Me?" Pellegrino arched a cool eyebrow, still with that goddamn eerie smile. "I'm not going to be doing anything but spectating, Jared."

Jared stared at him, still frozen mid-plea, but his brain came up unfortunately empty after a moment of wracking. "I don't-"

Pellegrino took his palm, laying the gun flat across his skin. It lay there, loaded and so heavy that Jared had to wrap his fingers around it to hold it in place.  

"Let me elaborate: he's going to die, and you're going to shoot him."

"No," Jared's legs started shaking so badly that he was fairly certain he was going to collapse. The ringing from earlier had made a return, and the gunfire amplified in his hears was going to shatter his eardrums for sure. "Please,  _pl-please,_ I c-can't do that-"

"But you will," Pellegrino said sweetly, lips pulling into predatory smile. "In fact, you won't be leaving here without killing him. So make a decision, Jared. Are you going to shoot him, or are you going to stay locked in this room until you die?" 

Jared was scared half-to-death, but his stubborn streak was still a mile wide. He gritted his teeth, slapped the gun back into Pellegrino's still-open palm, and sat in the chair opposite from Scott with folded arms. "I'm not going to shoot him." Pellegrino's eyebrows rose mildly, but his smile was still so goddamn self-assured that Jared was fairly certain his plans were far more nefarious than just threatening him.

At this point, Jared was so scared that he was all but trembling, full-body shivers that made his teeth chatter and his tongue all too heavy in his mouth; he knew Pellegrino was cruel, but this was too much, this was  _too_ much for him to handle. He had tried, in his past, to learn how to shoot just to get over his fear, but it had gone disastrously, and even now, he wasn't feeling particularly courageous. 

"When you're so hungry you can't think any longer, I think your hand will do the deed for you," Pellegrino assured, picking at his fingernails with a thin smile and rapidly darkening eyes. 

Jared fixated him with an appalled stare. "I'm not a  _killer!"_

"But he is, Jared." Pellegrino waved his arm wildly at the sniveling man, looking so plainly disgusted for a moment that Jared was fairly certain he'd blow the guy's head off right there. For a man who apparently dealt with organs, Pellegrino seemed awfully righteous. "Would you want this piece of human trash back on the streets to cause more damage, after he's ruined so many lives?"

"We have a legal system for a reason," Jared snarled, fingers digging into the chair he was sitting in. "Life and death shouldn't be left up to  _us._ I don't deserve to take that away from someone, and neither do you."

Pellegrino blanched for a second. "Look at you," he said after half a beat, smiling again, and Jared recoiled when the man leaned so close to him that their eyelashes almost touched. "So logical. I like it, Jared, I really like the way you think. But I'm telling you now, you're going to kill this man...." The sudden second of shrewdness was enough to tell Jared he was seriously screwed, "...Whether you're the one pulling the trigger or not." 

Jared had only a heartbeat to contemplate that before the gun was thrust back into his hand, his finger shoved around the trigger by Pellegrino's finger over it. Jared twisted, trying desperately to get himself out of the seat, but Pellegrino's free hand forced his head forward to look at Scott. Jared received only one second to scream an anguished " _No-!"_ before Pellegrino's finger pressed down on his, and the gun fired with a deafening crack.

He watched, in an almost dreamlike fashion, as the figurative marionette strings snapped from above Scott; the man slumped forward, bullet lodged into his skull, the gun clattered to the ground with a magnified thud, and Pellegrino released his hand. 

"Attaboy," Pellegrino said quietly as henchmen flooded into the room, his fingers combing through Jared's hair. "See? Got you right over that silly fear. You ought to thank me, Jay, I'm not this kind to everyone."  

Jared didn't say anything at all; he had frozen somewhere in time, his gaze fixated on the dead man in front of him. He couldn't move, could hardly breathe, had no idea what he would say if he could talk, which he couldn't do. His thoughts were disconnected, fragmented, spinning wildly all over the place and trying to find some common thread. 

In a moment, they managed to find it, rearranging themselves into one horrific fact that pulsed and beat against his mind like a heartbeat:

_I just killed someone._

The last thing Jared heard was Pellegrino muttering for the henchmen to take him back to his apartment, and then he was drifting into a blissful nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared's in trouble. But is that really a surprise?


	11. In Which Jared Recovers

There was irony in this; it was just that Jared wasn't with the program quite enough to find it. True to his word, Pellegrino had his henchmen drop Jared off right in front of his apartment. As the tires squealed away, sending a spray of water arching towards Jared, he finally managed to make his feet take a few painful, shuffling steps.

He promptly lurched, gagging on nothing and too scared to make it to the stairs. He couldn't think- there was nothing in his head but cotton, packed too tightly and syrup-heavy. His own breathing sounded all too lethargic.

Despite all of this, he had been to their apartment long enough for his feet to have gotten the gist of the little mission, and they guided him up the stairs shakily and in front of his door. Even outside, he heard rattling commotion, heard raised tempers and someone throwing things (probably Chad, throwing the rock pillows). The smile that tried to surface resembled a rictus of pain as Jared gave up on it and curled his hand into a needling fist. His knuckles tensed as though they'd forgotten the motion, and Jared vaguely wondered if something traumatic was enough to make him forget everything he'd ever known. 

The knock was singular and sharp, and the silence from inside was louder than the prior noise-- until Chad yelled. 

"Go away, we're busy." His friend had never been one to turn anyone down politely, bar Girl Scouts. Then again, he just loved Girl Scout cookies. And the pizza guy, but... He was getting off-topic, but he couldn't seem to keep his focus; his head was spinning like a top. 

Jared opened his mouth, but his voice creaked before he even had a chance to say anything. He knew it wasn't meant to be, him and speech, not now. Maybe not for a long time. Jared just wanted to get into his room and swathe himself into his bedsheets and wither away. 

So he knocked again.

"Christ, don't you peddlers know the meaning of---" The door swung open, and Chad went deathly silent as Jared wore the same grimace-smile and met his eyes. They looked at each other, unflinching, Jared almost positively on the verge of collapse. "Jared?"

"'S me," he conceded, or at least hoped. "Can I-?" He lamely gestured into the apartment, and Chad wordlessly stepped aside; Jared had only just removed his shoes when Genevieve all but threw herself at him-

-and Jared moved aside, instinctively, so terrified for a split second that it stole his breath. He watched Chad reach out to steady Genevieve, still gauging him, and felt inexplicably dirty. 

"Jay?" Genevieve's voice went high with concern, and they both stared at him. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Chad, almost experimentally, reached out to touch his shoulder or his hair or something, he didn't know, but he shot backwards from the contact like it was poison. Chad's shocked face blurred like a painting.

"No," he managed, and crumpled. 

\----

"You fucking fix this, Ackles! I don't know what Pellegrino did to Jared, but YOU let him get taken, and you'd better fucking make it better!" Chad was all but blistering, shouting, and Jared stared up at the ceiling listlessly, wondering if he ought to paint the walls a different color. Even though the door was closed, he could hear Jensen's quiet, _wrecked_ voice.  

"I'm sorry, God, I want to help. But he won't look at me and he won't talk to me, and I know he's probably traumatized but I can't figure out what's wrong-" 

"I don't give a shit about what you think, Ackles!" Chad's voice plummeted all of a sudden; he sounded equally defeated. Jared had heard all of Chad's many tones, but he'd never heard his best friend sound quite so beat. Maybe if Jared wasn't such a pathetic excuse for a human being, Chad would never have been forced into such a compromising situation. He knew Gen was even worse off, because last he'd seen her, her face had been puffy and red despite the smile she'd sent at him. "He won't let any of us touch him, man. You don't think-"

"No," Jensen spat his words like they were venom, and Jared could see him stiffen, see his eyes narrow. "Pellegrino says all kinds of disgusting things, but it's not in his MO to actually carry out any of those types of threats." 

They went quiet. 

Then the door opened with a squeak, and Jared tried not to flinch at the sharp sound. He and Gen had meant to oil the hinges, had meant to-

"Jared? How are you feeling?" Jensen closed the door behind him and slumped into the chair beside the bed. Jared trailed his little journey absently, head tipping back to see properly. Jensen seemed so fatigued, limbs slack and expression drained, but he still managed to look deeply concerned. As Jared didn't say anything, Jensen went on. "So- I-" his voice broke a little as he pinched his nose between thumb and index finger. "Jesus, Jared, let me help you," he pled, but Jared didn't think he was quite ready to talk yet.

_I killed someone._

Sure, under duress... Someone had literally held his hand down and pushed the trigger, but ... It was still his thumb that caused the shot to fire, his stupid brazen nature that had tempted Mark to begin with. He was so reckless, God, and now he'd involved someone in the crossfire. 

He turned his back on Jensen, his stomach turning, and tried his damnedest to hold himself together as the man left the room. 

\---

That night, he woke up screaming, haunted by the image of a gun swinging lazily on marionette strings, aiming at Jensen and Chad and Genevieve along to the tune of some haunting song; when he was close enough to see, it was him holding the control bar. It fired thrice.

Chad knocked and knocked and _knocked_ , but Jared didn't get up to open the door, just stifled his sobs into his pillow and let them die down into whimpers as the hours stretched and pulled like molasses. He watched the green numbers change, counted seconds, and waited for the bloody image seared behind his eyelids to burn away before he dared to close his eyes again. 

\---

He spent the next few days in a maddening, near-comatose state, staring up at the same ceiling and trying to pick out faces. When the faces started to morph into a cackling Pellegrino and a weeping Scott, he squeezed his eyes shut and started over. He couldn't eat (every time he chewed, it was too loud and eerie) and didn't want to talk, and Jensen spent the whole second day watching him stab a slice of bread with a fork and a hollow stare with something a lot like pain in his eyes. 

And Jensen tried to talk to him, even brought a therapist the third day- a family one, who wouldn't remark on the circumstances. But Jared couldn't bring himself to meet the man's blue eyes when he asked him if his father's death was the reason he had retreated so far. 

There was no one, he decided that night, turning over to smother his grimace in his pillow, that he would be able to talk to. After all, he certainly didn't deserve to communicate with them. Even if this meant losing Jensen's fleeting points of contact, his fingers brushing along the back of Jared's neck and along the top of his spine and along his shoulders. 

Or so he thought. 

And then the same Jensen friggin' Ackles went and casually took Jared's entire world for a spin, because of course he did. He was having a great time holing up, deep in vacant depression, and he'd just managed to forget about how hungry he was when the morning of his fourth day came around and the knock on the door signified probably another therapist. Or possibly Chad, who still stopped by after work to see if Jared was talking. Or Gen, whose daily gifts of his favorite bread had started piling by the door. Or even Alona, who'd come by with Adrianne and a bright white bandage to show him she was perfectly alright. (He'd almost smiled at the sight of her, but when he looked down, he saw blood on his hands again and very quickly stopped smiling). 

Jared almost lifted his head a little, promptly stopped caring, and slumped back into the comfort of his bed.

But the sharp, clear voice that pierced through the stifling silence had Jared reeling, scrambling to undo himself from the tangle of the covers.

"Where the hell is he?"

"Cooped up in his room." Came Jensen's subdued voice, "I assume you're-?"

"Yeah, hot stuff," the owner of the voice huffed, and Jared didn't dare breathe, "you can assume things once I've made sure that dimwit is alive and kicking." 

Jared managed to undo himself and staggered for the door, twisting it open with a jarring bang and trying hard to ignore how hollow and gaunt he looked in the mirror, how dark the shadows beneath his eyes were.  

"Meg?" His voice broke. 

His sister spun on her heel, looking shocked for a split second before she released her grip on her suitcase's handle and took a step towards him. Jensen also looked startled, but also managed to school his expression into a struggling calm. "Hey, bro," she murmured fondly, her voice soft, hushed; she was obviously trying not to startle him. Did she even know the circumstances of Jared's sudden depression? He wasn't sure, but he assumed Jensen had filled her in. Or perhaps Chad. She looked amazing, tanned from her time studying at sea and fresh-faced despite the travel. "You- You wanna come over, give me a hug? You haven't seen me in forever."

Jared wanted to, oh, he wanted to; she was waiting, arms outstretched expectantly, as welcoming as she'd been his whole life. 

_But I'm filthy,_ he reminded himself, and shook his head emphatically. Megan didn't look hurt so much as she did deeply pensive.

"Why not?"

"I-" He began in a whisper, trying to back up into the doorway again, but Jensen moved quicker than was humanly possible and slammed the door shut, effectively trapping Jared between himself and Megan. Jared recoiled from him as though he'd been burned. Every cell in his body was screaming at his idiocy, because why, why did he ever step out of that room? Now he was contaminating everyone and  _Megan,_ his little sister, she was too good of a person for him to ever-

"Jared," Megan neared him, her voice losing its gentle edge and her eyes narrowing into near-slits as she lowered her sunglasses. "Why won't you hug me?" 

"I shouldn't," Jared managed, unable to back up with Jensen behind him and unable to find a proper answer. She would hate him, Meg would hate him for sure, would never want to see him again. Who would? He  _killed_ someone. And yeah, so did Adrianne and Jensen, but they were in the crime business and did it for their lives. Jared had a choice. He should have dealt with it differently. He  _should_ have taken his own life instead. Just like with his father.

"Oh, shut up," Megan scoffed, never one to be coddling and gentle. Jeff was the mild one in the family, the one who joked around with Jared and got all touchy-feely, while Megan was the type to knock sense into him before she did anything else... Which was probably why Jensen got Megan involved, most likely through Chad. "You've always been the most tactile person in our family, you idiot."

"I don't want to-"  _Dirty you?_ "-hurt you-"

"What?" Megan laughed, high and sharp. "Since when have you ever hurt anyone, Jared?" She jabbed her finger towards him, and Jared almost hurt  _himself_  trying to get away from it. "In my experience, even when we were trying to kill each other, you'd hold punches even though you could easily have crushed me with your height and force. So  _why_ do you think you could possibly hurt me?" 

"Meg, you don't understand-"

"Damn right I don't!" She snapped, glaring something fierce at him. In a moment of lucidity, Jared found himself on the verge of laughing hysterically at how intimidated Jensen looked. "Come here, Jared."

"Megan, no-"

She got right up into his space, arms forming a tight band around his midsection as he neared the verge of a complete freak out and tried to scrape her arms away, lashing, nails digging into her sleeves frantically. "Give me a hug, you asshole!"

"Don't touch me!"

" _Jared-"_

_"Don't fucking touch me!"_ Jared went off like a time bomb, catapulting away from his sister and catching Jensen utterly off-guard; he stumbled hard into the other man, who reached out to steady him even before he pulled away. Megan stared at him, her expression stirring with something deeply sorrowful. 

"Jared, what did- what did that guy do to you?" Meg's fingers hung in the air beside his elbow, her boots clicking as they approached him. "Hey.  _Hey._ Jared. Look at me, bro." She snapped, trying to reclaim his attention, but Jared couldn't pull his eyes away from his hands.

"He made me," Jared shuddered, inhaling deep lungfuls of air and trying to hold back tears, "he made me-" He held up his hands, but she wouldn't be able to see the blood that he could see, she wouldn't be able to see that- His words came out a sob ripping from his throat as Jensen's hands wrapped around his shoulders- bracing him. "Don't touch me," he pleaded, "please, don't touch me, I- I did something-"

Meg's mouth twisted. "What did he make you do?" She asked deliberately, and Jensen's fingers were so tight that his nails nearly tore into his sleeves. 

Jared's voice went high with a frenzied panic. " _I killed someone."_

The drop of the bomb was silent, and when it exploded at his feet, Jensen's fingers went slack, and Megan turned the color of unsullied snow.

"He pushed down on my finger," Jared babbled hysterically, blindly trying to push them away, trying to make sure they weren't infected with that dark and dirty disease that seemed to have consumed him. "He pressed-  _I_  pressed- the trigger-  _he made me shoot someone,"_ he gasped, words strangled as he crumpled into Jensen's waiting hands. He could no longer attempt to stop the floodgate from bursting open, could no longer staunch the flow of tears as they twisted his vision and streaked down his face. "I'm a killer," he wailed, the horrific truth something he no longer had the energy to deny. "I killed someone- I don't deserve to-"

_"_ God, no, Jared, no-" Jensen's voice broke, his fingers wiping his tears away, brushing along his cheeks as they cleared his vision. "It wasn't your fault, sweetheart, you couldn't have done anything about it-" 

Jared's catharsis reached ear-splitting volumes. "Don't d-defend me," he begged, trying to push away and somehow, at the same time, push closer. "D-Don't you f-fucking defend me. He was s-someone's husband and f-father and s-son and I  _killed him-"_ He curled himself into Jensen and sobbed, tucking up impossibly small and flinching when his muscles protested. "I d-didn't want t-to-" His fingers curled into Jensen's sleeves as he tried to bring the tears to a halt. "He p-pushed on my f-finger, b-but if I'd j-just b-been stronger, I could have- I could have-"

"-Done nothing at all." Jensen sounded absurdly gentle, and his fingers mirrored his voice as he leafed them through Jared's hair. He lifted his head to look at him through water-pearled eyelashes, and Jensen leaned forward to meet his gaze. "Jared, as soon as Pellegrino got ahold of him, he was dead. In fact, you pulling the trigger probably saved him from hours and hours of torture." His gaze darkened, his fingers barely trembling as he said, flatly, "Pellegrino would have taken his time killing him."

It was a rational thought. Jared hated Jensen a little for making him actually think in his state of distress. But-

"- _That's not an excuse,"_ he whispered, fingers of one hand brushing the stubble along Jensen's jaw. Up close, Jensen looked so much more exhausted, rings pronounced and deep beneath bottle-viridian eyes, and they were pinched with pain; Jared knew he'd brought on most, if not all, of Jensen's symptoms of fatigue and felt awful about it- Yet  _another_  thing he did wrong. Why was he just- a constant screw-up? "Jensen," he said, the inflection of his voice high yet the volume now pitifully low, "I don't think- I don't think I c-can l-live with myself." 

He dropped his hands, feeling rather empty and hollowed out after his outburst, and spared enough energy to turn to his sister; Meg looked completely dismayed, her hazel eyes blown wide with shock. Jared laced his fingers into the slots between hers and swallowed a sob down.

"I love you," he said quietly, enfolding her into a hug. Her bottom lip trembled as she shook her head into his shoulder. "Don't think for a moment that just because I c-couldn't hug you, that- that I don't love you to pieces."  

She emitted a watery scoff. "Shut up, you massive tool. And get over yourself. If someone holds down your finger, you can't be the one to blame-"

"After Dad I can," he said quietly, and Megan's responding groan reverberated off the walls.

"Christ's sake, you idiot! How long can you continue to blame yourself for Dad? Don't you ever stop to think, even  _once?"_ She growled, her fingers clamping down on his shoulders so that she could shake him so hard his teeth rattled. "I can't believe I used to look up to your intelligence," she said, her tone taking on an edge of disgust. Jared kept his gaze averted, only flinching a little when her voice rose. "I'm so sick and tired of your pity party. No one has- or ever will -blame you for what happened to Dad, Jared.  _Ever."_

He stared at her, steeled with years of stubborn self-reminders. "I do."

Their glares matched, both unflinching, until all of Jared's energy fled him quite abruptly. He drooped, and Jensen shifted to break his backwards fall. 

Megan pulled back, her lips pursed in a way that told Jared this argument was nowhere near over. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go bully Murray into giving me a place to stay for the night." She said primly, her gentle squeeze of Jared's hand negating how annoyed she looked. All in all, everyone seemed to be taking the confession all too well. It certainly wasn't Jensen's first death, but he'd expected Meg to- maybe-

Actually, this seemed just about right. She'd get angry- not about the murder, but about Jared's reaction -and Chad would end up being bullied anyway. 

Jensen emitted a bit of a wet laugh behind him, fingers still petting his hair. "She's something."

Jared tried to laugh, too; it came out as a bit of a strangled sob. "Runs in the family."

"You're something," Jensen agreed, just as gently. 

Jared's head was quite content nestled in the crook of Jensen's lap, but his mind was still reeling, and he felt nausea claw its way to the forefront of his throat.  

"Jensen," he whispered, his throat catching. "I  _killed_ someone."

"No," Jensen corrected, quicker and sharper than a blade, " _Pellegrino_ killed someone. And we're going to deal with this, Jared, little steps at a time. Little steps. Okay? First, though, you have to know that you're innocent."

And even though Jared nodded consent, he couldn't help but think that there was no way he could have been innocent in the scenario at all. 

\---

Jensen's "little steps" turned out to be furiously trying to reach Pellegrino at least twenty-four times per day. He called each hour, left the man poisonous voicemails, growled threats laced with fire. Jared watched to him stalk the length of their small room, wrapped up in a blanket with tomato soup cooling in front of him, and really wished Jensen would take a break. He wasn't all too sure he would have been able to face Pellegrino anyway.

The couch sunk as Jensen dropped into it, and Jared tried to muster up a smile. By the time he'd collected enough energy, though, Jensen was back on his feet, yelling at someone again, wondering why it was so hard to get in contact with Pellegrino, and Jared collapsed back into his restless subconscious. 

Megan was staying with Chad for the time being, and Jared really hoped, for Chad's testicles' sake, he was refraining from hitting on her. He'd tried, once or twice, to hook up with her, and before Jared could even try to be an overprotective brother, Megan was already giving Chad the talk-down of his life. He never tried after that, yet he always did seem a good bit intimidated around her. Jared, for his part, still needed to bring up his mother's health and Jeff, but he was still too reticent at the moment to want to venture out past the door.

"You're thinking a little too loud." Jensen's arm found its way around his waist without Jared even seeing him to begin with, and he occupied himself with mindlessly tracing tendons along Jensen's skin. They were taut, pulled too tight, and Jared could feel every ounce of tension's weight against Jensen.

"He tricked me," he said after a moment, and he could feel the prickle that had started to surface beneath the torpid depression. He hadn't been able to recognize it until now, but now that it was starting to boil, he could feel it bubbling up along his throat. "He caught me off-guard and  _tricked me."_

"Jared," Jensen started to say, his lips twisting into something resembling a grimace. "That's what he  _does._ He toys with everyone's heads, manipulates them- why do you think he's been such a threat? Why we don't want him anywhere near the land?"

Jared held onto Jensen's hand so hard that both their knuckles whitened. "He made me  _kill someone._ He could have killed Alona," he added quietly, eyes squeezing shut for a fraction of a second as Jensen stilled beside him. "Jensen, I tempted him. I'm the one who thought it would be a good idea to flirt with fire, Jensen, Jesus, I'm so  _stupid."_ The fear and uncertainty and shock collided, all with a heady dose of new rage, and he stared at the soup on the table. "I left myself open and he took the chance." 

"Don't tell me you could've foreseen this," Jensen argued, his tone just as sharp, and Jared tried to keep his head straight. He knew this was just another phase, but the phases were getting mixed up and entangled and he felt reckless, all of a sudden, like he was just waiting for Pellegrino to take advantage again. And God, it pissed him off.

" _Here's_  what I'm telling you." Jared swiveled onto him, stooping over slightly so he could hold Jensen's face steady between his palms, "Pellegrino placed a gun into my palm, pressed his finger onto mine, and  _made me watch the bullet go into that man's head."_

Jensen took a breath, the flash of pain streaking across his face sharp, quick, and nonetheless ardent. He gripped Jared's wrists, and Jared was sure Jensen was going to say something, was going to feed him something reassuring, but he wasn't expecting Jensen to push himself forward and crash his mouth headlong into his own. 

But that didn't stop him from melting, onto his knees and in between Jensen's legs as Jensen leaned forward to smother his words and drown his anger and sorrow in kisses. 

" _Please,"_ Jensen whispered against his mouth, tongue curling against Jared's bottom lip. "Please listen to me, Jared, it  _wasn't your fault._ Christ, you have to- you've gotta understand that." His hands curled around Jared's wrists as he pulled him upwards to nip at his neck, jaw, lips. "Your- Your depression, it's  _killing me."_

And suddenly, in a moment of stunning clarity, Jared did understand. He understood that and something else, and that something else suddenly blossomed into his first priority. 

"Jensen," he murmured, resisting a hum when Jensen's fingers gripped his curls inquisitively. "What aren't you telling me?" 

The other man's fingers came to a stuttering halt.  _Bingo._

"I don't know what you m-" Jensen began calmly- too calmly. Jared's eyes fluttered open just so he could hold Jensen in place with equal calmness... Even if Jensen looked slightly trapped. 

"Bullshit." He said, trying to sound firm but sounding albeit raspy instead. A whole hour of crying into someone's lap could do that to you. Which he totally hadn't done. "Amell and Pellegrino told you that day- Amell told you that he and Pellegrino had promised to take everything away from you. What did- What-?" He trailed off, elevating himself back onto the couch and twining one leg loosely between Jensen's. Jensen turned to him slightly so their shoulders touched, his responding laugh harsh and more than a little bitter.

"Nothing gets past you, does it?" But he didn't sound scolding so much as he did weary. 

"I'm about as messed up as it can get," Jared returned mildly, his muscles still working for a smile and coming up a bit short. "It won't bother me as much as it might have."

Jensen stared at him evenly for a moment, gauging, silent, and Jared waited patiently while simultaneously trying not to scrub at blood that wasn't there. 

"We used to be a triad," he said finally. "Stephen, Mark, and me. Rebellious kids gone haywire, thinkin' we were all cool without our parents in the picture." He snorted acerbically, thumb rubbing Jared's knuckles absently. "We'd do really stupid things- hold up gas stations, pickpocket from middle-aged rich guys, hotwire fancy cars." Jensen spared Jared a sheepish look before going on.  "I was the youngest of the group, so before I knew it, I was the one manipulated into being bait, the one doing the running or the flirting just so Mark and Stephen could get the gig done."

Jared's eyebrows knitted together. "They used you?"

Jensen laughed again, but Jared didn't like the sound of it at all. "I did it for them. I figured it was just sort of a hazing thing, just a way for me to make my way into their inner circles. It wasn't."

"Jen," Jared started, but Jensen's eyelashes fluttered against his jaw as he shook his head.

"It really wasn't as big a deal as you're going to make it out to be. The store's alarms were triggered, they left me there and ran for it." Jensen ran a hand through his hair. "I caught up to them later and tried to chew them out for leaving me behind, and they... Ah," Jensen broke off, for the first time looking a combination of peeved and ashamed. "Kind of roughed me up."

Jared couldn't help the onset of a scowl. " _Kind of?"_

"Okay, they really did a number on me," Jensen admitted darkly, looking sour just to admit it. "And maybe left me there, too."

"How is that not a big deal?" Jared demanded, blatantly outraged, for the first time in a week feeling the need to care about something. "How did you get out?"

"Ah, Josh and Mac." Jensen's fingers fluttered almost dismissively, and Jared's stomach turned as Jensen waved away his own safety so flippantly. "'S why Josh's so damn overprotective. I told my dad exactly what happened, and... After he chewed me out, he liquidated Pellegrino and Amell's families' assets. We were a trifecta, ya know? Well, not after that. It was kind of a punishment of sorts, and we crime lords don't take family attacks very kindly." Jensen sighed, lips twitching a bit ruefully. "The trifecta came down, of course, and the other two families tried desperately to claw their way back up with a dual partnership against us. They're... Getting there, I guess, but very slowly. To be honest, the Amell family was way more accepting of the punishment and felt that it was a proper consequence, but... the Pellegrinos took it badly. And more than that, Mark and Stephen took it upon themselves to form a very personal grudge against me. They backed off a little after our power surge, but..."

Jared shifted, almost absently, into the gap between Jensen's legs. "I know you want me to stay out of trouble, but if I'd been there, I would have tried to beat their asses into the dust." He said, the words coming out like a joke but his tone almost bitingly solemn. He didn't want to think about the man he went on a  _date with_ and Pellegrino taking hits at a defenseless Jensen for longer than necessary, because his blood would probably overheat. 

"I know," Jensen said, rolling his eyes. "Which is why I'm very glad you weren't there."

"Someone has to defend your maidenly virtue." Jared muttered, trying to get back onto good terms with humor and smiling a little when that prompted a grin from Jensen. 

"Hey," Jensen said, apparently eager to move on from his story, "I'm glad you're getting better."

At that, Jared's smile faded, and he cocooned himself into the offered space as Jensen twined his arms around him again. "I really," he began quietly, trying and failing not to flinch when the apartment door across from them slammed shut with a mighty bang. Jensen's arms tightened minutely. "I really want to believe that it wasn't my fault. Some- Some rational part of me is like,  _if someone pushes your finger down, it's not your fault._ I want to listen to that part." His breath was shaky as he curled his fingers into Jensen's belt loops. "But at the same time,  _my_ skin was the last to touch the trigger. His death is on  _me._ And that's-- That's terrifying, Jensen. It's terrifying that he would go so far as to exploit me. Like, what next? Is he going to make me kill a truly innocent person?  _A child?"_ He felt his heart rate burst into full speed, and Jensen was quiet for only a couple more beats before he spoke, voice even but slightly bleak, and what he said made Jared's rapid heartbeat come to a screeching halt.

"I think I should tell you about the first time I killed someone." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good ol' school has started and is eating my time, but I shall continue to update this as quickly as possible! :D And yay for Jensen backstory! About time, right?


	12. In Which Jared Acquires a Crime Lord as his Boyfriend

Jared was undergoing kind of a Jensen withdrawal.

After their last conversation, in fact, Jared hadn't had a chance to properly corner Jensen and ask him about the first kill recounting he had brought up-- and that was sort of because Jensen was an idiot. Turned out that even though Jensen was his own boss, he had still taken off a few too many days just to be with Jared, and his family had been grounding him, so to speak, at the house until Jensen got all of his affairs back in order. Jared hadn't seen Jensen for almost two days, ever since Jensen had gotten a call at Jared's apartment and bolted with profuse apologies, and pathetic though it was, he really missed him. On top of all of that, it was Friday- the day for the bidding to take place. Which meant Jensen was definitely going to encounter Pellegrino.

Jared was, actually, doing better, especially with Meg around; Meg certainly didn't let him stay home and sulk. Since she had finished her out-of school study, she had the next month off, and took him everywhere she could when he finished work- shopping at the mall (even though Jared couldn't afford all that much), to the skating rink, to the zoo and aquarium... Jared felt like a kid again, gallivanting about the city with his sister.

"I can see why you like him." Meg declared as they looked out over the ocean, brown-eyes half-mast, and Jared blinked his windblown hair out of his own eyes to peer at her through the railing that swept in a lengthwise arc. "He's funny and sweet and smoking hot and totally into you. Have you asked him out?"

"You've only known him for five minutes, Meg," Jared protested with a little smile, and she sniffed, extending her legs beneath the railing so she was sitting beside him. She looked borderline offended at his questioning of her intuition.

"That was enough. Have you asked him out?" She pressed, her fond punch sharp and probably her gentlest gesture ever. "Murray said you hadn't yet, or that's what I wrangled out of him." She wrinkled her nose thoughtfully, and Jared felt a pang of utter pity for his best friend. When Meg said _wrangled_ , she meant it quite literally. And not the sexy kind of wrangling, either.

"I haven't," Jared admitted, his smile teetering as he tipped his head back to look at the gray-blue canvas dotted with rolling clouds. "I don't know what I'm waiting for," he added, when Meg gave him a thoroughly unimpressed look. "Every time I gather the courage, I just-" He opened his palm, closing it just as quickly before lifting his tight fist up. "Lose the chance. But-- But I do really like him," he added, the words barely grazed by a whisper of shyness. "Gosh, Meg, you should see him when he's debating with someone, or telling someone to shove off. He's so confident and perfect and-"

"-Yeah, yeah, he's the regular Mr. America." Meg rolled her eyes, but her smile was warm. Jared grinned back helplessly, fingers wrapping around green iron. "But really, Jay, hurry. Because pretty men like him?" her smile twisted into something slightly rueful, "They usually get snatched up by other people who just happen to make a move before you do. "

Jared cocked his head, eyeing her inquisitively. There was a story here, so he patiently waited for Meg to bluster and blush through several denials before she finally grumbled out, "There was just- a guy in school, and I thought he liked me, but I waited too long, and the local beauty queen snatched him right out from under me. That's it, Jay. It's really a simple thing." Megan crossed her ankles, and Jared shrugged an arm around her and rested his head against hers.

"You'll find someone," he assured with dead certainty, and Megan groaned.

"Christ, Jared, don't even start. If you don't make a move, I'll be giving you this speech, and then we'll both end up at a bar on our asses, wishing we'd made moves and bashing our lost loves or something. So please, for the love of God, do something about it." She leaned into him, her voice lowering as she ventured into an entirely different subject, "So... When are you planning on going back home?"

He tensed, quickly retracting so Megan didn't feel the change in posture. "About two weeks," he said stiffly, squinting hard at a seagull frantically flapping to join the little posse a few meters in front of it. "Train. Jen's coming."

"That's great!" Megan nudged him, her eyes welling with concern so plain and open that it made Jared's heart stutter and hurt for ever having to hide anything from her. "See? Even if Mom decides to be a complete harpy about everything, he'll be there to make it at least a little better. Yeah? I'd totally come with you guys, but I have to go back and pack some stuff before I go... But hey, at least now you don't have to worry about eating less, right?"

Jared lowered his lashes, regarding her with a cautious, bleak little smile. "Yeah, uh, that's true. Good thing Mom isn't trying to edge all the sugar out of my diet again." He laughed, fully aware that the sound was unconvincingly bitter. "Remember when she'd give me oatmeal in the morning without sugar?"

Megan wrinkled her nose. "I remember trying a spoonful of that."

"It tasted like ass." Jared said bluntly.

"You would know," Megan shot back, wiggling her eyebrows playfully when Jared spluttered and elbowed her in the ribs. His chest hurt almost unbearably, because God, he'd really missed Megan and Jeff. He had yet to see his older brother after so long, but the two of were so exponentially different from each other, Jeff always so mild and soft-spoken and Meg so contrarily forthright. They balanced him perfectly, and it was why he couldn't see one without developing an irrepressible urge to see the other.

Meg had just caught him in a surprise headlock, and he was trying to pull away when his phone started to ring. Shooting her smirking face a dirty look, he yanked away and flipped it open, somehow managing a breathless "Hello?"

"Jared," Jensen sounded composed, his voice only the slightest bit clipped, and before Jared could say anything more, the other man said, "Meet me at Spice in five."

Jared tried to scramble to his feet and managed to bash his knee squarely into the underside of the bar. He held back every curse he possibly could as Megan shot him a sympathetic wince. "Uh, what? 'S everything all right, Jensen?"

"Hurry." Jensen intoned before hanging up, and Jared just stared at the accursed phone before giving Megan a wide-eyed look of incomprehension.

"Uh."

Megan sighed, but she was smiling, if a bit warily. "C'mon. Let's get your sweet-ass car and go see what your not-boyfriend wants."

\---

By the time Jared burst into Spice ten minutes later, he was quite worried. Dani shot him a baffled look, probably wondering why Jared would want to spend any more time in Spice than was absolutely necessary, but he beelined past her with an apologetic grin for Jensen, who was standing beside the counter, nursing a drink, and saying something to Chris. Jared could only see his back, and he was finding it hard to determine how Jensen was feeling just by that; so, when he came to a halt behind him, he wasn't really sure what to say.

"Jen?" he blurted out just as Chris pointed over Jensen's shoulder, wincing at how high-strung he sounded, "A-Are you o-?- _Mmph_."

Jensen had caught him into a hard kiss, both hands pressed tight against his hipbones, and Jared knew not why they were kissing, only that he seriously didn't mind. His entire train of thought was totally derailed from his mouth and into Jensen's, and he automatically wound his arms around the other man's neck, only pulling away for half a beat to give Jensen a look of complete, blissed-out confusion.

"We won," Jensen said simply, with a wicked grin and another kiss planted right onto one of Jared's dimples. He laughed, one of the most unobstructed sounds Jared had heard, and added, this time more solemnly, "And I punched him in the face and probably broke his nose or cheekbone or something, which, okay, wasn't smart, but he was being a little shit."

It was all going a bit fast for Jared's still slightly befuddled mind, but he managed to get the gist of it, smiled a little tremulously, and nuzzled a kiss into Jensen's jaw as thanks and congratulations. There was still a lot of unresolved tension, but Jensen was doing what he could for Jared, and that was what mattered to him. He soon stopped worrying about that when Jensen hoisted him onto one of the barstools for leverage and yanked him back down against his mouth again, which Jared was one-hundred percent okay with.

"As much as I'm enjoying the show over here," Chris said, his voice drier than the Sahara desert, "Jensen needs to come with me. I can't let him out of my sight, but don't worry, he's not driving."

Jared could feel Jensen's eye-roll, even when most of his attention was still focused on Jensen's tongue brushing over his bottom lip. "Yeah, turns out Chris is the one with the date this time. Who knew, right? And this tool decided to go looking like one of the Men in Black."

Jared snorted a laugh at the entirely unamused Chris, who was trying and failing not to smile. "I only own suits, Jensen."

Megan looked bemused. "You're going to a date wearing that? She's going to think you're there to arrest her."

Jensen seemed to notice Megan's presence right then, and went a kind of brilliant shade of red.

"Holy crap," he said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even notice- Uh, I'm Jensen. Ackles. You're Megan, aren't you? I never really properly introduced myself, and I took off that day, so-" Jesus, his fumbling was cute. Jared realized a little late that he was giving the other man a sappy smile.

Megan snorted, a quite unladylike sound, but looked amused all the same. "Yeah, I'm Megan. Meg. Whatever. I guess you're the unfortunate one hooking up with my dorky ass brother, aren't you, hot stuff?"

Jared narrowed his eyes, huffing in her direction, and she winked at him before sprawling herself over one of the seats. "Meg!"

Jensen chuckled, looking a little relieved. "I'm the one," he said, apparently thrilled she wasn't trying to strangle him, "So, you're-- Uh, you're-- Okay with it?" he added tentatively, and Jared's heart stopped trying to revive itself from the pile of goo it had melted into. God help him, Jensen was asking for Meg's approval.

"Oh, please, I'm not Jared's caretaker," Meg rolled her eyes. "Besides, he wouldn't care if I said no, have you seen the way he's looking at you? He's a gone man, so it wouldn't matter even if I didn't like it. You're fortunate, though, because I do."

"Meg-" Jared grimaced, trying and failing to recompose himself when Jensen turned to regard him with a blatant smirk. He opened his mouth to make an argument and just ended up getting kissed yet again, so, like, why did he even try? Seriously?

"Boss!" Chris sounded mildly aggravated.

"Okay, okay." Jensen groaned, nipping at Jared's ear once as Jared reluctantly unwound his legs from where they'd impulsively locked themselves around Jensen's waist. "Cockblocker," he muttered beneath his breath, evoking a choke-turned-cough from Jared. "Anyway, Jared, are you alright? Are you- I mean, I know I've more or less completely ignored you the past two days, but-" he came to a stop, looking adorably confused at Jared's finger stopping his flow of speech.

"It's alright, Jen. I understand," Jared reassured, smiling a little and pulling his finger away. "I'm more surprised that you haven't been busy, honestly. But, uh, there is something-" He dared a look at Megan, who lifted her thumbs up encouragingly. "Do you, ahm- Do you want to maybe, do something? Together?" Jensen's eyebrows drew together.

"We're usually together, Jared," he pointed out.

"I, yeah." Jared conceded, because that was true, "But I mean," he persisted, glancing pointedly at their surroundings before whispering, "Like, alone. Alone like, um-" he tried to get the word out, but it stuck to his throat and refused to budge. He realized, with a blend of both horror and the almost irrepressible urge to laugh, that Jensen had started to grin, a puckish curl of his mouth that made Jared's heart come to a stuttering halt for a moment.

"Go on," he said mildly, clearly enjoying himself, and Jared wanted to sock him in the face. Kind of with his mouth.

"What's wrong, Jay?" he added in a bit of a croon, "Cat got your tongue?"

 _No, you asshole, you got my tongue._  Jared glared at him, the word still stubbornly refusing to come to fruition. "Like- Like a-" he stammered, his face reddening as Jensen's grin only widened. "You're a complete jerk," he said instead, kind of feebly, trying not to pout in the face of the evil that was Jensen.

Jensen laughed. "I've been told. And yes, Jay. I'll go on a date with you. Do you know where you want to go?"

Jared probably looked a little like a clam. A tomato-colored clam. "Ah-" he started, ideas colliding in his brain all too quickly for him to snatch at them. "I-"

Megan's intervention was a blessing. "He has like a million ideas. Go to Chris's date, Jared will pick you up at six in the evening. By the way, don't come in a suit. It's going to be really casual." She winked, looping her arm around Jared's.

Jared's "It is?" was fortunately replaced with, "oh, yeah. Yeah. Good luck on your date, Chris." He smiled a little wanly at the bodyguard, who grinned back.

Jensen looked put-out. "I'm the one who needs the luck, I have to sit at another table on my own just because I don't have another bodyguard to watch over me right now."

"I offered to bring Sarge," Chris argued, looking no more thrilled at the thought of dragging his boss along, "but you said-"

"He treats me like he did when I was twelve!" Jensen whined, and Jared clapped a hand onto his mouth to stifle a snicker. "I won't be able to even go on a date with Jared! At least you'll give me some space. My life is so hard."

Chris had already started to walk, shaking his head at his boss's antics. "I'm leaving, Jensen."

Jensen muttered something vaguely insulting and grabbed his coat, turning to follow Chris. At the last moment, he turned to plant a kiss right on one of Jared's dimples again. "Take care of yourself," he said, his voice stern but his eyes warm. Jared melted again, trying to ignore the edge of paranoia that tried to butt in again at the cause for Jensen's concern. "I'll see you at six."

"My other dimple is going to develop a complex if you don't get it, too," Jared grinned, wiggling his eyebrows as Jensen chuckled and leaned in for the other one.

"Don't be so greedy." He smirked, pulling away before hurrying after his bodyguard. "I'll see you two later!" Meg waved at him before turning to an enamoured Jared.

"I know the perfect place to take him, Jare."

"Good, cause I don't," Jared muttered, only half-joking, and lifted his eyebrows inquisitively at his sister. Megan's returning smile was mischievous, and as Jared fully turned to face it head-on, he was suddenly riding the exact same wavelength as she was and knew exactly where he wanted to take Jensen. He started to grin, just as she said,

"Take him to the Treehouse." 

\---

"This---" Jensen seemed incapable of making full sentences, and Jared wanted to giggle at the sight, Jensen's lips parted and all his teeth glittering in the light and his viridescent eyes gleaming. The crime lord's expression was teeming with childish glee as he climbed the wooden staircase to the upper level of the quirky restaurant, as though he was remembering something lost from his childhood. "This is-"

The Treehouse was Jared, Megan, and Jeff's favorite restaurant, and they had visited it every time they came to the city. The two-level establishment was built around a genuine tree; the occasional trees planted years ago in lots around the city were a giant "screw you" to the idea that urban facilities had overtaken nature entirely. It was a friendly, brightly lit place with leafy lanterns and homey, caramel-colored wood furniture swirled with languid, black-coffee colored patterns. Every corner of the restaurant overflowed with flower pots, blooms of infinite colors, and the lighting had been set into the planked ceilings. Jared, whose fingers were laced through Jensen's, felt the tension ebb right out of the other man, which in turn made him feel as bright as the lanterns.

"I'm really glad I didn't wear a suit," was all Jensen seemed capable of saying. "Not like Chris, who was totally regretting it- his date turned up in jeans and was so scared that she took off like a bat out of hell. Turns out she had fraud charges stacked against her. I didn't stop laughing for forty minutes. He's on call, by the way- I've got an app that'll alert him to my destination, so we have privacy." After they shared a good chuckle at Chris's expense, Jared took a moment to appreciate Jensen's nicely fitting black jeans and his slim gray jacket, all further enhanced by the blue-and-green threaded infinity scarf around his neck. He looked almost mind-numbingly beautiful, as per usual.

The crime lord caught Jared just in his last few seconds of soundlessly burning the image of Jensen in front of him into his mind. "See something you like?" he smirked, wiggling his hips, and the flood of sudden insecurity swept Jared away. He felt the red sneak up on him, over his skin, and nodded his head despite the incriminating color. Jensen's smile waned a little as they sat across from each other at a smaller table, so he rushed to explain.

"You look good," he blurted out, caught up in a Herculean effort to actually talk, "I mean, like, _really_ good. Seriously, it's giving me a little bit of a complex, how good-looking you are." And also, he needed to shut up. Like. Now. "I know it's not really your fault, cause, like, good genes, I guess, and maybe you work on your appearance way more than I do- oh, and people invite you to things so you always have to look good, just in case. But. Just saying. Thank you for, for, you know. Letting me take you on a date." He finally got out, and looked up from his knotted fingers to see Jensen looking utterly astonished.

"Is-- I mean- You think I'm _letting_ you take me on a date?" Now he looked a little angry, and Jared cringed, trying to backtrack right the hell now so he could salvage the conversation and the date. "Jesus Christ, Jared, I'm not _letting_ you do anything. I wanted to go on a date with you because I enjoy your company, or had you not noticed how often I call on you for some of the most meaningless things these days? I had you drive me the five minute trip from my house to the post office, for God's sake. I don't even consider this our first date, because we've been together so much now that it's weird when I look and you're _not_ there." Now he just looked exasperated, which was at least infinitely better than him looking angry. "I'm doing this because I'm in- Because I want to spend more and more time with you, not because I feel obliged to say yes. Now look at your damn menu and pick something to eat."

Jared's eyes obediently snapped downwards, his neck flushing with tendrils of red as he dared a look back up at Jensen again. He was unsurprised to see Jensen looking a little pink himself, also glancing upwards for just a split second before looking down, and he was also unsurprised at the rush of giddy happiness and the helpless smile that crossed his face as he tried to focus on the lengthy list of main dishes.

"So I take it you've been here a lot?" Jensen said after a moment of their perusal of the menu, and Jared nodded, grinning ear to ear.

"Yeah, Meggy and Jeff and I would come a lot when we came to the city. It's like our favorite place here. I remember when Jeff once threw up all his pasta in the flower pot, but the restaurant was mostly empty and the staff was all in the back, so no one ever noticed." He snickered, stopped for a moment at the realization that that was kind of a gross story, and then, when he noticed Jensen's smirk, went on snickering. "It's really casual and... Warm, I guess."

Jensen coughed at that, and Jared wouldn't have been concerned, except that it didn't seem to have been caused by anything at all. "Are you okay?"

"It's just-" Jensen cleared his throat, looking away, his eyebrows drawn together as if he was a bit contrite over what he had to say, "I mean, you brought me somewhere that you think is warm and casual."

"Yeah, it kind of reminded me of how I feel around you, I guess-" Jared started to say, and then came to a screeching halt so forceful that it may have slammed his heart straight into the walls of his chest. _Oh my God, why did I say that?_ he thought, staring, determined, at the floor as though it was going to swallow him whole.

Jensen's foot nudged into his, and Jared slowly dragged his eyes back up to the other man's-- which was when he noticed that Jensen was half out of his seat, hands braced against each side of the square-shaped table, and he responded eagerly by nudging forward against Jensen's mouth.

"You're going to be the death of me," he was told in a quiet, rough voice as Jensen licked at the seam of his mouth before sitting back again. "Seriously, Jared, what am I going to do with you?"

"Kiss me more, hopefully," Jared responded almost immediately, smiling tentatively at Jensen. Jensen laughed, the sound a little less tense, and nodded quickly. "Anyway, do you know what you want?" He tilted his head back, indicating the approaching waiter, and quirked half a smile.

"Maybe if you didn't distract me so much," Jensen teased accusingly, glancing down for just a second before asking, very seriously, "If I get spaghetti, will you do the Lady and the Tramp thing with me?"

Jared choked on his water while the other man watched on in amusement. "You have to be Lady."

"Oh, please, Jared," Jensen leaned forward, fingers curled into a fist just beneath his chin as he batted sultry eyelashes at him, lips pushing forward into a pouty kissy face. "I think it's pretty obvious that I'm Tramp."

The zing of being _really kinda turned on_ took Jared aback long enough for the waiter to come and give him a look of deep concern for a few seconds. "Uh, sir?"

"He's fine," Jensen chirped, winking at a flabbergasted Jared before turning to the man. "I'll go for the Minestrone soup," he said, his tone so simpering that Jared could almost see the sugar fall from his lips. "Jared, babe? What about you?"

Jared forced himself back into the land of the living, tossing a half-hearted glare at Jensen before smiling weakly at the waiter. "I'll have the vegetable noodles, please," he muttered, trying not to redden when Jensen's suggestive eyebrow raise knocked him off guard. "And can we please have the bread basket and bruschetta to start off, please?"

"Of course." The waiter took the menus, "We'll be out with your food in just a few minutes." Jared may or may not have managed a "thanks," and this was even considering Jensen's toes nonchalantly tracing along the soles of his shoe.

"So," Jensen said casually, taking a sip of water, "how's your life been?" He smiled blandly at Jared like his foot wasn't climbing Jared's leg like it was a grape vine.

"Uh," Jared said intelligently, breath hitching when Jensen stroked his calf gingerly. It might have been weird, except it wasn't, but that didn't mean Jared wasn't insanely thankful for table covers. He cooled his blush with a hasty gulp of water and gently trapped Jensen's foot with his other leg, counteracting the other man's move with his own little smile. "Uneventful, mostly. I've missed you."

Jensen's calm mask dipped out of its pretense, and he struggled to compose it with a quick intake of breath. "Sorry for making you suffer."

Jared smiled to himself, rotating his ankle so his toes brushed along Jensen's foot. "Well, I've recovered pretty quickly, so it's alright."

Jensen's fingers created a bit of a rest for his chin as he surveyed Jared. "Just so you know, Jay," he deadpanned, "you're playing footsie with a crime lord."

Yeah, he knew, but it didn't bother him nearly as much as it should have. "I like to live dangerously," he said with a shrug, flashing a singular dimple at Jensen as the waiter set the bread and painted ceramic plates in front of them. "It's kind of fun," he added vaguely, words emphasized by a sharp gasp when Jensen swung his foot playfully to get free and ended up shoving his toes into Jared's thigh.

"Shit," Jensen muttered, going an attractive cerise as the waiter scurried away, apparently not wanting to get involved. "Sorry, that wasn't supposed to happen-"

Jared snatched a small oval of tomato-slathered bread and shook his head, hoping Jensen's shoes didn't come close enough to knowing that it was still turning Jared on. "It's fine," he shooed away the apology as he tore off a mouthful of bread. "Anyway, you wanted to tell me more about the bidding?"

Jensen's nose twitched like he was thinking of something wholly unpleasant. "Amell and Pellegrino's families were there, along with our trifecta, and then there were a couple smaller families that didn't pose much of a threat. Pellegrino's known for always calling obscene amounts of money to start off with, so anyone not on his level is knocked off. And then it was just me and him, ping-ponging back and forth."

"And you guys beat him out." Jared said, and Jensen nodded with a ghost of a smile. "He, um, mentioned what he'd had you do." Jensen stared at the breadstick in his hand for a second. "He was mostly just making sore loser comments, so I socked him in the face."

Jared couldn't help but snort lightly at that, even though the world had started to spin again when he remembered what had taken place at the warehouse. But thinking about the warehouse made him think about his dad, so he stopped and instead tried a smile. "Well, kudos to you, Jensen. He deserved it."

"Oh, and a couple of Josh's friends popped Amell's tires," Jensen added casually, a devilish gleam in his eyes as he grinned vindictively at Jared. "That was entertaining."

Jared did laugh, then, and lightly kicked Jensen's ankle as the waiter set their plates down. "I suspect that you're an eight year old in an older body."

"I suspect you may be right," Jensen said solemnly, looking around appreciatively at the environment. "Jared, I know you wanted to hold talking about the relationship until after we went to go see your mother, but I was kind of wondering about, about us-" Jensen shifted, looking slightly out of his element, and Meg's comment from earlier swept in along with a burst of confidence to remind Jared of what he could possibly have with this man. He leaned forward.

"Be my boyfriend, Jensen." He said abruptly, and Jensen stopped talking right in the middle of his sentence like someone had clamped a hand over his mouth.

"What?"

"Be. My boyfriend," Jared repeated calmly, even though his heart was beating something fierce, "we've been together for kind of a long time now, and I still want to see you after that- that chauffeur deal is over -and so, let's date. And do sappy couple things together. Yeah?" He looked back at his plate, trying not to smile at Jensen's face.

"You can't just-" Jensen sputtered, trying frantically to regain himself, "you can't just say that and-"

"I just did." Jared corrected smugly, wiggling his eyebrows at his partner. Jensen's eyes darkened with something Jared didn't know how to identify.

"Your teasing is going to catch up with you," the other man warned mildly as he stabbed a couple vegetables floating in his soup, but Jared couldn't help but notice that Jensen looked almost ridiculously pleased.

"You're not that threatening when you're blushing." Jared sucked a noodle in quickly and grinned at Jensen, who huffed in response, and then smirked. The smile he gave Jared this time was nothing but trouble, which made Jared's stomach flip pleasantly.

"I can show you how threatening I can get."

Jared rolled his eyes to sate his eagerness at the statement, clamped down on a noodle between his teeth, and extended the other end to Jensen with a fork, his eyebrows raised.

And Jensen's eyes lit up as he grabbed the other end in his mouth, which more or less made Jared's night.

\---

In Jared's defense, he made it all the way back to the apartment without kissing Jensen, so when he found out Chad and Gen had oh so conveniently gone out for the night, he had no qualms about wrapping himself around Jensen when they dropped to the couch.

"Hi," Jensen breathed, drawing Jared in for a few quick kisses before more or less sprawling around him. "That place was amazing, thanks, Jared."

Jared hummed in agreement. "Thanks for coming with me," he said, grinning up at Jensen. "Megan was probably going to come after me with a knife if I didn't man up and ask you out, so you've got her to thank."

"Your sister is the most terrifying person I've met," Jensen said calmly, "and she has my mother, Alona, Adrianne, and my sister, Mac, up against her. She would do great in the business."

"Sometimes I think she might very well be doing undercover work," Jared mused, one of his legs thrown over Jensen's. "And I suppose I'd never know." Something came back to him, something he'd wanted to ask yet didn't want to rush Jensen into. He curled his fingers around Jensen's hand before saying, "Jensen, you told me a few days ago that you were going to tell me about-- about-"

"The first time I had to shoot someone," Jensen said, still placidly, and Jared, with a flinch, knew right there that Jensen hadn't stopped thinking about it either. "I haven't forgotten, I just- I guess it just got swept away with everything else I had to do. I'm sorry about that." Jared could feel all the tension that had vanished before come pouring back into his muscles.

"No," he protested as Jensen's fingers tightened around his, "if you don't want to, that's fine, but I was just-"

"I was nineteen." Jensen sounded so beyond his age that Jared _felt_ nineteen next to him. "And Josh and I, we'd gone to this lady's house for lunch. It was our first little gig alone- we were supposed to bargain with her for a jewelry set and only have to use the cash on hand. Dad had been reluctant to send us, but Mom assured him we were ready to be a part of the business. And Josh was ecstatic, so excited that he could barely hold himself back." He shook his head with a wry, humorless smile, and Jared pressed his head into his shoulder. "It was all going okay... She was recently widowed, with two young boys. Twins. And then suddenly, Josh accidentally hinted that we thought she was responsible for her husband's murder, and it all went to hell. She jumped him, and I was frozen, Jared, I had no idea what to do." Jensen shook his head, jaw tightening as he carded his fingers through his hair. "I had a gun, and Josh did too, but we were given strict instructions not to use them."

He was silent for long enough after that that Jared peered up at him from beneath his arm. "What happened?"

"She-- She had a knife. A wicked little number she was hiding in her shirt, something neither of us even saw coming. And Josh, he-" He came to a stop, expression strangely hollow, "He was grappling with her, but she had advanced on him and Christ, I knew she was going to stab him, and I-"

"You shot her," Jared finished, and Jensen's arm tightened around him as if he was trying to ground himself using Jared.

"I was so scared, Jared." Jensen shook his head. "I remember my entire body seizing up at the thought of that woman stabbing Josh, and now if I think about it, I could've accidentally killed my brother, too. Can you imagine-?" he started to say, and then seemed to remember who he was talking to. Jared's responding smile was bleak but sympathetic as he pressed his head into the underside of Jensen's chin. "I just. The bullet went into the back of her head, and when Josh lay her down, we saw the twins in the background, just staring. And I mean, they were- I could see how terrified they looked, and there we were, Josh with their dead mother in his arms and me with a gun in my hand- I just never got over that, I guess. That's why I remember the whole damn thing so well." Jensen shook his head. "Dad always said- _no witnesses_ -but I was desperate, and I broke almost every rule. The cleanup was the longest hour of my life."

Jared stared at Jensen's ring. "What about the twins?"

"Probably with another relative." Jensen said flatly. "Kids in the business usually have a backup plan that their parents drill into them, and by the time we had cleaned up the mess, the twins were long gone. They'd had enough of a head start, too."

"Do _you_ have a backup plan?"

Jensen laughed dryly. "I did when I was younger. Mac, Josh, and me. If our parents were ever in danger, we were to catch a cab and go north to our grandparents' place. And, of course, there were hidden passages in our house, tunnels leading beneath the floors to outside the gate in case we were trapped in our own home with someone dangerous. I'll show you a couple of my favorites, if you come back to the house again." Now he looked almost demure as he glanced back at Jared. "I used to sneak off when my tutors took a pause from lecturing me and leave out the gate towards the woods behind our house. There was a meadow there that the three of us loved to play in."

That was a much nicer image to think about, Jensen playing in a meadow, than the one of Jensen and Josh cleaning blood off the floor. "It wasn't really your fault, Jen, you were trying to protect your brother."

"Pot, don't call the kettle black." Jensen said immediately, and Jared smacked his arm lightly. "I'm serious, Jared. You tried your damnedest to keep that man alive, and Pellegrino pulled the trigger. You've got to forgive yourself."

"Even when you still haven't forgiven yourself?" Jared shot back immediately, and Jensen recoiled like he'd been burned. But Jared could see that he was right, because Jensen couldn't keep his gaze for more than a couple minutes before looking away.

"You shouldn't have to live with that," Jensen said after a beat, his voice edged just a little bit with rawness. "You didn't grow up in a criminal life; I did. I was trained to use all sorts of weapons. I never attended public schools or college, just grew up under tutor after tutor who drilled economics and bartering and tricking and lying into me. I was basically _groomed_ to be next in line to be a crime lord, so yeah, Jared, I want you to forgive yourself. _I'm_ the one who has to get used to death and destruction, and _I'm_ the one who needs to know when the gun should come out. My moment of bad judgment could cost everyone a lot more than your moment of faltering."

Jared stayed silent for just a couple seconds after Jensen was finished. "I still think you're one of the nicest people I've ever met."

Jensen laughed, but the sound was a little disbelieving, so Jared turned to him. "I'm serious," he said quietly, his fingers brushing Jensen's collar as he situated himself properly in the other man's lap. Jensen took a deep breath, verdant eyes fixed unwaveringly on Jared's as though challenging himself to explain. Jared did so gladly. "You were always nice to Dani and Gen. You didn't call Chad a freak or Gen anything degrading, and you got Kyle and all his friends to stop harassing me."

Jensen wavered beneath Jared's fingers. "Could've just been doing that to get you to like me."

"Yeah, maybe." Jared conceded, deftly undoing a button on Jensen's jacket and tracing it with the tip of his finger. "But I doubt it. Everyone in your family loves you. Meg can't fault you, and she's the most critical person I know. Your bodyguard is your best friend, for Christ's sake. You aren't arrogant or rude and you've always respected my space."

Jensen's hands lifted almost hesitantly to cup Jared's hips, and for the first time, he looked fearful, sort of unsure. "Jared, Josh wasn't wrong. This lifestyle, it's. It's scary and dangerous and I- I don't want anything to happen to you-"

"-but _I'm_ ready to take that risk," Jared said, and leaned in to kiss Jensen's mouth. Jensen hissed beneath his mouth, drawing Jared in deeper, turning something gentle into something desperate and needier. His hand moved from Jared's hips upwards, fingers grazing along the hem of Jared's shirt before slipping inside to brush across rapidly warming skin. Jared wriggled a little, pressed more into Jensen's hand, and sighed, content, into his mouth before pulling away and huffing an amused laugh at Jensen's disappointed expression. "Jensen, on the very first date?" He scolded with an affectionate smile, curling up into him once more.

"Tease," Jensen muttered, but willingly folded his legs so Jared had more sitting space. "Looks like we're going to be spending a lot of time together from now on, huh, Jay?"

Jared nodded, and honestly? Despite all the danger that came with dating a crime lord, he couldn't have been happier about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see? SEE? I took a long time, and made it longer to make up for it. Granted, it's a little filler-y, but Mom (and hopefully some sexy times) is coming up in the next couple chapters, so.... Hang in there! Thanks for the lovely comments, guys! <3 love all of you!


	13. In Which Jared Finally, FINALLY Goes to Meet his Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, look at that naughtiness that I threw in! :D That's right, guys- Not only does Jared finally get to see mom, but I'm also FINALLY approaching the naughtiness I've promised. ;D Bear with me, guys- it's about to get tense all up in here.

Things seemed to go a lot quicker when Jensen was Jared's boyfriend; this was probably because life hated him, and hated seeing him happy for extended periods of time. By the time Jared was aware of how much of it had passed, it had already been two weeks; Megan had gone back to the East Coast to pack her bags for the visit, and Jared himself was painstakingly getting ready to go see his mother as well.  

That wasn't to say he wasn't still almost bursting from how happy he was. Chad told him it was like seeing a girl after she'd had sex with someone awesome, that Jared was fucking  _glowing._

Jared wouldn't have expected it, but Jensen was the type of person to text Jared in the nights before he went to sleep and in the mornings when he woke up. Jared would read, reread, and reread again the tiny paragraphs Jensen sent while he ate breakfast, his grin threatening to break his face in two. Jensen was also the type of person who surprised Jared in the morning while the latter was still in his sweatpants and unfortunately lacking a shirt, with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth; the initial embarrassment from that faded even though Jared did throw a pair of boxers that hit his boyfriend (boyfriend!) in the side of the head.

Jensen liked a bagel place about ten minutes away from the apartment about as much as he liked jelly donuts; once he figured out that Jared may have had a small obsession with the jalapeño cheese bagel, the sneaky crime lord all but bought his way into Jared's heart by bringing them by twice a week. Jared tried not to pout as he devoured the bribes- they were seriously delicious -and Jensen laughed at him the entire time. 

The only wall that Jared kept running headlong into was sex. He knew Jensen was being patient, that Jensen had already seen his back, and that was more or less the worst of it... And still, he felt a little nauseous when he thought about his body compared to Jensen's. The almost crippling bouts of insecurity made him avert his eyes when Jensen casually shed his shirt for another one or shucked his pants for something more comfortable. And it wasn't as though Jensen had to ask; Jensen  _knew_ what made Jared tick, but he was just nice enough not to say anything about it.

But it was obvious sometimes, when Jensen's languid kisses against his mouth tapered from the corner of his lips to sweep along his collarbone and shoulder, that Jensen was at least interested in.... Well. Sex. And no matter how much the word turned Jared into a prepubescent twelve year old, he was going to have to suck it up and deal with it sometime or another. 

"I can't find my dress shoes," he stressed, leafing through a rumpled pile of clothing to find at least one tie. He carded an agitated hand through his hair, dragging his eyes away to focus on Jensen, who was haphazardly throwing things into his suitcase while Chris cringed on the side.  

"Hm?" Jensen lifted his head, looking unconcerned as he threw a sock into the suitcase that clearly didn't match the other sock he'd thrown in there about five seconds prior. Chris muttered a curse, slinking to Jared's side of the room so he didn't have to deal with the abomination that was Jensen's suitcase. Jared hid a bit of a harried smile, pressing the collar of one of his shirts down before stacking it on top.

"My dress shoes. Are missing." He repeated, trying to breathe as he cast a distressed look around the living room of the apartment; it looked about four times as cramped as it usually did, purely due to the clothing explosion, the suitcases, and Chris's hulking form looming in one corner. "I can't find them anywhere, even though they were here literally one minute ago."

Chad squinted at him, his feet propped on top of his recliner while his head hung over the seat. "They're under the couch, Jay." He pointed, his face going red from all the blood rush. "You must have knocked them down." 

Jared breathed a little easier as he snatched the dress shoes up from beside the couch and rolled his socks into them. "I'm forgetting something," he said after a moment, the inflection of his voice high as he studied the things in his suitcase. "What am I forgetting? I thought I- I thought I had-"

"Your toiletry stuff is still sitting in a pouch in the bathroom." Chad drawled, wiggling his toes as he rolled his eyes. Jared gave him a distressed sound before loping to the restroom to grab his things. When he returned, Jensen was actually carrying on a conversation with Chad. 

"Jared is a nervous packer," Chad was explaining as Jared beelined for his suitcase. "Or maybe it's just a family packing issue. One of them. I can see you obviously don't seem to be worrying as much."

Jensen shrugged, a mischievous little grin yanking at his lips. "If I throw what I want in here, Chris can't help himself from organizing all my things for me." Chris emitted a grumpy grunt from the corner while Jared threw the man a sympathetic look. "It's like. No matter how I arrange it, he'll redo it all, so, y'know. Why go through all the extra trouble and the fighting?" 

"You're an asshat." Jared smiled wryly at him, shaking his head. 

Chad shrugged. "I think it's a little genius. Even if Chris is the one who ends up screwed in the end." Jensen bowed with a little flourish before waving towards his overflowing suitcase and sauntering to Jared's side. It didn't take long for Chris to migrate towards Jensen's suitcase with a scowl, and Jensen laughed against Jared's lips as he indulged him with a quick kiss. 

"Don't worry so much, Jared. I'm right here, yeah?"

"I  _know,"_ Jared grumped, struggling to keep his pout even while Jensen started kissing his dimples. "Okay, okay, I'm fine. I'm happy." He groaned with a helpless little laugh, pushing Jensen back a few steps gently. "I'm not worrying, promise."

Chad sniffed. "Get a room, you fuckheads. Or let me join," he added as an afterthought, and Jared glared at him.

"Chad!" He snapped, just as Jensen said, "Sure, what time?"

" _Jensen!"_ Jared swung to face the unapologetically grinning crime lord.

"What? I'm not averse to a good threesome." Jensen's grin was pure filth even as he tugged at Jared's hip unrepentantly. Jared swatted him while trying dismally to wrap his shoes in a plastic bag and slid them beneath a couple shirts.  

"You're invited too, pretty boy." Chad said after a beat to Chris, who promptly went a brilliant red, dropped Jensen's suitcase, and excused himself from the room. 

\---

Jared knew it was truly the day before he visited his mother when he started having nightmares.

For the third time in the same night, he bolted from the comfort of sleep in a cold sweat, shivers wracking his frame and the silhouette of his mother with her arm raised seared into his mind. He swung himself out of bed, padding quietly past Gen's room towards the kitchen for a glass of warm water or milk or something of the sort.

When he noticed the TV on in the living room, he almost had a heart attack. He stumbled almost blearily into the room to go turn it off when he noticed the blanketed lump on the couch-  _the moving blanketed lump._

He was about to start screaming his lungs out not unlike a horror movie heroine and take the baseball bat next to his doorway to the intruder when a blonde head poked out from underneath the blankets. 

"Oh. Hey, Jay." 

"What the  _fuck-"_ Jared wheezed, trying to keep his voice down so he didn't wake Gen up and hyperventilating a little as he leaned on the couch for support, "-Are you doing in our apartment _-"_ he glanced at the clock, now fully awake and without even the slightest hope for going back to sleep.  _"-_ At _2:29 in the goddamn morning?!"_

"My TV is broken." Chad said, cool as a cucumber, as if he hadn't snuck his way into their apartment to watch his 2:30 A.M. cartoons or whatever the fuck he was watching. Jared wondered vaguely if Chad really even had a place to live, or whether he had just sort of oozed into their living space without them knowing. Either way, it was too early-- late? --to deal with this, so Jared just accepted resignation and slid into the couch beside his friend.

"Seriously, why are you here?" Jared grumbled, cocooning himself into his blanket before darting a glance askance at his friend. 

Chad didn't look away from the TV, his thumb casually brushing along the volume buttons on the remote. "Obviously this show. Look at that fuckin' beaver, man. He's wearing a beaver hat. Isn't that-- Like... I dunno, some sort of cannibalism? Well, maybe not cannibalism, but, like. Hypocritical." 

"Chad," Jared said quietly.

"What, I can't be a concerned friend?" Chad finally looked away from the TV, his smile wry and a little tired. "Gen told me you've been having nightmares again- she's been hearing you toss and turn for an hour before you go to bed... For three days." 

"So you came over for an uninformed sleepover?" Jared questioned almost skeptically, but if anyone would do it, it would definitely be Chad. "Listen, man, I appreciate it, but this is even less healthy than me having nightmares. I can get back to sleep, but you don't have to be here overnight and watch crappy cartoons."

"This is the first time I'm staying over. If it makes you feel better, I never actually left. You just went to bed early," Chad defended mildly, tossing the remote to the side. "Jared, you do know you don't  _have_ to fuckin' do this, right? Meg invited you, but you don't have to go see her. Each day that passes you're looking closer and closer to a complete fuckin' breakdown- and the trip is is  _tomorrow._  And Ackles has never even met your mom, so his pillar of supportiveness isn't even all that strong, ya hear me?" 

What Jared heard was a concerned Chad trying to be gruff and hide his concern by calling Jensen "Ackles" and inserting a swear word every so often. 

He smiled, albeit warily. "Yeah, I hear you. But I  _have_ to do this, Chad. I have to. I haven't seen her since she kicked me out and told me to fix my gayness before I came home."

"And you think taking your crime lord boyfriend is going to ... miraculously  _fix_ whatever she has going against you?" Chad's eyebrows drew together dubiously, his smile tilting sideways as it twisted into something a bit more disapproving. Jared laughed quietly, pressing his heel into his eyes to rub away the sleep. 

"Honestly? I think it's going to make it worse. But what's she gonna do that she hasn't done already, Chad?" Jared spread his arms. "She can't hit me- Megan, Jeff,  _and_ Jen are gonna be there. She still hasn't even admitted to Meg and Jeff that she even did it in the first place. The worst she can do are those subtle little insults-" - _that settle beneath my skin like barbs-_ "-and even then, those don't bother me anymore. I'm not a gangly after-prom teen anymore. I'm an adult." And if he repeated it to himself enough, he might actually start to believe it.

"That's inspiring." Chad said, his voice a paradox of sincerity. "So why haven't you gone to visit her before this?" 

Jared shifted- caught, but passing it off as a false little chuckle. "I don't seek out trouble." 

"Nah," Chad grumbled, propping his feet on Jared's leg, "It just catches you by the balls every other time and yanks you around like you're its little bit-" 

"Yeah, thanks," Jared said sardonically, halfheartedly shoving at Chad's socked feet crossed over his ankles. "Chad, you don't have to stay overnight. The couch sucks. You're going to impale yourself on a busted spring one day, and I'm so not paying for your hospital bills."

"Don't flatter yourself," Chad grunted. "This is the only night." He removed his feet from Jared's leg, kicking him once gently before adding, gruffly, "Go the fuck to sleep. Your chatter is distracting me from my cartoons." 

Jared huffed, sinking down into the lumpy couch before tucking his head between in the cushions. "Nice to know you have so much concern for me." 

Chad started to hum obnoxiously, so Jared quickly ensconced himself deeper into his blankets and promptly fell asleep, unsurprised when he woke up in about eight hours without a single nightmare. When he woke up, though, he found himself blearily blinking upwards at what was decidedly  _not_ Chad's face. 

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty." Jensen's grin was amused, and his fingers ran, quick and gentle, through his hair, before they vanished. "Do you always sleep until eleven-thirty in the morning?" 

"Please  _don't_ be here." Jared groaned, struggling to slither off the couch before Jensen got a good look at how pathetic he looked sprawled over the couch with his limbs hanging off. "And-- When did Chad text you?" 

"Around 6:30 in the morning," Jensen returned cheerfully. "Watching you sleep has now evolved into one of my favorite pastimes. You turn into Octo-Jared." Jared followed his gaze to see at least three of his appendages tossed over Jensen. He quickly retracted. 

"No," he groaned almost pitifully, wondering if he could make the crawl towards the bathroom before another joke about his sleeping habits. He made it about one foot before two of Jensen's fingers curled into his t-shirt collar and all but bodily hauled him back onto the couches. Jensen leaned forward to drop a kiss on the back of his head. 

"Yes," he countered, his purr even more attractive to Jared's sleep addled brain than usual. "You don't have to run, I don't think seeing you sleeping is going to make me like you any less than I already do. Besides, it's cute." He stretched his legs as Jared flopped his head back into the other man's lap. "So, how do you want to waste our time until we have to get to the train station?"

Jared's eyelashes fluttered almost pensively. "Lie around and do nothing," he said, regardless, his grin towards Jensen blameless. Jensen rolled his viridian eyes, his denim-covered knee bouncing Jared's head a little. Which reminded Jared....

"You're wearing jeans," he mumbled, oh-so observantly, as he picked at a thread peeking out from behind the lining of Jensen's jeans. Jensen colored a little bit, rubbing the back of his neck, and glared towards the kitchen when he heard an obvious snort clearly belonging to Chris. Jared  _might_ have been embarrassed at Chris being privy to all of what would have been a private occasion, but, of course, it was one of those things they had to come to a compromise over. Jensen and Jared needed protection, and if they so wanted, they could request certain times for privacy; Jensen was very strict about them keeping some- any -sort of protection around until Pellegrino and Amell's advances had tapered off.

That being said,  _Jensen_  was the one to get spectacularly huffy when Chris asked him something while he andJared were kissing in hallways or coffee shops or even behind the counter at Spice. And Chris, great friend that he was, took great pleasure in asking Jensen a manner of incessant questions that had little to do with anything at all while Jensen was playing the get-my-tongue-down-Jared's-throat game. 

"Yeah," Jensen said absently, burying his fingers deep beneath Jared's hair so he was almost teasing his scalp, and Jared tried not to fall prey to how unbelievably good that felt. "I'll be dressing casual for the whole trip. No need to wear too many suits and ties and look like a giant tool, right?" The barb at Chris was not well-received by the bodyguard, whom Jared heard grumbling profusely about ungrateful bosses. "That's okay, right?" he suddenly sounded a little anxious, which Jared thought was fairly cute.

"Mm," Jared miraculously managed, applying slight pressure to his head against Jensen's fingers, his hum more than pleased when Jensen's nails gently doodled sprawling circles into Jared's skin. "Think you're hot in jeans." 

He could practically hear Jensen's responding grin. "Chris's moved all the suitcases to the door, so whenever you're ready, babe. Oh, by the way, I've got a surprise for you- why don't you go get ready, and I'll show you?" He maneuvered Jared off of him gently, and Jared, with a small yawn and deeply controlled excitement, trotted for the bathroom. He reemerged in about half an hour, towel wrapped haphazardly around his hair as he made for the kitchen. Jensen was seated at the counter, deep in conversation with Chris, but he stopped and cast Jared a small smile as he approached. 

Jared wasn't convinced. "What's wrong, Jensen?" 

Jensen's smile went a little lopsided. "Nothing  _really,"_ he frowned, looking only slightly troubled, to his credit. "Chris just got off a phone call from Alona's father- William. He says the family's just been a bit suspicious, as there's been absolutely nothing from Pellegrino or Amell at all. Not a word. And it's not their usual MO, you know? Pellegrino likes to send me pin-ups on Fridays." He concluded with an eye-roll. "It's probably just his attempt to have us on pins and needles." 

Jared leaned into Jensen's pursed mouth. "Probably. I'd like to think you've wiped your hands of him, but if he's causing trouble, are you sure you don't want to be here?"

Jensen immediately frowned. "No." he said with such finality that Jared blinked in surprise. "Of course not. I want to be with you. At your side. Obviously," he said, still frowning at Jared as though Jared had suggested that Jensen strip and do the Macarena for him in the kitchen.  

"Obviously," Jared echoed with a helpless smile at Jensen's obvious indignation. "After I say good-bye to Chad and Genevieve, I think we're good to go. I already let Danneel know that Chad's going to be covering my shift for the next week or so, so everything's been taken care of. What about you?"

Jensen waved his hand albeit too dismissively. "They'll be fine without me." 

Jared shook his head, bemused. "You're going to come back and find that they've fired you," he said, smirking at his unruffled boyfriend. "You're not a very useful addition to the family."

A snarky grin was thrown his way. "Maybe one day I'll show you how useful I can be," Jensen purred, lips pursed before they pulled into a Cheshire-Cat worthy grin in response to Jared's quick reddening. At the knock on the door, Jensen lazily dropped from the barstool and onto his feet, sauntering over to swing it open and let Chad and Genevieve in.

"Oh, good, you're awake!" Gen chirped, making her way over and kissing Jared's cheek. "We bought you guys an entire store of junk food for the trip there and back, so you won't have to get off for anything. How are you feeling, Jared?" she added, and Jared bit his lip against the three sets of concerned eyes flitting his way. 

"I'll be fine," he said, wan but determined, and turned to Chad. "I'll be careful, too," he said solemnly, and Chad made a big show of looking away as if he hadn't stayed overnight at the apartment just to make sure Jared's nightmares weren't keeping him from sleeping. Jared shook his head, enfolding them both into a hug simultaneously. "Seriously, thanks, guys. I'll let you know if anything really big goes down, alright?"

"It damn well better not," Chad grumbled, but thrust the bag at him and ran a few fingers through his blonde hair. "For God's sake, Jay, just." He faltered for a moment, looking lost, "Just don't let her get to you, alright, man? Don't let her get under your skin. It's not something to be ashamed of. I still think this is a shitty idea, but... There's nothing wrong with you."

"Yeah," Jared said, averting his gaze and ducking his head, and damned if he didn't know it, too. If his mother never understood it, that wasn't Jared's fault. He only wished his younger self had known that, too. 

"Oh, by the way!" Jensen cut in, startling a confused Chris and clearly trying to lighten the mood. "I made our train tickets first-class, Jared. You're going to your hometown in  _style."_ He looked so unbelievably proud of himself that Jared had to throw him a winning smile.

"You're the best," he said, leaning down to kiss Jensen's temple. "Thank you, Jen." 

"Let's go raise a little hell, Jay," Jensen hummed, tugging him down by the lapels for another breathless kiss, and when he put it like that, who was Jared to disagree?

\---

Okay, so maybe Jared was scared shitless. Like, seriously. Even thought the first-class compartments were stunning, and he and Jensen had their own little set of blue-velvet seats with embossed backs and a dainty little table to play cards and a gorgeous view of the countryside as it sped by, Jared could not sit still. He fidgeted with stray threads in his jeans, tried to stretch out and give himself space under the table, and curl up into fetal position, but the trembling remained. Jensen tried to soothe him, but since Jared didn't know what he was doing, he wasn't all that soothed.

"Jared, baby. It's going to be okay." Jensen moved to his side, sneaking an arm around his waist. "A bunch of people who love you are going to be there, watching out for you."

"Someone I thought loved me did this to me in the first place," Jared said flatly, but his fingers curled into Jensen's as he heard the cursive  _Do Not Disturb!_ sign swinging cheerfully against their compartment door. Jensen winced a little at that and examined him for a second before sighing.

"You're so brave, you know that?" He said, surprising Jared out of his momentary funk. "If my mom ever did that, I'd get the hell out of Dodge and never come back. But you, you're... You're going back to see her and dragging your boyfriend along. That takes balls."

"Only cause I wanna show you off," Jared said automatically, his default recovery to joke around with Jensen. "Wanna show everyone that I can, in fact, snag an awesome boyfriend." 

Jensen pouted. "Don't objectify me," he huffed even as Jared planted a kiss on his mouth. The crime lord glanced back at the outline of the sign through the opaque glass and smirked at Jared, hands grabby but gentle as they shoved his hips up against the walls of the compartment. Jared hummed a tiny protest when the chill from the metal shoved up into his ribs, but that faded into pleased contentment when Jensen crashed his mouth onto Jared's and eased his fingers beneath the already hiked hem of his shirt. 

"In a train, Jen?" Jared sighed, arching a little into Jensen's waiting fingers. "That's sexy. And a little weird, but, y'know. If vehicles are your thing, then I'm not questioning it-" 

"Hm," Jensen grunted into his mouth before pressing his thumb lightly against the joint between Jared's thigh and his hips. "If this is the place where I get privacy, then it'll have to do. Cause when I get to your home, Chris has another bodyguard waiting there."

"I really hope the bodyguard isn't the only reason you're not holding back  _in my house."_ Jared pried one eye open to glare at his guiltily smiling boyfriend before Jensen cleverly straddled his waist and made him forget he was saying.

"C'mon, you can't honestly expect me to ignore all  _this,"_ Jensen breathed, mouthing his way along Jared's collarbone and mapping skin between his teeth. His hands seemed to be grasping for every inch of skin they could possibly reach. 

Jared groaned, and it tapered off into a whimper as Jensen's oh-so-expert lips navigated his still-clothed chest, teeth locating where twin peaks pressed into the plaid shirt Jared had decided on for the day. Jared's fingers buried themselves deep into Jensen's hair, muscles twitching and eyelashes flickering as Jensen trapped one between his teeth, nibbling almost demurely through the thin fabric.

" _Jens-"_ Jared began, voice torn to rags, as his lower body all but twisted in response to the ministrations, but Jensen cut him off with a gentle  _"Shh."_

"I remember you told me something the day you walked out of your date with Amell," Jensen whispered along the shell of his ear, fingers still idly flicking at his skin. "That you were a virgin. You practically screamed it at me, in fact." he added lazily, still straddling Jared's hips. Jared flushed, squirming a little in embarrassment even though the feeling was undeniably leaving him woozy in the head.

"It's not a bad thing, so stop making that face," Jensen admonished, his free hand curling around Jared's wrists scoldingly. "In fact, I think it's cute. Leaves a lot of opportunities for me to see what really makes you tick."

Jared couldn't hold back a yelp when Jensen suddenly twisted his fingers a bit, something he thought would be painful but actually sent a wicked rush of arousal south. "T-Tick?" 

"Oh, yeah," Jensen said, tone still a stretch of sin. "Kinda makes me wonder if I could make you orgasm just by, I dunno. This, maybe." He bit down on the still clothed nipple enticingly, and Jared's legs locked tightly around his hips. "Could be fun, you know?"

"Sure, loads of fun," Jared echoed helplessly, his voice reed-thin and strung out. This was probably the most daring thing he'd ever done- He'd once ended up with some girl's tongue down his throat in order to make her boyfriend jealous, but he hadn't really known about her plans and when he ended up with a black eye, he swore never to go to a party like that again. But this, Jensen, was a whole new ballpark of  _crazyscaryandtotallyawesome._  

Jensen gave him a devil-may-care grin, nipped at his jaw playfully, and then slid off of his belly. Jared huffed in protest, but he managed to struggle to a sitting position. "But did you have to leave me hanging?"

Jensen smirked, drawing Jared half into his lap. "Don't worry, there'll be time to take care of  _that_  later." 

\---

"Jared, darling, you digging your nails into the seat isn't going to make it any less difficult for me to get you out of here." Jensen looked down at him, hip leaning against the doorway, and wrapped his hand around Jared's leg. Jared cringed, moving in a slow crawl off the seats. "C'mon, sweetheart, you can do it." He took both of Jared's hands and raised him to standing position. "One step at a time, Jay, alright? Whenever you're ready." he said, soothing now.

Jared squeezed his eyes shut, exhaling a long breath. "Jensen," he said, enormity of the situation collapsing on his shoulders, and his voice cracked as they roved almost unseeingly over his boyfriend. "What if I can't do this-?"

"Don't  _do_ this to yourself." Jensen interrupted sternly, and Jared bit his lip when Jensen's fingers tightened into his. "Jared, I'm serious. You have enough guts to come all the way over here, and you shut down a minute before?  _No."_ Jensen growled, coming so close that his toes pressed into Jared's. "You're going to walk off this train and we're going to deal with her  _together._ Get it?"

Jared's heart lurched. "I love it when you talk like that," he said with a small smile. "And yeah, I got it. Let's. Yeah. I got this." He coughed, and Jensen leaned in to kiss him. 

" _We_ got this," Jensen assured him as they hauled the suitcases out of the train. A man stood close to the exit, looking right out of MIB as usual, and jerked his head into a terse nod at the sight of Jensen and Jared. 

"Mr. Ackles. Mr. Padalecki." He said stiffly, "My name is Mike. I'll be watching over you for your trip." 

"Got it," Jensen dismissed him with a breezy smile, looping his fingers into Jared's. "Ready to go, babe?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Jared responded, and okay, maybe it came out as kind of a strangled whimper. The taxi Mike had selected was waiting for them just outside the train station, and, under the pressure of Jensen's breezy charm, Mike's tense nature weathered away. He was chatting amicably with Jensen about sports by the time they had pulled up to the dust path leading to Jared's house. Jared, impressed as ever by Jensen's ability to adapt to just about anyone, tried to calm his stomach by curling into Jensen and shoving his face into the other's shoulder. Jensen rubbed circles between his shoulder blades as the house approached. 

Staring at the porch reminded Jared of what it was like to run away from it; he fixed it with a look of steel, breathing in the apple-scented air with a slight tremble as he slowly slid out of the taxi. Without his mother's constant diligence, her practiced eye trained on all corners of the house at once, it was starting to look fairly ramshackle. He saw Jeff's car; Megan must have come by taxi as well.

"Jared?" Jensen, his voice gentle. "You- You gonna knock? You want me to?"

Jared stared at the door, and his stomach twisted into such a tight knot that he was worried he wouldn't be able to eat anything for a month. "No," he said quietly, examining the doorknob. "She probably left it open because she knew we were coming."

And before Jensen could say anything more, Jared reached out to twist it open. The door swung open, creaking slightly, Jared's fingers bringing away speckles of white plaster when they fell away. The blood pounding in his ears had, at some point, become a tsunami crashing wave over wave into his head. He squeezed his eyes shut for half a second before prying them open and staring down the same hallway he'd fled all those years ago. 

"Come on," Jensen said, still softly, his hand tightly interwoven into Jared's. Jared stuttered into motion like a wind-up toy, taking uncertain steps down the corridor towards where he heard voices. Meg's, loud and intrusive, Jeff's, feather-soft and easily overpowered, and their mother's, stern but fond. Jared pushed open the door, entering the room feeling too tall for the doorway.

His mother's wintry gaze falling on him reduced him to all but two feet tall again. 

Megan beamed at the two of them, and Jeff and his wife, Victoria, looked pleased to see him, Jeff especially. His brother looked as timid as ever, smile growing slowly into the dimpled one Jared was familiar with. Jared felt an instant rush of affection for him before he turned his gaze back to his mother. The doorway felt too cramped again, and he awkwardly shuffled into one corner. 

"Hi, Mama," he all but squeaked, his voice refusing to start up the first three times he tried, and lifted his eyes from the floor with difficulty to stare at her. Where her body had withered into something pale and frail and so very small, her composure was fierce and young and just the same as it had been all those years ago. Jared all but crumpled when he met her sea-green eyes. 

"Jared," she said, her voice a flatline that had plummeted far from its liveliness just a moment prior. "It's good to see you again." Jared fought hard against flinching, and her gaze flicked from him to Jensen quicker than silver wind. "Are you going to introduce your... Friend?" Her tone suggested that it was meant to be less than polite. 

Quicker than Jared was able to comprehend or formulate an answer, Jensen immediately rested his elbow on Jared's shoulder and shot his mother a smile full of diamond-hard charm. "Nice to meet you, ma'am. I'm Jensen Ackles, crime lord  _and_ boyfriend of your lovely son." His drawl was Texan politeness, but when Jared glanced, panicked, to the side, Jensen's free hand was curled into a tight fist. 

Complete silence followed Jensen's declaration and subtle challenge; Jeff went paper-white, and his mother's eyes bugged very nearly right out of her head. 

And Jared?

Jared was fairly certain he was going to pass out.


	14. In Which Everything Kind of Falls Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes DOWN.

"Wow," Jeff said. It was the third time he'd said it so far, and if he said it again, Jared was going to burst into tears. He forced a smile, still unsure if Jeff was going to throw his fork at him or congratulate him. Jensen chewed the macaroni and cheese casserole methodically as they all listened to the muted sounds of conversation from their mother's room between her and Megan. Jared, unsurprisingly, wasn't that hungry.

"Wow," Jeff started again, and Jared forced a smile before dropping his unused fork and knife with a clatter. 

"Excuse me," he said as calmly as he could, hysteria thinly veiled beneath his words, and Jeff immediately jolted into action.

"I'm sorry," his older brother flushed, agitatedly combing back his abundant brown bangs. "I just- I don't know what to say. I'm so- I'm really-"

"I get it," Jared said, and was vaguely proud of himself for holding his composure for this long. Jensen dabbed his mouth and curved his free hand over Jared's thigh as if to tell him to stay sitting, and Jared relaxed beneath his boyfriend's hand. "I know, it's- Jensen's presentation was a little shocking." 

"I think," Victoria mused, her voice light and musical, "that for all his stammering and faltering, Jeff is actually somewhat impressed by the fact that you're dating a crime lord." To her credit, the young woman seemed to be entirely unaffected and even rather supportive of the entire thing. Jared smiled wearily at his sister-in-law, unbelievably grateful. 

"Yeah, I know. Jeff's never been all that articulate," he said, the teasing jab directed at his brother with all the fondness he'd lost over the years. Jeff went scarlet, sputtering as he twisted his napkin into his hands. 

"Oh, shut up," Jeff squirmed. He seemed to be pondering a question, and Jared waited patiently for his poor, flustered brother to actually come out with it. "H-Have you ever busted a drug ring?" he directed at Jensen, tone hushed like he was aptly reverent towards Jensen. 

Jared would know; he'd been giving Jensen that look for quite a while.

Victoria swatted her husband with an eye-roll while Jensen just placated Jeff with one of his killer smiles. "Yes, I have. In a casino, no less." He took a long sip of raspberry lemonade. "It made me feel a little like Bond," he added, pleased, and it was Jared's turn to take a hit.

" _Awesome,"_ Jeff said, sitting back and finally releasing his poor napkin. He looked extremely pleased, and Jared couldn't help a grin. At least his brother and his wife were taking the whole affair incredibly well, and Megan... Well, she was Megan, and her opinions hardly ever changed. "Do you have, like, a lot of nice cars?" he continued eagerly.

Jared leaned forward, catching his brother off-guard with a bright smile. "Jeff, there's a  _Ferrari."_

There was a childish spark of glee in Jeff's eyes as he leaned forward, one that Jared dearly missed from his younger days. "Bro, that's  _wicked,"_ he said, still looking as though he was the one driving the Ferrari. 

Jensen chuckled. "It's nice to meet you, by the way. I've only heard about you in passing, Jeff, and... Y'know, I've been meaning to chat with Jared's family." There was a threat hidden behind  _chat,_ but Jared chose to ignore it. Jeff, bless him, looked completely unaware and nodded eagerly once more.

"The pleasure is mine," his brother insisted. "Jared was always a giant loner," Jeff continued, finally sounding more like  _Jared's brother_ than the shy guy other people were used to seeing, "I was always totally worried that he would never be able to get it on. It was pathetic," Jeff shook his head, feigning sadness. 

Jared leaned across the table to smack his brother upside the head while Jeff and Jensen snickered. Mike stood by, looking awkward, but smiled a little regardless. 

"But Jared, how did- I mean, how did this come about?" Jeff waved his hand at the two of them, eyebrows knitting together when Jared and Jensen pointedly avoided first him, and then each other. Victoria smiled into her casserole.

Fortunately and unfortunately, Jared was spared the answer to that when the door banged open and Megan's heavy footfalls were heard crashing into the kitchen. 

_"-tell them I'm not leaving this room until that boy leaves this house!"_

Megan sat down, vehemently ignoring the fragment of a yell behind her, two bright spots of color high in her cheekbones. Every bone of Jared's melted and then solidified into ice again, leaving him cold and mortified. Jensen seemed entirely unperturbed as he squeezed Jared's hand fondly.

"If you want, I can leave," he said quietly, and Jared snapped into attention as he looked up to meet Jeff's forlorn eyes and Megan's hard stare. 

"No," he said, quietly at first but gaining strength as he stood and looked down at Jensen. "This-- This has been long overdue," he said through the fear that was completely swamping him. "I- I need to. I have to go talk to her, Jen." He moved to set his napkin down, but realized he was going to need something to clutch and instead took to twisting it with severe agitation. Jensen's eyes flickered down to his hands. 

"I'll come with you," Jensen started to say, getting up, but Jared pushed him right back down.

"Make small talk. Be charming," he said, kissing his stormy-faced boyfriend on the nose. "This is something I  _have_ to do, Jensen," he stressed, his voice barely a whisper. "C'mon. I know you're right here."

"Waiting for you," Jensen breathed, his voice husky and his eyes warm, like moss in the summer. "Won't go anywhere."

Jared nodded, wondered how he'd ever doubted him in the first place, managed a smile before he turned to his mother's room. He determinedly didn't look at either Jeff or Megan, instead passed the banister and entered her room with his head held high. It was almost unbearably warm; his mother got cold very easily in her newly weakened state and demanded that the temperature was always high.

"Jared Tristan," she said, and she didn't look at him. Jared thought he might scream. She used to call him "JT," sometimes, long back when she'd actually smiled at him. 

"This needs to stop," he said, his tone peaceable and firm. "Mama, you need to stop."

"And what," his mother said, her entire posture screaming frigidity. " _Exactly,"_ she added, as if to make her point, "Pray tell, must I change?"

Jared's breaths were starting to feel a little shallow. "You need to stop rejecting what makes me me," he said, and the fight completely fled him when he said it. He could feel himself droop a little as he tried to meet eyes that wouldn't look at him. "Mama, please,  _please,_ look at me," he nearly begged, because she hadn't looked at him properly since the day she'd beat him. Hell, she hadn't looked at him since her husband had died. "Look at who I am,  _please._ I like  _guys_." It came out tinged with desperation, and she finally snapped her head to the side to look at him.

"Where did I go wrong?" she whispered, licking her lips, "Where did I fail you, Jared? Why aren't you like the other boys, why don't you like girls?" She covered her mouth, muffling a frantic sound, as though  _she_ was the one who'd been hurt. Jared closed his eyes, so taut that he felt like he would snap at the slightest pressure.

"That's not who I am," he said softly. "Mama, you didn't do anything wrong." Despite himself, he could feel himself quiver, a tiny tremor that gained magnitude as it rippled through his body. "You never failed me, please understand,  _please._ This is who I am. I like boys and I love Jensen, and I need you to be okay with that. I  _need you to be okay with that, Mama."_

His mother made another sound suspiciously like a smothered whimper, but there was fury sparking in her eyes, in the tiny fists that clutched the blanket. "Never," she hissed, scathing, and it nearly flayed Jared in a new, terrifying way. He stared at her, wondering how it was possible for such a small form to bear host to so much poisonous hate, and stepped back. "I will never accept this-- this relationship." It was all but spat from her quivering lips, the " _or you"_ unspoken but there. 

" _Mama,"_ Jared murmured, white-faced, now full out shaking from head to foot.

"I would rather you  _died!"_ she screamed at him, and that was it, Jared slammed the door and pressed his back to the chipping wood. He didn't want to be in this house, but he couldn't leave Jensen alone here, either, and now he was starting to have a good idea as to why his younger self didn't take up his mother's offer to  _lose the gayness and stay_ and instead chose to run as far away as he could. His hands were shaking so badly that he barely managed to let go of the doorknob, and when he turned Jensen was right there beside the banister, looking heartbroken for him. 

Jared whimpered when Jensen immediately enfolded him into his arms, dragging his heels and only halting resistance when Jensen started whispering softly into his ear, sweet nothings. It wasn't anything specific, lots of,  _"shh, baby, I gotcha, I'm here, it's okay, not gonna hurt you, trust me,"_ and Jared managed to turn long enough to bury his face into the crook of Jensen's neck.

"What do I do," he almost sobbed, fingers hesitantly curling into his shoulders as Jensen frantically tried to chase each tear away with a multitude of kisses and brushes of his fingertips. "Jensen, she h-hates," he hiccuped, "She h-hates m-me. She h-hates u-us. I th-thought if I- if I j-just-"

"What?" Jensen stroked his fingers into Jared's hair, peeling it away from his flushed, tear-stained cheeks. "That if you just talked to her nicely, she would just turn her animosity off?" Jensen shook his head, looking a little bit tired and a whole lot sad. "I've dealt with hateful people before, Jared, and you have to know- they don't change their opinions that quickly. Would you walk away from me if your mother said that was the only way she'd accept you?" 

"Never," Jared flinched, holding Jensen even closer- the very  _idea_  caused his stomach to turn.  

"Your heart is too big, Jay," came Jensen's voice, quiet and a little bruised as the older man wrapped his arms around Jared's waist. "You're too damn nice. You have to fight her fire with a goddamn tsunami, because if you don't, she's gonna torch you."

The last thing Jared wanted to do was admit that his mother was every bit the monster Jensen was suggesting, but it was becoming harder and harder to deny. 

\---

Sometimes, in the darkest essence of his dreams, Jared relived the moment that his dad's footwear came down on his skin. He remembered  _each_ and  _every_ bite into his skin, the lines they left, iron and hot- no, scalding. Incendiary marks that made him light up like a horrific Christmas tree for days and days. Here, in this house again, the nightmares intensified into full-blown sessions of hysteria, the types of sessions that came over him when he'd lock himself into his room and refuse to talk to anyone.

There was just one crucial difference between that Jared and this one: this Jared had Jensen.

"Hey, Jared? Jared, you okay? Shh," Jared's eyes flew open, searching in the dark as he gasped for breath. The covers of Jensen's bed were kicked back like he'd bolted as soon possible from the comforts of his bed and into Jared's (mostly because Meg was making sure they were sleeping in separate beds before their poor, bedridden mother had a heart attack). Jared stared up at his boyfriend, overwhelmed with how much he loved the guy, and sat up to pull the hovering crime lord close and glance at the clock at the same time. "It's 2. Sorry I woke you up," Jensen whispered, his voice clipped with breathless concern, "but you were twistin' around and making these sounds, and I--" He shook his head. "-Couldn't let you sleep through it like that." Strong fingers pressed into the base of Jared's spine, soothing and calming and rubbing in sprawling circles along his skin. 

"The house makes me-- scared." Jared admitted into Jensen's warm neck, moving a little into sitting position so Jensen could at least rest one knee on Jared's bed instead of stooping over him. "I feel like some memory is going to claw its way out of the shadows and just--" He dragged his hand down Jensen's abdomen with a tiny tremble. 

"Just-?" Jensen prompted into his shoulder, sounding almost nervous to hear the answer.

Jared stayed silent for a few moments. "I feel like it's going to drag me back here. Back to when I was seventeen. When. When I thought about-" He broke off with a small, despairing sound and shifted backwards so he wasn't in Jensen's space. "-About hurting myself. And- And killing myself." He admitted in a whisper, swinging one leg back and forth like a pendulum beside the bedskirt as he picked at a thread and stared at the outline of the tub in the dark of the adjoined bathroom. 

"Fuck," Jensen said, the word shaky as he breathed it out and ran a hand through his hair, fixing Jared with a vaguely haunted stare. "Why are you hurting yourself like this, Jared? Why are you dragging yourself back here against your instincts?" 

"Because she's- She might be dying!" Jared whispered, digging his fingers into his scalp and disturbing the roots of his hair. " _Dying_ , Jen. I. I just want her to forgive me, for- f-for-"

"For  _what?"_ Jensen's voice was bleak, a curl of smoke beneath the words. "For being gay? You want to apologize for being gay, Jared?" 

Jared opened his mouth; the words stayed in his throat. Jensen shook his head grimly.

"You don't have to apologize for anything," he said, so fierce and sure of himself that it sparked a small flame through the haze of Jared's mind. "In fact,  _she_ should be the one apologizing to you. You shouldn't have come to say sorry to her, Jared- You should have come to wrangle that apology out of  _her."_

"Jen," Jared murmured, closing his eyes against the warm, slightly calloused palm resting against his jaw. "She's my  _mother."_

"Your mother beat the shit out of you," Jensen said, and the smoke in his voice had rapidly evolved into something of a firestorm. "That  _woman_ hit you, and you still haven't healed from that. Physically  _or_ mentally. You're fucking shaking, Jared," Jensen hissed, his sentences slightly fragmented as he rested his chin on Jared's head. "You still think she's going to find us, you're so scared she's going to magically make her way upstairs and thrash you a quarter from death, aren't you? That's why you're so scared, don't you lie to me."

"No-"  _Yes._ "I just want us t-to. To be on good terms if she-"

" _Jared,"_ Jensen all but begged, shaking him a little. Jared flinched, his hands still trembling a little as he tried to avoid the sharp, intuitive way Jensen was looking right into him. "There are no good terms. You can't make her happy, Jared. She practically flayed you, why don't you get it?" 

Jared took a deep breath, the tears meandering down over his cheekbones, and Jensen looked horrified. "Because she's my mother," he repeated, his voice cracking like a fault line was running beneath his words. "Because I love her. And because I want her to love me. I want her to accept me, Jensen." He stooped forward, leaving salt-sticky tears against Jensen's collarbone as he shivered with minute sobs. "A-And I want her to l-love you l-like  _I_ do. I want her t-to give me her blessings and eat Thanksgiving and Ch-Christmas dinners with your f-family and n-nag us about our d-decisions. But she won't even  _l-look_ at me. She won't even l-" He had all but wrapped himself around Jensen at this point, all of his limbs clinging like Jensen was his life raft. "-She can't even look at me."

"God," Jensen said into his hair, voice a little muffled, but Jared could still hear the overwhelming hurt. "God, Jared, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm so damn sorry." 

"I know," Jared said, his throat tightening. "I am, t-too."

\---

Jared knew he looked like crap warmed over when he descended into the kitchen the next day, but Jeff wisely and very nicely didn't say anything. He was humming and making something awful-smelling at the stove, something that made Jared's stomach curl with nostalgia. He huffed out a quick laugh, even if it was a little weak.

"Are those everything pancakes?" 

Jeff gave him a horribly smug smile. "You know it, little bro. Today's ingredients are pickles, peanut butter, and Pepperjack cheese."

Victoria walked in, donning a bathrobe and serious bed hair, heard the tail-end of the statement, and walked right back out with a muttered, "it's too early to deal with this."

Jared gagged audibly, but inside, he was laughing. "That's disgusting, Jeff. You're disgusting. Please tell me you aren't making Vicky eat these." He sat down at the table across from Meg, who lifted her head just to roll her eyes exaggeratedly before ducking back down to her Sudoku. She looked up again, and Jared knew she was going to ask about how awful he looked, so he rushed to say, "Count me out of this" to Jeff before she could.

"Not a chance in hell." Jeff smirked, and Jared could already smell the pungent pancakes as Jeff maneuvered them onto the plate beside the pan. Everything pancakes were an age-old Padalecki tradition, especially with their father; however, his father would mix things that went amazingly with each other- Buttermilk, mint extract, and semisweet chocolate chips, for example. Or cinnamon, walnuts, and glaze. Jeff, on the other hand, groped around the pantry with his eyes closed until he found three ingredients and threw them together, just because he was an ass. It was also a fail-safe way to cheer everyone up for at least a little while after their father's death. 

Jared always ate them, even at their most disgusting; he would never have enough gratitude for Jeff for trying his damnedest to keep the family together.

"Aaaand, here's your everything pancake!" Jeff chirped, setting the plate on the table with a flourish in front of Jared just as Victoria walked back in, this time looking far more prepared. Jared, despite the horrible night, burst out laughing as she stared at him through her gas mask and sat down in front of her own to-be filled plate, and Jeff scowled. 

That was about when Jensen joined them, looking adorably rumpled; Jared's heart skipped a beat when he saw his boyfriend in the doorway, low-riding pajama pants exposing a sliver of skin, fingers absently rolling down his hiked t-shirt, hair untamed and sticking up in clumps. He yawned, collapsing with a huff into the closest available chair to Jared, and fell forward into his arms.

Jared shook his head fondly and smoothed out Jensen's hair, the only acknowledgment he received being a grunt. 

"Coffee," Jensen groaned into his arms, and Jared cracked a grin before pushing his untouched cup towards him. He'd never actually seen an exhausted Jensen, save the time he saw him sick and tired, and felt his stomach tighten painfully as he wondered whether Jensen had even gone back to sleep after Jared had woken him up.  

Jensen rapidly inhaled the scalding coffee without even a blink, setting the empty cup down with sigh of satisfaction. "Oh, that is some good, strong stuff. Haven't had coffee this strong in ages." he said, his words still infused with sleepiness but his expression fairly more alert. Jared just stared at him, barely even surprised any more.

"Thanks," Megan said with a prim little smile. "It's my brew," she said by way of explanation to a confused-looking Jensen as she rolled her newspaper up. "The beans are from Ethiopia... I think." 

"It's amazing," Jensen said, reaching for the pot to pour himself some more, and lifted his cup to toast her. "I think I might marry you." he added, deadpan, to her. "Sorry, Jared. Calling it quits. This-" he held it up, "-wins." 

Jared feigned heartbreak. "Well, I don't need you!" he said, pouting and falling back and prodding with mild nausea at a bubble of cheese in his pancake. Megan laughed.

"Whoa there, cowboy," she giggled, moving like she was going to whack Jensen with her newspaper. "If you're gonna woo me, I demand one of your snazzy cars. You can't possibly think I'm going to be cheap."

Jensen considered that. "Never mind. Jared's where it's at." He snuggled an arm around a still-trying-very-hard-to-pout Jared and leaned over his shoulder, smelling like coffee and sleep. "What in the hell is  _that?"_

Jared smiled sweetly. "Revenge," he said triumphantly as he shoveled a forkful of everything pancake into Jensen's mouth. Jensen chewed for a second before his gag reflex caught up with the program, and then his chair squealed as he threw it back and bolted for the sink. Jared cracked like an egg, and dimly, he could hear everyone laughing along with him, like Jensen was just the latest family victim. Like he had been there the time Jared accidentally ate the everything pancake with ketchup and caramel and threw up breakfast and dinner from the night before, too. Like he belonged.

Like they belonged.

"That. That was such a jerk move." Jensen said, almost bone-white as he chugged coffee like he was burning the taste from his tongue. "You're such a jerk."

"Serves you right for hitting on my sister." Jared paused. " _Two-timer."_

"Hey, I said I was dumping you first." Jensen said with a scowl, frowning grumpily at the offending pancake while Jeff continued to guffaw quietly and dig into his own everything pancake. Victoria was tearing off the edges of her pancake neatly, avoiding anything that looked vaguely like pickles and cheese, and Megan was force-feeding herself and taking long drags of water between bites. "It still goes, by the way. Now I'm really dumping you."

Jared snaked an arm around Jensen's waist. "I'm sowwy."

"No, you're not." Jensen told him, fighting an obvious smile, and rolled his eyes affectionately. "But I still forgive you."

"Jared," Megan said softly, inquisitively, swallowing the last bite of her pancake, and Jared unwound his arm from Jensen's waist and dragged his gaze to her. She bit her lip, her eyes surprisingly dark in the light. "I was just about to take Mama her oatmeal. Do... Do you want to do it instead?' 

Jared's heart rate spiked. "Oh," he said quietly. "Yeah, I. I can take it." He knew Megan was trying to give him opportunities to mend what had broken between him and his mother, but .... He doubted she would try if she'd known what had partaken all those years ago. In fact, she wouldn't even have invited him to begin with. "Yeah, thanks, Meg." 

Jensen sat up, ramrod straight, and dropped his fork with a clatter. "I'm coming with you this time," he said with a huff, hands on his hips. "You can't stop me, Jared." 

"Okay," Jared said. Because firstly, Jensen was stubborn as hell, and secondly, Jared quite possibly needed him there. Jensen looked slightly surprised, but nodded resolutely and stood to follow him.

"Here," Jeff said, a solemn touch to his mouth, and nodded at Jared almost reproachfully. Jared smiled a little tightly and relieved Jeff of the oatmeal. It was piping hot, sprinkled with blackberries (his mother's favorite) and powdered sugar. Jared smiled sadly at it; he used to drop blackberry by blackberry into it, used to fling powdered sugar everywhere but the bowl. Now if he gave it to her, she'd probably think he poisoned it. 

Jared knocked on her door to let her know they were coming in, and pushed it open just a crack.

"Ah, Meg. Good morning, dear, thank you for the--" His mother came to an abrupt halt, and Jensen's fingers curled around Jared's. She stared at them like they were abominations- Worse, like Jared wasn't even her child, but just some kid from the street. It felt like a sucker punch. 

"Morning, Mama." Jared said quietly, setting the oatmeal down on her nightstand. She played with the covers stiffly, not looking at him, the oatmeal, and especially Jensen. Jared could barely think with his heartbeat so loud in his own ears. "A-" he started to say, and then stopped, and Jensen squeezed his hand. "Aren't you hungry?" 

His mother tersely shook her head. Lying to him. 

"Mama, I didn't make it. Megan did. I just brought it to you," Jared cajoled, his heart throbbing something fierce as he wondered if she really  _did_ think he'd poisoned it. He could feel his eyes welling from the almost unbearable sting of rejection, and stepped back as she refused to touch it. "Okay," he said quietly, his voice catching as his nerves started to go taut. "I'll just go, then." Mainly because he'd just seen it- he'd seen the flicker of disgust when she looked at the bowl. Like she thought that if she touched the bowl Jared had touched, she would suddenly be  _inflicted_ . "Come on, Jensen." 

He turned to Jensen, almost dropping his hand when he saw how livid his boyfriend looked. "Come on," he urged, now pulling at an almost resistant Jensen as he all but dragged him from the room. "She isn't gonna eat it, Jen. She's- She's not going to eat it." He told him, trying not to sound defeated as he closed the door with a soft click behind him. 

Jensen's pupils were dilated, teeth violently worrying at his bottom lip. He looked downright furious. "Unbelievable," he said after a moment, taking a deep breath so as to calm down. "Un-friggin'-believable."

Jared pushed back his hair. "I'm not even surprised," he said with a wet laugh. 

"Did you  _see_ the way she looked at it-?" Jensen sucked in a sharp breath, his voice shot. "Like-"

"-We were passing on a disease? Yeah," Jared said, doing his best to sound unbothered, when in actuality he was rapidly unraveling inside. 

"You're a better man than I, Jared." Jensen told him shakily, all traces of good humor lost from the small visit. "I would have never come back. I would have said, 'you're gonna die? That's just too damn bad.'" 

Jared didn't say anything.

"Damn it. Jared, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-" Jensen stepped back just a tiny bit before launching forward to pull Jared into an embrace every bit as comforting as Jared needed it to be. "I'm sorry, that was out of line. I know you're trying to fix this, and I'm so proud of you. Okay? I'm just. You're unbelievable.  _Amazing._ I've got your back, alright?" 

Jared nodded into Jensen's shoulder. "I love you." He took a deep breath. "No matter what she says, I love you.  _So much."_

"I know," Jensen said, hint of a smile against Jared's jaw. 

"Asshole, tell me you love me."

"Ugh. Fine. I love you too, Jared." Jensen pecked his forehead with a warm smile (never mind that he had to be on his tiptoes for that) and wrapped his hand into Jared's. "C'mon, I think the rest of that everything pancake is waiting for you."

\--- 

Despite Jared's best attempts, the rest of the day went no better than the morning. Everything he brought his mother was rejected on first sight if Jensen was there, and if Jensen wasn't with him, she still barely spared him a glance. 

Jared should've known it was going to boil over soon enough; he just hadn't been ready when it did.

"Is she not eating?" Meg asked, worried, as she hovered by the banister when Jared emerged from the room after a failed dinner attempt. Jared shook his head, voice breaking.

"The oatmeal and cheese sandwich are still there," he said, curling his arms around himself as Megan watched him forlornly. "I think she thinks I'm going to infect her if she eats any of it. Can you believe that? She thinks I'm contagious. That what I am is contagious." He huffed a bitter little laugh. "I don't know why I thought this would work."

Megan bit her lip as if unsure what to say. "She's a stubborn witch sometimes," she said bluntly, and Jared glanced at her, ever grateful for her presence. "She's going to have to deal with it, Jared. What's the worst she can do?" 

Jared smiled at her a little bleakly, knowing very well what the worst was. "No idea." 

That was about when Jensen, Victoria, and Jeff came in from the garage, cheeks red and smiles just about Texas-sized; Jared's heart swelled when he saw how happy Jensen looked with his brother and his wife. They had gone out a little earlier to get groceries for dinner, and Jared, sensing a bonding opportunity, had kicked Jensen out with them. "And then he said," Jensen was saying, barely able to conceal an undignified snort, "I thought  _you_ were payi-" They and their gleeful expressions came to a stop when they saw Megan and Jared in the hallway, expressions grim, and Jensen automatically stepped closer to him with a fleeting look at Megan. "Jared?"  

"She's not eating," Jared pretty much wheezed, hating to ruin their moment but unable to sugarcoat what was happening, and bit down on his fist. "She's not frickin' eating, Jensen. She's starving herself because I'm the one giving her food." He sunk down against the wall, his limbs heaped together on the floor. Jeff and Victoria exchanged concerned glances, and Megan looked at her feet pointedly. 

Jared didn't have to look up to see Jensen simmering.  

"That is fucking  _it."_ Jensen growled, rolling up his sleeves and throwing open the door. It slammed with a heavy, splintering crash into the wall, and Jared couldn't help a quiet yelp as he scrambled to his feet.

"No, Jen, wait-" he started, but Jensen's arm swept him behind him like he was a human shield, protecting him from his mother's frosty glare. "Jen,  _please,_ it's okay-"

"It's  _not_ okay!" Jensen turned on him, jaw ticking, veins pulsing, his fingers twitching. Jared didn't often see Jensen angry, but when he did, it was like grabbing a live wire- kinda terrifying, and a thrill all the same. "It's not okay," he said, turning back to his mother. "You stay up at night crying- you've been having nightmares a week in advance. You were terrified to come," he said, looking at his mother but talking to Jared. "You were so scared that you were shaking on the whole train ride, could barely concentrate, and last night you were friggin' crying in your sleep. Do you know what that's like, Jared? Do you know what it's like to see you cry like that?"  

Jared's throat closed. "Jensen, I-"

"Shut up for a second," Jensen said, still steeled against his slack-jawed mother. Megan, Jeff, and Vicky stood in one corner, grouped together like they didn't know how to disperse themselves around the room, and Jared could feel Megan's confused gaze on him but didn't know how to address it. "Listen," he said to Jared's mother, as if she had any choice but to hear what he had to say. "Jared is  _gay._ He's into guys.  _Men._ Do you know what separates men from women? Not much, unless you want to hear me talk anatomy. So let me ask you this: what, exactly, makes Jared the walking sin that you think he is?" 

His mother scrambled for words. "The religion--"

"--Says to love everybody," Jensen said, spitting fire and venom through loving words. "--Love thy neighbor," he quoted, fingers curled into white fists. "Where the  _hell_ does it say-- 'love thy neighbor, unless he's gay?'" 

"It's not right," his mother screeched at Jensen, clutching her blanket in withering fists. "He was born to love a woman, marry a woman, and have children with her. He can't have children if he's with a man-- with, with you!" 

"He was not born for that!" Jensen all but thundered, shutting her up quite promptly. "He was not born to do anything by your bidding. All he did was be born, and you were supposed to raise him with love and nurture him and protect him. For God's sake, woman, you're his  _mother!_ Lily Evans died for her son and you, you're willing to  _kill_ him for your own ideals!" Jensen sucked in a harsh breath before Jared could register that he'd made a full-out Harry Potter reference.

"And what have YOU done for your son, huh? His  _father_ told him there was nothing wrong with him _."_ It was a harsh blow, and it had all of his family reeling but him. Megan's eyes widened, and his mother looked like she'd been punched in the stomach. "His father told him there was nothing wrong with him and took a bullet a few seconds later, so let me fucking  _ask you again-_ because this fucking  _blows my mind_ -what could you possibly have done for him that makes him want your  _forgiveness_ ?" Jensen dragged Jared out in front, shook him a little. " _You_ should be on your knees in front of him asking for forgiveness. YOU failed him as a caretaker and guardian, and YOU should be the one begging to have this beautiful, big-hearted boy as your son again. You have NO right,  _none,_ to reject him. NONE." Jensen was all but screaming at the end of his tirade, and Jared was shaking. This time, overwhelmingly, because he loved Jensen so fucking  _much_. 

But apparently, Jensen wasn't done. Jared felt arms spin him around so he was looking over Jensen's shoulder, and then he felt Jensen yank his shirt up swiftly. 

_No..._

_Nononono-_

Silence. Their mother went stark white. 

Jeff broke it. "Jared?" He sounded scared and and small, not like the older brother but like the youngest. 

Jared squeezed his eyes shut, desperately fighting the tears gathering in his eyes and filming his vision. He bit back harshly on a sob.

"I shouldn't ask you what you did for him," Jensen said almost conversationally as Jared's hands curled over his shoulders. One arm rested across Jared's hips, supportive, while the other arm kept his shirt up. "I should ask what you did  _to_ him. When I first saw you, I admit-- you didn't look like the type of person who would ever beat the crap out of your own kid. But after talking to you, I can totally see how someone like you could do this much damage to Jared. In fact, you really have no idea how much damage you've inflicted, do you?"

"Mama," Megan balked, her voice a harsh rasp. "What is he talking about?" Her eyes were wide and dark, and the heat of the room rolled in stifling waves against Jared's exposed skin. Their mother stayed silent, staring blankly at Jensen as if she was more confused by his knowledge than all that upset. " _Mama_ !"

His mother's tongue swept along her cracked upper lip, and she swallowed, a sound that was audible to every stone-silent person in the room. "What I did wasn't wrong," she said finally. "It was for his own good." 

Jensen was shaking beneath Jared. " _For his own good-"_

"- _Mama."_ Megan interrupted, blanching, and everyone directed their gazes to her. " _What have you done?"_

"I can only imagine what he must have been thinking," Jensen said, now pseudo-informally, his one hand warm against the small of Jared's scarred-up back. "Must have been on a happy high, just have gotten a kiss from his prom date, wanting the night to end nice. Jared is sweet like that," he said softly, and Jared squeezed his eyes shut. "Any normal parent- even a parent against homosexuality- with any sort of heart would've put off the freak talk till the next day. But you," he chuckled humorlessly, "You just fucking couldn't. In fact, you weren't interested in talking at all, were you?" 

Jared didn't know he was crying until he started making muffled sounds into Jensen's neck. He still couldn't face any of them, didn't want to look at Megan or Jeff, didn't know what what he would even say. There was a horrified hush, like a blanket, so thick Jared could have cut it with a knife. Jared tightened his arms around Jensen's neck as Jensen traced one scar almost absently. 

"Did it make you feel better?" Jensen inquired, so falsely polite that Jared almost choked on it. "Did it make you feel better to try to beat Jared's  _homosexuality_ out of him?" 

"It was for him, not me." his mother said, but her voice shook a little bit. 

Jensen suddenly released Jared. "Don't you fucking say that it was for him," he said, stepping closer to her, and Jared held in his sobs long enough to hear the wavering undertone in Jensen's voice. "You don't even-- You're so selfish. You're so  _selfish_ . You have no idea what you reduced his self-confidence to, do you? You have no idea how much he wants you to love him for who he is. How...  _How dare_ you call yourself a mother? You couldn't even tell your other two kids what you did to him, you coward." His voice broke. "He may not have known it, but he was trying to protect you. Protect  _you._ You should have been protecting  _him."_

Jared curled his fingers into his boyfriend's shirt. "Jensen, please," he just managed. "P-Please, stop. No more."

"She deserves it." Jensen strained over his shoulder like he was going to launch himself after her, his eyes wet when he glanced back at him. "She deserves to know how much it hurt you."

"J-"

"You hit Jared?" Jeff, breaking away from Victoria's side, finally spoke again. "Y-You hit Jared?" He sounded so heartbroken and stunned that their mother flinched, her first reaction to the accusations. "Mama, you-- You didn't, right?"

She opened her mouth and closed it again. 

"Do. Do you remember when," Megan took a deep breath, her voice trying hard to stay level. "We came home that day?" The inflection of her voice rose at the last word. "A-And Mama told us th-that. That Jared had had a bad day at school, and that he w-wouldn't come out of his room-"

Jared pulled his tear-sticky face from the refuge of Jensen's neck. "I'm s-sorry," he said. "I'm- I'm so sorry. I didn't know what t-to say. I didn't know how to t-tell you-"

Megan overrode him. "You hit Jared. You- what did you hit him with? Did you ask him to lie?" Her voice was almost eerily calm, and her face was still pale. Eyes so dark they were almost black. "Did you ask him to lie for you?"

"No, of course not." his mother snapped, trying her damnedest to hold on to her argument. "I wouldn't have cared if he told you. I was trying to help him. I'm not ashamed of it."

"Not ashamed? You're not ashamed?" Jeff stared at her, hands hanging loose by his side, frozen in place. "I- I don't think ashamed is the right word, Mama."

"It was for-"

"Don't you say it. Don't you fucking say it." Megan's voice rose. "Don't you d-dare. Don't make excuses for yourself. You hit him, oh my god. Oh my god. And- And you didn't hit him once or twice or- You hit him over and over and over. Oh, my god. We never knew-- Jared, god, I'm so sorry."

"D-Don't be." Jared said immediately, wiping his face free of streaks. "Don't be sorry. I never told you." 

"Why not?" His older brother sounded wounded. "You didn't trust us?"

"No! G-God. No, Jeff, how could you ever think that?" Jared shook his head, even though that was a little bit of the truth- His siblings didn't deserve that, though, and it wasn't their fault that he'd felt that way. "I was so scared that I thought my heart was going to claw its way out of my chest. I thought I was going to die. And-- I just- I didn't want us to fall apart. I- I w-was. I thought it was m-my fault. Like I'd done something wrong."

"Something wrong," Jensen echoed flatly, finally letting go of Jared's shirt so he could roll it back down to his hips. "That's what you did. Are you happy? You honestly made him feel like there was something wrong with him. That you beating the shit out of him was his fault."

Their mother withered under the strength of three new pairs of accusing eyes.  

"I don't care if you don't eat." Megan said quietly, her hands curled into tiny, almost delicate-looking fists. "You can eat what Jared gives you, or you're not eating at all."

Jeff hurried to wipe his eyes. "Jared isn't sick, Mama," he said, mustering strength to sound as ice-cold as Megan did but falling a little short. Jared watched him sorrowfully, sensing the family dynamic crumbling just the way he'd feared it would when he was seventeen years old. And Jeff? Jeff was never angry. He didn't  _do_ angry. He was just a sweet, bighearted guy. "He's not sick. He isn't wrong, or a sin, or a-anything you said. He's just your son. And m' little brother. And you're  _wrong._ I trusted you, because you're our mom, but you're wrong. You're wrong." Jared felt like his heart was going to burst from how much he loved his siblings. 

He followed Megan out, Victoria at his heels after a brief touch of her fingers against Jared's upper arm, like they couldn't get away from her quickly enough. Jared and Jensen were left in the room with his mother.

"You should eat, Mama," Jared said quietly after a long silence, voice cracking, and wiped his tears. "Please?" Jensen shook his head next to him, eyes fixed on his mother with only a quarter of his starting rage and a whole lot more weariness, and turned to leave the room. As Jared followed him out, he saw, through the crack of the doorway, his mother finally pick up the cold cheese sandwich, and allowed himself to hope -just a little- that this could still be fixed.  


	15. In Which Jared Talks to his Dad and Reveals Something to Jensen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transition time! There'll probably be one or two more chapters at Mom's, then it's back to the city for the boys. I believe we have Pellegrino to take care of, don't we? ;P You guys are SERIOUSLY the best. You don't know how much I love y'all :)

It was a sunny day with just the slightest touch of an autumn breeze and fleecy cirrus clouds when Jensen declared that he wanted to see Jared's father's grave with him. 

"Uh," Jared said, looking up from the bland newspaper he was skimming to Jensen's hopeful face. There was something nervous running beneath the tentative smile Jensen was wearing, and Jared immediately wanted to kiss the tension away. But he was still tired, and it was early, and he wasn't even half functional until he'd had sugar in him.

"If... That's okay, I mean," Jensen added hesitantly, his smile waning a little bit. Jared jolted into kind of sluggish action, touched by the crime lord's decision, and immediately leaned forward to press his mouth against Jensen's. Jensen uttered a little "mmph" of content and relaxed. 

Smiling against sun-warmed skin, Jared said, "I'd love to go to dad's grave with you, Jensen. And I'm sure he'd love having you there, too." There was a square of sunlight on Jensen's face from the window behind Jared, and it illuminated his eyes.

Oh, God.  _Illuminated his eyes._ Jared was officially a sap. 

"Oh, good. For a second, I thought-" 

"You should stop doing that," Jared mused, "that thinking thing." Jensen grabbed the newspaper from him, rolling it up and swatting him across the head, and Jared snickered.

"You guys need a room," came Meg's voice, dry as the Sahara, and Jensen and Jared turned.

"Oh yeah, you guys are all here," Jared complained, feigning disappointment as he looked at Megan, Jeff, and Victoria seated around the table, two of whom were wearing sleepily amused expressions. "This was a lot easier when I was pretending you guys didn't exist." 

Victoria laughed. "Do you feel pressured, Megan?" She teased, flicking a piece of cereal at her sister in law's forehead, and Megan cringed and ducked out of the way of the tiny projectile.

"God, no." Megan said, pretending to be revolted. "If being in love turns me into Jared or Jeff, I'd rather never be in love at all. Apparently, it makes Padaleckis stupid." She smirked, the glint in her eyes mischievous as Jared huffed in indignation and Jeff sputtered for a response.

"Yeah, I can agree with that," Jensen said sagely, cringing playfully when Jared elbowed him. 

"So, that's romantic," Jeff said good-naturedly, "going to Dad's grave." It was strange, Jared thought, that their dead father was less awkward to speak of than their living mother. "You guys can take the path down behind the house, it'll take you straight to the cemetery. And," He looked at Megan, who smiled and picked up a bunch of flowers from the countertop.

"I was going to go today, so I went out earlier to pick some wildflowers from out back. But if you two are gonna go, take the flowers with you." Jared grinned as he took the bunch of flowers, all wrapped together with a small pink ribbon, and glanced sideways at Jensen with another smile. 

"Thanks, Meg." He said, standing up and dwarfing her in a giant hug. "Jensen, shall we head out?"

Jensen stuffed one last strip of French toast into his mouth before nodding eagerly and ran a hand through his soft, spiky hair in a manner that was almost self-conscious. Jared laughed out loud at him, snickering when Jensen turned a pout on him. "Jesus, Jen, you're acting like you're actually going to meet him," he said, trying his damnedest to stay level and light. It hurt, though, because he knew his dad would have loved Jensen, would have loved to sit Jensen down and talk cars and sports and organized crime with him. Wouldn't have cared if Jensen was a criminal or not, so long as he took good care of Jared.

Jensen sent a pout his direction and tugged at his collar instinctively before pushing out past Jared into the garage. Jared chuckled and followed him, but not before waving almost shyly at his siblings. Megan and Jeff gave him matching smiles, waving a little back at them, and Victoria shot him a toothy grin.

It had been rough, the last day, with everything falling apart just as Jared had imagined. The last night had been particularly distressing to get through; Jensen and Victoria ("Look, Jeff, he's  _gay._ " "Uh, bisexual, act-" " _Gay."_  "Nope, yeah, you got me. 100% gay.")slept together in Megan's room so that Megan, Jeff, and Jared could stay up and talk in the master bedroom. Their mother obviously wasn't occupying the master bedroom, having moved to the guest bedroom downstairs for easier access. 

Granted, most of the conversation consisted of Jared sobbing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," on an endless loop into Megan's shoulder while Jeff patted his back, but after that, Jared revealed everything: how disgusting he'd felt, how much he went out of his way to keep the secret from them, how scared he was of losing the fragile, glass-spun bridge of trust. Megan, of course, called him an idiot for ever thinking that they would reject him, Jeff just ruffled his hair understandingly and gave him a watery smile and suspiciously wet eyes, and Jared decided that what he'd always had was the perfect blend of his siblings: he had Megan's cynical bluntness and Jeff's peacemaking smile, and that epiphany had brought a whole new bout of tears. 

But they were okay now. Because what had happened, happened, and what really mattered was that Jared had let his siblings in. 

"Hey, Jare," Megan said now, apparently struggling to say something that had never come easy for her. "We. We love you, you know."

"Well." Jeff said, " _she_ loves you." Megan punched him, and he rubbed his shoulder with a guilty little smile. 

"Guys,  _please,"_ Jared scoffed, but he was smiling so hard that his dimples hurt, "Don't just pretend you love me. I  _know_ how you really feel." He scolded, hand on his hip and finger waggling in their direction.

"Damn, you caught me." Megan rolled her eyes. "I actually hate you." Jensen poked his head back in from the garage, expression inquisitive, and Jared graced his siblings with one last smile before heading out into the garage with Jensen.

"You okay?" Jensen asked after a second, and Jared thought about the question for a second. What was now the Mother Situation still had no resolution; Megan and Jeff refused to talk to her, and Victoria had no real reason to, either. She was getting a punishment that fit the crime: she refused to treat Jared as a son, and her kids refused to treat her as their mother. Since Megan had steadfastly declared that their mother had to eat what Jared gave her and nothing else, Jared dutifully took her the meals. He was satisfied to see that his mother was actually eating them when he collected them at the end of the day, but he had a strong suspicion that that was just for her own nourishment. After all, she still refused to speak to him, which made Jensen seethe, but Jared had accepted the baby steps for what they were worth.

Other than that? He had his siblings and friends at his back and  _Jensen_ at his side, so...

"Yeah." Jared said, squeezing Jensen's hand. "I am." He punched in the garage code and led Jensen towards the backwoods. "Mind your step, I think there's still some poison ivy back here." he turned to Jensen, who cringed a little bit at the thought. "So there's this little path, and it weaves past a park and into the cemetery. It's really pretty and scenic, so I think you'll like it."

Jensen tilted his face towards the sun as they broke out past the trees, and Jared's chest fluttered with a twang of pain at how goddamn beautiful he was. The sunlight broke through Jensen's nest of hair, illuminating the strands of gold, and brought out flecks of even more gold in the already vivid green irises, and the combination of his faded forest-green v-neck and soft-looking, worn-down jeans made him all the more irresistible. His freckles were caramel-colored in the rays. Jared didn't deserve him, not at all. 

Jensen caught him staring yet again, lips pulled into a lazy smile that had Jared's heart fight for its beats. "Hi there, I'm Jensen Ackles."

"Shut up," Jared huffed, smiling, and glanced back to see Mike tailing them at a cautious but much appreciated distance. "Looks like Mike finally got over the shock that is my family." 

Jensen's fingers tightened in the gaps between his. "At least he's not asking dumb questions like Chris," he mused, his voice fond, and Jared knew that Jensen missed his best friend. Even if Chris did constantly take joy in sabotaging them. "So you really don't mind this? Taking me to see your dad? I mean, you sort of agreed immediately, but I don't want to impose-"

"Dude," Jared laughed. "He's kind of, y'know. Six feet under." His smile caught a little at the edges. "No one's gonna be offended. In fact, I think you're super sweet for asking if you can go see him." 

"Well, of  _course!"_ Jensen sounded a little outraged. "What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't meet both of my boyfriend's parents?" 

"The kind of gentleman who calls one of my parents a complete monster," Jared teased, thrilled when Jensen had the grace to blush. "And also, regarding when you first met me, I don't think  _gentleman_ was quite on your resumé, Mr. Ackles."

Jensen regarded him, surprisingly quiet for a couple moments before his voice went a little husky, a little rough-edged, still with the drag of silk and honey and whiskey. "Yeah, you're right," he purred, and Jared's brain and heart simultaneously came to a screeching halt. "I guess  _gentleman_ really  _wasn't_ on my mind when you first came into the picture, Padalecki."

Jared verifiably did  _not_ sound like a five year old when he squeaked a somewhat scandalized little, " _Jensen!"_

No matter what Jensen said.

The other (evil) man just laughed, leaning in to kiss Jared's cheekbone. "Ah, is that the park?"

"Huh?" Jared said dumbly, his mind still caught onto what Jensen had said before. He blinked to clear out all those unnecessary thoughts and glanced at the playground with a small nod. "Yeah, we used to play there as kids. Guess it's a miracle it never came down." 

"So, the cemetery is..."

"Just a little ways up the hill," Jared responded almost absently, pointing upwards as they approached the gates. "It's been a long time since I last came here," he realized aloud, tilting his head a little as he looked at Jensen. "I think-- five years? Probably when I was seventeen."

"The year you ran away," Jensen said, with a sad little smile. "Well, you're here now, Jared. So let's go say hi to your old man, huh?" 

\---

It wasn't a very impressive grave- less, for sure, than his father deserved. When Jared had gone to Jensen's house once, he'd seen a slope with massive golden gates, behind which was the Ackles' family cemetery. Because the Ackles family was powerful enough to have a cemetery for everyone in their family, of course. Jared had looked past the golden gates, seen the towers of marble jutting from the ground, and had dearly wished that he was able to give his father like that.  

The tombstone, however, was a rock. A rock with an engraving and not much more. And Jared had kind of accepted that, because hello, he wasn't rich, but also because one day, he was going to become a neurologist and buy his father the marble tombstone he deserved.

One day.

"You're thinking way too loudly." Jensen squeezed his hand, and Jared leapt a little with a start.

"Hmm?" Jared snapped back into reality, watching as Jensen knelt to one knee and rested the flowers against the grave. He dusted his knee of the dirt as he stood again, glancing at Jared expectantly, and Jared blushed a little. "Um. Usually, I... Well, I mean, I used to ...talk. To him. And I get if that's a little weird, so you don't have to. T-to." 

"Then talk," Jensen said, calm as ever, his smile so private that it felt like they were sharing a secret just for the two of them. Jared wondered if there was a limit for the number of times he could fall for one person; in fact, if falling in love were a literal thing, Jared would have been bruised from head to toe.  

"Okay," Jared snagged a quick breath, cast a little bit of a bashful smile at his boyfriend, and then sat down on the grass, Jensen following right along. "Hey, dad," he started, his chest already contracting a little bit, "um, I know it's been a while. I'm really sorry. I guess somewhere along the way, I told myself I wasn't gonna come back here, and it didn't really occur to me that that meant not coming back to see you." He rubbed the back of his head. "I guess with Meg at college and me two hours away and Jeff married and M... Mama all wrapped up in bed, no one's really been by to give you flowers." 

Jensen stayed silent, thumb gently rubbing Jared's knuckles. 

"Oh, y-yeah," Jared breathed, dimpling at the name scratched into the gravestone, "this is Jensen. He's a jerk and pervert and super arrogant," he snickered at Jensen's scandalized expression, "but he's also one of my best friends and my boyfriend and I know you would have- h-have loved to meet him. You would have bored him to death talking about Larry, that guy at your shop who always stole your sandwich, and you guys would have had a blast talkin' about cars and sports and- and." Jared had to stop, because he could feel the words snag together in his throat in a lump that brought tears to his eyes. 

"-And it's a damn shame that you can't be here, Mr. P." Jensen took over, smooth as silk and cooler than it, too, and Jared all but went shock-still. "'Cause if Jared's any indication of how you were as a dad, I'm gettin' this feeling that all of this-" he waved towards Jared, "was your doing. And thank you. Because even though his mom's been treating him like dirt, I hear that you were the first one to really accept him. And he knows it. He knows that he had your support." Jensen brought Jared's wrist up to kiss the inside of it, lips warm just against the arc, and reiterated: "it's a shame you can't be here, because I'm going to make your kid happier than he's ever been in his life. I guarantee it." Jensen smiled, didn't even blink, and that was it, Jared had himself wound tighter around him than a noose, full to bursting of gratitude and love. 

Jensen smiled into the crown of his head, let Jared's legs hang awkwardly over his own, and cracked stupid jokes with him to his father until it was almost noon. And just as they were leaving, Jensen stopped Jared, knelt near the grave, whispered something into the cracked rock, and then bounded back over to Jared. And then of course he just smirked at Jared when Jared asked, and then Jared was left wondering how he managed to be on the outside of a secret between his boyfriend and his dead father. 

(The truth was, that made him feel all fuzzy. But whatever.)

When they got back home, Jeff was making pasta, and Megan threw the home phone at his head. Jared narrowly managed to catch it, glaring at his sister with appropriate annoyance.

" _Murray's_ been calling all morning," she said, looking albeit like she had eaten something sour. "He said he had to talk to you urgently, so it's probably something about how his friggin' pizza came without pineapple or something-"

Jared was already dialing, but he managed to stick his tongue out at his sister petulantly. When the call connected, he said, "Chad, sorry, I was at-"

"Bigger fish to fry, Jaybird," Chad said, sounding uncharacteristically strung out, and it shut Jared up. "I'm sure your vacation's been going peachy, what with dear old mum, but there's been some whacky shit going on here and Chris thinks it's gotta do with Pellegrino-"

Jared stuttered, his brain short-circuiting. "What is Chris even doing with you?" 

"Oh, we've all been crashing at your apartment," Chad said breezily, but then his tone went serious again while Jared tried to process that. "But that's not even the point; did you not hear anything else I said?"

Jensen must have read the consternation in Jared's face, because he had started steering Jared for the private confines of their bedroom.  _Speaker,_ he mouthed, and Jared obediently pressed the button as Jensen closed the door and joined him on the bed.

"Yeah," Jared said, watching Jensen sit, "Pellegrino." His boyfriend's face blanched for a moment before it settled into controlled anger, and Jared said, "what about him?" 

"What  _hasn't_ been about him?" Chad demanded, and Jared could hear Chris yelling in the background about Chad's awful presentation. "Yeah, yeah, shut up. Anyway, the guy's been lurking around Spice like, every day. Asking about you, about Jensen, all that stalker shit. Some fuckwit told him that Jensen went on a family trip- Chris punched that guy in the face, so he probably won't be snitching anytime soon -but soon enough, Pellegrino is hovering outside  _my_ apartment-" Jared figured he ought to tell Chad something about how the apartment was certainly not  _his,_ but he wisely kept it to himself. "And he's leaving little messages and gifts and  _today,"_ Chad raved, "he left this package, and I opened it-"

Jared's heart had started to sink, and Jensen was looking an unpleasant mix of nonplussed and furious. His phone pinged; Chad had sent a picture of the gift. 

For a moment, he and Jensen just tilted their heads to look at it. Revelations came gradually.

"Are those-"

" _-_ Fingernails? Fucking yes they are. Who the fuck does that, Jared? He sent us fingernails!" Chad sounded more grossed out than horrified, which Jared was happy (well, relatively) about. But still--  _fingernails?_

_"Why_ did you open it, Chad? What if it had been a bomb or something?" 

Chris must have muttered some sort of agreement, because Chad sniped out a, "Shaddup," before saying, "I was curious! And it had a bow. C'mon, Jared. A bow." 

"What is he trying to say?" Jensen demanded, and this time, it was Chris who answered- after a moment of more yelling. 

"Boss, he left a really horrible pun," Chris said, and there was some questionable grunting that made Jared think Chris was either sitting on Chad or pinning him down. "It says  _these are the last nails in the coffin._ Mean anything to you at all?" 

"Well," Jared hesitated when Jensen's eyes flickered to his, "Last nail in the coffin usually means the last straw, but I can't decide if that's bad for you or for us or for both." He startled a little bit when Jensen's fingers slid through his hair, almost comfortingly, and turned into the other's shoulder. 

"Your bodyguard is there and all, right?" Chris asked anxiously, not bothering to hide how nervous he was. "Mike? Or whatever his name is? He's watching over you guys?"

"Yeah," Jensen said quietly. "We'll be back in a few days. If he does something outrageous, you know how to reach us. Do me a favor- the next time he comes calling, tell him that I'll come back and deal with him. Until then, you guys stay safe, yeah? He's probably planning something big to get our attention, so please. Just... Watch yourself." 

"I've got a bodyguard," Chad piped in, almost cheekily, and Chris responded with a grumble of irritation. Jared and Jensen exchanged looks as they hung up, and Jared was the first to break the small, somewhat horrified silence.

"You don't think they-"

"No."

"But maybe-"

_"Jared, no."_

"Yeah, yeah. Okay. But if they make a mess of our couch, Chris is compensating for half of it-" 

Okay, he totally didn't deserve the smack Jensen administered to the back of his head. Or maybe he did.  _Whatever._

\---

The threat of Pellegrino made Jensen a little moody, and as Jared watched his boyfriend skulk around and brood, he started to get a little bit worried himself. 

"What's up with your boyfriend?" Megan asked him that evening after Jensen sat at the table, glared at the soup for about fifteen minutes, downed some scalding coffee, and then vanished back upstairs. Jared watched him go, his stomach sinking a little. 

"Uhm, well, do you know that major breakdown I had?" Jared asked her warily, smiling weakly when Megan paused. "This is the guy who was behind it. He's a... He's a character. And by that, I mean he's dangerous and cruel, and he's harassing Chad, Gen, and Chris, Jensen's bodyguard back home." He waved his hand towards the stairs. "And it's upsetting Jensen."

"But it's not upsetting you?"

Jared laughed a little bitterly, his stomach turning when he recalled the whole affair. "Of course it is, but. Jensen is already wound up, and I don't want to stress him out more with my nerves."

"Sorry, Jared, but that's a little dumb." Megan said, narrowing her eyes at him almost fiercely. Jared resisted a little sigh, his mouth quirking upwards at the sight of her pinched expression. "Now that you've got someone to trust in Jensen, don't you think that you should, I dunno, trust him? This is what's always gotten you in trouble."

"What?" Jared felt like he had swallowed an ice cube. 

"You couldn't trust us then," she said, "and I get it. I get why you couldn't. But you have a chance to trust Jensen here, and you should tell him how you feel. Before it gets bad." She advised, smiling a little, and Jared relaxed into a slump. 

"I know," he said miserably.

Because he did know; he just didn't want to pester Jensen. The guy had already taken off of work just to come out here, and hardly anything had gone exactly the way they'd expected. Plus, Jensen was kind of a  _crime lord._ He wasn't a crime  _ambassador._ And he definitely wasn't just some petty criminal. Jared's boyfriend was a lord. Frickin' Lord Ackles. And Jared needed to give him time and space.

But Meg was glaring at him, and she was a lot scarier than Jensen. So Jared went upstairs to their room, knocking on the door just once before creeping inside. Jensen was strewn over the comforters, laptop balanced on his thigh phone resting on the keyboard, his glasses perched on his nose and his lips just parting into a wide yawn. He blinked at Jared for a minute before smiling a little and trilling his fingers at him lightly. Jared smiled a little and slid up beside him, tucking his head up beneath Jensen's arm. Jensen immediately moved to accommodate, but Jared started a moment later when Jensen suddenly snapped, " _No one_ will be contracting a killer to shoot Pellegrino. Did you not hear me, Perez? No. Shooting. Pellegrino." He seemed to get even more pissed at the answer Perez gave, because the muscles of his jaw ticked. "Obviously because he has territory of his own! You could start a war by assassinating Pellegrino, so it's not happening. And that's fucking  _final._ Do you understand me?"

It only just occurred to Jared that his boyfriend was actually pretty terrifying. If Jensen had been looking at him the way he was glowering at his laptop, Jared would have run for the hills. 

"Goddamn idiot," Jensen murmured quietly, reclining back into his pillow. "Can't follow a single instruction." If Jared hadn't known any better, he'd have said Jensen was totally pouting. His bottom lip jutted out past the upper counterpart, his nose wrinkling in disgruntlement. "No, for the love of God. Just leave him. I'll come deal with him, it's me he wants." 

It was probably a dangerous move, but Jared decided that this would be a good time to start kissing Jensen's jawline in order to get him to stop looking so annoyed. Jensen went quiet for a brief second with complete shock, quickly trying to regain footing with his conversation as Jared continued to drag along his skin. 

"Um," Jensen said, deliciously breathless for a millisecond, "Wait, what? Shit, he beat Camille out for the land? How much land is it?" He finished the sentence in a rush so he could pull the phone away long enough to gasp; Jared had just landed a particularly sharp little nip to his collarbone. "F- Oh. Okay, that isn't too bad. Did he acquire any other plots?" The hand around Jared's waist was curling into a white-knuckled fist, which delighted Jared a little bit. 

"Oh, okay. So he's already opened a parlor on Main? Can we have anyone investigate the site when he's not around? Okay, yeah, I know it's illegal, but we're crime lords, Perez. It's not like-  _shit."_ Jensen actually dropped the phone, fumbling for it as the quickest burst of cerise spread over his face. Jared batted his eyes as Jensen growled out a quiet  _fucking tease_ and put his phone on speaker.

"Why are you-?" Jared started quietly, but shut up when Jensen pressed his index finger against his mouth and leaned forward to whisper, "Now I'm gonna get you back," over Perez's ranting. Jared hummed a quiet sound of content against Jensen's finger as the other man's cool hand slid beneath his shirt to trap one nipple.

"Yeah, if you could send out a man, that'd be great, Ackles." Perez's crackly voice sounded annoyed. "I'm tired of my men going in there and getting their brains blown out. Don't you have a trifecta? Why can't you call on the Tals or the Palickis to help you out?" 

Jensen was back in control, suave and confident; Jared melted beneath the way he rolled sensitive skin against his thumb and muffled his whimper into Jensen's shoulder. "Because they don't want to involve their daughters with Pellegrino any longer. You can imagine that this doesn't set well with either Alona or Adrianne, but with Alona's recent injury...." Jensen trailed off, winking at Jared before hiking his shirt with one hand and catching the nipple between his teeth. 

Jared's abrupt yelp was smothered into his hand. His other hand curled into Jensen's short hair, right above his ear. Jensen uttered a sound suspiciously like a purr and maneuvered Jared cleverly into his lap with one elegant movement. 

"-and then Tony, that fucking moron, got himself trapped in the sewer with the rats, so now I'm down men. My brother's supposed to fly in with his crew, but he's incompetent as hell, so-"

Seemingly satisfied that Perez was still going, Jensen started to suck on the nipple in his mouth, tongue flicking along the bud. Jared's head lowered so his lips were pressed into Jensen's temple, and now both his hands were tangled into the spikes of hair layered along the back of Jensen's neck.

"Jensen," he managed in a gasp into Jensen's hair, hips rolling upwards as he arched against Jensen's mouth. Jensen parted his lips long enough to say something.

"Pellegrino's got a partner in Amell." He sounded damningly unruffled, even as his mouth slid horizontally to tongue at the neglected peak, and Jared's legs somehow miraculously weren't crushing Jensen's waist even though he was hanging on as tightly as he could. "Do you think we could get eyes on Amell, too? He drives a blue car... A Honda. License plate XCG-0333." 

"Oh, I think I know that car- Oh, that son of a bitch! He totally got one of my sisters to go out with him! What a-" 

"Jensen, please," Jared kind of slurred into Jensen's hair, straining and pushing and trying to get himself somehow deeper into Jensen's mouth. He had little to no idea what he was asking for, just that he wanted more, more of that sinful, plush-lipped mouth kissing tenderly at his nipple. 

"Told you," Jensen breathed, his voice incredibly soft, a warm puff of air ebbing along Jared's goosebump-riddled skin. "So pretty for me, Jared. Think I could make you come just like this? Right in your pants?"

"Mmph," Jared sounded his consent, completely stooped over Jensen now as he slid forward along Jensen's half-hard length almost unintentionally. It was completely worth the slightly strangled sound Jensen made as he rutted up against Jared, and Jared couldn't help but grin into Jensen's hair. 

"I feel that," Jensen hissed, but he was smiling as well, and Jared almost giggled like a schoolgirl when Jensen leaned forward to plant a kiss right over his breastbone. "Once more, Jay?" 

So Jared pushed forward again, friction of the denim prompting a hissed curse from Jensen. "Good lord, Jared. I need to hang up on Perez, right the fuck now."

Perez seemed to have finally caught on to what was happening. "What the fuck, Ackles?" He complained loudly, and Jensen rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Are you having sex or something while I'm talking to you? I've met hookers that keep it in their pants better than you do."  

"Look, Perez," Jensen drawled, rich and sultry and not at all apologetic, while Jared went scarlet with mortification, "Unless you want first class audio seats, I suggest you hang up." 

Perez actually remained on call, so Jensen followed up with a growled, "That wasn't actually a suggestion, idiot." 

He shoved his phone back with the heel of his foot once the other man hung up and turned all his attention back to Jared, the planes of his face softening as he grinned up at him. 

"More," Jared demanded, dimpling back at his boyfriend as he curled his body around Jensen's. "Please, Jen. Want more."

"Where'd this come from, huh?" Jensen inquired, nevertheless trailing his fingers downwards from Jared's nipple into the waistband of his jeans. 

"Don't like seeing you look so angry," Jared whispered back, even though no one else could have been listening. "I just wanted to make you happier to be here." 

"Oh, sweetheart." Jensen paused his ministrations. " _You_  already make me happy. You don't have to do this to compensate or anything-" He sounded anxious, the worry not quite fading even after Jared kissed him. 

"It's not to compensate, I promise." Jared let his shirt fall back down and trailed his lips downward to Jensen's exposed throat. "Just think of it as me thanking you for everything. And a sign of how great you are." He grinned sheepishly when Jensen eyed him skeptically. 

"Someone's a little shy for the  _l_ word," Jensen said quietly, his smile growing into something just short of dark when Jared's blush confirmed his words. "I get it, but I'm still gonna wrangle it out of you. You know that, right?"  

Jared muttered an acquiesce, gasping a little as he ended up on his back in the mattress, Jensen's knee between his legs. "Holy crap," he managed before Jensen's fingers curled around his wrists. He relinquished control to the other as Jensen sealed his lips into his own, tongue slick-sliding against his own. If someone had told him that he'd willingly hand himself over to Jensen to do as he pleased, Jared would have most definitely punched that person in the face. He'd always had this fear that he was going to end up easy, kneeling at Kyle's knees or kissing some stranger in the dark of the back room after hours. That he'd end up as just another pawn in someone's game, in Jensen's game.

Sometimes, it still scared him. His insecurities were crippling, left him realizing that there was probably someone better for Jensen. That Jensen would come to his senses, deciding that Jared was too damaged for him, and find someone beautiful and elegant and social who looked good on his arm.

"What are you thinking, Jay?" Jensen brushed his lips across each and every scar, fingers strumming along Jared's back as if he was mapping him, and managed to touch every centimeter of exposed skin that Jared was offering

Jared reached up to touch Jensen, and Jensen closed his eyes to let him. He let him trace over the bridge of his nose and over each and every freckle and even over the curve of his lips. Jared heard him hum, pleased, and smiled as he dropped his hand.

"You, of course. Hardly think about anyone else these days," he said, and Jensen chuckled, his throat catching a little bit. He lay down next to Jared, carefully relocating the laptop to the table before draping himself over half of Jared's body.

"I'm guessing you don't want us to have sex in your mom's house," he mused, and Jared laughed a little wetly. 

"Hey, Jensen," he said after a comfortable moment of silence, tilting his head back to look up at the smattering of plastic stars that he'd taped onto the ceiling when he was eight or nine years old. He felt Jensen angle towards him, the other man's breathing tapering into something a lot softer, like he knew that Jared was about to reveal something. "I lied. Well, kinda. I didn't just come up to spontaneously cheer you up-- I'm actually terrified about the Pellegrino situation. I'm terrified that he's going to drag me back or hurt one of you or make  _me_ hurt one of you." 

"Mmm," Jensen didn't sound surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, voice sounding almost carefully neutral. 

"Because I'm an idiot," Jared said promptly. "Because there's a part of me that's so scared of rejection and so scared to trust in anyone else. Because there's a part of me that still thinks that everyone I love is going to hurt me all over again. And because there's a really big part of me that's calling me a coward for being so scared." 

"J-"

"Wait. Just one second." Jared's voice wavered, and he tried to catch himself again. "I haven't dated anyone since high school, Jensen. I haven't voluntarily asked a single person out since high school, either. I've rejected almost every date I've been offered at the bar, and I didn't even notice when people stopped asking. And when Stephen asked me out, I thought I would take a chance and try to force myself to relate to people again. And then he-" Jared waved his hand, "You know what happened with him." 

"Jared," Jensen tried again, but Jared blinked furiously at the ceiling instead of looking at him.

"I'm almost done," he assured, taking a deep breath. "People have walked in and out of my life. People I could've fallen in love with, if I'd opened my eyes long enough. But I let her-- let my mom --get to me so much, get so deep beneath my skin, that I basically figured that love wasn't really my thing. So, I guess it's-- I guess what I want to say is thank you, Jensen. Because you practically dragged me out of my comfort zone, and if you had left me in there, I would've eventually," he stopped, scared of where that sentence was headed, and redirected, "You basically forced me to trust you. Not in a bad way, of course. And because of you, I came back here. I came  _back_ to the place that ruined me in the very beginning, only 'cause I had you. And y-you. I don't think you'll ever know what you've done for me, Jensen- I'm so glad it was you I ended up falling for. Because I  _trust_ you." 

Jensen was quiet for a few beats, long enough that Jared could hear him swallow audibly. "Fuck, Jared," he said eventually, his voice thready. "You really have no idea, do you?" 

"What?" Jared blinked when Jensen actually turned to fully face him. The other man looked a second short of completely wrecked, his lips pulled into a small, bittersweet little smile. Jensen's fingers ran almost tentatively along his jaw, and Jared closed his eyes and pushed into the touch.

"How much you've helped  _me."_

Jared was about to argue that he'd never done anything particularly for Jensen's sake, but Jensen shushed him, his eyes so dark that the irises of green were almost black. 

"For the record?" Jensen said, his eyelids curtaining his gaze from Jared, "I said, ' _The next_ _time I come, I might get to call you Dad, too.'"_  

Then he fell silent.

And when Jared finally decoded what Jensen had revealed, he was awake for the rest of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't understand the end: Jensen whispered something to the gravestone, and that was it.


	16. In Which Jared and Jensen are Betrayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> college got a hold of me, but I think I should be back on track now :) YOU GUYS ARE BEYOND AWESOME <333

The Ackles Estate

"Seriously, though, what's the fuckin' point of these crystal toilets?" Chad gestured into the bathroom, and Chris resisted a roll of his eyes. Though he'd gotten used to Chad's foul mouth after about a day, he didn't have the answers to  _everything_. He was the bodyguard, and even though he was Jensen's best friend, he often had no answers to why the Ackles chose to spend their immense wealth the way they did. "Is it to make shitting an out of the world experience?"

Chris rubbed his forehead, trying to coax away the migraine encroaching in on his temples. "I- I have no idea, Chad." Ever since the last package from Pellegrino, Genevieve Cortese and Chad Michael Murray had been temporarily relocated to the Ackles' family home for their own safety. This was okay on Genevieve's end; she was shaken but strong and getting along rather swimmingly with Alona and Adrianne. But Chad... Chad had decided that he was going to glue himself to Chris- a decision Chris had apparently had no say in.

"Y'know, if I were this rich...." Chad thought for a moment, baby blue eyes narrowed, "I would buy myself an island."

"That's not shallow or selfish at all."

"You're right, I need to make it more shallow and selfish," Chad said absently, "I'm gonna have my name carved into it, like that one guy, y'know. What was his name? That Sheikh? Now he was doin' it right." 

"Hmm," Chris smiled at the girls as they walked by, huddled together like a pack of dangerous animals searching for prey. He assumed it was only a matter of time before Genevieve started wearing a thigh holster or something, too. 

"Hey..." Chad's tone change- the whimsy of buying his own island to something far more serious -had Chris dragging his attention from the girls and to the baby-faced blonde instead. The other's expression had dawned with something solemn and almost fierce. "Do you think Ackles honestly loves Jared?" 

The question took Chris aback. "What, are you the overprotective friend that's gonna tell Jensen that if he hurts Jared, you'll kill him?" He joked, resting his elbow against the doorway as he looked over Chad. The other's expression didn't soften even a smidge, leaving his own smile to awkwardly fade. 

"No," Chad said, calmly. "I won't kill him. I'll do something worse than that." 

For all the days Chad had been staying with him, he'd been bubbly and foul-mouthed. Moments of seriousness were few and far between, and Chris had actually enjoyed the conversations he'd had with the curious Chad Michael Murray. Not once had he felt threatened or nervous. Not once had he worried about the others' safety when it came to Chad.

Now he did.

"Over my dead body." He said, both serious and joking at the same time; his mouth twitched into a smile while his gaze sharpened on the man in front of him. Chad's expression remained completely stagnant.

"I've known that kid since he was a gangly shrimp," Chad said, crystal clear and flat. "If I have to walk over your body to get to Ackles, so be it." 

"Whoa, Chad," Chris lifted a hand, thoroughly unnerved at this point. "Don't worry, Jensen's head over heels for that kid. Won't shut the hell up about him, so don't get your panties in a bunch." As much as he hated to admit it, he missed the grinning Chad, wanted him much more than he wanted this stony-faced guardian. "I'm not lying." He added, when Chad didn't move.

Chad nodded slowly, his muscles relaxing from the tense rods they'd been. "Yeah," he muttered, tucking his hands behind his head as he toed the base of the toilet. "Don't you hate it when your friend's in pain, Chris?"

Chris tried not to focus on the way Chad said his first name while he called Jensen "Ackles." "Heh," he chuckled, but it wasn't particularly humorous. He gave Chad a mirthless smile and carded his fingers through his hair absently. "He once went out with this chick-" He resisted the urge to say 'bitch,' because he was better than that, but he almost did. "-A girl named Lucia. Real nice girl, if you're the type who's into drinking syrup. She knocked Jensen out with a crystal paperweight while they were having sex and stole almost everything priceless from his room."

Chad stared at him. "Wow, you guys never do anything halfway, do you?" 

Chris did laugh at that. "Jensen was so pissy for the next week, but he didn't care too much... But me? I was scared shitless, man. We found him holding onto consciousness on the floor next to his bed with a lump the size of an egg on the back of his head. I had to wait outside, because Jensen wanted privacy, obviously, but Lucia ripped holes into the window netting and climbed out. I... I thought he was dying. I'm still scared to let him go on dates alone with Jared... 'S why I sent one of our guys stationed there." 

"You can never be too careful," Chad agreed in that offhand way. "And all this shit with Pellegrino is freaking Jay out, I can tell. He's always been kind of a stress ball, and all this-- business is scaring him."

"I bet." Chris was unwilling to admit that Pellegrino was scaring him, too. Fortunately, he didn't have to, because Winston, one of the other bodyguards, handed him a fat envelope as soon as they entered the main hall. "What's this?"

Winston gave him a grim look, jaw tensing in a way that immediately alarmed Chris. "Check out the return address."

Somehow, he wasn't too surprised when he saw Pellegrino's name. With a sigh, he peeled open the latest set of material that their friendly neighborhood asshole was sending them... And frowned when out came a bundle of photos carefully held together with a rubber band.  

"Huh?" He frowned as he leafed through the glossy, obviously recently printed photos with a practiced thumb. They were all photos of some kid with brown hair, a weird progression of sorts... There were baby photos on top, and then the photos carefully captured every year after that. "I don't even know who this is..." He said, confused, as he looked up at Chad.

Who was staring, white-faced, at the photos.

Alarmed, Chris reached out an arm and rested his hand on Chad's shoulder. The other's eyes slowly rolled up to his with a fear that made Chris swallow anxiously. "Hey, Chad, are you-?" 

"That's Jared," Chad said, his voice barely a whisper as he looked back down at the pictures.

"What?" Chris stilled, his voice embarrassingly high. A lump of dread fell with a thunk into his stomach, and he repeated himself. "What?" 

"That's Jared. Those are all photos from the family photo albums. Those are albums that you can only get at the house." Chad said, his voice reed-thin and frightened. "There's only one album for each kid. Meg. Jeff. Jared."

"He couldn't have made copies-?"

"He needs the original to make copies." Chad sounded like he was going to throw up, and honestly, once Chris accepted the truth he really didn't want to, he was going to follow that same path. "There's only one album." 

Chris had reached the bottom of the stack, a photo of Jared in his late teens- perhaps seventeen -with a bright-faced Chad's arm thrown around his shoulders. He was grinning ear to ear, dimples deep trenches in his cheeks, and Chad looked like he had stuck his fingers into an electrical socket. His eyes were bright, full of energy, and his hair was sticking up just about everywhere. 

But that was the last photo, which didn't make sense. 

"Why--"

"Prom. Jared left the house a few days later," Chad explained. "His witch of a mother wouldn't have seen him after that... Until now." He was already pacing, agitated, and Chris followed the motions, back and forth and back and forth. "Don't you get what this means?"

"Someone in Jared's house is out to get him." Chris said, his tongue heavy in his mouth. He didn't want to even consider it, but he had no choice. "I've gotta let Jensen know."

"Someone. Isn't it obvious who's out to get him?" Chad spat, and that horrific look was back. Chris could've sworn Chad's eyes were nearly black in the dim light, white streaking over his knuckles and painting them something stark. "His bitch of a mother, that's who. Jared's been trying to get her to forgive him, that idiot- and she's sneaking around behind his back, feeding Pellegrino information-"

Chris was already dialing.

"Hello?" Jensen answered on the second ring, his tone brusque but always somewhat concerned. "Chris... It's fuckin' late, what are you guys still doing up?"

"We're all nocturnal," he responded, flashing Chad a thin-lipped smile. "Anyway, I have... Bad news."

There was a stretchy moment of silence; after a moment, Jensen sighed, and Chris heard him shift a little bit. "Why isn't it ever good news," his boss complained petulantly. "Give me good news, you jerk."

"Jensen, it's Pellegrino."

"Mm." Jensen sounded exasperated but unsurprised. "What has he sent you this time?"

Chris's smile faded as he rested his hand on the glossy stack, and when Jensen spoke again, he sounded far more concerned. "Chris?"

"Photos, Jen." Chris said, his voice pitifully weak as he broke the news to his boss. "A lot of photos of Jared."

Jensen didn't respond for a few minutes, but when he spoke, he sounded bone-chilling. Chris marveled the fact that his boss still had it in him to scare the crap out of him. "What _kind_ of photos."

"Photos of Jared as he's growing up." Chris took a breath. "From when he was a baby. Toddler. Kid. Teen. All sorts of photos, in chronological order."

"Fuck." Jensen breathed, sounding alarmed and even scared, but still quiet. Jared must have been sleeping next to him. Christ, when had Jensen landed into that kind of relationship? Chris had always watched his boss bounce around like a pinball in a machine... To see him tethered to someone he was completely head over heels for was, in the simplest sense... Weird. "What... Where did he even get photos of Jared?"

"Well.... That's the bad news." Chris exhaled. "Chad claims that there's only one album that could possibly have held all these photos- and that it's at Jared's house." He let the implications sink in, almost too scared to actually bring the idea to fruition.

Jensen was silent for even longer this time. "His mother," he finally said, voice almost dead by this point. Chris flinched.

"That's what Chad thinks."

His boss's voice rose, still retaining its hollow quality. "I thought she was bad, but I didn't think she was this bad," he intoned. "She probably thinks she's doing something for his good again, that lunatic. I've got to put an end to this to- hey, sweetheart," he said suddenly, voice a soft coo, and Chris cocked a confused eyebrow. "Hey, it's alright, Jay. Nothing's wrong, go back to sleep. Shh." 

Chris felt suddenly embarrassed, as though he had overheard something deeply intimate that he shouldn't have heard. Chad raised an eyebrow at his blush but fortunately didn't say anything, and then Jensen was speaking again, voice softer but with the warmth of moments ago sucked right out of it. 

"I need to sleep. Need to figure this out. Talk to you later, Chris. Thanks." Thin. Bitter. Tired. Chris regretted calling Jensen at all. He suddenly felt infinitely tired, exhaustion layered over his bones, and Chad's shoulder, as much as he hated to say it, was looking more and more appealing. 

"Alright, Jen. Night." 

"Night." 

 ---

Something was wrong.

Granted- Jared was dating a crime lord. Things were bound to go wrong. They did that. And in his life? Lots of things had gone wrong. But this was a different kind of wrong. This was Jensen, sitting ramrod straight in front of his laptop and staring listlessly at it. This was Jensen starting and giving Jared this almost tragic look whenever Jared tried to break him out of his weird funk. 

This was Jared... Worrying. Because for all he knew, Jensen was thinking about something all the way back home, Pellegrino and crime lord business, things Jared wasn't complex enough for. But some selfish piece of him was secretly hoping that Jensen was as bothered about his own comment the night before as Jared was about it. But he doubted it.

"What's up with your boyfriend?" Megan hip-checked him that afternoon while Jared was trying- and failing -to produce edible ravioli. He glowered at it, frustrated with both the food and Jensen's behavior since that morning. "He keeps slinking around Mom's room like he's going to break in." 

Jared looked up from eviscerating the ravioli, his curiosity piqued. "Really?" Thus far, he'd only noticed Jensen's obvious disquiet, the man's unease causing _Jared_ to feel nervous. What could he say, he was a sympathetic stressball. 

Meg smiled, not unsympathetic. "Jared, what's going on?" 

Jared sighed, rubbing his nose fiercely and finally put the fork down. "He said something to me last night... Something really personal. Something like he was insinuating that he might...  Might want to marry me. And then the next day, he's acting like this. They may not be related at all, but... They might be, too." He shrugged helplessly. "I just... Feel like I'm being stretched." 

"You look like it, too." Meg pointed out, smiling and trying to make him smile, and it worked. Jared snorted, back to stabbing at his ravioli. "Look, Jared.... This is it for you." 

He looked back up in alarm.

"Not like that, doofus." Meg shook her head. "You love him. This is your happiness. How long have you tried and struggled to fall in love? To pull yourself back up every time something bad happened? Very long. And him? He's completely obsessed with you, Jared, any sane person can see that. Just.... Let yourself go a little bit. Don't constantly worry about what other people think. If Jensen's having a rough day, let him have a rough day. Maybe try talking to him, if you want. But rough days happen to everyone." 

Jared had to admit, grudgingly, that Megan had a point. As always.

"I have an idea, by the way," she declared, and no four words could cause Jared's defenses to rise higher. He gulped, and she scowled at him and kicked the back of his leg. "Don't make that face at me. Stupid. I'm just thinking.... What if we all went out to dinner tonight? You and Jensen are leaving tomorrow evening, right? What do you think?"

"Sounds fun," Jared agreed with a small smile as he finally gave up on the ravioli and instead rested his hands behind him on the counter, angling to look at her. "I'll go talk to Jensen about it, I'm sure he'd like it, too. What do you have in mind?" If he could find Jensen, that is. His absentee boyfriend was probably lurking in their room or something.

She just smirked, which may or may not have caused Jared's alarm to heighten. "Leave that to me." 

\---

When Jared got back to their room, Jensen was cross-legged on the bed as predicted, an intense frown encroaching on his naturally easygoing features. He was staring at the comforters like they had personally done him some kind of wrong. Jared tried to remember what Megan had told him, but the unease was back, sitting heavy in his stomach like a paperweight.

"Jen?" He crawled into the bed opposite from his boyfriend, one leg hanging over the edge as he leaned in towards him. "Are you okay?" 

Jensen blinked, slowly looking up at Jared. His expression was now completely blank, like something had smoothed over his face and wiped away any trace of tension. "Jared, has your mother ever tried to actually hurt you for the sake of hurting you?" 

Jared's jaw dropped, his brain short-circuiting as he was hit with a question that came out of absolutely nowhere. "What? I mean.... She hit me, so... Yeah, I guess?" 

"Yeah, but she thought she was doing the right thing." Jensen made a frustrated sound, muscles tense as he squeezed his eyes shut in thought. "She stopped when she realized she was going too far, right? She was trying to clean you?"

Jared absently wrapped his finger around a lock of chestnut hair. "Yeah," he said finally, quietly, "She thought she was doing the right thing. She wanted to help me, in her own twisted way. Didn't really work out well," he laughed, looking up at Jensen, but his smile froze when he saw Jensen's face.

His boyfriend wordlessly reached out, tugging him in towards him until Jared's back was to his chest and their legs were tangled together. Confused, Jared looked up, trying to meet Jensen's eyes, but Jensen's head curled forward against the back of his.

"I love you." 

Jared's heart pounded at the words, spoken so tenderly and almost with a touch of fear. "What? W- Yeah, Jen, I know," he tried to laugh again, but it was kind of weak. "I love you, too. Where's this coming from?"

"Under my watch-- _No one's_  going to hurt you. No one." Jensen went on, and Jared started when he felt the words fall against his neck. The only reason Jensen would say that to him was if he thought Jared was in some kind of trouble, which, honestly, was almost all the time. But this was different. Jensen sounded genuinely nervous, and his arms wrapping around Jared's midsection felt like self-reassurance. 

"I know," he said, tilting his head up to kiss Jensen's chin. "Jen, hey, I know. What's this all about, huh?" 

To Jared's disappointment, Jensen retracted like a turtle. "It's, um, nothing." He said, looking away and dropping his arms. "So, you came to tell me something, right?"

Jared just looked at him, but if Jensen wanted him to know something, he'd tell him. Or at least that's what Jared told himself. "Yeah," he cleared his throat. "Well, Megan thinks it might be a good idea to go out to dinner, seeing as it's our last day and all... What do you think?"

Jensen tried a smile. Even though it was a little faded at the corners, Jared would take it. He smiled back. "Sounds like a good idea, sweetheart. She say where we're planning to go?" 

Jared laughed. "No, she's Megan. She's probably going to pull some huge surprise dinner, planned down to the last lemon wedge in everyone's cups." Okay, now he was definitely concerned. Very concerned. Did Jensen think Pellegrino was somehow gonna come get them while they were here? With a bodyguard? Or did Jensen learn something that implied exactly that? Jared wanted to know what was upsetting his boyfriend, but would he even be able to handle knowing Pellegrino was so close to his family? He'd rather the man hunt him down on his own than come after Jeff, Vicky, or Meg.... 

He had no choice but to trust Jensen.... More than that, he _did_ trust Jensen to protect him.

Jensen chuckled. "Alright, then. I, um... I have a couple things I need to finish." He smiled blandly, and Jared smiled back again, a hand wrapping around his heart and squeezing when he realized he was basically being dismissed. He slid off the bed, heading for the door, and pulled it open. Then he paused.

"Hey, Jensen, you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Jensen finally met his gaze full-on, this time with the most emotion he'd seen yet. Blazing green torrents, fixed on Jared. "Only if I knew that it wouldn't hurt you." 

Heart sinking, Jared nodded before leaving. Because that? That meant that whatever Jensen was holding back, it was definitely going to hurt him.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Jared started, looking up from the doorknob to see Mike sitting in an armchair beside the bannister, a book in his hands and a sympathetic half-smile on his face. He sighed, trying to smile.

"His job isn't exactly a picnic," he pointed out, trying not to sound like he was trying to convince himself rather than trying to convince Mike. It didn't work out very well. "I guess I'm just not cut out for whatever he's going through. I mean, when I think about it, his problems are going to affect a lot more people than mine."

"Well," Mike shrugged. "I've been in the business for, what-- Four years? Five years? And every day, literally every day, there's a new curveball. I mean, when I heard that I was being reassigned to you guys- I was like, kind of bummed out. No offense." 

"None taken," Jared chuckled, gesturing around the house. "I mean, if you're sitting here reading, there really isn't too much excitement." 

"Yeah," Mike smiled, sheepish. "But then I realized- this is kind of a welcome change. I mean, when you're out there getting shot at all the time... When you're a bodyguard, told from the first day of service that you should always be willing to take a bullet for someone, it's kind of scary. I want to believe I'd be the type of person to leap in front of a bullet for whoever I'm watching, but you can never predict what's going to happen in the heat of the moment. What if I freeze? If I do, someone dies. Scary as hell, man." 

"I can't even imagine what that would be like." Jared said softly, because he couldn't. Once, he'd seen a young boy leap in the way of a car to save his little sister; they'd both gotten away safely, but Jared had replayed the incident a million times in his head with him and Megan in the starring roles. He loved his sister to death, but would he have been able to unfreeze long enough to shove her out of the way? 

"Sometimes I think my job is harder than my boss's," Mike joked, hand hanging over the armrest. "So, I don't want to interfere- it's not really my place, you know? -but if Mr. Ackles is having a hard time, I'd bet a lot that it's because something about the job has just thrown him off track. Seen it happen a lot."

"Thanks, Mike." Jared said honestly, grateful for the attempts to explain Jensen's behavior. At this point, he could only cross his fingers and hope for the best.

\--

" _What_?" 

The exclamation came from Jensen and mirrored exactly how Jared felt upon hearing the announcement. He just hadn't expected Jensen to sound this outraged about it; in fact, he wasn't feeling as shaken as Jensen looked. The announcement had come out of nowhere, after all of them had spent the last hour getting ready. Jared found himself in yet another unfortunate soon, but Jensen had given him this soft smile when he saw him that had made his stomach rebel. Meg practically glittered as she walked, looking stunning in a blue fishtail gown, and Victoria, also looking lovely, contrasted her in a black dress trimmed in vivid red. Jared was gratified to see that Jeff was looking as uncomfortable as he was, but Jensen, as always, looked unruffled with his liquid black suit, emerald green tie, and black pants.

He also looked livid. 

"I want to be with my entire family once before I die." Their mother looked worse than ever in the wheelchair, but there was steel in her eyes and her mouth was set. "Even if ..... I absolutely won't agree with JT's decisions." 

At least she wasn't calling him an abomination. 

If anything, Megan and Jeff looked distinctly uncomfortable, and Vicky was sipping a martini of sorts on the couch, looking a bit perturbed. "Mom," Megan began, "After what you did to Jared, it's going to be hard for me- us -to forgive you--" 

"I'm not asking to be forgiven," she bit off, and Jared flinched a little from the bitterness in her voice. "I'm not going to ask for forgiveness," she repeated, her hands closing around the handles of her wheelchair. "I want to come because I want to be with all of my children before I die, even if all of them hate me." 

"Funny," Jensen growled, looking more hostile than Jared had seen him yet. "Because Jared doesn't hate you,  _you_  hate him." Jared pressed a hand against Jensen's sternum, now sincerely worried. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay. She just wants to-" Jared swallowed when Jensen's black gaze turned onto him, his boyfriend looking almost as angry as he had the day he had called his mother out. 

"I don't get how you can be like this, Jared." Jensen didn't push his hand away, but he held onto his wrist as if he had moved with the idea of pushing him away in mind but had decided against it. "I just don't understand-" An almost tragic expression crossed his face, something Jared only caught a glimpse of but never wanted to see again, "-How your heart could possibly be this big." 

"Jen," Jared leaned forward, lips just half a millimeter from Jensen's. "At least let us leave on civil terms. If she dies.... I- At least I'll have..." He curled his fingers over the hand holding his wrist. "C'mon, what's one dinner gonna do? She can't do anything worse to me, anyway." 

There was another expression on Jensen's face, this one just as bad as the other one. This one was pure dread, as if whatever Jared had just said was, in fact, something Jensen knew to be completely false. He had no idea what to make of all these expressions.

"Fine." Jensen said after a moment, still as stone, but this time he did, albeit gently, push Jared's hand away. "Only because it's one dinner." 

"One dinner." Jared promised, leaning forward to press his lips to Jensen's. Jensen's eyelids fluttered, eyelashes rippling, and even though he still wasn't smiling, his muscles had relaxed a bit. Then he turned away, and Mike made a thumbs up towards Jared as they left the house, which Jared responded to with a weak smile. As Megan wheeled their reproachfully frowning mother into the back of the van, Jensen slid into the seat next to Jared and leaned over to whisper.

"You look absolutely gorgeous, by the way. I'm sorry I haven't been paying as much attention to you as I should be." His fingers found Jared's near his hip, and Jared leaned into him and lifted his fingers to his lips. 

"It's alright," he whispered back, Jensen scooting in closer as Meg squished in beside them. Jeff and Vicky sat up front, and Jared couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable with their mother and Mike behind, as if they were just ... Watching. Nevertheless, he kissed Jensen's knuckles and smiled up at him. "I don't think you  _should_  do anything. If you have time, I want to spend it with you. But if you're busy, then you're busy, Jen, it's okay." 

Jensen gave him a long, steady look and then smiled almost listlessly. Jared waited for some sort of explanation behind it, but Jensen's arm just curled around his waist and pulled him closer as Jensen turned to look outside the window. Jared sighed mentally and studied the lines of Jensen's suit as the city sped by.

\--

To Jared's surprise.... It was going well. 

The restaurant was exactly the type of beautiful, incredible type of place that Megan would have booked, and it looked more like a church than a restaurant with its high, sloping ceilings and stained glass windows. Jensen whistled as he looked all the way up, then cast an appraising look towards Megan, and Jeff looked almost nervous as he skated around a petite waitress, nearly crashing into her. 

"First the coffee, then this restaurant? You have great taste, Meg." Jensen grinned at her, apparently in a better mood- or at least forcing one- and Megan flashed him a megawatt smile back. 

"Don't I know it," she smirked, wheeling their mother into an open space at the table before sitting beside her. Victoria rolled her eyes heavenward as Jeff crashed into yet another employee and took hold of his arm, practically guiding him into his seat. Jared chuckled, exchanging a fond smile with Jensen as he sat beside Megan. Poor Mike looked absolutely lost, but he sat across from Jared and Jensen with a confused, somewhat overwhelmed smile. 

"What kind of food do they serve here?" Jeff opened up the menu, fully scripted with tiny cursive letters and partially in French. "It looks like they sell a lot of really small, fancy food..." He added, and Jared snickered to himself; Jeff could get particularly discontent if he didn't have his ribs and barbecue, and his poor brother was looking more and more like he wanted to sink beneath the table.

"There's escargot, if you're into that." Megan said sweetly, and Jeff blinked, confused.

Jensen looked up, cringing. "I'd rather not eat snails, thanks." 

Jeff went white, and Megan laughed.

"Well  _I_ ," Jared announced, drawing everyone's eyes to him, "I'm going to try the.... Soupe à L’oignon." He said, hoping he wasn't butchering the pronunciation." He closed it with a smile, and Jensen heaved a sigh as he smiled at him and shook his head. 

"You killed it. Really. And by that, I mean you even mispronounced 'soup,' sweetheart." Jensen kissed his pout, and as it evolved into something far more complex than just a simple kiss, the others decided what they were going to order and then ended up just watching Jensen and Jared all but meld themselves into one form. Jared could almost feel his mother drilling a hole into the opposite wall as she determinedly did NOT look at them. Well, so long as she wasn't whipping out the holy cross, Jared would take it. 

"When you guys are quite done," Megan said after a few moments, "Jensen still needs to order." Guiltily, Jared peeled himself off of his boyfriend, and Jensen sighed like it was an immense burden.

"Right. Well, I'll share Jared's  _Soupe à L’oignon_ ," which, of course, he said beautifully. Jared wanted to punch him. "Then, Jay, we'll have the richest dessert on the menu that I can afford, and we'll share that, too. Nothing like a small dinner and a big dessert, hm?" Okay, well, Jared didn't want to punch him as much now. Call him materialistic, but that croquembouche was looking pretty damn beautiful. 

"Romantic." Meg huffed, but she was smiling into her menu. "Okay, dweebs, you ready to order?" 

The food made its way to their plates in just under fifteen minutes, which Jared was grateful for; he hadn't realized how hungry he'd been. Probably because he had spent the whole day fretting over Jensen, who was holding hands with him beneath the table. So had there really been a problem at all? Had he just been fretting for no reason?  _Ugh_ , his life was hard. He was still sort of fretting as he took up a spoon of the delicious smelling food, but soon as his teeth sank into the gooey, cheesy, soup-dipped French bread, he emitted a moan of content and forgot all of his problems.

"Jensen," he whimpered, and Jensen grinned ear to ear as he took a bite. "Oh my god, Jensen, it's so  _good_." 

Jensen leaned over to take the bite from his fork. "Tastes better from yours," he said, like some cheesy romantic. Jared stabbed him lightly with the still hot prongs, and Jensen made a face. Megan, who had ordered steak tartare, moved their mother's plate closer to her, and Jared glanced over to see that she had ordered a simple tomato soup. _She's always been picky,_  he thought, his smile a little sad as he watched her blow delicately at the steam. Mike was poking at his ratatouille, and Jeff had stuck to the basics with a pissaladiére- something Jensen said was a pizza of sorts -whereas Victoria, as daring as Jeff was conventional, was plucking the escargot from the shell.

"Chewy," she said, when everyone just stared at her, "All I can taste is garlic butter, really. It's good."  

Jensen, true to his word, ordered the croquembouche as soon as he and Jared were done; the cake made of cream puffs and spun sugar made everyone except his mother smile, that was how stunning it was, and Jensen managed to feed Jared fifteen of the cream puffs before Jared nearly started crying at the thought of any more. The little pastries were gooey and melted on the tip of his tongue, light sugar cream spreading over his palate. He fed Jensen delicate pieces of sugar from his fingertips, which Jensen happily nipped away.

So, all in all, it went really, really well.

.....Or at least, it did until the end. 

Jared should have known better; he knew Jensen was upset, but he'd thought Jensen would also be able to reign whatever was upsetting him in until Jared was able to talk to him about. Unfortunately, his boyfriend didn't last that long. Jared started to notice the tension when his mother spoke up, surprisingly to ask Jensen of all people a question.

"What is it that you do, exactly?" she inquired, surprising the entire group; she hadn't said a word thus far, and Jared couldn't believe that when she actually did speak, that it was to shred Jensen's profession. Megan and Jared opened their mouths at the same time to protest and shut down the line of questioning, but Jensen was the one who stopped them. He dabbed his mouth, adjusted his watch, and smiled the most fake, polite smile that Jared had ever seen in his life. 

"Well, you see, Ms. Padalecki," he said charmingly. "I put  _disgusting_ criminals out of business through my work, and I also help refugees craft new identities." One would have to be  _deaf_  to not hear the less than subtle implications that Jensen was making, and their mother wasn't stupid. Her eyes narrowed as she clasped her fingers together.

"So you're a criminal as well." 

"I don't consider what I do a crime," Jensen said, eyes liquid steel. "I call it helping people who need new lives. In fact, I often stop criminals from doing true crimes- for example, someone who might be  _selling organs on the black market."_  Bingo. It was  _always_  Pellegrino who seemed to fuck up their schedules no matter where in the world he was, and this was no exception. Jared kind of wanted to strangle him. But... What did that have to do with their mother?

"Jensen," Jared muttered, but his mother cut him off.

"So you're basically a better brand of manure," his mother said, and Jared wheeled on her.

"Mama!" He cried, outraged at her choice of words. "You have to apologize to Jensen!" 

The atmosphere had plummeted from bubbly-warm to frigid. Jared was trapped, once more, between Jensen and his mother, and he somehow knew his siblings weren't going to interfere. Megan damn well looked like she wanted to, but Jeff and Victoria were both signaling to her to stay out of it. This was Jared's fight. Always had been, always would be, so long as Jensen and his mother didn't get along. 

"Yeah, right, Jared. She'd never apologize. In fact, she'd sooner give you up than accept who you've become." Jensen wheeled on him, then, and Jared took a step back from the bleak fury streaking across Jensen's face like white paint. Gone was the composed gentleman; this was ruthless Jensen, the one who would very well backhand his mother. Jared wrapped his hands over the other's clenched fists, but Jensen shook him free. "Was it fun?" he snapped, turning back onto his mother. "Let me guess, you thought it was for his own good again."

She stared at him like he was speaking Chinese, which was kind of how Jared felt, too. Hated to side with his mom, but he really had no clue what Jensen was on about. "What are you even saying?" 

Jensen actually brought his palm down flat against the table, causing it to shake a little. The fork in their empty soup cup positively rattled in its confines, and every table within a thirty foot radius fell completely silent. "Don't lie any more. You've done almost everything you possibly could to your son, just don't fucking lie about it. I know you sent Pellegrino all those pictures of Jared." 

Jared just stared at him, finally putting together two or three pieces. "P-Pictures?" 

Jensen's muscles gave way at the sound of his voice, and his boyfriend straightened and fixed him with a solemn, sad look that liquefied Jared's insides. "Pellegrino sent Chris and Chad hundreds of pictures of you, Jared-- pictures of you when you were little, all the way up to the day you went with Chad to prom." 

Megan, Jeff, Mike, and Vicky all looked suitably shocked, but Jared felt like his stomach had plummeted far down to where no stomach should have to go. "But," he said, closing his eyes and wishing he hadn't eaten so many cream puffs; his voice came out more a whimper than anything he would've liked to admit. "But there's only...."

"One album," Jensen agreed, eyes slipping closed before they flashed open again. "And you gave it to him," he snapped, a wall of solid fire and ice against his mother. Jared squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look at anyone, not wanting to believe the fact just thrown at his feet. He could feel his stomach twist into a knot, could feel his heart stutter, but he just couldn't admit it to himself-- she hated him, but she didn't hate him so much that she would just give those photos away to the first person who asked, right? Right?

"I did no such thing." 

His eyes opened as he stared at his mother, who was staring right back, her expression shuttered and fixed. There wasn't a drop of guilt to be found in the murky depths. 

"What?" Jensen growled, embodiment of a hurricane. Jared felt like he was going to get swept away.

"I said, I did no such thing." She sniffed. "The young man simply asked to see the photo album, and I let him borrow it. I'm a monster for  _that_? Hm, I hardly believe so." 

" _Which_  young man?" Jensen all but exploded, now looking somewhat confused himself, and Jared waited for his mother to say that he had blonde hair and blue eyes, that he seemed nice but acted like a snake--

"Ah, well, that would be me."

Christ, Jared was definitely going to throw up.

Mike smiled unapologetically, fingers curled around a handgun that just extended past his sleeve. Now almost everyone at the table was stock still, including his mother, and Jared's eyes flickered sideways to see the color simply drain out of Jensen's face at the unexpected ambush. "Y'see, I was babysitting you guys for hours, and all you all did was wander around and mope, like a bunch of pansies. So what's a guy to do? I just asked to see the album for a couple hours, and the old bird didn't even notice that I'd handed it off to Pellegrino. He says thank you, by the way, Jared- You made such a lovely model." 

Jensen, who had thawed rather quickly from his initial shock, snarled. 

"But you-- You--" Jared couldn't seem to formulate proper words; his tongue was quite possibly glued to the roof of his mouth. "You were supposed to b-be-"

"I- I- I-" Mike mimicked, laughing, and there was a sharp edge of cruelty that twisted the end of his words that Jared had not noticed earlier that day. "I WAS supposed to protect you, but let's just say a better deal came along, Jared. Pellegrino offered me triple the shitty amount my chump of a boss was offering, plus I got to freeload off of you. Thanks for dinner, sweet pea." He added, winking at Megan. Meg stared at him, white-faced and livid, her glare mutinous. "Aww, don't look at me like that. I enjoyed every minute of it."

"What is it that you want, Mike?" Jensen hissed, still seated, but his muscles were coiled as though he were going to spring from the chair and at the other man. "Just wanted to gloat? Well, gloat away. What are you gonna do now? What's Pellegrino gonna do now?" 

Mike sneered, his lip curling. "Y'know, when they told me I'd be working with Jensen Ackles, I thought the youngest of the Ackles family would actually have brains to make up for the vapid prettiness." He ignored Jared's caustic gaze and went on. "Pellegrino is already here. And now he's on his way to get him." Mike pointed at Jared, whose stomach took that weird plunge again. "So say your sweet little goodbyes, gentlemen, because there aren't gonna be any second chances this time around."

Jensen curled his nails into the cloth. "I'd like to see him take Jared away from me." He said, calm as the eye of a storm. 

Mike stared at him, smiling this funny smile that made Jared's chest tighten. "Y'know, the boss told me I had to keep Jared alive."

Jared heard the next words coming even before they actually did.

"But no one ever told me to keep you alive, too."

And then he pulled the trigger.

_Would I have been able to unfreeze long enough to shove her out of the way?_

Jared suddenly knew exactly what he would have been able to do if he'd seen a car coming for Megan, a bullet coming for Jensen. He knew he wouldn't freeze, that he wouldn't wait for them to get hurt, that if he started moving now, he could get himself in front of Jensen. He turned, his movements syrupy and stretchy like taffy, kicking the chair aside and stepping in front of Jensen. He couldn't hear anything but a slow lull even as the bullet rushed for him. All the cries, the yelling, the screams ... They synthesized into one sound.

He held his hands up as if they were going to help him, and when the bullet ripped through his rib, it left a bright, incendiary burst of white pain that only faded to black long after Jared had lost consciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Oops.


	17. In Which Jared Recovers (Again) and Misha Shows Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have made you all wait a disgusting amount of time for this, and that it's not even as long as the other chapters... But I promise I will try to get back into the swing of a normal schedule as soon as possible! <3 Thank you all for your patience and kind words!

The Ackles Estate

* * *

 

"Chad-"

"Jensen said Jared's going to be okay."

"But Chad-"

"He's going. To be. Okay."

"I get that, but-"

"Dammit, Chris, I-"

"Stop." Chris held up his hands, almost as if in surrender, but the word was a demand. Chad finally stopped pacing and looked up at him, eyes bleary and blurred, threads of red weaving through the white. "Chad, you look like shit."

"You're not looking all that pretty yourself, Princess." The automatic retort fired like a reflex, but his tone was flat, drier than the Sahara. 

Chris sat down behind him, resisting the bizarre urge to envelop Chad into his arms. It had been a rough day, to say the very, very least: Jensen's call yesterday had sent them into panic, and of course within seconds of the words "Jared's been shot" leaving Jensen's mouth, Chad had been packing.

But Jensen had told them to stay here. Which wasn't easy on Chris' nerves, either: at this point, he would have run to his boss if it depended on it. Jensen didn't want them to come lest Pellegrino had eyes on them and tried to hurt them, blow up the train they were on, etc.

How it had gone down, according to Jensen: Mike (Chris had never trusted that guy; he didn't like Star Wars. Instant enemy in his book) had been the one to train the gun on them, but when Jensen made a comment, Mike had forgotten his orders. Instead of waiting for Pellegrino, he decided to take a shot at Jensen (at this part of the story, Chris had almost bitten his own thumb off like a carrot) yet Jared dove in the way. The bullet hit bone, cracked it, ran along Jared's ribcage, and passed out through the back- thankfully missing Jared's torso and the vital organs that lived there.

Mike had only just taken the shot when Megan went one hundred percent ballistic. She, according to Jensen, let out a sound not unlike a war cry and bashed a plate over Mike's head.

Correction: she bashed three plates over Mike's head. 

They had to physically hold her back while the police took Mike into custody... And then they had to hold Jensen back from Jared's body when the ambulance tried to take him. They were all long gone before Pellegrino even made an appearance.

And so here they were. Alona and Adrianna had taken the task of comforting a frankly distraught Genevieve, while Chris was tasked with (and ultimately failing with) Chad. Since yesterday, Chad had been acting like a stretched rubber band that really needed to snap back into normalcy, because he hadn't slept, eaten, or drank anything since he'd heard the news. Neither had Chris, for that matter, but Chris tended to worry about other people before he worried about himself, just thanks to years of being Jensen's bodyguard.

"He's going to be okay... Right?"

Chris surprised them both by laughing. It was kind of tense, but a laugh all the same. "Of course he is, Chad. We've all been shot before. It's just a matter of getting the wound patched up and the rib set, and Jared's gonna be okay." He sobered and patted Chad's shoulder. "He's going to be okay," he repeated as Chad scrubbed a hand down his three day stubble. 

"Yeah," Chad said, sounding haggard, looking like death warmed over and looking only half-presentable. "I know. I know. I know." He said it thrice, which was enough times for Chris to hesitate and lean in a little closer. Chad didn't scream and run away, which was kind of nice, but instead rested his head on Chris's shoulder. 

"Yeah. He's gonna be okay," Chris said quietly. Now he just had to believe it himself.

* * *

Jensen

"So here's how it went down," Jensen said warily, Chris's stilted breathing the only indication he had that his friend wasn't dying of a panic attack on the other end. He was going to get Chris' mother talk in a few minutes, might as well prolong it. "Mike shot Jared; the bullet hit his rib and possibly cracked it, ran along under his ribcage, and passed through. Didn't get any of his vital organs. Doctor says he's going to be okay. The rib is broken, of course, but..." The words he'll live, hung in the air, not needing to actually be said. It was implied. Jared was going to live.

"Remind me again why I shouldn't come out there?" Chris sounded like an angry bull, huffing and puffing on the other end.

"Because," Jensen said, for at least the third time, "Our eyes confirmed that Pellegrino's still with you guys, and he hasn't left the city yet. I need you to make sure he doesn't leave and come after us. Even worse, I think Pellegrino may have eyes on you. So just... Don't move. Don't do anything yet, okay?" 

"Mike?" 

Jensen huffed out something like a laugh. It felt a little fake. "Subdued. Megan went nuts and bashed three plates over his head, don't think he's going to be going anywhere any time soon. He may have a concussion. Lawyer's working on getting the assault charges against her dropped... I wouldn't worry about it." His lips twitched into a wry smirk. "She's amazing." 

He suddenly remembered Jared's words, that day. 

_She's something._

_You're something._

Chris let out a defeated sigh, which was what Jensen had been waiting patiently to hear. "Tell Jared we're all countin' on him to pull through, okay?" 

"Mhm." Jensen sighed. "Take care, Chris."

"You too, Jen." 

Jensen snapped his phone shut and turned to look into the room, at Jared lying in the bed. Sedated till he couldn't speak, stuffed with enough painkillers to tranquilize a baby whale thanks to his Sasquatch height and a mishap during surgery, Jared looked... Calm. No pinch of worry, no tightness of the mouth that indicated any hurt. He looked better thanks to the drugs than he had pretty much the last week.

Fuck.

The crucial point kept... Kept coming back. Like a sharp, bright point of light, reminding him. Nagging. There had been bodyguards in and out of Jensen's life, and there were possibly two or three out of that medley that Jensen had known would really take a bullet for him. Two of them had retired, and the third... Well, Chris. He would actually take a bullet for him. But... Jensen had always kind of expected to be the one to protect Jared. To be the one bleeding for him. Pretty college boy, his sister had warned him before she'd met Jared, you don't stand a chance. Pretty college boys don't often stick around forever. He's gonna break your heart. 

Jared broke Jensen's heart in all the best ways.

Even from here, standing on the outside of Jared's protected bubble, he could see his boyfriend sprawled over the bed. Too big for it, even too big for the bed in his apartment. Jared threw his limbs everywhere. When he was lying in a spacious bed with Jensen, he still spread over much more space than he needed... As if embracing all the space he had.

Jensen wanted to give Jared the space. He wanted to give him the world. He wanted to dive headlong into something permanent and terrifying. He had never done permanent before, barely even knew what the word meant. There had been boys before Jared, girls before Jared, men, women. Sweet for the night. Wake up in the morning, and Jensen was gone, brisk as an autumn breeze. 

He imagined waking up to Jared, to the beauty marks and scrunched up nose, the static-coated hair spilling and fanning all over the pillow. Limbs everywhere. One or two on Jensen, an arm or leg thrown haphazardly over his torso, his thigh. Jared being there, every morning. Grinning at him, pajama pants low on his hips, ratty t-shirt worn to transparency. Jared driving, humming, head bobbing to some tune only he could hear.

Jared lying in some nondescript gutter, the target of a vendetta against Jensen, arms and legs splayed everywhere. 

One of the most basic rules of the job was to not bother falling in love; love made you weak. Love bashed chinks in your armor with sledgehammers, left patchy holes where enemies could sneak in and hurt you. Jensen didn't care. He couldn't, not anymore. Love wasn't something that he could see and ignore; love snuck up on him, wearing Jared's smiles and snark and little habits. Love cheated. Now he was in, in deep, and he couldn't get back out. Enemies were starting to use Jared already, and it was only a matter of time before his boyfriend was in deep. Deep into the sinkhole of the crime world.

He couldn't keep Jared under wraps any longer. He needed people to know that Jared was protected, that Jared wasn't alone and sad. That anyone who wanted to hurt Jared would have to go through him, first. 

He stepped out of the hallway and for the front of the hospital, past which he could already see the press hovering anxiously like an eager swarm. Meg, wrapped in a hideous yellow and green blanket and sat on a bench with bandaged fingers and a scowl, blinked when she saw him and struggled to get to her feet. He stopped her with a hand to the shoulder, and she didn't put up much resistance, seemingly relieved to sink back down on the bench. 

"You don't have to get up," he said gently, offering half a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I just have to.... Do something. Where's your lawyer?"

"Talking to the officer in charge." Meg glanced outside, her eyes narrowed to sharp slits. Must have run in the family. "What, get arrested?"

Jensen actually huffed out a laugh at that, cocking an eyebrow at her. "They can't arrest me. Ever wonder why known kingpins don't often get arrested? I haven't done anything wrong that they can pin on me- I don't even have a single paper trail. They just know I'm involved, and I'm a crime boss, so they're hoping to wring some kind of confession. Or, well..." His tone darkened just slightly with promise. "They're here about the boy Jensen dropped everything for and got in the ambulance with."

A silent groan left his companion. "So you're going to get them to go away?"

Jensen shoved a hand into the pocket of the suit he'd been wearing since the dinner gone awry. His thumb skimmed along a velvet-soft box with a golden clasp. "Nah. I'm going to tell them the truth," he clarified at Megan's alarmed look. "Crime bosses are going to start sending spies to hound Jared, figure out the truth between us. Find out if he's worthy. So I'm going to publicly announce our relationship, so they'll get what they want and leave Jared alone."

"But doesn't that put him in more danger?" Meg bit her lip, looking a little shaky, a little drawn. Her fingers shook a little from exertion. "I mean, now that everyone knows you're a thing...."

"Meg..." Jensen sighed, stooping a bit to meet her gaze. "I'm obsessed with Jared. It's frankly kind of pathetic how deeply in love I am. I'd rather they found out through me than they send covert spies to watch Jared and make him uncomfortable. He's... Always going to be in danger. That's what being with me means." He smirked wryly, but there was no humor in his following words. Just a somber question. "If you have a problem with our relationship, please... Tell me now."

She shook her head wordlessly, mouth an 'o' of almost touched surprise. 

"Thanks, kid." Jensen straightened again, but only after kissing the top of her head. "Nice aim, by the way. Those plates went for a good cause." That prompted a snicker from her before she lifted a hand and lightly shoved his hip. It was both a dismissal and the closest thing to affection Megan would probably show him, so Jensen took it for what it was and opened the doors to the hospital. The paparazzi was anxiously lined up behind a gate, and they assaulted him with the bright lights of the camera, a spill of breathless questions, and microphones in his face as he approached. 

"Jensen! Is it true-?" "Jensen, is he another plaything?" "Jensen, are you two secretly married?"

Jensen blinked to clear the flash from his eyes and plucked the microphone from one of the reporters standing nearby before turning to the camera. And talking. Saying a lot of things he needed to say. He only wished Jared was awake to hear it.

"The man inside the hospital is my boyfriend, Jared." He took a deep breath, his gaze dark on the camera and illuminated by the cameras. "That's right. I'm into guys. You all can freak out after I've said this: Jared was shot by a bullet that was meant for me. I think you can figure out for yourself that this makes me very, very angry. In fact, I'm livid." His hands curled into fists as he stared a hole into the camera. Imagined it was Pellegrino he was talking to, Amell, all his enemies. "So let me make one thing very, very clear: The person in there is incredibly important to me. And if anyone out there wants to take a hit at him, mark him, threaten him, let me tell you what's in store for you." He took a step forward, and the silent press seemed to ripple with nervous energy. "I will finish you. You will have nothing to your name but your own life, and then, I will take even that away. So think twice before coming after Jared, because I...." He took a breath, hand shaking for a second before stilling. "I am in love with him." 

He handed the microphone back to the person he'd taken it from, then turned and walked away from the shocked silence behind him. He'd only just closed the doors when the clamor started again, but now, he felt a numb sort of relief. It was out. Everyone knew. 

Fuck. His whole damn family knew. He was going to hear about this one until he died.

Megan wasn't there anymore, so he assumed she'd gone to be with Jeff, Vicky, and their mother, but he had more pressing matters to take care of. Pressing matters being his sleeping boyfriend. He bypassed the annoyed nurse who had spent an hour trying to shoo away the paparazzi and instead went for the nervous new one, who happened to be wearing her scrub shirt backwards. He hadn't yet figured out a polite way to tell her, and besides, she probably didn't want him to be the one to tell her. If only Jared were awake, he'd know how to tell her.  

Either way. A little persuasion, and she allowed him to see Jared. He would've felt bad about manipulating her the way he did, but... He didn't. And besides, once he was in the hospital room with Jared, he kind of forgot about manipulating her at all. He pulled a curtain to give himself the pretense that he had some privacy, then slumped beside Jared's bed with a sigh. Jared's fingers twitched just slightly, but there was no other indication that he was even aware of Jensen's presence.

Jensen leaned forward a little, his chin resting against the curve of Jared's wrist. He brushed his jaw against the other's palm, sighing quietly. "Well, everyone knows." He said with a quiet, tired laugh, before lifting his head again. "You may not have wanted that at all, but. I guess I kind of took advantage of you sleeping and went ahead and... We're now- officially -a thing. Take a look." He fished his phone out- nine missed calls and one incoming, joy -and pulled up the local news, reading out loud a few of the latest news videos. "Ha. Jensen Ackles is Gay? Jensen Ackles, Crime Boss, Declares Threats over Boyfriend. Hey, this one says you're my husband. Already rushing us." He dropped his phone onto the bed next to Jared's torso and rubbed his eyes, silent for a while as he thought.

Jensen's declaring that they were a couple wasn't a mistake, but letting this happen was. Jared wasn't a target, he was a human being, and he'd already been hurt emotionally for a lifetime. This was where Jensen had to agree with his brother- for all his criticisms, Josh knew what it meant to have a lover in the spotlight. Jared didn't need paparazzi hounding him everywhere he went, didn't need criminals flirting with him and sending henchmen to figure out everything about him... No. Jensen loved this boy. He wasn't going to let him be dragged down by all the evil of his world. 

"Jared," Jensen started again, on the verge of launching into an apologetic, sincere monologue, but the door swung open just as he started. He jerked a little at the sound, a reflexive scowl twisting his expression- dammit, all he wanted was a few seconds with his boyfriend! -before he schooled it into something neutral at the sight of the nervous nurse from before. 

"U-Uh, Mr. Ackles, there's someone here t-to see y-" She started, but was promptly nudged aside by a figure who Jensen, in equal parts, was both amused and irritated to see. 

"Ackles."

"Collins." Jensen returned, standing on instinct. Misha Collins demanded respect, and often got cranky when he didn't get what he wanted- and right now, Jensen wasn't in the mood to go toe-to-toe with Misha's crankiness. It was truly a frightening thing.

Misha smiled thinly at him, smoothly maneuvering the nurse out of the door before she even knew what was happening and closing it behind her. He gestured loosely to Jared on the bed, taking a seat beside Jensen as he sat back down. "So, it's a pleasure to finally meet your beau."

"For the love of- I just made the announcement twenty minutes ago!" Jensen snapped, exasperated. "How did you even find out that quickly?"

Misha's expression morphed into something elegantly offended.

"Who exactly do you think I am? I've known about Jared for the past month." Misha scoffed airily, propping his feet against one of the legs of the hospital bed. "This is just all for formality."

Misha Collins, a crime lord in the neighboring city, was kind of a weirdo. No, scratch that, he was a total weirdo. He always roamed around in a trench coat, stood threateningly in alleyways just to freak people out, had a black cat that Jensen was sure hated his damn guts. He was handsome but somehow severe, his blue eyes always trained as if he were subliminally attempting to drill holes into his partner in conversation. He also knew eighteen languages, four of which Jensen was sure were made up, and one of them Elvish. And yet, despite all his somewhat strange, not-quite shortcomings, Jensen had always tried to stay on Misha's good side. People who weren't on his good side usually ended up with their legs where their arms were supposed to be and their lips stitched with barbed wire.

"What do you want, Misha?" Jensen asked, slow and deliberate, leaving the other no chance to engage in any more small talk with him. Direct usually worked with Misha, and Jensen really wanted to put work aside for a little while at least, just so he could relax with Jared. Without Misha in the room, thanks a lot.

"You're polite as always, Jensen. I see being in love hasn't softened your rough tongue at all." Misha huffed, ruffling his bottlebrush dark hair. "I actually just stopped by for a visit, because I'm headed south for a wedding... And then your darling sister called me to let me know about your latest publicity stunt."

Misha was one of Jensen's closest friends, or what he would refer to as a friend at all, so Jensen wasn't really surprised that Mac would call him. The only issue was that Jensen really didn't need Misha to become nosey about this, because when Misha got nosey...

"I've decided to spend some time with you and your family here." Misha declared. "Mackenzie was so kind as to accommodate me in the one minute we spent talking."

.... He moved in. Dammit. 

"Misha, that's really not necessary," Jensen began slowly, but Misha wasn't having any of it. He waved his hands again, dismissively, and leaned back in his chair with both of them stuffed into his pockets.

"Nonsense. I won't hear of it. You need someone else to take some command and watch your back while you're watching over your... Jared." It was obvious that Misha was being genuine, because when he lied, he smiled a lot and creeped the fuck out of whoever he was talking to.

"My parents and Josh are there!" Jensen protested, exasperated. "Chris is there!"

"Ah, yes. Chris." Misha's expression contorted a little bit into something of disapproval. It was really no secret that Misha loathed Chris, especially after the then-new bodyguard had tried to shoot Misha in the head when Misha tried to hug Jensen. In Chris' defense, Misha had swooped down on Jensen, trench coat flapping like the wings of an overgrown bat, but Misha had been less than amused. The only reason Misha didn't send someone to 'take out the trash,' as he so said, was because Jensen actually liked Chris and saw potential in him. "You'll forgive me if I don't consider him a suitable substitute."

"What about the wedding?" Jensen challenged, a last-ditch attempt; he knew that once Misha was set in his ways, nothing less than a train would derail him. 

"Sister of a friend of a cousin." Misha said airily. "They won't even notice if I don't show up."

Jensen had to disagree with that; Misha was quite obvious in his presence. He sighed, turning away from Misha and back to Jared, whose eyelashes flickered almost deceivingly. 

"Jensen." Misha's tone softened as the other placed a hand on his shoulder. "You deserve to spend some time with Jared. Look after him, help him recover. Let me take over for a while."

Jensen traced the half-moons of Jared's fingernails with his fingertips, relenting to Misha's request with a nod. Jared had been quiet for the past few days, worried about Jensen, and Jensen had been so swamped by his own work that he hadn't even been able to pay as much attention as he wanted to to Jared at all. Maybe this wouldn't have even happened if Jensen had been paying attention. 

"Good." Misha sounded pleased. "I hear Jared should be recovering soon enough anyway, right? Just a broken rib?"

"Mm, trauma." Now that Misha was here, Jensen might as well talk to him; the other man happened to be good company when he wasn't fucking with Jensen's head. "Everything's just really...." He trailed off. "I'm worried about him, Misha. I'm worried that this won't be the first time someone shoots him. I'm worried that people are going to come after him for who he is to me."

"Well, obviously, they are." Misha said unhelpfully. "It's even worse that he's not part of the outfit- he's an outsider. Our associates are curious. Jensen Ackles, quickly rising crime lord, chose to cavort with someone on the outside? Scandalous! What about the benefits of marrying someone on the inside? They could never understand your reasoning behind it."

"They couldn't." Jensen agreed, fingers curling in the gaps between Jared's fingers. "Mish, he's just so..."

"Perfect, beautiful, smart, funny, yes, I know." Misha huffed, rolling his eyes fondly. "They always are. Now, either you can wax lyrical, or you can tell me what you plan to do. Let's think about this practically. The second Jared leaves the hospital, he's a walking target. Now, I don't disagree with your public declaration, but that doesn't mean it was the smartest thing to do right this moment."

"I was angry." Jensen mumbled in lame defense. 

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret," Misha quoted. "You came off as a passionate and intimidating lover, but you painted a bullseye onto Jared. What's the best way to weaken Jensen? Why, target his beau, of course."

"Yeah, I get it." Jensen sighed, defeated by Misha's unwavering logic. Not that it took much to convince him of how much of an idiot he'd been as of late. "So, you're saying..."

"I'm saying that it's time to take some drastic actions." Misha said gently, his cornflower eyes softening a bit. "Calling Jared your boyfriend is flimsy, Jen. It means that you're not always with him, that he's vulnerable and impermanent."

"He's not ready for marriage, Mish." Jensen said pointedly. "We're not ready for marriage." While he ignored the box in his pocket that he'd been carrying around like an idiot. 

"So, that ring you've got in your pocket is just for decoration?" Misha inquired blandly, causing Jensen to choke. "But never mind that. You know I hate marriage and all that it insinuates." Misha only hated marriage because he'd gotten divorced five times, and yet, none of his ex-wives had ever shown any animosity towards him. There was some sort of indeterminable charm about Misha, Jensen supposed- He had never been on its receiving end, thank God. "I was thinking more about him moving in with you. C'mon, you've both met the parents and he's still squatting in his shitty apartment?"

It was disconcerting to Jensen how much Misha knew about Jared, but even as he attempted to voice his protest, he knew it was a moot point. Misha was right (as always. Damn it.). 

"I'm just... I feel like I'm going to scare him off. He has dreams, Misha, and his dreams don't include becoming the shut-in lover of a crime lord. Where he spends his time being some trophy at the house or being arm candy when I attend social events. He wants to major in neurology, he's heading back to school in the fall... I want him to be happy."

"And what, he can't do both? He can't live with you and get a good education?" Misha scoffed. "Jensen, you could set up a private university for him with the money you have. He'd not only become a practicing neurologist in a matter of couple years, but the crime syndicate? It's the perfect place for a private practitioner. He'd thrive here, Jensen, keep his dreams, keep you, and be happy."

Jensen shook his head, frustrated by what he was struggling to say. "I- I want to simulate what Jared has at his school. Friends, professors, extracurriculars. Right now, he's only got Gen and Chad, and honestly... He probably wants more than them. I can't keep him caged up in the mansion with a couple tutors, Mish, it's..."

"It's practical? It's temporary?" Misha scoffed. "Please, Jensen, you're not binding him. The kid goes with this plan, then he's free to do whatever the hell he wants. I don't understand why you think you're stuffing him into prison here."

"But-"

"Love-" Misha shuddered a bit at the word. "Means sacrifice, Jensen. It means you've gotta give to get. If you want the long-term happiness, you've gotta give up a bit of your freedom. Plus, this isn't just happiness- it's his safety. A couple years underground and no one will remember him anymore. You two can have a quiet wedding or whatever, and then boom. Happily ever after. Or as happy as someone like you or I can be."

Jensen hated that he liked Misha's idea. "If he says no to any aspect of this..."

"...Well, I would tell him to shut up and sit down. But you and your bleeding heart can find an alternative to keep him happy and safe. I don't know. He's your boyfriend. But think about it, Jen. Okay?"

Jensen grunted, lost in his thoughts. Which basically meant that he didn't want to admit to Misha that the man was right, and that he was probably going to listen to him. 

"Now. The other problem on hand." Misha leaned back, hands folded against his chest. "Pellegrino."

Nope. Not even going there. "Misha, please." He said, actually on the verge of begging. "You're staying with us indefinitely. We can talk about it any time, please. I just want a little time with Jared. Okay?"

Misha eyed him for a moment, apparently undeterred, but after a moment he brought the chair back to the ground and rose to his feet with a sigh. "Yeah, whatever. I have to go subtly interrogate Jared's family and talk to the investigator in charge, anyway."

Jensen knew he should probably be more concerned about that, but... In all honesty, Meg, Jeff, and Vic could hold themselves against Misha. As for Jared's mother... He didn't care. Not now anyway. "Thanks, Mish." He hesitated. "...For everything."

"Hn." Misha made a sound and headed for the door. "Don't spend too long in here or I'm going to get suspicious."   
   
Jensen watched him go with an expression bordering on fond irritation, then turned back to Jared. "He's... A character."

To his surprise and relief, Jared actually stirred a little, eyelids fluttering this time before parting into somewhat dazed hazel slits. His boyfriend made a sound like a sleepy hum, fingers curling around Jensen's and into a half-fist. "Mmm?"

"Hey, darling," Jensen tried not to look too excited as he leaned forward, and Jared's nose scrunched up into a little frown. It was pretty cute, all things considered. "Jared? You with the real world? You've been sedated for a while."

"Wha' pinned?" Jared slurred, but it was still together enough for Jensen to know what he was saying. He sighed, stroking his thumb against the lines of Jared's palm with inexplicable relief. 

"Well, you, uh, took a bullet in the ribs, Jay." He explained deliberately, fondly, rubbing Jared's knuckles gently. "Uh, Mike shot you... At the restaurant."

It took five minutes for Jared's expression to morph into considerable alarm. "Mike?"

For a brief second, Jensen fretted that something had happened with Jared's head, even though his boyfriend had been shot in the rib. Maybe it was the painkillers. "Yeah.... Jay, um, you don't remember? Mike...? The bodyguard."

Jared considered this with a working frown, then slowly tilted his head into what was apparently a nod. He still hadn't fully opened his eyes. "Mm."

Jensen decided that was a yes. And yes, this was the nurse's job or the doctor's job or whatever, but ... He wanted to be the one to talk to his injured boyfriend before someone else decided to overwhelm him. Or discover that he was awake. 

"Now?" Jared asked, blinking several times and rather slowly at that. 

"Well..." Jensen smoothed a few wayward curls from Jared's eyes. "Mike's in custody.... Megan bashed him over the head with the dinner plates."

Jared's mouth twitched into a smile almost reflexively, as if his body had beat his brain to the humor of the statement, and he looked a little more alert now, eyes half-mast and observant. 

"But... Pellegrino's still out there. We lost eyes on him after Mike went into custody. I'm sorry, Jared." He felt the need to apologize for not putting the creep down already- Pellegrino also had his hands on photos of Jared, and the very thought of that made Jensen's insides cold. 

"S'ok," Jared mumbled drowsily, either very forgiving or not quite realizing the implications yet. "Meg? Jeff? Vicki?"

Jensen was suddenly absurdly thankful that they all had relatively short names or nicknames. One tiny burden that was lifted from Jared's ordeal. "They're all okay, Jay. Just waiting for you to wake up. They'll be happy."

Jared hummed. "Mama?"

Jensen's hand stilled against Jared's, but he swallowed and took a breath, squeezing the other's fingers. "She's here too, baby. She's relieved, too... She really didn't mean for you to get hurt." This time, at least. This whole fiasco was, in part, her fault, but Jensen was staying civil because Jared was in no state to be upset by Jensen's opinions of his mother. As in, why did it take her son getting shot for her to realize what a terrible human being she'd been lately?

"I know." Jared sounded more coherent now, his words separate, and even tried to sit up a little. Jensen hovered anxiously, ready to force him back down if was straining himself. "If I only g-got shot in the rib... Why..."

"Do you feel as if you've been hit by a truck? Well..." Jensen continued to pet the other's hair, seeing as it seemed to soothe Jared a bit. "They've practically crammed you with painkillers, that's why. You, um. You came awake during the surgery when they were checking for shrapnel and all- some anesthetic miscalculation -and freaked out, so ... They put you pretty deep under."

Jared huffed... But there was a hint of a smile there. "Whoops."

"Yeah, whoops. Dummy." He teased gently, even though none of it was even remotely Jared's fault. His tone sombered a bit as he tightened his grip on Jared's fingers. "Jared, listen... You, um. You can't do that ... Okay? That taking a bullet for me business. I can handle myself, and if you got hurt again because of me, I don't know what I'd-" he stopped himself because he was overflowing, and Jared was looking a bit bewildered. "Just... Please, Jared."

Jared's jaw was setting stubbornly, something Jensen usually admired but now just dreaded. "I'd do it again."

"You won't have to." Jensen returned firmly. "You won't ever have to. There are people whose job it is to protect me, and it was a screening error this time that led to this happening. It won't happen again. Please, Jay... Let them do their job. You... You can't risk yourself like that again. You scared the fuck out of me."

Jared stared at him for a minute with those multihued eyes, processing his words, then nodded feebly. But Jensen couldn't help thinking that whatever he'd just said had gone right over Jared's head; he'd still do it again. He wouldn't even be able to help himself. And the fact that Jared now considered Jensen someone worth taking a literal bullet for ... Terrified him.

The door swung open again, this time revealing Meg, Jeff, and Vicki anxiously milling in the doorway, and when they saw Jared awake, relief bloomed over their expressions. 

"No fair, Jensen!" Meg chided, making her way over. "You're not allowed to hog my idiot brother, no matter how gooey the two of you are." 

Jensen couldn't help an unapologetic smile. "Brat." He shot back as Jared grinned, then leaned forward to drop a chaste kiss against his boyfriend's forehead before standing up. "Don't lecture him too much." He pointed a stern finger at Megan. "He needs to rest."

"Yeah, yeah." Meg rolled her eyes, smiled, then turned to Jared, and Jensen made his way out the door and down the hallway. Misha was leaning classily against a doorway a little ways down, and Jensen headed for him with the weight of the ring feeling like several tons in his pocket all of a sudden.

"Jensen." The other man straightened, his arms uncrossing and falling loosely at his sides. "You done? Ready to talk?" 

Jensen met his gaze, uncompromising. "Mish... I want Pellegrino dead for putting Jared in this position. For flirting with him and making him shoot someone, and for trying to kidnap him and make him uncomfortable with pictures. I want him dead, and I want it done without Jared's knowledge." He didn't want to worry his boyfriend any more, or have Jared find out that he was practically rushing into this decision without really thinking twice about it. He just wanted this asshole out of their lives.

"Fortunately for you, I have rocky history with the man as well." Misha's lips curled into a malevolent little grin as he gestured down the hallway. "You've come to the right person, Jen. Let's kill 'im." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Jensen's POV! Like I said, I'll try to update sooner from now on, and ... Thank you all again for how awesome and supportive you are! :D


	18. In Which Jared Realizes Some Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I don't really have any excuse. It's been months. I've started college, I'm kind of struggling, and I just haven't had much time to type. And then I started feeling so guilty for having practically abandoned this, and then I had inspiration, and then I started writing. And finally, FINALLY, I came up with this.
> 
> Thank you to theboys, for all the inspiration that I needed for this chapter, and to trendykitty, for the support.
> 
> And of course, thank you to my wifey, ShadowBiscuit, because you're my girl and I love you to pieces <3

 Misha didn't believe in second chances. It was one of those things he really loathed, along with thin crust pizza, people pacing slowly in front of him, and Christian Kane. 

And all of those things were combined, right in front of his face. He might die. Although he had agreed to come live with Jensen's... Eccentric crowd, with the addition of that strange blonde fellow and the Powerpuff Girls ...

...Nothing, at the current moment, made him angrier than watching Christian Kane pacing back and forth at a snail's pace, gnawing on a piece of thin crust pizza like a gutter rat, while Jensen tried to beg for a second chance for the man. Could Christian have known that he was aggravating Misha at all points? No, of course not, Misha wasn't public about things he hated. Short of frequently killing them in gruesome ways. However, Misha didn't doubt that Christian truly wanted to antagonize him in every way possible, especially because Christian still believed him to be a "threat to Jensen." A threat! Ha! Misha wasn't a threat to anyone. He was a kind and gentle soul.

"No!" he snapped, effectively shutting Jensen up. "Jensen, forget it. I refuse to ... _Bond_ with Christian. I'm sure we can remain on ... Cool terms while we occupy the same temporary living space." 

"Call me Chris, please, Misha." He had sauce in his teeth.  _Boorish._

"That's Mr.  _Collins_ to you, Christian!" Misha shrilled, and Christian gave him a bemused look as if he was actually  _innocent_ here. "Jensen, I must confess that I don't feel safe with that- that barbarian roaming around! Especially after his antics earlier when he confused me- me!-" he added for emphasis "-to a criminal trying to attack you!"

"Barbarian's a little harsh," the blonde- Chad? -said mildly, from his perch atop one of Jensen's hideously colored chaise lounge.

"Chad," Jensen sighed, as he had many times that night, "Why are you here?"

"Why is everyone  _always asking me that?_ The Great Chad is omnipresent! Little did you know that another version of me is comfortably seated upstairs, keeping an eye on Jared." Chad threw his arms up as if he was insulted by their incompetence. Misha supposed there was a likability factor here that directly correlated with Chad's confidence.

"Oh yeah, 'Great Chad'?" Jensen narrowed his eyes, his statement punctuated with air quotes and everything. "What's Jared doing right this minute?" 

"Attempting to sauté some onions. But the poor idiot can't even do that much without burning it." Chad chuckled fondly, eyes never leaving his... Seventeen magazine. Well, alright. Misha didn't judge. It certainly wasn't _Robb Report_ _,_ but to each their own, he supposed.

A few moments afterwards, the fire alarm went off, accompanied by some loud, rather uncalled for cursing. And loud footsteps, because Jensen's boytoy was gargantuan. All eyes went to Chad, who hadn't even moved from his lazy sprawl across the bright red chaise. 

Misha wasn't sure how much he liked an omnipresent in the house. Made him feel paranoid, and all.

"Whatever. Just- whatever." Jensen looked so very done with their argument at the present. He probably just wanted to get it on with aforementioned boytoy; at least that would do him some good, sex usually took Misha's edge off. "I tried to mend fences, all I got were-" He frowned as if trying to finish the analogy.

"--A bunch of assholes trampling all over your lawn because you're shitty at mending fences?" Chad suggested, still upside down. Misha offered him a dignified snort, and Chris cracked a smile. Jensen froze them both with an unamused stare.

"I can't take you all anymore." He declared, rising from the couch and waving his hand dismissively. "Misha, you can sleep anywhere but Chris' room, there's plenty other places for you to be."

"Why on  _Earth_ would I sleep with him? He's the one who needs to l _eave,_ " Misha scoffed, glaring at the unfortunately undisturbed Christian while Jensen stomped dramatically up the stairs. Christian was still loudly crunching through his pizza. "I am glad to see Jensen involved in this relationship, or at least attached to just one person. If you ask me, it makes the sex all that more special."

"Oh, they haven't had sex yet." Chad murmured blithely, flipping a page. "I think they might be saving themselves for marriage."

"Saving  _what_ for marriage?" Misha squawked, Chris mirroring his stunned expression, scandalized that the two of them hadn't had sex yet despite how long they'd been together and Jensen's... Rather frivolous nature. The man didn't exactly hold back. Sure, all his sex was protected and careful, but he'd been with multiple partners, and- wait.  _Wait._ "Is Jared a virgin?" 

"Yyyyep." Chad popped the P and smiled at something in his magazine. 

"Ohhhh." Chris nodded. "Now it makes sense. He's waiting for Jared, because he wants Jared to know that he's willing to wait for him. Y'know, I never really took Jensen to be this sappy."

"It's hardly  _sappy."_ Misha scoffed, picking up his earlier abandoned martini and taking a sip. "Jared must feel uncertain and insecure, and Jensen does not wish to rush him. He doesn't want to scare Jared. It's a very rational and, daresay, polite thing to do. I, for one, did not know Jensen was this patient. Rational? Yes. Gentlemanly? Yes. However, with the way he hopped from fling to fling..."

"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf." Chad interjected sagely. 

"Misha." Chris said, ignoring Misha's earlier request. "You're living in the Stone Age, man. Jensen hasn't been like that for months, ever since he started talking to Jared." He laughed, looking a little startled at the whole thing himself. "Jensen's  _serious,_ man. He's pulling out all the stops for Jared." 

Chad finally glanced up from his magazine, made eye contact with Chris, and looked back down. "He'd better be. This is the first time Jared's ever felt any confidence at all." His voice was mild but his words strangely heavy, as if he'd been waiting years for this moment. Like some kind of proud parent.

It was all too dramatic for Misha's tastes. "Vacate yourself from that room, Christian." He barked with no real heat as he stood up, debating whether or not he should stomp his foot for good measure. "I _always_ occupy that room when I stay with Jensen. I expect you to be relocated by midnight." And with that, he made a rather dignified exit. Or as dignified as he could be with Chad not watching and Christian rolling his eyes. 

 

* * *

 

Jared

Sometimes, Jared didn't even know why he tried to do anything at all.

Gritting his teeth, he watched clouds of steam rise from the hot pan where the water had hit it, and tried in vain to scrub away the burnt patches. He was awful. The chef had come in waving a butcher knife in alarm, laughed soundly at Jared, and then rather kindly told Jared to get the fuck away from the stove. At least he was now established as Jensen's significant other, or the chef might have relieved him of his testicles.

Jensen kissed his pout. It kind of helped. "Jared, you know you can only make three things."

"That doesn't mean I have to  _conform_ to that standard, Jensen!" he huffed, reluctantly pushing his boyfriend away. Jensen wasn't deterred, and instead swept in to give him another kiss. They were weakening Jared's resolve, dammit. "Stop it with the kisses, I know what you're trying to do. I'm still kind of angry at you, you know." 

"Sweetheart," Jensen cajoled, arms wrapping around his waist comfortingly. "I know you don't enjoy being moved around like this, but we don't have that much of a choice. Until the threat is neutralized," he said carefully, "I think it's best that you stay here, where we can keep an eye on you."

Jared's expression remained grumpy, but it started to melt as Jensen began to kiss his way up his neck. It really wasn't fair when he started using things like this against Jared, because Jared's brain was really prone to melting under kisses or any other forms of affection. "Okay," he kind of whined, pressing at Jensen's chest with a small pout. "I understand, I get it. I'm just... Fidgety." He'd never been forced to stay inside for such a long period of time, and he wasn't enjoying it. He wasn't even allowed to go on a walk unless it was around the perimeter with an entourage.

Something interesting _had_ occurred as of late, but Jared didn't know how he felt about it yet. He had finally received an e-mail from his college, informing him that he was being offered the internship he'd applied for to go study with an accomplished neurosurgeon in France, a man by the name of Dr. James Moreau. The man was kind of Jared's idol, and the internship was prestigious and incredibly difficult to be accepted into, but Jared had applied for it before he'd committed to a relationship with Jensen, and had forgotten about it in the rush and whirl of the past few weeks. Now it was back, a choice he had to make- go to France for three months, or stay here, with Jensen, and give up his chance to study?

Jared had always been kind of an independent thinker, and he'd always been firm about wanting to study. Jensen knew that as well. But despite all of that, Jared kind of didn't want to leave Jensen and go to France, and in fact was having a hard time even telling Jensen that he had an offer in France. He wasn't sure how the other would respond, in fact wondered if Jensen would take it well at all, and for now, kept the whole thing to himself until the proper opportunity presented itself. 

Jensen brought him back to the present, full lips snagging against Jared's jaw lightly. "Hmm. So you're bored, huh? Well... I have something I need to talk to you about. Follow me upstairs for a second?"

Jared glanced down at the pot before heaving off the counter with a sigh. He threaded his fingers through Jensen's, trailing after the other as he led him up the stairs and towards the master bedroom. Jared hadn't been in there, out of respect for Jensen's parents, and it was, in Jared's opinion, the most lavish room in the house. On its own, it had two restrooms and large, walk in closets. There were ornately decorated chests every few feet or so, with apparently no other purpose than to sit there and look pretty. And they certainly were so, brushed with golden swirls and bright, copper-colored flowers. Jared traced his fingers over a couple of them as they passed.

Jared followed after, kneeling across from the other, and peered curiously at Jensen from under his eyelashes. "What's up, Jensen?" He leaned forward when Jensen licked his lips nervously, noticing the other man fidgeting just about all over the place. "C'mon," he wheedled, smiling when Jensen didn't seem to be calming down. "You can tell me, it's not that big a deal."

His boyfriend nodded. "Yeah, okay, yeah." He took a deep breath, taking Jared's hands within his own. "It's just... About our relationship, you see. About the _future._ And this is just weird for me, see, because I don't really, I don't really talk to people about where our relationship is going. I'm ..." He ducked his head, blushing with embarrassment. "I usually bounce from thing to thing- _person to person,"_ he corrected hastily when Jared shot him a cautiously withering look. "Without looking back. I'm the one you knew for sleeping with literally everyone."

"Am I supposed to like where this is going?" Jared's mouth ticked upwards, and Jensen gulped, looking slightly worn out. He looked like a caught puppy. 

"Well... Okay, let me get to the point." Jensen lifted Jared's hands in both of his, his thumbs gently brushing along the backs of Jared's fingers. "Jared, I am so in love with you," he sighed. "I am so in love with you that I think I could write poetry for you, and I'm a shitty poet. I actually failed the haiku assignment in seventh grade, and haikus are literally just three lines." He swallowed again, and Jared saw the bob of his throat, a tell that Jensen was borderline terrified. "I'm so in love that I feel like if you told me to run a marathon tomorrow, I think I would do it, even though I hate running."

"Uh-huh...?" Jared breathed, leaning in so that his mouth was only a few centimeters away from Jensen. "Come on, Jen, what is it?" he coaxed, "Where is this going?"

"Jared..." Jensen leaned forward, until their foreheads were just barely touching. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, baby," he whispered, their fingers now lacing against each other. 

Jared pulled away, just slightly, his eyebrows drawing together as he blinked at Jensen. "Jensen... Are you talking about marriage?" he asked cautiously, his heart rate speeding up until it was practically thundering blood in his ears. "I mean... I don't even... I'm not even working. I'm not even done with school, yet."

Jensen bit his lip, shifting against Jared and glancing off to the side. "Well... You can always continue that..." He seemed anxious, now, and Jared couldn't help but feel that Jensen was hiding something from him. He waited, tense and still, for the other shoe to drop. "... Just, y'know, here, instead of at school."

And there it was.

"What?" Jared asked, quietly. "What did you say?"

"It's not- It's not _ideal,"_ Jensen rushed to make it right again, obviously realizing that Jared wasn't exactly leaping up and down with joy at the proposition. "It's just for your safety, Jared, I swear. I don't- I don't want to keep you here, caged up, it doesn't make me happy. But I'm worried for your safety, baby, it's... If you run off to college now, then I'm going to have to keep you constantly surrounded, escorted from place to place... It'll be a nightmare. If... If you could just start your studies here, I, I could have a place set up for you, with the best neurosurgeons. You'd get an amazing education, Jared, it-"

" _No,_ " Jared shook his head, pressing his lips tightly together as he moved away from Jensen. "Jensen, I'm not going to stay here for my college experience..." He ran a hand through his hair, panicking now. "I _can't_ do that, I'm going crazy staying here for a week, let alone being here for my education. I- I have to get out and-"

"And- And what?" Jensen asked, looking helpless now. "Do you hate it here that much? Do you hate being in this relationship that much? It- It won't be so bad, Jay, it's just a temporary solution and-"

"I don't _want_ to be scared all the time, Jensen," Jared blurted out. "I'm not scared, at all. Let the bastard come after me, I don't care. I just don't want to stay here like that. I love you, come on, you don't have to doubt that, but you know how I am and I can't stay here. I want to go out and travel and do research and-"

"I can give you all of that." Jensen rushed out, standing up as well, his expression loose but his muscles tense. "Jared, I can have the best neurosurgeons in the country flooding here just for your education. You- You don't _have_ to do anything, just stay here so that I can make sure you're safe, sweetheart, that's all..." He shivered, as if thinking about the last time Pellegrino had gotten his hands on Jared. "You _are_ scared, and it's okay, Jared, because the last time he got his hands on you he forced you to shoot someone."

"You don't have to send the best neurosurgeons," Jared blurted out. "I- I'm going to the best one." 

Jensen stilled, the shadows of the room casting on half of his face. "What?"

"I- I applied for an internship before I got into a relationship with you," Jared stammered, hugging himself and taking a step away as if he was nervous over what his news was going to do to Jensen. "A-And I just got an e-mail back. I- I was accepted to the internship. I-It's in France. It's with Dr. James Moreau, the-"

"Neurosurgeon." Jensen's voice sounded flat. "Were you planning on telling me this anytime soon?"

_"Yes,"_ Jared swore, pressing his hand to his chest and not letting his gaze wander from Jensen's. "I just. I was waiting for the right time." He stepped back, away from Jensen, veins of ice spreading outward from his heart and leaving him cold and aching inside. "I just didn't want it to come between us. But now I-I'm scared, thinking of..-"

"Of what?" Jensen's fists were curled. It was his tense voice, his angry voice, his what the hell, Jared, voice. He didn't use it that often, just when he though Jared's safety was being compromised, and this was apparently one of those scenarios that called out the voice. "Thinking of being _cooped up_ with someone that," his voice broke. "Loves you?"

"Jensen-"

"What have I done to deserve this?" Jensen tilted away from the shadow, just so Jared could see light fall onto his face and so that he could see the way the other man looked- weary, unhappy, sad. It killed Jared that _he_ was the one to put it there. "Jared, come on, tell me. Because it's fucking _tearing me up_ here to know that you were just gonna- what? Waltz off to France maybe without even telling me, just because you feel so goddamn trapped here?"

"Wait, Jensen, it's not like that," Jared started, his voice smaller, because it kind of was like that. He didn't want to be cooped up in Jensen's pretty mansion, everything hand-fed to him, but Jensen had never been selfish with him. 

"Why are you always trying to _get away,_ Jared?" Jensen yelled, actually _yelled,_ and Jared went statue-still at the raised voice, because Jensen never yelled at him. "What have I done to you," he gulped, looking easily wrecked, "That's making you want to get away from me so badly? I'm. I'm fucking head over heels in love with you, Jared." He stepped closer, until they were standing just inches away from each other. 

Something different hit Jared, bright and streaming and sparking in his bloodstream. _Want._ "I know," he whispered, "But it's not. It's not like that, Jensen, I don't want to _get away,_ I just-"

"Yeah," Jensen's fists curled into his collar, pulling him down none too gently. The collision force was astounding, their teeth pressed together with a grinding sound that made Jared wince. They came together like unwound forces in a jar with no place to go, hard, unrelenting, Jensen's muscles rigid under goosebump-riddled skin. 

There was certainty and a bit of romance in waiting, in candles and silk bedsheets and hours of foreplay and silk ties. Jared didn't think that anything they would do after this would ever rank higher than this, no matter how last minute and desperate it seemed. Jensen was unrelenting and fierce, and Jared found himself practically shaking with adrenaline as he was promptly and unceremoniously shoved back on the bed.

"Jensen," his voice splintered on his boyfriend's name, Jensen's fingertips blazing under each button they unfastened. It almost ached, how Jensen's hands frisked him and skirted over his abdomen, pecs, slotted over his ribs. Searching for something long denied, and the only thing he could ever want was Jared. 

"I got you," Jensen gasped, his hair a tousled mess of golden and brown, his forehead pressed to Jared's. His expression crumpled for a brief second, into something hurt and shot through with need, but it wiped itself clean as he pressed a longing kiss against Jared's forehead. "I swear I won't hurt you, baby, why don't you get that I'm honest to God in love with you?" He swallowed, and Jared felt it at their proximity. His heart faltered at Jensen's almost reverent tone, at the way Jensen folded him up like his limbs were the petals of a fragile flower. "Why do you want to get away so badly?" he asked, again, and Jared just shook his head, quivering, uncertain.

"It's not like that," Jared promised, his words almost like a sob. "It's _not,_ it's not because I'm trying to get away."

Jensen shucked his jeans off in a smooth, kicking movement before swooping back in to slot his mouth against Jared's. Jared kind of mewled, barely even noticing Jensen's fingers quickly undoing his own jeans and tossing them somewhere behind the bed, his head spinning as Jensen came in for kiss after unrelenting kiss, his tongue mapping out Jared's teeth and every corner of his wet mouth.

"Just... Quiet," Jensen shushed him, breathing out harsh, and then pulled away only to replace his mouth with his fingers. "Suck," he said, not demanding, almost idly, and Jared obediently curled his tongue around Jensen's fingers, his throat working as he sucked on them. His tongue laved and swooped over the salt-tinged skin for what felt like an hour before Jensen pulled away. "You talk _so much._ Worrying and in over your head, trying to find some sort of validation." He shook his head, fingertips circling Jared's rim. Jared jerked, hips trembling as he squeezed his eyes shut, his muscles locking and goosebumps breaking out over his rippling skin. "Don't do that," Jensen whispered, back of his free hand pressed against Jared's cheek, and Jared let out a ragged whimper of a sound. "Come on, Jared, relax."

Jared forced himself to lie still and wet and open for Jensen, his wet eyes hidden behind a few wayward bangs, and at the feeling of two fingers breaching into his body he clenched. Jensen pushed until he was certain that Jared could take them, and Jared wasn't quite sure he was entirely aware of what was happening. Everything felt muted, too colorful, like Jensen's bright eyes and wet-pink of his mouth. 

"You're taking it so good, Jared, aren't you?" Jensen whispered, his voice sex-hoarse and his eyes gleaming with silver. "Hmmm? Think I could add a finger?" He curled them inside Jared's body before thrusting forward, and Jared keened eagerly, spreading his legs for easier leverage. Jensen pulled out until just his fingertips were inside, before he damn near shoved his fingers so far back that Jared whited out for a moment, sparks exploding behind his eyes and cock twitching eagerly. Jensen teased him, drawing his fingers back just the slightest distance before roughly pushing back in, at an easy cadence, each time going farther and farther until Jared was just a mess. Jared hummed a sound that may have been a sob or a plea or something like that, but after a few minutes Jensen removed his fingers and he was left feeling empty, so empty, and that just wouldn't do.

Jensen breathed out above him, circling his rim with one indolent fingertip before his hand wrapped around Jared's cock. "Breathe out for me, baby," he said, lightly, and Jared punched out a breath as he whimpered at the way Jensen thumbed at his slit, stroked the length of his cock. He was only at it for a minute or so before he moved again, one hand pressing Jared's delicate-boned wrists against the pillow, his free hand wrapped around his own cock as he aligned it with the seam of Jared's ass.

A shiver rippled through Jared's body as Jensen pushed in, the younger boy's head tipping back and body arching up against Jensen's, their hips locking together like perfect puzzle pieces. "Jensen," he cried out, breaking the promise to stay quiet as Jensen's cock split him open, pushing back against sensitive places Jared didn't even know he had. Jensen fucked right back into him without a sound other than a slight grunt, and Jared writhed like a fish out of water, his muscles spasming at the unknown pleasure sparking like fireworks in his head. He went deep like nothing else, filled Jared inside out, until Jared had nothing but Jensen. 

"Good boy, taking it so good," Jensen purred, his hand tightening around Jared's wrists as he drove up into the pliant body beneath him, and precome gathered in beads and trailed down the side of Jared's cock, which was caught between both of their bodies. Jensen's abs caught up against him, knees bracketing Jared's waist, and all of him was _so close..._ Closer than anyone had ever been to Jared before. It was like Jensen had made his way into Jared's space without Jared even noticing, but he didn't mind, he liked it, he _loved_ it.

"Jensen, _please,"_ he begged, his thighs moving apart to ease the way Jensen's slick cock pushed up into him again. The head of Jensen's cock dragged along his nerves, causing Jared to squeeze his eyes shut and tremble and mewl for more, and Jensen released his wrists to hold his legs apart. Jared's arms wrapped tight around Jensen's neck, drew him in close, their mouths pressing hard together once more as Jensen gasped eager little breaths into him. He only sped up after that, his hips pressing against Jared's forcefully, his cock determined to melt Jared into a puddle, and it was working. Jared was quite literally in tears, crying out aching little sounds as he stayed stuck on Jensen's cock, as the other fucked him into desperate submission. 

"I've got you," Jensen whispered, his hair matted to his forehead like wet gold, his eyelashes trembling like butterflies as he squeezed his eyes shut. The next thrust drew even a groan from Jensen, who had to stop with his cock pushed in and filling Jared up because it was just too damn much. Jared whimpered, his teeth buried into Jensen's neck, and sucked in a sharp breath as Jensen came into him, until he was practically _leaking_ from his load. After that, it was only a moment before Jared came, too, white ropes stark against Jensen's abdomen. 

Jared panted, sharp little sounds as his limbs fell away from Jensen, and Jensen lifted Jared's hand to his stubble-sharp jaw. He closed his eyes, looking more tender and vulnerable than Jared had ever seen, his expression splintering into raw glass fragments for Jared. 

Then it was gone, and Jensen straightened, getting off the bed to root for his clothes as his expression shuttered into something hard and composed.

"I'll get you tickets for first class," he said flatly, his lips swollen from the plush kisses and his tone rough from their romp, and Jared sat up in the sheets and watched hazily as Jensen headed for the door. Guilt settled into his stomach as he watched Jensen leave, as if this was a one-night stand and Jensen was just humoring him and promising to be here in the morning.

Jensen didn't slam doors, never would, but somehow, the way the door clicked silently felt like defeat.

\--

"You're not gonna ask me about sex, are you?" Chad looked better than Jared expected, not looking quite so scruffy anymore and fully clean-shaven, and Jared guessed that his poor worrying friend finally had nothing to worry about now that everyone was safe and sound. "Because, y'know, I'm a sex-pert, it's true, but I'm not that knowledgeable about the whole gay sex scene-"

"No, it's not ..." Jared sighed, glaring at a mop in the corner of the storage closet as he sat on a bucket. "I just... Pulled you into the nearest quiet place because I need to get my thoughts sorted out."

Chad looked around the somehow airy and spacious storage closet. "Classy," he snorted. "And still bigger than my room." And then he sat down on a bucket as well and eyed Jared shrewdly, his arms crossed over his chest. "So go on, sort. Do your weird broody thing."

Jared sighed, running a hand through his hair, trying not to look too fucked out even thought they'd had sex yesterday. Because he totally did look like that, and Chad latched onto it with a leery grin... Because he was Chad, and of course he could tell when Jared was having sex. Great.

"Jared my man," he whooped, throwing his arms up. "You got yourself some ass, didn't you? Or he got your ass, I guess." He looked so proud of Jared for finally having sex that it was hard not to smile back, but it was hard for Jared to muster anything in return because of how terrible and goddamn guilty he felt.

"Chad, I...." He dropped his hands into his lap. "I fucked up. With Jensen." He said, in a small voice, and then swallowed back what really felt way too much like tears. "I just. I took advantage of how nice he is to me and I pushed him away. I'm just... The _worst."_

Chad pursed his lips, squinting at Jared from underneath his nest of hair. "No offense, Jared, but..." He shook his head. "I get it. This whole France thing, right? Well, do you really have to put Jensen through the grinder?" He shook his head, scooting his bucket over to move it next to Jared's. "Jared... Jensen _really_ loves you. It's so obvious, the guy is head over heels for you, but he's really been putting everything into getting you to be here with him."

Jared swallowed, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the printed e-mail. "When I applied for this, I didn't even know Jensen," he said with a brittle little laugh. "This was... It was my _dream._ I just didn't think it was going to be so hard to decide, but then I wasn't in a relationship, and now it's so hard for me to decide..." He squeezed the paper tightly, until his knuckles whitened. "I guess... I could always just stay here," he gulped. "But..."

"Yeah, yeah, your role model is a raisin with a big brain, I get it. It'd be like ..." He frowned, "You know, if I ran into Sasha Gray. Or something." He smirked, and Jared rolled his eyes at his friend's blatant hedonism. "Er, um, anyway, I get that you're obsessed, but Jensen's been doing everything he can to keep you safe. You're high maintenance, you know, with this whole Pellegrino thing, and Jared, you have a lot of baggage."

Jared lowered his eyes, and Chad clapped his shoulder quite hard, enough to rattle him. "You're great, Jared, but Jensen has been through a lot to be with you. I feel like you need to sacrifice a little bit for him, too, seeing as... Well, can you see why he might be upset? He does so much for you and you just want to run off to France. It kinda blows, man."

"Yeah," Jared tried to say, but choked on the word, his eyes kind of wet from the realization. "I'm a terrible boyfriend. I'm so used to being alone that I'm a terrible boyfriend. And I was just going to leave Jensen behind in the dust and run off to France, I could've at least told him to come with me, or, or..." 

"Yeah," Chad said quietly. He looped his arm around Jared's shoulders and dragged him in until they were smushed uncomfortably close together. "He loves you anyway, Jared. And if you happen to not use that first class ticket to France, I'd love it. Have you seen the ladies in first class headed to France? All sun hats and maxi dresses and champagne giggling, mm." He shook his head with a wry smile, and Jared shoved him away with an eye-roll. 

"Dude, you suck."

"Yeah, you swallow." Chad rebuked easily, with a charmed smile, before pulling away and rocking to his feet. "Come out five minutes after me, I don't need Jensen thinking I suddenly switched teams for your sake." He cackled as Jared jabbed him in the thigh with the broom and hobbled out, but Jared took a moment before deciding to follow him out. He knew what he had to do, it was obvious, but no matter what, the decision was hard. After all, it was a matter of choosing his future or choosing Jensen.

\--

"You matter to me." 

Jensen looked up from whatever he was typing on his computer, his gray t-shirt stretching across his muscles and making him look kind of foreboding. He didn't close his laptop, though, only crossed his arms, and ugh, Jared must have still been on a bit of sex-high because he kind of wanted to lick Jensen's biceps. "Oh?" He said, feigning coolness, but Jared could see right through it. Jensen was hurting, and Jared had put that pain there. 

"Yeah." Jared said, quietly, crawling onto the bed and sitting cross-legged next to Jensen's legs. He was still a bit sore, and walking was kind of miserable, but sitting was worse. He stretched his legs, laying down on his belly to curb the ache in his ass. He hoped the pain wouldn't last any longer than the day it had already gone on. "I care a _lot_ about you. And... It hasn't escaped my notice how much you care about me." He blinked up at Jensen as the other slowly closed his laptop and set it aside. 

"Okay..." Jensen's tone was firm, and Jared wondered if this was how Jensen spoke to his employees when he needed something from them. The steel in his gaze was uncompromising, but there was warmth in his eyes that Jared felt almost possessive of. He had some idea that Jensen didn't have that warmth towards anyone else he was angry with. "Go on."

Jared stared at him for a moment, thoughtful, and then smiled as he pulled the envelope out. "This, um. It's my acceptance e-mail to the overseas internship." He said, and Jensen made no indication of movement at all. He just sat still, his gaze steady on Jared. "And... I'm not going to go." Jensen still didn't move, so Jared went on. "I'm going to stay here, with you, and that's not just because of what you told me, earlier. And it's not because we had sex." He moved closer, sitting up and leaning in close to Jensen, and Jensen practically vibrated with the force to stay still. "It's because I get it. I know you love me. I was being so goddamn _stupid_ about it, Jensen." He shook his head, looking down at the letter with a sigh. "You know, I applied to this internship before I even knew you. I didn't apply after you, because I wouldn't be able to just run away when I know you're here... Waiting for me." Jensen blinked once, watching Jared very carefully, so he kept talking. "I applied for this when I first started working as a bartender. It had been... A really rough day, and I thought I was never going to be able to pay off my student loans. I thought I was going to be working at that bar forever, but then the school sponsored this internship for one kid to go study with Dr. James Moreau. They said that if you, maybe, happened to go study with this man, you may never even have to come back to the Sta tes." He laughed out a breath. "Because anyone who studied under Moreau got their dream job, no matter what. They have success stories on their web page. I _dreamed_ of getting away from working at the bar and studying with him." 

He shook his head, and Jensen ducked his head to meet his eyes. "But I met someone who mattered even more... Because James Moreau could make me feel smart, but only you could make me feel loved." 

Jensen blew out a sharp breath and drew Jared into his lap, arms bracketing his waist and pulling him close. "Damn right," he said, leaning forward to press his mouth against the younger's. "Is this your way of confessing your love?"

A wet laugh burst from Jared. "It's my way of apologizing, Jensen. You've given up so much for me... And now, I'm giving up something for you." He snuggled close, resting his hips against Jensen's. "I'm trying to show you that ... I can love you back," he whispered, as Jensen rubbed circles into his back.

Jensen's mouth lifted at the corners. "I know you love me back. And I love you. And I've done something for you." He lifted his hand, tucking a lock of Jared's wet hair behind his ear, then looked down as he received a text with a little chime. "And it seems like that something is here. Come on. I wanna see the look on your face when you see this." He got up, leading Jared along with one hand, and Jared tentatively followed him downstairs. The base of the stairs opened up into a wide hall for greeting guests, and a small quarter of the massive space was occupied by two well-dressed men bringing in suitcases, some of which looked like they held quite delicate material.

"Jensen, what...." Jared's words tapered off as they reached the bottom of the stairs, where a man was just entering Jensen's home, a man that Jared had seen enough times to know the name of. "Jensen..."

Jensen grinned proudly, leading Jared to stand right opposite the man. "Jared, I'd like you to meet Doctor James Moreau." 

Jared's jaw dropped, his eyes boring into the bearded man as the other bestowed a graceful little smile upon him. "B-But... How..."

"Ah, well, I can answer that one." The doctor said with a little twinkle in his eyes. "You see, I was running out of funding for a very, very costly experiment that had to do with rats and schizophrenia. And, well, I was planning on returning to the states to explain to the board as to why I needed more funding to proceed... I was verging on a breakthrough. This young gentleman..." He gestured at Jensen. "He provided more than enough funding for me to continue here, in a nearby lab owned by one of his good friends. I have enough to not only finish my experiment, but do one that I had only planned to do if I had enough funds remaining. This could prove to be ... Monumental." He lowered his hands into his pockets. "And all he asked for in return was that I agree to take in the student who had already been accepted into the program, and allow him to help me with the experiment." 

Jared could feel his eyes watering, knew he was on the verge of tears, but he couldn't stop himself. "That's... I couldn't, um... I'd need to brush up, and."

"Well, young man, I have to set up my lab and transfer my notes, so I wager it will take a week for me to properly set up. And you were the student picked for the program, so I have no doubt you'll bounce back splendidly." He clapped Jared on the shoulder and Jared wobbled, still shocked and kind of out of it. "Now, I just came to introduce myself, but I will be moving to a wonderful house nearby, in a neighborhood close to here." He smiled. "I will be seeing you in a week, I wager."

"Yes," Jared whispered, and it came out cracked. "Yes, oh my god, _yes._ Jensen." He turned to look at the other for confirmation, to make sure it wasn't all some crazy dream, to make sure that this was actually happening, and Jensen squeezed his side with his own watery, beaming smile, just happy to see him happy. "Jensen..." He said, the name full of love and adoration and gratitude. " _Thank you."_

"Yeah." Jensen leaned over to kiss his nose, closing the door behind the doctor. "Now you can study, you can do anything you want, and I can keep you safe. Win win, huh?"

Jared laughed tearfully, burying his nose into Jensen's hair and closing his eyes and feeling the luckiest he had ever felt in his life. "Win win." 


End file.
